Wei Wuxian thought once everything at Guanyin Temple was done and in the past, now travelling happily with Lan Wangji or staying at Cloud Recess, he would be satisfied. Yet... he felt like he was missing something, feeling like some things were still unresolved.
Not that he wasn't happy, he would be lying if he said he was sad and unsatisfied as he was travelling around with Lan Wangji in the past months. He was extremely happy and loved it, but it wouldn't stop him from thinking late at night that something wasn't right. That despite many questions having been answered and some situation resolved that night at the temple, something was still not right.
He ended up figuring it out quickly: his relationship with Jiang Cheng was still far from good, thing unsaid and nothing talked about. He didn't want that, yet every time their path would cross the Yunmeng Jiang sect leader's he would be avoided and ignored as best as the man could. At that point, he wasn't sure whether or not he preferred him madly trying to confirm if he was Wei Wuxian or not because at least it was some kind of interaction.
The next time he and Lan Wangji joined Lan Xichen for a sect conference he decided to try something.
Granted, cornering the sect leader where there was no one might not have been the best idea, but he knew otherwise Jiang Cheng would avoid him. "Just give me five minutes" he had quickly blurted out when he saw the purple lighting slowly crackling at the man clenched fist, yet not stepping back. He didn't receive an answer, but the look on the man face was enough to tell him he had five minutes, then Jiang Cheng would go away.
And then the demonic cultivator was gone, quickly talking, trying to put all his thoughts all crammed in less than five minutes. How he wishes they could try being brother again, how he would like to talk about all that had happen, how he would like for them to settle down everything that had not been said and needed to be said, even if it wasn't pretty.
He was catching his breath when he was done, knowing his five minutes were nearly coming to an end. He was looking at Jiang Cheng, waiting for his answer, thinking he had it, he would probably give him his second chance.
"No" came the answer, the sect leader not adding more as he brushed past him, simply stating "Your five minutes are done".
This had Wei Wuxian dumbstruck, not expecting to be rejected this coldly and quickly. "Wait!" he said, reaching for the man's wrist, only to see it flinch away from his touch. "No" he repeated firmly, turning back to face Wei Wuxian "Life has been so much easier now that I don't have to worry about whatever trouble you'll bring back," he said. He paused, looking into his eyes, before continuing "Contrary to you, I have a sect to take care of and cannot afford for you to ruin all my years of hard work".
With this, he saw him turn around, making his way back to where every other sect leaders were, leaving Wei Wuxian alone.
He had... not expected that, yet he couldn't bring himself to be mad at him for refusing.
How could he be mad when it was true that Jiang Cheng most likely had gone through many horrible years of building Lotus Pier and growing the Yunmeng Jiang sect back up. Many years of being looked down upon by other sect leaders because he was young and because he didn't have yet shown what he could do.
Because his name was still associated with his.
He supposed it was only fair for the man to not want him anywhere close to Lotus Pier or his sect in general, Wei Wuxian did have a history of destroying many things they both loved. Yet it didn't stop him from wanting to at least try. He would try his best, he would work hard to show him he could be trusted again. He would not give up so easily because Jiang Cheng said no.
With a deep breath, he followed where the Jiang sect leader went, quickly making his way back to Lan Wangji to stay safely by his side. He gave an innocent smile to the man when he looked back to him after seeing how sour Jiang Cheng mood was, easily guessing it was his doing.
After the incident, he tried again, but these times using less aggressive ways to approach him. He would try to strike a conversation as naturally as he could when the other one clearly didn't want him around. He would keep it more centred around the latest news in the cultivation world, night hunts they might have attended at the same time and how Jin Ling was doing. When Jiang Cheng seemed in a good mood, at least until he got to him, and didn't hear anything bad happening at Lotus Pier, he would try seeing how things were doing over there.
It was seriously not much, guessing Jiang Cheng was talking with him only to entertain him for a couple of minutes before finding whatever excuse he could to leave. At first, these conversations had been absolute disasters, barely getting anything out of him. But with the multiple attempts, he now was able to have a semi-decent conversation where he wasn't the only one talking. Or maybe he was talking to him simply because he had given up a bit and thought Wei Wuxian would get bored after some time.
To the demonic cultivator, it was a little win. He was seriously ready to take anything at this point, anything was better than being ignored and avoided by his once shidi.
One day, not long after one of his latest attempt at a conversation about how things were doing at Lotus Pier, he stumbled on Jin Ling. The young man was back from a night hunt with both the Lan disciple and Ouyang Zizhen, probably resting at Cloud Recess for a bit with them. Wei Wuxian suspected he might simply want to be with his fellow juniors, but the young man would probably not say it like that.
He was going to greet them and asked how things had gone when he heard his name sharply called by Jin Ling. He was taken aback, not expecting him to be angry at him when he hadn't said anything yet. The very young sect leader quickly made his way to him, looking rather angry at him.
"What are you playing at?" he was asked, Wei Wuxian looking a bit confused at his question. "I am simply strolling around in Cloud Recess with Lan Zhan?" he answered, unsure if it was a good answer. This only made the young man's frown deepen, hearing Lan Wangji quietly call his name as if to warn him not to tease him like this. But he wasn't!?
"Not here" he heard the young man saw with a roll of his eyes, reminding him of Jiang Cheng, before adding "What are you playing with my uncle? Why do you insist on putting more stress on him? He has gotten a bit worst than before since the last sect conference at Koi tower".
Wei Wuxian looked at him, frowning a bit too. What did he mean by putting more stress on him? He thought thing had been doing alright, was he mistaken? "I am not playing any game" he answered, "I was simply trying to talk to him" he added, not wanting to explain what he was really trying to do.
Was his attempt at getting close to him making Jiang Cheng tense? Or maybe was he misunderstood and Jiang Cheng believe he was doing it because he wanted to be added back into the Yunmeng Jiang sect? Sure, it would be nice if he could, but he wasn't expecting that, knowing he had no right to it after all he had brought on them.
"-And since the last time you talked with him it was worst, don't make it harder when he has problems to take care of". This brought him back to the conversation had hand, frowning. "What problems?" he asked, Jiang Cheng having said nothing was amiss when they spoke the last time.
"I heard brother say something about a growing sect in Yunmeng region causing problems to the Yunmeng Jiang sect" cleared Lan Wangji before Jin Ling could add anything first, turning back to his partner, "They are seemingly bringing back old stories and trying to take its place as one of the four great clans".
Wei Wuxian looked up at the tall man, this time looking angry at the news. They were trying to do what now? How would someone dare to try taking the Yunmeng Jiang place? If they wanted to become one of the great sects they had to work for it, not steal someone else place by bringing back old stories, especially knowing some might be about him.
"You... didn't know" finally said Jin Ling. "Of course not! I wouldn't have bothered him by asking how things were doing otherwise, I am not trying to make him anxious" replied Wei Wuxian, "But last time he said everything was doing good...".
Of course, he would, how could he show thing weren't doing as good as he would like? How could he show Wei Wuxian some weakness and that he wasn't always doing as great as he showed to be? Why would he try talking about it with Wei Wuxian who had nothing to do with the clan anymore?
Seeing how Wei Wuxian had not done any of this on purpose, and seeing how it was not pleasing him either, Jin Ling decided to leave it at that. "Just don't put any more stress on him then," he warned him before joining back the other juniors.
After this encounter with the young sect leader, Wei Wuxian started thinking more. He thought about how many things seemed unsaid from Jiang Cheng sides, how he sometimes had this look in his eyes where he clearly wanted to say something, but would not. Maybe these were the causes of his stress? Maybe there were misunderstandings from back then causing him to not be able to see how he simply wanted to reconcile? That he wasn't going to ruin everything this time. That he wasn't going to use Jiang Cheng to get back into Lotus Pier.
This is why the next time they met on a night hunt he decided to see for himself. Jiang Cheng was accompanying some Yunmeng disciple, while he was following Lan Wangji doing the same with some Lan disciple. When all the juniors were gone on their night hunt, he asks Lan Wangji in a whisper if he could leave them alone. He received a 'hm' with a slight warning look to not go too far, leaving the two-man alone.
He saw how Jiang Cheng was ready to walk away once he was gone, Wei Wuxian quickly stopping him. "What do you want?" he was asked, the man clearly not in a great mood at the moment. Maybe the demonic cultivator should have hesitated seeing this, but he decided it was probably even better, maybe his anger would make him more honest.
"I want you to be honest with me for once" he stated clearly, not wanting for it to be misunderstood this time. This made the sect leader frown, clearly not getting what he was trying to do. "And I should do it because?" he asked with a scoff, clearly not ready to do any of what he was telling him to. "Because I want to try again despite the cut bridge and see what I did wrong" stated Wei Wuxian.
The man scoffed again, clearly feeling like the man had done many things wrong, looking to the side to wave the handful of disciples left away. "You want to know what you did wrong? Hope you have the whole night then" he said with an angry smile, looking back at him while Wei Wuxian nodded.
"Why not starting with these broken bridge than you decided to break? First when you decided to help the Wen instead of listening to me" he said sharply, "And then when you left Guanyin Temple, I never had any say in it when you decided to cut me off, why should I want to build back bridge you decided to destroy yourself?".
Wei Wuxian stood in silence, listening. He had not really realised that the first time that Jiang Cheng felt like he had no choice, despite the man doing it for the sect sake. "But sure, let see all the time you did everything wrong" he heard, taking him out of his thoughts.
Then it was like a dam had been broken to pieces, Jiang cheng finally letting out years and years of frustration and even resentments. At first, he seemed hesitant, as if waiting for Wei Wuxian to argue back and blame anything back on him or someone else, but seeing him stand there and just listen lead him to go fully in.
Some of these things were going far back in the days, others not quite Wei Wuxian fault but that he had still felt like it was his fault, things that had seemingly been taken care of. His voice wavered when he touched back the fall of Lotus Pier, when he went back over Jiang Yanli death, both crying as they decided not to acknowledge the tears.
All the frustration he had over the years, how Wei Wuxian had always been so carefree, how he had always taken all of his father attention and praises, how he had done his best all these years yet could seemingly never surpass him. How the man would never listen, even when it would have been better, how he had always brought problem around with him, how he wished he could just have listened for once when everything had started to crumble down.
How he had managed to make him nearly go mad all these 13 years despite not even being there. The remaining of Wei Wuxian reputation making it hard for him to build back the Yunmeng Sect without people always doubting him. Making it so he had to work harder not to lose the little he was able to get, also nervous that Wei Wuxian would somehow come back to ruin it all.
Neither of them could tell for how long Jiang Cheng had been going on like this, both surprised that no one came to disturb them. When he was finally done he was breathing heavily from all his talking and yelling by time, voice broken from the said yelling and crying.
So this is how the man had been feeling all these years? So many of these things had been unknown to him. Had Jiang Cheng really felt like he wasn't as worthy? That he wasn't great? How could he have missed how deep this had been and not what he thought it was.
With a shaky breath, he closed his eyes, still trying to digest all that he had been told right now, some of it hurting more than others. Some of these were a lot to take in and he wasn't sure what to do with them. Yet, he didn't regret doing it, he could already see in the man face what good it seem to have done, to finally let out all of these repressed thoughts and feeling.
He wanted to apologise, yet he felt like the man would have none of it, maybe thinking he was doing it out of feeling like he had to. But after hearing all this, he had really not realised just how much he had affected Jiang Cheng over the years, either directly or indirectly. He had always seen Jiang Cheng like a brother, he had always loved him and never once hated him. He had never wanted to cause him so much pain, yet he clearly had, maybe even ruining major parts of his life.
"I am sorry," he said sincerely, looking back up at Jiang Cheng. The man frowned a bit, still looking surprised at how sincere he sounded. "About what?" the sect leader asked, "Everything" he received. "And what tells you I will accept your apologie after all you have done?" asked the man with a raised brow, looking tense.
"I am not expecting you to accept it or forgive me" Wei Wuxian admitted with a small smile, "I don't think many would, after all, I clearly caused you a lot of pain" he pointed out.
Jiang Cheng still looked at him with a strange expression, only for the moment to be broken when a couple of disciples came back, making both men straighten their stance, trying to look as if nothing had happened. All the young Yunmeng juniors looked confused as to why their sect leader eyes seemed red and puffy, or why his voice was hoarse, but none of them dared to ask, not when one look at Wei Wuxian was enough to tell something had been going on. They simply supposed that neither of them being injured was enough.
Lan Wangji was not far behind with his own disciples, joining him. He gently took his hand, startling the demonic cultivator out of his thoughts. Wei Wuxian flashed him a small smile, trying to reassure him, letting go of his hand so he could cup his hand at Jiang Cheng. With a lasts small talk they parted way, going back to their respective sect.
The next time they met at a clan meeting, things were a bit awkward and tense at first. Jiang Cheng seemed like he was waiting for Wei Wuxian to bring back all that he had said, even thinking he might have been too harsh in some of his statements.
Yet he never did, instead, looking like he was actually trying to work on some of the things the man had told him. Sure he was still Wei Wuxian and had to cause some sort of small trouble, but there was still a change in the way he was doing it and the way he was acting with him, speaking in a clearer way as to not have Jiang Cheng worry about double meanings and misunderstand him again.
From there Wei Wuxian worked really hard on bettering some of the things that had been pointed, or sometimes yelled, out to him that night. He couldn't fully change who he was, and sometimes it was annoyingly hard to resist, but seeing Jiang Cheng slowly warm up to him through the couple of meetings they had in the passing months was enough to keep him going. It was working and he wasn't ready to give up, even encouraged and cheered by Lan Wangji in his own way, seeing how pleased his partner was at succeeding in his attempt at getting somewhat close to Jiang Cheng again.
The first time Jiang Cheng was the one to approach him was when they were both at a sect meeting in Koi Tower, celebrating something Wei Wuxian wasn't sure was about but had still followed Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen. Yet he wasn't exactly in the mood for celebration, suddenly yearning for a home he didn't have any right to go back to sticking with him. He would get these from time to time, easily chasing them away with all of Lan Wangji love, showing him he had a new home to go to. But it didn't change how he would love to go back to Lotus Pier.
But to what exactly?
No one was left and things had changed a lot. The only person left from that time probably not wanting him anywhere near Lotus Pier, it was probably still impressive he had let him set feet in it three and a half years ago. It was probably because he didn't really have much choice to let him in? He wasn't sure about it, but he was sure about the fact that Jiang Cheng didn't want him anywhere Lotus Pier. Even the handful of time where Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji went for sect reason, he declined the invitation, knowing he wouldn't be welcomed there. Not after everything.
He had been drinking outside, sitting on one of the railings, looking up at the dark sky full of shining dots, thinking about old times. This is when Jiang Cheng appeared next to him, making him startle a bit, unsure when he got there exactly. "You shouldn't drink alone while sitting on the railing" he pointed out. "Good thing I have my shidi to keep an eye on me," he said teasingly without thinking, the alcohol making him feel warm and a bit hard to think to the full capacity his brain would normally do.
He tried putting on his usual smile, thinking he could fool the man into thinking everything was alright. Maybe he was the fool for believing Jiang Cheng wouldn't notice, probably still remembering how he could be. "What were you thinking about for looking so down?".
"Home" he replied while looking back to the sky, before letting a sad chuckle escape his lips, "Or well I suppose I don't have the right to call it home anymore" he corrected. He saw from the corner of his eyes the man turning towards him, yet he didn't dare to look back, not wanting to see what exactly would be in his eyes.
"Don't you have a new home now?" asked Jiang Cheng after a moment of silence, Wei Wuxian humming as he took another swing from the bottle of wine he may or may not have stolen from on of the maid. "Yes, still surprised such a great home accepted to let me in, maybe I shouldn't think about another one I don't deserve either".
Wei Wuxian frowned a bit, closing his eyes. No, he wasn't here to make Jiang Cheng feel guilty because of his drunken vagueness. "Don't worry Jiang cheng" he smiled when turning back to him, "I'll get better in a couple of hours, no need to take my words to heart, you should go back and not worry about my drunken words" he explained.
Yet the sect leader didn't seem really convinced by his words, simply leaning against the railing, "I just needed some fresh air" he stated. Wei Wuxian hummed again, not really believing him, he could have taken some fresh air somewhere that was a little less away from everyone else.
Then a silence fell between them, not as uncomfortable as the one they had before, yet not quite fully comfortable. He kept drinking as he watched the horizon, his finger gently drumming against the wine bottle.
"Jiang Cheng," he said softly after a while, hearing the man reply with a simple 'mh' to show he was listening. "Do I... have the right to visit Lotus Pier again one day? I would like to..." he asked, nearly sounding hesitant. Was it too much to ask? Did he even have the right to ask if he could go back to Lotus Pier? After all he did, was it really alright for him to ask if he could burn some incense and pray for to past sect leader, his wife and Jiang Yanli?
A small chuckle escaped him again, maybe he shouldn't after all, last time went rather badly. "Forget about it, I don't want to cause you trouble ag-"
"I will think about it" Jiang Cheng cut, not looking back at him. This was enough to shut him up, looking back at the sect leader with wide and surprised eyes. What had he just said? Did it mean there was a chance he could go back? Did it mean Jiang Cheng was ready to let him get a bit closer to him?
He knew and had already accepted the fact he might not have the right to stand by Jiang Cheng side anymore, the idea of becoming the Twin Prides of Yunmeng now a faraway dream of the past. But it wouldn't stop him from dreaming of it at night by time, wondering how it would have been if things had played differently. If he couldn't be by Jiang Cheng side anymore, he still wanted to be around, even just a little bit. He might not be family anymore, but he wished he could still be in a circle closer to him, that he could rely on him if needed.
This made him smile, not adding anything, simply looking back at the stars again.
They would never go back to what it was before, but he was satisfied with how things were doing now, only hoping for it to get even better in the future if he could manage to. He wasn't going to delusion himself in the idea that Jiang Cheng was going to forgive him for everything or accept him back. But not having Jiang Cheng actively avoiding him was already more than he had expected and hope for.
Broken bridges were hard to repair, but he would still keep on trying because the result would be worth it.