Jodie took a deep breath and entered the den. Here goes nothing, she thought. Literally. Seeing both her parents, she decided to just go for it. "Mom, Dad?" she asked. "Could I talk to you for a minute?"
Andrew and Michele barely acknowledged her words, but she continued anyway. The words flew out easily, since she'd rehearsed them dozens of times before entering. "I've worked hard this year, and I really need a break. So I was thinking that instead of taking college prep classes, volunteering at the hospice, and being a camp counselor for special needs kids, I could take it easy. Maybe even go to the beach."
Her parents still barely even looked at her. "Hmm," Andrew replied, "that workload doesn't sound very realistic."
"She forgot the twenty hour a week internship at the congressman's office," Michele added.
"Oh yeah," he said. To Jodie he replied, "Nope."
"Out of the question," Michele confirmed.
"Assignment completed," Jodie muttered, turning to leave. Then she stopped. Sure, it was just a dumb Language Arts assignment and she hadn't expected to succeed, but she realized at that moment that a small part of her had hoped she would. Even as she finally said the words out loud, the idea of relaxing and having her own free time to do as she wished had taken hold of her and wouldn't let go.
I'm not giving up, she decided. She turned around.
"You have a point," she said. "I mean, I heard that a bunch of Fielding students were going on a beach trip Memorial Day weekend, but networking with the future leaders of the country can't compare to working as a camp counselor, can it?"
Now she had her parents' full attention. "Fielding kids?" Andrew asked, his eyes beginning to show a familiar gleam.
"Yeah, but who cares what they do? I don't go to Fielding. And the Grove Hills students never take a break, and they turn out fine." Jodie paused for a calculated length of time and added, "Aside from the nine percent who get institutionalized, anyway."
Michele and Andrew glanced at each other only briefly, but Jodie still caught the nervous look they exchanged. She forged on. "Besides, what kind of example would I be setting for Rachel? If I don't lead the way by doing volunteer work and internships, she'll think she can skip doing hers, too." She raised an eyebrow at her parents. "Which activities is she doing this summer?"
Now the alarm on the Landons' faces was impossible to hide as they realized that their average middle daughter was getting off far too light. Jodie decided it was time to deliver the final blow. "Hey, I'll make you a deal-you agree to my idea, and I'll go with you to the Starry Night Ball in September."
Andrew and Michele turned wide eyes on her. The Starry Night Ball had been in their sights ever since they'd learned about it. A place to network with the movers and shakers of Lawndale and work their way into the good graces of the people at Winged Tree Country Club? It was one of their more cherished ambitions, and so far Jodie had resisted getting involved with it. Every time they brought it up, Jodie insisted she was far too busy to go to a silly party. But now, the implication hung in the air, she might just have an evening to spare...if...
"All right," Andrew sighed, and Michele nodded her agreement. "As long as you pick up your usual workload when school starts up again.
"Deal," Jodie said, trying not to show how excited she was. She turned to leave before they could change their minds.
"And Jodie?" Michele added. "Send Rachel in, please."
o O o
The rest of the school year passed in a blur. Jodie was crowned Homecoming Queen (as usual), Brittany threw a party that ended in disaster (as usual), and by the time the final bell rang on the last day of school Daria Morgendorffer seemed to be depressed about something (even more than usual).
But Jodie couldn't care less about everyone else's problems. She was free! She listened to everyone else's summer plans with poorly-disguised glee. Mack had to drive an ice cream truck, so he couldn't join her in her freedom, but she was used to going without seeing him for long stretches. Kevin and Brittany were working as lifeguards-God help anyone who started drowning on their watch-but she was going to sleep in every day and find out what it was like to do nothing for hours at a time. Life was, for the first time she could remember, good.
And those were her thoughts as she relaxed on the beach the next day. The waves washed soothingly against the sand, the sun shone warmly on her skin, and the sand felt soft between her toes.
It was good, yes...but boring.
She sighed and sat up. Doing nothing had been fun, but only for the first few minutes. Now she was feeling restless. She stood and waded into the water, then began swimming. She performed the backstroke, the breaststroke, and the butterfly flawlessly, but switched to the back float when it started to feel too much like an extracurricular activity.
Jodie returned to shore and decided to try her hand at building a sandcastle. She was putting the finishing touches on the spiral staircase in the foyer when she noticed the water was lapping dangerously close to the hedge maze on the front lawn.
"Crap," she muttered. "All that work for nothing!" She stopped herself. That was the old, achievement-driven Jodie talking. The new, relaxed, carefree Jodie wouldn't be bothered by something so trivial, would she?
Jodie had no idea. The new Jodie was still a complete stranger to her. Still, she wanted to find out how far her hard-won freedom could take her. I want to try something new! She looked around the beach and noticed a group of people with surfboards. One of them seemed to be giving lessons to the others.
Perfect.
Thirty minutes later she was lying on her stomach on a borrowed surfboard, trying to remember about a hundred different instructions simultaneously. Feet together, paddle with alternate strokes, look for a small wave...
She saw one that looked promising and began paddling toward it. She turned the board as she approached, then as she reached the wave she popped up into a standing position just as the instructor had taught her. She shifted her weight slightly as the wave moved under her, keeping her balance as well as she could. A moment of terror immediately faded and was replaced by sheer excitement. Jodie felt like she and the wave were one. She was standing atop the water on nothing but a thin slab of polyurethane and for a few seconds she felt like she was flying.
Then she lost her balance, fell over sideways, and landed in the water.
Jodie retrieved her board and swam back to shore. "You okay?" the instructor asked. "That wipeout looked a little rough."
"I'm fine," Jodie panted, then grinned as the adrenaline continued to surge. "In fact, I'm great! Is it always like that? I have to go out there again!"
She tried a few more waves, but her empty stomach finally urged her to pack up her things and return to town. Out of habit, she started heading towards home to prepare her usual lunch of salad and mineral water, but at the last minute she changed direction and went to Pizza Prince. That's what a normal teenager would do, right?
Of course, Jodie had been to Pizza Prince before. Usually on an all-too-brief date with Mack or to grab something quick to eat in between obligations. This time, however, she was free to relax into a booth and savor her pizza. She inhaled deeply and took a large bite of her slice.
Then she spat it back onto her plate. Has it always tasted this bad? she wondered. Is it possible that I've been too busy to notice that this stuff tastes like grease-coated garbage?
She left the rest of the slice behind and moved on to seek out her next adventure. She spotted the Cineplex movie theater and tried to remember the last time she'd seen a movie from beginning to end. The best she could come up with was The Land Before Time...when she was in kindergarten.
Crossing the street, she studied the marquee and weighed her options. There was yet another Weepy Mr. B sequel or a sappy rom-com. Jodie remembered overhearing the Fashion Club raving about the rom-com and immediately decided to go with Weepy Mr. B.
It only took five minutes to regret her decision. The movie was dull, predictable, and full of cliches. Her only comfort was realizing that the rom-com would probably have been even worse. She left while the wide-eyed new army recruit was showing everyone a picture of his sweetheart back home.
"Next?" she muttered to herself, blinking in the bright afternoon daylight. She took a step in one direction, then stopped when she realized there was nothing interesting that way. She began to walk the other way, only to stop again upon realizing there wasn't anything worthwhile over there, either.
She stood still, the fact finally dawning on her that Lawndale was an incredibly dull town. It's not just the town's fault, she admitted to herself. It's not like I have a ton of hobbies to pursue.
The boredom threatened to overwhelm her, to the point of wondering if she should see if Congressman Sachs still needed an intern. Then she remembered wiping out that morning at the beach. She'd been unskilled and shaky, but that moment of failure was the most exciting thing she ever experienced in her life.
She was heading back in the direction of the beach almost before she'd consciously decided to go. The time it took to get there and put her hands on another surfboard passed in a haze, her mind focused on getting onto the water as soon as possible.
At last she was on the board, waiting for another wave. The one that approached was a little smaller than the first one she'd tried, but this time she was able to stay upright. "Woo!" she cried, excited at her success. She couldn't wait for the next one.
She found she was learning fast, as even higher waves began to pose less and less of a challenge. Soon she realized that the waves were too easy.
The thrill was gone.
Disappointed, Jodie returned to the shore and began the disappointing trip back into town. As she went, she tried to figure out what to do next. It has to be something I've never done before, she decided as she wandered downtown again. Something exciting.
The word "exciting" caught her eye as she thought it, and she looked again. Mr. Fun's Exciting World of Games was staring her in the face. Jodie had never so much as set foot inside the arcade, let alone played a game. Sounds like a winner.
Walking inside, Jodie almost walked back out as the lights and noise immediately assaulted her senses. Many of the games were already in use, but her attention was quickly drawn to a large virtual reality simulator featured prominently in the middle of the arcade. She approached, curious.
"Want to try it?" Jodie turned to see Ted Dewitt-Clinton standing beside her. "I've played a bunch of times, but it's way more fun with other people. Care to join me?"
Jodie smiled. "Sure. How does it work?"
Ted grinned. "I'll show you. Come on!"
Minutes later, they were suited up and standing in an illusion of a medieval castle. "Just to warn you," Jodie told Ted, "I'm a complete beginner. If you don't mind me slowing you down…?"
"Don't worry," Ted reassured her. "I'll show you the ropes. Watch out!"
Jodie looked in the direction Ted was pointing and saw a knight advancing on them, swinging a vicious-looking mace.
"I've got this!" Ted said, stepping forward with his sword drawn. He swung expertly, but the knight was able to block the blow. Ted staggered back, and for a moment Jodie forgot it was just a game and panicked. She lunged forward with her own sword and stabbed the knight. He vanished in a cloud of pixels and Ted applauded. "Well done!" he cheered. "Your technique is a little clumsy, but that was great for a first time!"
Jodie, panting, looked at him in awe. "Is it always like that?"
"More or less." Ted tilted his head. "I know it can be a little overwhelming to people who aren't used to it. Do you need to take a break?"
"No." Jodie ran off, searching for the next battle as her adrenaline skyrocketed.
o O o
Twenty minutes later, a stunned Ted stood next to Jodie. "I've never taken down this many opponents in one round," he breathed. "I had no idea it was even possible to kill the court jester!"
"He shouldn't have made fun of my stance," Jodie muttered darkly.
"Are you okay?" Ted asked warily.
Jodie blinked a few times. "Uh…yeah. I'm fine." Actually, she was shaking both from the physical exertion of slaughtering dozens of pixelated enemies and from the emotional rush she was feeling at the new experience. "Are all the VR games like this?"
Ted considered her question. "Well, the underwater paradise is very soothing, but the futuristic dystopia is much more violent. Maybe the underwater game would be a good choice for—"
"Dystopia," Jodie practically snarled. "Now."
o O o
Ted looked sadly at the front of Mr. Fun's Exciting World of Games. "Golly, I hope I can talk them into letting me come back."
"They shouldn't have thrown us both out," Jodie grumbled. "You didn't make the VR equipment shut down."
"Who knew the game could overload after a certain number of kills?" Ted asked, sounding more impressed than annoyed. He chuckled. "Oh, well. You know what I could go for?"
"A cigarette?" Jodie breathed.
Ted frowned slightly. "I was going to say a piece of gum."
"Oh." Jodie had started coming down from her adrenaline high and was already starting to feel restless again. "Listen, this was great, but I need to go now. See you later?"
"Sure," Ted said to Jodie's retreating back. "Later."
Jodie began wandering aimlessly, calm on the surface but inwardly raging at the dullness of Lawndale. Nothing interesting happens around here, she thought in frustration.
"-whip comes down, when they nuke the town, when…uh, that's as far as I got."
Hearing music, or something that might be called music by a very generous listener, Jodie looked around until she saw four guys with musical instruments standing in front of a garage. They looked familiar, but Jodie couldn't place them right away. One of them, a tall man with dark hair and a goatee, was holding a guitar and shrugging.
"How about 'When the leaves turn brown'?" one of his companions, a skinny guy with red hair, asked.
"I dunno," the first man replied. "It's kind of…um…."
"Lame," supplied a muscular man with long brown hair.
"Fine, then you do better!" the redhead shot back.
"We could do 'When Jack breaks his crown,'" offered a bald man holding drumsticks.
"Who's Jack?" asked the man with the goatee.
"You know, from the nursery rhyme. Jack and Jill went up the hill?"
"I don't think the Spiral should be singing nursery rhymes," the redhead said doubtfully.
Jodie couldn't resist chiming in at this point. "'When I choose a noun' would fit."
The four guys all turned to look at her, each with varying levels of confusion. "I don't get it," the brown-haired one said.
"I'll explain it later," the guitarist told him. To Jodie he said, "Hey. Are you a musician?"
She finally realized where she'd seen them before—they'd been the band performing at Brittany's disastrous mediocrity celebration party. "No," she replied. "But I would love to try."
o O o
It turned out that Mystik Spiral—consisting of Trent (goatee guy), Jesse (the muscle), Nick (redhead), and Max (bald)—had a gig that night. Fortunately, they were saving the "What else rhymes with 'town'" song for a later performance. Although Jodie had taken music lessons in grade school, she only knew how to play the clarinet and the cello. The band had agreed that neither instrument would fit with the band's sound, so Jodie agreed to sing backup. She wasn't actually a very good singer, but she privately felt that meant she'd fit perfectly with the band's "sound."
As she learned Mystik Spiral's songs, she felt a growing connection to the lyrics. Sure, they weren't the kind of music she normally listened to, but the poorly rhymed cries of frustration and rage echoed strongly in her soul. It was exactly the kind of new experience she was looking for.
She arrived at McGrundy's Pub that night with the band, a little nervous but not overwhelmed because she had plenty of experience with public speaking. Stage fright wouldn't be an issue, but her underage status gave her pause. "You guys know that I'm a minor, right?" she said, eying the bouncer at the door.
"It's okay," Trent said. "Nick's cousin makes fake IDs."
Nick pulled a stack of plastic cards out of his pocket and flipped through them until he found one that looked not completely unlike Jodie. The bad lighting and the obvious indifference of the bouncer was enough to get her through the door, though, and soon she was helping the band set up.
Jodie took her place at the microphone next to Trent and waited while the band started up the first few notes of "Mr. Normal." She joined Trent and Jesse as they sang:
Who shot the hippies?
Who locked them in a zoo?
Who gagged the beatniks?
Who filled their mouths with glue?
Who crushed the bohos?
Who turned their world to poo?
Hey Mr. Normal, it was you!
The audience, who clearly had low standards, cheered and applauded. Jodie looked out at them all, feeling like a weight had been lifted. Here were people who didn't demand perfection. They didn't care if the song was less than a minute long. They didn't mind the nonsensical lyrics. They just appreciated the effort.
It was like a switch had been flipped somewhere in Jodie's brain. She grabbed her microphone and stepped forward, improvising a second verse while the band members struggled to keep up with her fast pace.
"Who gave me homework? Who made my life a mess?" she chanted. The audience began clapping in time to the notes, lifting her spirits even higher. "Who crammed my schedule? Who filled my brain with stress?" Her voice was getting louder and stronger, and so were the cheers of the fans. "Who weighs my soul down? Who makes me feel worthless?" she shouted, barely able to hear herself over the stomping feet of the crowd. "Hey Mr. Parents, it was you!" she shrieked, snatching up the microphone, stand and all, and hurling it as hard as she could into the audience.
"Wow," Trent murmured, gazing at her in awe. "That was…."
"Metal," Jesse finished, nodding in approval.
The rest of the set went by in a haze of screeching lyrics and power chords. By the end, Jodie's voice was hoarse but her mood was bursting. She practically threw herself at the bar, holding up her fake ID and demanding the strongest drink in the house.
After a few rounds of a specialty drink the bartender called "I dunno, stuff mixed with vodka," Jodie was riding a double wave of exhilaration and intoxication.
Unfortunately for the first guy to hit on her with a crude pick-up line, the wave swept away all traces of restraint. "You want me to do what?!" she bellowed, whirling to face him with fire in her eyes.
"I just thought…I meant…if you…never mind," he stammered.
It was too late. "Everyone wants me to do something, don't they?" Jodie demanded. "If it's not internships or volunteer work or student council, it's…whatever you asked me to do in the backseat of your car."
"Did she say student council?" the man asked, taking a step back and making sure everyone could see where his hands were. "I really need to go." He turned to leave, but not before Jodie tackled him from behind and began punching the back of his head. Thanks to her tournament-winning tennis forehand, it didn't take long for the man to cry out in pain. A few well-meaning bystanders tried to pull her off him.
"You want some?" Jodie cried. "I've got enough for everyone!" She became a whirl of fists and feet, and all but the drunkest of the crowd scrambled to get clear as quickly as possible. She was just about to perform a flawless diving elbow drop when the bouncer finally reached her and grabbed her out of the air.
"Out," he said firmly, and dragged her to the door. He unceremoniously dumped her in a heap on the sidewalk, where the rest of the band found her shortly after.
"Are you okay?" Trent asked.
Jodie hopped to her feet and grinned. "I'm awesome! Did you see what I did to that guy in the leather jacket? He'll think twice before he, um, does whatever it was he did. I can't wait until the nexaaarrgh!" The rest of her sentence was cut off by about a quart of vodka abruptly removing itself from her system.
"Aw, man," Jesse moaned. "That's another shirt someone owes me."
o O o
Mystik Spiral made it clear that Jodie wasn't welcome back in the band until she had "made some serious lifestyle changes," although Max had called her a true criminale and given her a thumb's up as they left. Jodie didn't mind, though. The thrill of being in a band was already wearing off, and it was time to find something new. A whole world of excitement was opening before her.
o O o
"Come on, quit it! Those paintball thingies hurt!" yelped the fratboys who, Jodie noted, were no longer bragging about how macho they were.
"I'll stop when I use your team's flag to wipe away your tears!" Jodie taunted, brandishing her paintball gun wildly. Her finger slipped and she accidentally fired into a tree, knocking a now-blue squirrel out of it.
"Just take it!" one of the men—Jodie thought he'd said his name was Chad—begged, holding it out with one arm while trying to protect as much of his body as possible with the other.
Jodie snatched the flag, hit the guys with one more paintball each for good measure, and left Jim's Paintballing Jungle. The thrill had gone out of the game around the time Jim had started crying, anyway.
o O o
Jodie giggled uncontrollably at the wheel, still blown away by how easy it had been to steal her dad's Jaguar. Dimly in the back of her brain she knew that he'd be absolutely furious when he found out, but for the time being all she wanted to do was take it for one hell of a spin.
She pulled up at a red stoplight, and a moment later another car pulled up next to her. She glanced over when the other driver revved the engine and then lurched their car forward a few inches. The signal was clear: a drag race.
"Oh, you got it!" Jodie crowed, tensing her muscles and staring at the stop light. After an eternity, it changed to green and both cars took off with squealing tires.
Jodie took an early lead, but then the other car bumped against hers and she briefly lost control. Swerving a few times, she managed to straighten out and took off in pursuit. This time it was her turn to bump the car, but it didn't swerve.
Cursing under her breath, Jodie tried to find an opening to go around the other car, but she was blocked at every attempt. Seeing a curve ahead, Jodie took her chance and jumped the car over the curb as a shortcut. The Jaguar rumbled over the grass, and Jodie could feel chunks of dirt lodging at various points under the car. She managed to cut in front of the other car, though, and spun out just ahead of her competitor at the next spotlight.
Jodie slammed on the brakes, put the car in park in the middle of the intersection, and jumped out with fists raised in victory. "Yeeaaaaahhhh!" she yelled, hopping up and down. "I am the champion!" She danced over to the other car as the driver got out. Jodie stopped dead. "Stacy?!"
The pigtailed girl looked slightly disheveled from the madcap drive, but her eyes locked onto Jodie and widened. "Ohmygod please don't tell Sandi! She'll kick me out of the Fashion Club and never speak to me again which technically would be great but I don't think I could handle being shunned in principle, you know what I mean?"
Jodie stopped the stream of words by grabbing Stacy's hand and shaking it. "Great race," she said. "And I won't tell anyone on one condition."
Stacy looked terrified. "What condition?"
Jodie grinned. "Rematch tomorrow night."
o O o
Jodie adjusted her hooded cloak and looked around at the others in the circle at High Hills Park. Although she had heard the rumors about the nightly Satan worship for years, she'd never truly believed them until now.
"In nomine magni dei nostri Satanas, introibo ad altare Domini Inferi," intoned the lead figure, raising an ornate goblet over their head. They took a sip from it and passed it to the person on their left. Each person took a drink from the goblet and passed it to the next person, until it reached Jodie. She took a brief swig, then spit the liquid out. "What is this?" she asked in disgust.
"Diet Ultra Cola," the leader replied. "What did you expect?"
"Blood, of course," Jodie said with a snort.
A chorus of "ewwww"s answered her. The leader said, "That's incredibly unhygienic! Do you have any idea how much bacteria could be in blood? And where would we get blood, anyway?"
"Human sacrifice," Jodie said. "Duh." Several of the hooded figures drew back from her in shock and disgust. She sighed. "Or at least animal sacrifice, then."
"Hey, I'm a vegan!" one of the figures called out.
"So what do you do every night, then?" Jodie asked. "Vegetable sacrifice?"
The leader drew themselves up and said haughtily, "We perform our ritual and then do arts and crafts."
Another figure chimed in, "Last week we learned how to fold paper cranes!"
"Satanic paper cranes?" Jodie asked with a smirk no one could see under her hood.
The leader shook their head. "I'm starting to feel like you're trying to pigeonhole us—"
"Watch the anti-animal language!" the vegan Satanist interjected.
Ignoring him, the leader continued, "-and I don't appreciate it."
Jodie shrugged. "Fine. I've been to yearbook meetings that were more exciting than this." She pulled off the cloak and dropped it on the ground before walking away.
o O o
"Thanks a bunch, luv!" Axl called as Jodie left his shop with rings in her eyebrow, nose, belly button, tongue, and a few other places she was never going to tell her parents about. She was also sporting some new tattoos—a devil on each shoulder blade, a row of roses around one ankle, and a wicked-looking dragon. She had to take Axl's word that the dragon looked cool; it wasn't in a location she could easily see without help from a mirror.
Her whole body hurt from head to toe, but it was worth it for the sheer thrill of doing yet another thing that was thoroughly and completely…not her.
I am the Anti-Jodie, she thought with glee. And I am unstoppable.
o O o
The Anti-Jodie spent every possible moment chasing every new experience, no matter what. As soon as the excitement from one thing wore off, she was searching for the next fix. One day is was rock climbing in the rock quarry below Lover's Lane, another day it was bungee jumping off of the Big Strawberry. She had a vague memory of setting loose Ms. Li's bomb sniffing dogs late one night and then running for her life through the halls of Lawndale High.
o O o
All too soon, Jodie's summer of freedom began drawing to an end. September arrived in what seemed like the blink of an eye and the night of the Starry Night Ball arrived. Andrew and Michele sat at a table near the front, resplendent in their formal wear, as they waited for Jodie to arrive.
"She's certainly kept herself busy these past few months," Michele was saying to her husband.
"That's true. I've barely seen her all summer, and when I have seen her she looks exhausted."
Michele smoothed the tablecloth nervously. "I have been hearing some odd…stories…about someone who looks a lot like Jodie."
Andrew, who spent most of his days at the office, raised his eyebrows. "What kind of stories?"
"Oh, silly things. Patsy next door said she thought she saw her going to one of those wild parties they throw in Crewe Neck."
"Our Jodie?" Andrew scoffed. "Patsy probably needs to cut back on the boxed wine."
"Yes, yes, I'm sure you're right," Michele said, smiling and pushing away the thought. She glanced anxiously toward the entrance. "Still, I hope she didn't forget about tonight."
"She promised," Andrew said. "And I left a note on the dining room table to remind her. I'm sure she'll show up at any minute."
"Screw your dress code!" bellowed a familiar voice from the door. "This halter top is hot and if you don't let me in I'm going to kick your sorry ass!"
Michele and Andrew turned just in time to see a girl who looked exactly like Jodie would if she'd lost her mind head-butt the maître d'. The girl—the Landons still couldn't bring themselves to accept that this was their oldest daughter—then strode up to the bar, giving the whole room a clear look at her ripped jeans and metal-studded boots. "Seriously?" she berated the bartender. "Don't you have anything stronger than wine here?" She looked around and spotted her parents. "Oh, hey!"
Andrew and Michele gasped in horror. "Jodie?" they asked.
She nodded and walked over, flipping the bartender the bird on the way. "This party's pretty dull," she remarked. "Good thing I'm here to liven things up!"
"Young lady," an elderly woman at the next table began reproachfully. "I must say that your attire is wildly inappropriate for this venue."
Jodie whipped around to glare at the woman, fists raised. "You want a piece of me, granny?"
The woman gasped and stepped back, speechless.
"Yeah, I thought so." Jodie lowered her fists and turned back to her parents. "What's with this lame music?"
Andrew glanced at the string quartet. "I thought you enjoyed classical music."
Jodie blew out a fart noise with her tongue. "Ugh. Pass." She hurtled over to the musicians, climbed up onto their platform, and snatched the cello away from its player. "Let's rock!" She began playing the cello in ways it had never been played before, singing along in an off-key voice, "Ow, my nose! Ow, my face! Ow, my nose! Ow, my face!"
Michele, not taking her eyes off Jodie, weakly told her husband, "At least she kept up with her cello practice."
Andrew couldn't take any more. He stood up abruptly, knocking his chair over in his haste. "Jodie Abigail Landon, you get over here right now!"
Jodie dropped the cello and smiled at her parents in a way that neither liked the look of. Then she took a few steps back and ran forward, launching herself off the podium and landing on the nearest table. The guests scattered and the table broke under her, but Jodie stood up without appearing at all fazed by the landing. She walked back to her parents, then turned around and pulled her pants down to moon them.
"Jodie!" Andrew yelped, praying that this was a nightmare.
"Oh, my God!" Michele wailed. She squinted, looking closer. "Is that…a dragon?"
A few tables away, Elsie Sloane sat perched on the edge of her seat in spite of her parents' efforts to pull her away from the chaos erupting around them. "This is fabulous. I take back every unkind thing I've ever said about these events. Can we invite her to my debutante ball?"