Boyfriend Material

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"We should date!" Everyone stared at the captain in shock.

While everyone stared in shock, the cook smiled pleasantly, "Do you even know what dating means?"

"Yeah! When two people like each other they date! When they date they do special stuff for each other! I want extra food!"

Sanji smacked Luffy upside the head, "It's supposed to be a romantic type of like."

"What's the difference?" Luffy grumbled, rubbing his head.

Sanji lit a cigarette and inhaled, before releasing the smoke. "Romantic like is just different. You feel like you never want to be without that person, when they are near you're happy and it feels terrible when they are away. Their happiness makes you happy and their sadness makes you sad. You would do anything to keep them from feeling pain…"

"Also" Nami intojects, "It is give and take. So you would have to give Sanji special treatment too."

Luffy turned his head to the side, like a confused puppy, "That is how I feel towards you Sanji. I would have died of hunger if you never came back, I never want to lose you. I don't know what to offer you though."

Sanji realizes Luffy was talking about Whole Cake Island.

Everyone looked at Luffy in shock but Sanji just grinned and ruffled the captain's black hair. "That's more than enough for me!"

"So we're dating now?"

Sanji laughed, acting as if everything was really casual. "Yeah, sure, why not?"

"Can I get extra food now?" Luffy was already drooling.

"Sure thing, daaaaarling~" the blond cook chuckled.

Everyone was staring at the two men in shock. "What. Just. Happened." Usopp managed to ask in shock.

Robin chuckled softly.

"Okay, let's start placing bids" Nami looks around the crew at the table.

Zoro suddenly stands, his chair scraping loudly on the floor. "This is stupid." He quickly leaves the galley.

A few days pass and everything is mostly the same except for Luffy referring to Sanji as his boyfriend, sitting next to him at meal time and Sanji making Luffy food more often, always in heart shapes.

After dinner one night the crew is all talking when Luffy leans over and kisses Sanji's cheek. Sanji's face immediately turns a bright red, gently placing his hand over the kissed cheek looking at the captain.

Luffy is just smiling brightly. "It's normal to kiss someone when you're dating right?"

Sanji is a bit lost for words, "You don't have to do that."

Luffy crosses his arms, "But I wanted to!"

"What a manly display" Franky is tearing up.

"Are you okay, Zoro?" Brook asks, noticing the swordsman looking really upset.

"It's disgusting" Zoro mumbles under his breath. He speaks up glaring at the cook and captain, "Do you have to do that shit at the table? It's making my food taste even worse than usual."

"Not cool Zoro-bro" Franky gives him a disapproving look.

Everyone kinda gives him looks of either shock or disgust, except for Luffy.

"Can I speak to you in private Luffy?" Zoro asks.

Luffy stretches his mouth around the entire plater and pulls it out, now empty, with a loud pop. He chuckled and rubbed his belly, "Sure!"

Zoro and Luffy walk off onto the deck, Zoro stops walking when he feels like no one can overhear him. He turns to the still smiling captain, "You need to stop this, you're taking it way too far."

"This is about me dating Sanji, right?"

"Yeah, you have no idea what you're doing and it's going to end badly. If you care about this crew you should break up with him."

"We are happy, why should I?"

"What about when he wants more than a kiss on the cheek? What about when he wants sex? Would you be willing to have sex with him?"

"Two men can't have sex." Luffy states matter-of-factly.

Zoro groans, "Yes they can, Luffy! Would you be willing to do that with him?"

Luffy's face scrunches up, trying to think. "Men don't have a Vagina, so they can't have sex." This is obviously a hard hurdle for Luffy to overcome.

Zoro actually face-palmed, "I'm not explaining gay sex to you."

"Ah… so it's mystery sex."

"Look, you and him are going to want different things from this. You can't give him what he wants."

"And you can?"

Zoro crosses his arms, looking away, "I didn't say that."

Luffy smiles, "He doesn't need sex, he needs someone to love him, and I do. But if you can give him both I'll stand down." The smile on Luffy's face is almost blinding with how bright it is.

Zoro squares off with Luffy, both men staring each other down. They are silently reading each other, the air is tense before Luffy is back to smiling.

"Yosh! I'm going to break up with Sanji now!"

Luffy leaves Zoro on the deck and heads back into the kitchen. He stands there and watches Sanji finishing the last of the dishes, a serious look on his face.

Sanji turns and leans against the kitchen counter, "Is there a reason that I'm getting the elusive serious face from you Luffy?"

"We need to break up, Sanji."

Sanji smiles softly, it doesn't quite reach his eyes, but it's genuine. "Okay."

"Do you wanna know why?"

Sanji shrugs, "Not in particular" he lets out a stream of smoke.

"You make a great boyfriend."

Sanji let's out a soft chuckle, "The irony of someone who just broke up with me saying that."

"Are you hurt?"

Sanji lets out a genuine laugh, "Nah, not really. It's kinda like when a kid thinks they are going to marry their parent or older sibling. It's cute, but not actually serious." Sanji inhales from his cigarette, "That being said, being dumped still kinda stings, serious or not."

Luffy smiles, "I was serious, but I can't give you what you want, just what you need. We're pirates" Luffy smiles again, "We should get everything we want and need, even if we have to steal it!"

Sanji shook his head, "I don't even know what you mean by that."

"That's okay, you will soon!"

The next day at breakfast Nami asks the question that's on everyone's mind, "No hearts for Luffy today?"

Sanji smiles sweetly at Nami, "No my dear, it's awkward to give heart shaped food to your ex."

"You two broke up? Are you two doing okay?" Copper speaks up, concerned.

Sanji waves a hand dismissively, "Yes, yes, everything's fine."

Luffy smiles, "Everything is great, and it's going to get even better!"

Sanji gave him a look, not understanding once again what Luffy meant but shrugged it off.

Everything went back to normal. The only odd thing being that once in a while Luffy would give Zoro a really serious look, which Zoro always returned as seriously as it was given.

…

"Oi, love-cook. I need to talk with you." Zoro approached Sanji in the cook's rare free time, where he wasn't busy cooking or cleaning the kitchen.

"I'm not gonna stop you, idiot." Sanji responded dismissively, smoking against the railing of the ship, staring off into the sea.

Zoro leaned against the railing as well, "Why did you agree to date Luffy?"

"Ah~ That really pissed you off, didn't it?" Sanji took a deep drag of his cigarette before blowing it back out, "Didn't know you had an issue with two men dating."

"Didn't know you would ever be interested in dating a man."

Sanji sighed, "Luffy is a genuine person, as you're aware. He said he loved me, and if he says that he either does, or at least thinks he does. Why wouldn't I date him?"

Zoro shrugs, "Your a pervert, and he has about as much sexual desire as a rock."

"True" Sanji smiles, "Dating isn't just about sex though."

"You would have wanted more."

Sanji shrugs, "Probably" Sanji studies Zoro's face, "What does it matter to you?"

"I also have little sexual desire, I would rather train."

Sanji furrowed an eyebrow, "Well he's single now. Is that why you were upset? You were jealous?"

Zoro's one good eye stares into Sanji's visible eye that is not hidden under a curtain of hair. "Of you? Are you an actual Idiot? I don't have the temperament to date Luffy, besides he's kinda like a kid. Which, by the way, makes you a bigger pervert than I originally thought."

"He is not a kid, and if you suggest I would ever date a child, I'll kick that moss right off your head."

"I'm not here to fight you."

Sanji glared at him, "Sure doesn't seem that way."

Zoro looks back out to the ocean. "You never said you liked him back."

"Because I don't, not like that at least."

"Well if it makes you feel any better, I don't think he likes you like that either. He's just…" Zoro made a face, "Luffy."

"I know that Marimo. It's the only reason I agreed. Figured he would realize sooner or later."

"What if he wanted to carry on? Would you have been okay with that?"

Sanji shrugged, "If his heart is in the right place, why not?"

They settled into a comfortable silence, "What if mine was too. In a good place and all that?"

Sanji turned to completely face the swordsman, his blue eye probing, "If your heart was in the right place, would I date you?"

Zoro clenched his jaw, "yeah."

"Are you serious?"

Zoro nodded.

"Why, Marimo? Didn't you say it was disgusting that I was dating Luffy?"

"I didn't like it. I never thought you would date a guy. When I found out you would, it was already too late. It pissed me off. Was a shitty way to find out I might have had a chance after all."

Sanji smirked, a playful shine in his eye, "Aren't you worried about being a rebound?" He teased.

Zoro completely turned to the cook, "Maybe if I thought you had actually liked him romantically at all."

"Hmmm" Sanji snuffed out his spent cigarette. "Do you think I actually like you romantically at all?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out, shit-cook."

Sanji flicked the cigarette snub into the ocean. "Ask me properly and I'll let you know."

"Would you go out with me?" Zoro quickly added, "Seriously though, not like with Luffy."

"Sure, I've had a thing for you myself. Guess at some point I started to enjoy looking at your ugly mug."

"Couldn't be any uglier than your eyebrows." Zoro smiled.

"Have you seen that nasty shit on your head you call hair?" Sanji smiled back.

"I hate you" Zoro grabbed Sanji's tie and pulled him close.

"Hate you too" Sanji leaned in, and closed the remaining distance.

Zoro's hands came up to cup Sanji's cheek. Sanji's hands found purchase on the swordsman's hips as the kiss deepened. It was gentle yet passionate.

Luffy catching only the end of his two crewmates' interaction slams full body into Nami who was just trying to enjoy some sun. "Yay! Sanji has a boyfriend that loves him romantically and will have sex with him too!"

Nami leaves several bumps on the captain's head, "Don't jump on people like that! Also what the hell are you talking abou-" her words die in her throat as she spots the new couple, they are still bickering, but they are both smiling and walking so close to each other they keep softly touching.

The redhead smiles softly, before her smile widens and there are Beli signs in her eyes. She has some bets to collect on.