After locking my car, I made my way to the building that my therapist worked in. My stomach was doing acrobatics and I was shaking like a leaf. I didn't know why I was so nervous - I mean, I did, but during my phone consultation with my therapist, Dr. Adler, I immediately got the feeling that she was someone I could trust.

Then again, I hadn't met her in person before - so while I felt at ease talking to her on the phone about the basics - talking to her in person was a whole other ball game; especially considering some of the things we'd be talking about.

I walked up to the reception desk. The woman sitting at the desk greeted me and asked for my name.

"Anne St. James," I replied.

"Great - you're all checked in, thank you Anne," she smiled at me and I politely smiled back. I took a seat in the lobby, and soon a woman opened a nearby door.

"Anne?" She called.

"That's me," I stood up and walked over to her.

"Hello - I'm Dr. Lara Adler. You can either call me Lara or Dr. Adler - whatever you prefer. Follow me," she led me into her office and shut the door behind her.

Dr. Adler's office had white walls with a Monet painting hanging on the wall above a black leather couch. Across from the couch was a matching armchair which I assumed was where Dr. Adler would be sitting. Next to Dr. Adler's desk was a big shelf with lots of books and one of those tabletop fountains with the water running.

"Please, take a seat, Anne," she gestured to the couch.

"Oh, you can call me Annie," I explained. The only people who ever called me Anne were my parents, otherwise known as the two biggest reasons for me coming to see a therapist in the first place.

"Sounds good, Annie. It's nice to finally meet you in person," Dr. Adler smiled at me warmly and I returned the smile while simultaneously fiddling with my hoodie strings.

"Can I interest you in one of these?" Dr. Adler pulled out a basket full of stress balls. I took a purple smiley face and gave it a squeeze. It felt kinda nice.

"So I read through your intake form - the one you filled out online? But I would love to hear more about you," Dr. Adler said.

"Well…" I cleared my throat. "My parents are Edward and Margaret St. James. They met in the late 1970s and got married in 1985. My oldest brother, Eddie, was born in 1988. In 1990, my sister Maggie was born, and then Jesse was born in 1992. My parents had only wanted three children, so when Jesse was around three my mom started looking into getting a hysterectomy. Well…she didn't get one in time," I awkwardly laughed even though there had been many times throughout my life that I wished she had gotten that damn hysterectomy in time.

"I was born in March 1996. When I was in about first grade, my parents rediscovered their love of traveling but quickly realized that four children can put a damper on vacation plans. So we started spending long periods of time with my dad's brother Rick and his wife, Beth. My uncle and aunt, right up until she passed away when I was twelve, have always felt more like parents to me than the aforementioned Edward and Margaret St. James," I paused. It felt good to say that out loud, but I could feel the tears coming on fast.

Dr. Adler could sense this and passed me a box of tissues.

"I would definitely like to talk more about your relationship with your parents," Dr. Adler said. "But, if you don't mind me asking - what is your relationship like with your siblings?"

I paused again. "Well…I guess I'll go in birth order. Um…Eddie is eight years older than me and growing up he was pretty protective of me. I remember him coming home sometimes when he was a teenager and giving me candy or stuffed animals. When he was in college he would take me to the movies sometimes when he visited home. But college was also where he discovered drugs and alcohol. He's been an alcoholic and a heroin addict for many years now - he was kicked out of college and has been in and out of rehab with little improvement," I swallowed.

"Maggie is six years older than me and we were very close growing up. But ever since she was about eighteen, and I was twelve, she's struggled with bulimia and is currently in a long-term psychiatric facility. Her mental health has improved more than Eddie's, but she also has a ways to go. I've been able to talk with them on the phone and even visit once in a while. I don't want them to think I've abandoned them but it's so…hard to see them like that," I took a tissue out of the box and frantically began dabbing my eyes.

"What about…what did you say your other brother's name was?" Dr. Adler asked, after giving me a moment to pull it together.

"Jesse," I answered softly. "Jesse was the last of my parents' wanted and planned for children. I know they resent me for being born after they had wanted to stop procreating and I also believe that Maggie and Eddie's mental health struggles embarrass them. But, their favoritism of Jesse started long before that," I explained.

"Eddie played baseball, Maggie did ballet, and Jesse and I both did theatre. My parents would make excuses about why they couldn't go to Eddie's games, Maggie's recitals, or my shows, but they always, always made time to go see their golden boy perform. They would rant and rave about how brilliant and talented Jesse was and I think that's what led to him having such a big ego. The rest of us resented him for it. For his ego, of course - but also because of how much attention our parents gave him. I remember telling him many times I hated him as a kid but he would just smirk and laugh at my frustration. He was the favorite and he knew it," the tears were back again but they were tears of anger, and not sadness.

"Despite my dislike of my brother, I wanted nothing more than to get his approval. But he always criticized my performances. He directed me in show choir when I was sixteen and it was a nightmare. I felt singled out and got so mad at him I even threw a slushy at his face one day at rehearsal. I had never detested anybody more than my own brother," I stopped to take an oxygen break.

Dr. Adler was silent for a few seconds. Then, she spoke.

"I noticed you've been talking in past tense. Has there been a change in your relationship with Jesse recently?" She inquired, taking a sip of tea.

I swallowed. "Yes," I replied after pausing momentarily. I explained about how Jesse had come to Rick's house and asked me to be the stage manager for him and Tyler. I told her about how he admitted to always admiring my work as a performer and even being jealous of me. I told her about how we hugged and what a relief it was but how strange it felt after nearly two decades of wanting nothing to do with Jesse.

"I know we just started meeting," Dr. Adler said. "But do you think there's any way Jesse would be willing to come to a session some time?"