Zootopia Wilde Tales: Nick's Lazy Sunday
See what you've done to me Disney, I am now writing drivel like this to fill in the time while waiting for a Zootopia sequel. Oh well, Nick spends a lazy Sunday morning in Judy's apartment.
Written for the reader's enjoyment without any profitable purposes. Nick and Judy, along with Zootopia, are the property of Disney. My apologies to anyone which this satirical story might offend, including any and all Disney stars and any of the actors mentioned within.
Disney World, Florida
The gray rabbit in the pink and blue checkered blouse and denim blue jeans was staring at her cell phone, reading a news article. While she read, her nose twitched as if she was concerned over something. "Whatcha reading, Carrots?" Nick asked. The reddish-orange furred fox was bare-chested and only wore a pair of gray cotton shorts. He gave out a toothy yawn before he sprawled out on a nearby chair.
"I'm reading about what the FBI found during their raid on Mar-a…" Judy began.
"Ahhh! Nope! I don't want to hear about it. You know my rule about no politics on Sundays," the fox quickly called out while he waved his paw in a dismissive manner.
"But this is big news!" the rabbit protested.
"Still no politics, it pisses everyone off," Nick replied with a shake of his head.
"What do you mean by everyone?"
"Old Goat and his readers…all six of them, they don't like current politics in their stories."
"Wait? Who's this old goat?"
"I've been hanging around Deadpool too much and it seems I have broken the Fourth Wall?" Nick mused while he glanced at you, the reader. Finally, after rolling his eyes, he turned his attention back toward the rabbit on the sofa. "Let's talk about something else."
"Well, here is an article about a big snake hunt that has begun in the Everglades. They are offering a prize for the largest python killed, the rabbit answered while she scrolled on the story. They say that invasive Burmese pythons have been devastating the Everglade Swamp's native animal population, including alligators!"
"Yeah, I heard that Rocket Raccoon is all excited about the bounty. He went with Gaston and Clayton to join the hunt."
"Clayton, isn't he the villain from Tarzan?"
"He is a renowned hunter, although he tends to blast everything in sight."
"Didn't Gaston and Clayton die in their movies?"
"Phhffft, ever since Disney bought Marvel, the comic book rules for death apply," Nick answered with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Comic book rules?" Judy asked. Her nose was twitching again, a sign that she was confused. "What are comic book rules?"
"It's simple, anyone who dies returns to life later on. They do it all the time in the comics."
"I think that Rocket should be careful, don't those snakes eat raccoons? I'm pretty sure that the comic book rule might not apply if he got swallowed by a python."
"That coon can take care of himself. Do you remember the sinkhole in Marion County back in February?"
"The one that closed parts of State Road 35, what about it?"
"It wasn't a sinkhole."
"Of course, it was a sinkhole. Nick, I saw pictures of the thing on television."
"Nope, it was really a miniature black hole created by Rocket playing around with another of his inventions. He accidentally dropped it out of a window when the car Quill was driving hit a bump. Boom! A miniature black hole appeared in the road," Nick answered while waving his paws in a dramatic manner to mimic an explosion.
"Come on, how did they fix it? You just can't fill a black hole with dirt and blacktop."
"Magic!"
"Magic?"
"Yep, why do you think they keep the Genie from Aladdin around? Don't you remember that terrible live remake of Aladdin they did a few years ago?"
"The live version of Aladdin wasn't that terrible!"
"Okay, we can just agree it was only half bad," Nick let out a sigh before he leaned back and began tossing one of the chair's decorative pillows into the air. "Speaking of movies, Finnick and I have come up with a brilliant idea to pitch to the big guy."
"You have an idea to talk to Mister Big about?" Judy asked.
"No, THE BIG GUY," the fox chuckled before catching the pillow and tucking it under his head. "Mickey Mouse."
"Okay, what is this big idea of yours? Please don't tell me you are planning to pull a hustle on the main mouse?"
"We can use the Zootopia stars to remake some of the most famous movies in history. Think about it, Fluff, I could star in a remake of Easy Rider. Couldn't you just see me playing the part which Peter Fonda did, I could wear a cool black leather jacket and ride a tripped-out chopper…"
"No! Definitely, NO!"
"Why not?"
"Fluffy fox tails and motorcycle wheels don't mix, you'd get that tail stuck in a spoke and we would have to start calling you stubby."
"Then how about remaking Robocop, but with me in the lead role? It could be called Robofox!" the fox dramatically said while excitingly waving his paw in the air as if he was using a gun to shoot the bad guys. "Bang…boom...bang!"
"Absolutely not!" Judy scoffed, but then she hesitated for a few moments before grinning and adding. "Unless I get to play the robot, it could be called Robobunny."
"That isn't going to happen, you're too cute to be a killer robot," the fox snickered and then ducked to dodge another small pillow that the rabbit hurdled at him.
"How many times have I told you not to call us rabbits cute?" she protested.
"Sorry!" he lied while he gave her one of his trademarked smirks.
Judy settled back on the sofa and continued to peer at her phone. Finally, she asked, "So how is Finnick, have they found him a new voice to replace Tiny's?"
"Not yet. He is trying out Liam Neeson's for a day or two. You remember how he'd used to say 'I'll bite your face off' when I teased him?"
"Sure, he did that in the movie."
"Today, he just looked at me and stated, 'Wilde, what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.' It was creepy!"
"That does sound rather creepy!"
"Yeah, it was. It definitely was!"
"Say, it's about lunchtime. What do you want to eat?" Judy asked after she set her phone down on a nearby table.
"Carrots," Nick quickly stated.
"I think that I am out of carrots, I may have a few beets and some celery?"
"That's not what I meant," Nick replied in a sing-song tone after he stood up and stretched.
"Huh?" Judy asked in confusion, her ears shot up. She couldn't help but admire his lean foxy physique.
"I said I want Carrots!" Nick playfully growled before he pounced upon her and began covering her face with kisses.
"Niccccckkkk!" her halfhearted protest was silenced when they passionately kissed.