Assumptions
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People Assumed a lot of things about Usopp that wasn't quite true. It's not like they are completely wrong but they aren't completely right either.
For example he is a young man with wants and needs. While he will always have a place for Kaya in his heart, they are not together and never have been. Truth be told her didn't even know how far her feelings for him go.
In other words he's not going to hold out for her, for years, for the possibility when he comes back that she's still single or even interested.
Everyone assumes this is the case though.
That being said, it's easier getting closer to someone if they think of you as just a friend first. So Usopp had a gameplay of how everything is going to be going down.
See pirates are known to have relationships with other crew members, it's easy, comfortable, and convenient.
Franky and Robin are already a thing, their secret kisses not as secret as they may think. He's also pretty sure Nami and Zoro are a thing already as well. Unlike the other couple he hadn't caught them doing anything, but they spend a lot of time together, have a strong connection, can drink everyone under the table… so on and so on.
It leaves Usopp's options for crew members little to none. Chopper and Brook are really out of the question, and Jinbei is not only older, part fish, and completely intimidating but he would never ask him In a million years. It would be like asking your dad -Usopp shiver- disgusting.
Luffy is really attractive, fun, loyal and Usopp's best friend but from what Usopp can tell Luffy has no interest what-so-ever in anyone.
Then there's Sanji.
Truth be told there isn't a reason to not like Sanji.
Strong, so handsome he's pretty, funny, kind, assertive, and can cook.
Okay, truth be told Usopp kind of has a crush on him. It's kind of perfect though, all the women are taken, and most straight men turn to other men in the sea. Hell they can both check out women together, and share dirty magazines still.
Nothing really has to change for the most part.
It's perfect, all he has to do is see if Sanji is down for that kind of thing. Sanji probably has one of the biggest labidos he had ever seen. Usopp may not be the most handsome man alive but he thinks he's above average ever since his two years of training.
He decides if Sanji agreed to something that was just physical that would be fine, but he was honestly hoping for more. Sanji seemed to be a romantic, so the chances looked pretty good.
"Hey, want help with the dishes?" Usopp asks after dinner. Everyone had already left while Usopp waited while fidgeting with a new invention that Franky and him had been working on.
Sanji smiled back at Usopp, Usopp loving Sanji's bright genuine smile. "That would be great, thanks."
Usopp greased up the small gear he was handling and slid it into place, before joining the cook at the sink. Usopp washed his hands, and Sanji started to hand him dishes to dry and stack. Sanji smelt of cigarette smoke although Usopp knew that he smelt just as strongly of grease and oil.
"How's the new invention going?" Sanji asked.
"Great, I think everyones going to really like it. Cleaning around the ship will be much easier. Franky is also trying to make it compatible for combat as well."
"Of course he is," Sanji chuckles.
Usopp nudges Sanji's shoulder with his own, "I already told you we want to make you a dish cleaning device."
As expected -because he always does- Sanji declines, "I like washing the dishes, seeing food through from beginning to the end. Besides with Luffy licking every plate, pot and skillet clean, they are never too hard to wash."
Usopp laughs at that, "Well if you ever change your mind…" he lets the sentence trail off.
"Yeah yeah, I know."
Conversation was always so easy between them, it was one of the many reasons for this crush. "How's that new recipe going?"
Sanji's eyes seemed to light up at the question, he looked around and lowered his voice. Sanji whispering was far too sexy, with his smoker's voice, "I found something at that last island. The spice will be a complete game changer. It's going to be the best pie I have ever made to date."
Usopp licks his lips at the words, "I can't wait to try it."
Sanji starts to softly hum, something not many people get to hear. He's so relaxed and it makes Usopp's heart melt a little.
"Actually, I wanted to ask you something."
"Oh?" Sanji looks at him for a moment to show the sniper has his attention before he goes back to washing dishes.
"Yeah… well… you see…" Usopp stumbles for words, "the ocean can get kinda lonely and it's not often we have time to relax." Sanji nodded his head in agreement, "Well" Usopp continued, "Have you ever considered dating someone on our crew?" Before he chickens out he adds, "A male?"
Sanji drops the spoon he is washing which luckily just splashes back into the sudsy water, "A male?" Usopp can tell that Sanji sounds kind of nervous. "Why not one of our lovely women?"
"Well they are both already dating someone right?"
Sanji turns to look at Usopp, surprise on his face, "We all know that somehow our beautiful Robin fell to the perverse grasp of Franky" yeah as Usopp thought earlier, those two were not as secretive as they thought, "but Nami is single."
Usopp grimaces realizing he might end up being the bearer of bad news. Not wanting a total freakout considering Sanji's feelings towards Nami and the already constant fighting between him and Zoro, Usopp tries to avoid it.
"Okay, but let's say it didn't end up happening. Nami isn't interested for example. What would you think of being with another man? Like, have you ever thought about it?"
He thought Sanji would freak out a bit more but he didn't, "I think every pirate at some point thinks about it."
"Would you be interested if that ever happened?"
"With the right person I suppose." Sanji picks up a new dish and starts washing again.
Usopp feels hopeful, "Almost seems like you have someone in mind~" Usopp teases, he's feeling pretty good about this now. Judging by the sudden blush on Sanji's face -which looks really attractive- Usopp is taking that as a yes. "Who is it?"
The options are slim picking once again. The only choices of men that Usopp can really imagine is either himself or Luffy. Franky is taken, Sanji hates Zoro, Chopper is a deer, Brook is a skeleton, and Jinbei is like a parent.
He feels like he has a 50/50 chance, and those chances are looking good.
"It's not going to happen and this conversation is weird. We should drop it."
"It's me Sanji" Usopp tries, "We talk about everything. Don't worry, nothing will change between us if you tell me. We'll still share dirty mags, and talk like this at night." Sanji hands him a clean dish to rinse and Usopp adds, "Maybe he likes you too~"
"No, he doesn't. I don't think he's into men at all."
That makes Usopp scoff, "Says the guy who is known for being the biggest woman's man around. You can't judge someone so easily. You might like what you find."
Sanji passes Usopp another plate, this time Usopp letting his fingers caress Sanji's long pale fingers while he takes it.
"You promise you won't judge, or get weird on me?"
Usopp gives Sanji his most reassuring smile, "I promise."
Sanji whispers the word, a single name, and Usopp feels not only disappointment but complete shock, "Zoro."
"What!? Don't you two hate each other!?"
"You said you wouldn't judge!" Sanji hisses at him angrily, "And you can't tell him!"
Usopp feels bad immediately for his reaction, since obviously this was hard for Sanji to confess, "Sorry, not judging, just surprised."
"Sorry, I know it's weird."
"No, you can't control who you're attracted to." Usopp tries to be supportive, but Sanji is biting his lip. Usopp feels completely defeated, "It's more than just attraction isn't it?"
"I love him."
Usopp is overcome with a lot of emotions, as Sanji's friend he wants to cheer him up, as someone who has a crush on him he wants to ask why it's not him.
He's jealous.
Why is it always Zoro!?
He has always been envious of the monster trio. He has never been so jealous of Zoro as he is right now though. Zoro is a great fighter, has the stereotypical manly build, super stoic, had that rugged handsome thing going on, great alcohol tolerance, Luffy's number one, dating Nami already, and now his crush is in love with him too!
Why did Zoro get to have Sanji too!?
Usopp wasn't thinking clearly, far too upset.
"He's dating Nami."
"What?" Usopp looks at Sanji and immediately feels way worse. Sanji looks completely destroyed by the news, "They're dating?"
Usopp wants to hold Sanji, to comfort him. Why couldn't he be the one that Sanji liked? "I mean I haven't seen them kiss but they spend a lot of time together. Zoro does everything Nami says, and they may say it's because of the debt but it seems kind of like a weak excuse. They have the same alcohol tolerance and have been with Luffy the longest."
Sanji smiles, and it brakes Usopps heart because he can see how fake it is, "Good for them, I'll have to make sure that stupid Marimo doesn't break sweet Nami's heart. Honestly she's too good for him." Sanji looks down into the sink, bangs covering his face. Usopp hears a drop hit the water, before he realizes where it's coming from. "We are almost done here, let's call it good for tonight. I'll-" another drop lands in the dishwater, "I'll finish the rest myself okay?"
"Sanji…" Usopp hadn't wanted this. He had never wanted this. Sanji wanted him gone, so he would do that, but he didn't want Sanji to feel like he had to suffer alone.
"Well I'll be on deck working on the invention, if you change your mind just call."
"Thanks" Sanji says, bangs still covering his face.
Usopp leaves and spots Nami and Zoro talking next to the tree swing. He doesn't know what Nami just said but it makes Zoro laugh.
It doesn't matter even if Sanji never likes Usopp back, he just doesn't want to see his friend hurt. Sanji needs a clean break and Usopp is going to have a talk with Nami about it tomorrow… because she's more reasonable, and not because telling Zoro what he should do sounds too scary.
…
Usopp is waiting for the right moment to pull Nami aside and talk to her, but during that time Usopp is shocked at how put together Sanji is acting. Honestly he's starting to wonder if Sanji has somehow bounced back that quickly.
Before he gets the chance to approach Nami, she has already pulled him to the side. "Okay, what happened last night?" She looks pretty angry.
Usopp is caught off guard, "What?"
"Sanji is acting normal but there's something wrong isn't there? Something happened between dinner last night and this morning, and you were the last one to talk to him."
"You can tell?" Usopp asked, really surprised. Sanji seemed to be acting really normal.
"Not really, but Zoro can. So, what happened?"
Zoro again.
"It was a private conversation." Usopp says defensively.
"You can't tell me?" she angrily crosses her arms.
Usopp thought it over, he promised to not tell Zoro, not Nami. Besides Nami was nakama, if he told her she would understand. She may not love Sanji romantically, but Usopp knew that she loved him as Nakama.
"Okay, but this stays between us" Usopp ran a hand down his face, "Sanji told me last night that he's in love with Zoro."
Shock overcame Nami's face, before she had a large smile on her face, "Are you serious?" She asked happily.
He wasn't sure why that was good news to her.
"Yeah, but he didn't know you two were together yet so he's really heart broken, because he just found out." Nami went silent, the smile slipping from her face, "I think it's important you announce your relationship to everyone. It will make it easier on Sanji."
"Wait, what?"
"He needs to get over Zoro since you're already dating him."
"I'm not dating Zoro!" Nami acts disgusted. "He's like an irritating brother!"
"Yes you are!"
"No! I'm going to marry Vivi, and live the life of luxury and Zoro is so incredibly gay it's actually crazy."
Usopp's mind is reeling, "But- but you two-"
Nami shakes her head, grabs Usopp's shoulders and shakes him, that large grin back on her face, "This is so great Usopp! Zoro is going to be so freakin' happy! Well I mean he's probably going to try to play it off, but this is amazing!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Zoro has been in love with Sanji for, like, forever! It's what me and Zoro talk about most of the time, but we both thought Sanji was straight!"
"Doesn't Zoro hate Sanji?" Usopp feels like this is deja vu.
"No, he hates that Sanji is so woman focused. Pissed me off too, because I thought he couldn't see Zoro right in front of him. He just wants Sanji's attention and bad attention is still attention. It's actually kind of adorable."
"They are in love with each other?" Usopp finally manages to ask.
"Yes, I have to tell Zoro!" Nami runs off shouting to Zoro, "I have the best news of your life and you owe me double for this info!"
Usopp sits down criss crossed on the deck. He should be happy for both his nakama right now.
It doesn't take long for someone to sit next to him, he knows who it is without even looking.
"Some people don't see what's in front of them" Luffy says smiling brightly, "It could be the biggest, most juicy piece of meat and they don't even notice."
Usopp thinking he knows what his captain -and best friend- is trying to say, "Yeah."
Sanji would have never noticed him.
"Let's be people who see what's in front of them" Luffy places his hand over Usopps.
Luffy intertwined his fingers with Usopps, and smiles brightly at him. "I noticed the meat, and it's all mine now! Sanji lost his chance." Luffy had that smile that was brighter than the sun.
Usopp can't help but laugh. Maybe Zoro isn't Luffy's number one after all.
Maybe Luffy is a romantic choice.
Usopp had always had a thing for Luffy but just thought he was totally unobtainable, so gave up.
"How am I supposed to kiss you with your nose?" Luffy asks, looking actually confused, which makes Usopp blush.
"Oi shit cook!" Usopp hears from down on deck. "I'm taking what's mine." There is clattering and the sounds of glass breaking. Usopp and Luffy both look over to see Zoro kissing Sanji, when they break apart Sanji's face is red, "And I'm never giving it back."
Usopp feels remarkably okay with it, what with Luffy holding his hand the way he is.
Luffy chuckles, "We are pirates, we take what we want and we don't share!" Luffy squeezes Usopp's hand.
Usopp smiles happily.
He can't even imagine this moment with anyone else. Not Sanji, and not Kaya.
When Luffy leans in to kiss him, and Usopp's nose hits him in the eye they both laugh. Usopp had to tilt his head and hold Luffy's face to turn it to the side as well, but it's perfect anyways.
Usopp never knew it was possible to get over a crush so fast, but by the end of the kiss he had forgotten about his previous crush instantly.