T/N/T/N/T/N/T
I woke up that morning and felt awful.
No, I didn't drink, I didn't stay up late, instead I went to bed early and had a perfect night. Nearly.
If only I hadn't dreamed again of the scene where I first saw her in the carriage three years ago.
You'd hardly ever see a sight like that again. As the sounds of commotion came from outside the compartment, Malfoy was still talking to Goyle and Crabbe about how he had played some more great Quidditch matches over the summer, and Zabini wiggled his legs and listened leisurely to their chatter. Then the door was thrown open, and through it poked a large, shaggy mass of hair! Merlin, what the hell is that, I noticed that Malfoy almost jumped up.
The face in the hair wore a smug expression as it spoke, " Excuse me, I'd like to ask if anyone here has seen a toad?"
I don't think she had an ounce of excuse. She was so high and mighty, she always had the confidence that she couldn't beat anything, she did everything as if she could, like when she asked you but you didn't feel the slightest bit of vulnerable apprehension or nervousness. Hermione Granger is one of those people, and I knew her nature from the first time I met her three years ago. So, I kind of hated her.
Hey, you know, every kid believes he/she is the most special one in the world! Especially me. Particularly me. Of all the purebloods, the one who always says " that kid who seems to know everything" every time adults mention it.
Now the one who knows everything has become her.
Especially her. Exactly her. The one I was brought up to despise as a pureblood should have despised the most.
But I can't despise her!
What the hell is ... Mudblood anyway? If she were mud, I would be trampled into the ground by her. I'd be nothing compared to her, I'd be a ragged beggar with nothing but so-called pureblood, or worse, much worse.
I peeked at her in the lights of the auditorium, I listened to her turning pages between the cracks of library books, I brushed up against her in the hallways to smell her hair. I anxiously awaited my encounter with her in all the predictable corners.
... sucks. I mean me.
I didn't speak to for the first time until third year, when Professor Babbling put us into a short group and I said to her, "Granger, we need to go to the library.", then she walked past me and drew out a book, "Look at this, Nott!"
Merlin, she knew who I was.
She worked right beside me, drawing quick and precise Rune symbols, then opening her mouth as if she was mumbling something. She reached over and crossed out my incorrect spelling, then muttered angrily in my ear.
I should have hated her. Hated that she was so good, hated her know-it-all attitude, hated that she was always pointing fingers at my notes. But then I thought about it, it seemed that these could only constitute arguments for liking. It took me by surprise.
I couldn't understand it!
Look at her. She smiles because she got the question right, she discusses it in a serious way, she grabs every extra mark just because she can, what exactly makes her different from everyone else, apart from being a bit extraordinarily brilliant? She was concerned about Longbottom at the next table in Potions when the distracting knife cut her hand, and at that moment I was simply fascinated to look at the blood that slowly trickled down her fingers.
It was red. Not black, not grey, not earthy, not mud, it was red, and it was blood.
I almost went mad. I slipped into my house's library during the holidays and pinned out a genealogy book on the study of wizarding bloodlines, completely ignoring the fact that my father almost beat me to death the last time I took it unreported. I read it as obsessively as if I lived there, until I turned to page 375, Malfoys, who "intermarried with Muggles in the sixteenth century".
Malfoy and Granger bleed the same blood. No matter how diluted, blood is blood, and if he calls Granger a Mudblood, then he has Mudblood running through his veins, too. That was too ironic.
Apparently mudblood was fatal to Malfoy, and he was so crazily obsessed with Granger that he even wrote Granger's name all over my forbidden book that proved Malfoy's mudblood. When that book was discovered by Granger, I was furious, I was unbearable, bordering on madness, probably because, if I could have, maybe I would have actually done it.
But it wasn't me who did it, it was the bloodthirsty Malfoy.
D/M/D/M/D/M/D
Blaise has become completely obsessed with detention. If you ask, I'll say this.
Before he returned from outside with a spring in his step, Nott and I were sitting on the long couch. He was scribbling something furiously on his notes, supposedly preparing for his elective exam.
"Hey Nott, it doesn't have to be like that, you know you'll only ever be second even if you try harder." I raised an eyebrow and shook my head at him dolefully.
Nott lowered his head and ripped the pages grumpily, "Fuck off Malfoy."
I kindly tolerated him. He became this way whenever exams approached, anxious, restless, manic, irritable and always ready to take a bite out of anyone who crossed his path. Losing to Granger put a lot of psychological pressure on him and I heard that Mr. Nott beat him every vacation because he was "no better than even a minuscule mudblood". So, see - he hates Granger, really.
He gets fidgety every time Granger is mentioned, and now especially so. Any time I dared to open my mouth, he would stare at me with a cold look in his eyes, like a wolf who wanted to rush up to her and bite her. But she was a Gryffindor, so all this anger had to be directed at me sitting here.
"Hey boys, how are you doing?" Blaise rushed in happily.
"Not too bad, Blaise." I spoke.
" It was bad, Zabini." Nott said.
"Oh cheer up Theo, you're always so depressed," Blaise flushed and staggered across the hall and sat on his butt next to us, "keeping your Rune text notes carefully again?"
For the first time I knew that Nott was tearing up his notes not to throw them away but to seal them up.
Nott made a sound through his nose as a tacit acknowledgement, "And then your little potion improvement lesson ...?" Salazar what a lovely pronoun, I almost thought we weren't talking about blackened office detention.
"Awesome ..." Blaise looked wistful, "but Snape would probably rather deduct Slytherin points than put me on detention," he smacked his lips. "He says he doesn't like the pink office."
"Merlin, what did you do to his office?" I asked with horror.
"Oh, how do I know what that means?" He shrugged, answering with disinterest, "Perhaps it was a distinctive dry humour of his?"
Nott frowned and shook his head, closing his Ancient Runes text for extracurricular reading, "I'm going to bed." He muttered to himself, standing up and walking away.
"Good dreams, Theo!" Blaise shouted.
Theo gave an odd expression. "I hope so." He said.
Blaise and I looked at each other from behind him.
"What do you think he's been up to lately?" I asked.
"I don't know, he's been like this since we got back from the vacation." Blaise shook his head, suddenly saying, "Hey Draco, we all know you've got a bit of a thing for Granger-"
I coughed violently, "I, I'm not-!"
"Well, whatever you say," Blaise lowered his voice and casually ran a hand through his hair with some annoyance, "Theo dislikes her ...! You see, she's a lowly muggleborn after all," he winced, as if uncomfortable, "and while we all know she's good, that doesn't negate the fact that she bleeds like that-"
"So?" I said sarcastically, "What the hell is your problem? Quite a rarity, I'm learning about this for the first time today."
"Salazar would it kill you not to talk like that? He's our friend ...!" Blaise growled with some annoyance, "Fine, whatever, pay attention will you? You better pray that Granger doesn't cast a horrible curse on him for his mud blood comments when they meet up in Herbology class tomorrow."
"Hey!" I said, "You're rude, Blaise."
"Oh come on," he rolled his eyes, "like you're not the one who says that word most often."
"You know, it's a bit of déjà vu ..." I said in a bit of a trance, " Always feel like I've heard it somewhere."
Blaise asked compassionately, "Are you okay bro?"
I told him to fuck off.
B/Z/B/Z/B/Z/B
I don't know if anyone can get it, I mean, it's really kind of strange to be talking to someone he adores in front of my buddy. Especially when she particularly hates him.
"So ... slept well last night?" I winked at her.
"Not bad." She replied absently as she fiddled with the plants.
Weasley to her left and Draco to my right stared at us with weird expressions. I think if I told Draco that his expression now resembled Weasley's, he would spit it out in disgust.
"Granger, Granger," I demanded, "how about you and I partner up later?"
Hey, hey Blaise, you can't do that, it's in front of a big crowd! If you don't want to lose your mum's face when word gets out or be sneered at by Theo and Draco in the common room later on, you can't just strike up a conversation with a muggleborn!
Granger looked uncomfortable: "... Why should I have to partner with you?"
"On what grounds not?" I muttered, "Potter and Weasley are definitely going to be paired up anyway ..."
"Oh well," Granger said sarcastically, and I was ashamed of myself for my heart racing at the blank stare she rolled at me,"as if I would be with a Slytherin like you who can't even cut a daisy root properly instead of Neville."
"It's rather unfortunate that Longbottom isn't here right now." I pointed out.
"Godric, I forgot he went to the medical wing with a cold ..." she sighed wearily, "Hell, can't you be quiet for a moment, Zabini? You can never stop your mouth can you?"
I faked a smile at her. Professor Sprout was up front urging her students to form pairs, and I tugged at her robe, "Give it up Granger, look on the bright side, at least you won't have to partner with Goyle or Crabbe, and frankly, you don't want to have that experience." I warned.
"Or do you want to be partnered with Draco?"
She shuddered, "No kidding Zabini!"
"Blaise Zabini, at your service -" I waved my hand smugly and glanced over to see Draco staring at me with a betrayed look ... Sorry bro! Hey, you know how people's mouths are sometimes out of control, you should know best!
"Merlin's sewers why do I have to be partnered with a sneaky Slytherin?" She growled words I didn't understand and swept her head around to the Gryffindors who had each formed their own teams, her tone urgent, "Oh my god, I can't take it anymore ... Nott! Theodore Nott!"
I stared at her in shock, "Hey, you can't-" You can't make a fool of yourself and give up on yourself just because you hate us!
"Come over here, Nott," she stretched her arms out to clutch his shirt in one hand, Draco, who was caught in the middle, looked like he was about to pass out, "You and I will partner up, come on, we have to catch this pile of Bouncing Bulb first."
Theo looked almost overcome with rage as he clenched his teeth and stiffened, his anger red from the base of his head to the base of his neck. Granger yanked him roughly to the side and gave him his orders without mercy, and he ducked his head, then was promptly hit in the jaw by a bouncing bulb.
"Salazar, all this isn't true ...," I heard him mutter to himself in annoyance. But he didn't lash out. Despite Granger yanking him, yelling at him, and clutching his shirt in a mess, he didn't say anything.
Theo, good buddy.