Dean had promised himself not to be awkward about Cas's feelings for him. Maybe it wasn't as easy as he thought. Maybe that was why he had been… leaning into Cas's personal space earlier. Really, how was he supposed not to be influenced by that soft, loving look that Cas gave him? Had it been a stranger in a dark corner of a bar looking at Dean like that, he would have… But it wasn't right, he couldn't do stuff like that to Cas. Cas deserved better than Dean giving him false hope, all because of – what? Was it just too long since Dean had been with someone? Or… was it just too long since someone had cared about him like that?
God, he hates this. Hates himself. He is being such an asshole. It's not like anything had happened. But he had just stormed out, leaving Cas to think that Dean was either playing with him or just being a major dick.
No, he can't let this ruin everything. He can't risk scaring Cas away. Dean has to be better than this.
So, when Dean returns from his long – exceptionally long – walk with Miracle and finds a very nervous angel and a concerned brother in the kitchen, he plays it cool. He ignores how Cas won't even look at him for more than a tenth of a second before looking shamefully away. He ignores how Sam is looking at him like he did something stupid, like he should apologise. He doesn't think that Cas would say anything to Sam about what happened, but Sam is just too smart for Dean's good sometimes.
He ruffles Sam's hair, telling him to get a haircut. He makes sure to make real eye contact with Cas when he asks what the angel wants for breakfast. He smiles at Cas when hope returns in the angel's eyes as he asks if they can have pancakes again. Dean thinks the angel might be developing a sweet tooth. Hopefully, it won't be as bad as Gabriel's.
With his back turned, pancakes baking on the stove, Dean tells Sam about all the activities he and Cas have been looking into. He asks Cas to get his laptop so they can check out the remaining tabs together – all three of them. Cas looks relieved and surprised, but quickly does as Dean asks.
They eat pancakes together while discussing the different activities, also catching Sam up on what Cas and Dean have already decided. Sam, of course, just has to suggest a few extra museums to be added to the list (The non-classic-car kind), and Cas, being the annoying good friend he is, supports the suggestions.
Slowly, the bad vibe that Dean had walked into evaporates from the kitchen, and they all relax over the day's first meal.
"What about that vacation you talked about?" Sam asks once they have worked their way through all of Dean's suggestions.
"Yeah, sure. What do you say, Cas?" Dean looks at the angel. "You up for beach, sun and margaritas?"
Cas seems puzzled. "I guess. I've never tried that."
"Neither have we! That's the point!" Dean grins. Then he turns to Sam, pushing his laptop towards his brother. "How about you use that nerd brain of yours to map out all these activities, huh? Afterwards, we can see when we can go on that trip to the beach. Just stay out of my bookmarks and the triple X folders on the desktop or hang a sock on your door before looking."
"Gross, Dean." Regardless of his disgust, Sam accepts the laptop. "And what will you be doing while I do all the hard work?"
"Play with Miracle." Dean answers, maybe a little too quickly.
"Didn't you just take him for the longest walk ever?" Sam looks pointedly at his big brother.
Dean ignores that look. "Yeah, but we just went on a hunt and left him at that damn kennel. He deserves a little TLC." With those words, Dean gets up from the table and Miracle happily follows.
-.-.-.-
Dean walks into Sam's room, looking for Miracle's tennis ball. He checks under the bed, then walks around the room to look around the sparse furniture, just to be sure. That damn dog can hide his toys in the strangest of places, but he is not being very helpful finding them again, just dancing around Dean's feet. As he's about the leave, his eye catches on a newspaper on the desk, opened on a specific article.
7 signs someone is in love with you — even if it doesn't seem like it
Dean picks up the paper and skims the so-called signs. What is Sam doing with this?
At that moment, Sam walks into his room. "Hey. What're you doing?"
"Uh, I was just looking for Miracle's ball. Shouldn't you be planning the best cross-country trip ever?"
"I wanted to get my own laptop. You have so many tabs open, I need an extra screen to collect everything." Even though Sam tries to act all cool, Dean sees how his eyes flicker to the newspaper that Dean is still holding.
Dean raises the paper, jostling it just to see Sam trying even harder not to look nervous. "What's this? '7 signs someone is in love with you'. Are you worried about Eileen's feelings for you? I mean, I don't blame you, man. She's way too good for you."
Sam rubs his eyes. "No… No, actually…" A big, steadying breath. "Actually, that was meant for you."
"Me?" Dean blinks, suddenly feeling the small hairs on his neck stand attention. Has Sam figured out what Cas said to Dean before summoning the Empty? He needs to deflect. "You think some girl has a crush on me?"
"No." Sam takes another breath, clearly steeling himself. "I think you might have feelings… for… Cas."
Dean can't breathe. Can't think. All he can do is react, and the first reaction that comes to him is to laugh. So he does. It starts out as a small huff, then a chuckle, and then it takes on a hysterical note that screeches even in his own ears. "Wha-What? You-you seriously think that-that…"
"I don't know, Dean." Sam stays calm. "That article just got me thinking."
Dean forces himself to calm down. "Well, nothing to think about."
"Too bad…" Sam sighs.
Dean narrows his eyes at his brother. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Just that I'm pretty sure Cas feels the same way about you." Sam leans against the doorframe.
Dean clenches his jaw. "And why would you think that?"
"Come on, Dean… I'm not blind." Sam looks imploringly at his brother.
Dean looks away. He's not going to confirm anything, but he can't get himself to lie either. He never told Sam exactly what Cas had said before the Empty took him. Just that Cas sacrificed himself for them – Them, not Dean. Dean is pretty sure Sam read between the lines, but Sam never asked for any details, because sometimes he's an awesome brother.
"Will you at least just hear me out?" Sam asks quietly, almost as if he's afraid to spook Dean.
"This is stupid." Dean says and throws the newspaper on the desk.
"I thought so too at first but…" Sam slowly steps forward, picking up the paper to be able to read the 7 headlines in the article. "One: They have fun with you even if the task at hand is not fun, per se. You seem to have fun whenever we go on hunts, even though it's life or death situations. And Cas actually said he enjoyed being waist-deep in his truck's engine with you."
"Whoa, we all have fun on the job!" Dean counters. "And I always have fun under the hood of a car."
"Yes, we have fun hunting, but killing monsters isn't actually supposed to be fun, you know? And you might enjoy working on cars, but I think Cas enjoyed the company more than the work. And you do realise that he got his wings back? He didn't tell you, because he was nervous that you might not want to work on the car with him."
"He told you that?" Dean asks, caught between feeling stupid for not realising that Cas of course got his wings back – he did after all say 'mint condition' – and feeling jealous because Cas told Sam instead of him.
"He's my friend too, Dean." Sam says calmly and continues before Dean can interrupt again. "Two: They look at you... a lot. I think that's self-explanatory. You two stare at each other all the damn time."
"Hey!"
"Three: They pay more attention to you. You let Cas choose breakfast, you cook for him, you took him shopping, you took care of his car. Basically, you are all over him, tending to his every need and making sure he is alright."
"He's my friend! Who just came back from the dead, in case you forgot?"
"I've never seen you do these things for your friends before, Dean. Hell, you haven't taken me shopping since I was 15."
"And it was about damn time you did that yourself! And Cas is an angel. He's never had to do stuff like that for himself before."
"He was human for a while. He took care of himself."
Dean swallows hard at the memory.
Before Dean can regroup, Sam continues. "Four: They show empathy — in good times and bad. When Cas is happy, you're happy. When Cas was talking about the Empty, you were right there with him. You even told him some things yourself."
"You heard that?" Dean feels his face drain from blood at the dread that settles in his stomach.
"I heard enough." Sam admits before quickly continuing. "Five: They remember the little things. You went back for his truck. You make his favourite food. You bought him that bee magazine that he's been reading, like, five times already. Six: They introduce you to the important people in their lives. You introduced Cas to Miracle-"
"Alright, stop! Miracle is a dog. He practically attacked Cas when he came back. That doesn't count!"
Sam continues talking as if Dean never said anything"-And you took him to Pete's and introduced him to him and your waitress. Cas told me all about that. Dean, you don't have a whole lot of people you trust and call your friends. But you would introduce Cas to every single one of them in a heartbeat."
"Our friends are hunters. Cas is a hunter. Of course, he's part of the network, Sammy!"
Sam ignores him. "And last but not least; Seven: They often mention the future. Dean, every time you talk about the future, even before Cas died, you always mention him. You talked about going to the beach - you, me, and Cas. And now you are planning a half year round-the-states trip - you, me, and Cas."
"Of course, it's the three of us. He's your friend too! He's family!" Dean starts pacing, Miracle shuffling nervously around his feet.
"Yes, I know, Dean. And that's kind of the point. He is my friend too, but I don't do all these things with him." Sam takes a deep breath. "I'm not saying that the article is right. I'm just saying that there is a hell of a lot of convergences here. Maybe it's because he's your best friend, maybe it's because he's like a brother to you. Or maybe, just maybe… You are closing yourself off from your biggest opportunity at happiness. And judging by your behaviour this morning, something is going on between you guys."
Dean wants to just say 'no, it's not like that, you've got it all wrong'. But for some reason, those words just won't leave his mouth. "You know what? This is a bunch of crap. So why don't you take your pre-teen magazine and shove it where the sun don't shine?" And with that, Dean storms out of the room.