Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece Oda Eiichiro does. I don't own the character of Victor Von Doom he belongs to Marvel. I don't even own this brain that I'm using to write really, it was all wrinkled when I got it, I've been wondering "Who wrinkled me this brain?" my whole life.

I stood still, pointing my finger at the sky for a few minutes then I put my arm down, took a deep breath and let out some choice curses all in one breath."I thought it was being too reasonable for a ROB, fucking hell." I said, talking to myself. Talking to myself is one of those coping mechanisms I had developed over the years since I rarely had people I could talk to about my "hobbies". I can just imagine how those conversations would go.

'Yeah, I've really committed to being a vegan, what about you? Do you think meat is murder?' and I would reply 'Nope, I believe murder is murder. Like, last week when I cornered the regional drug distributor working for the mafia family I'm hunting down and filled him and his dinner mates with so much hot lead they would have died of heavy metal poisoning if the repeated gunshot trauma didn't do them in.' So yeah I talk to myself, a lot.

Once I was done venting I took a look at my surroundings. I was standing on a very tall grassy hill with a forest to my left and a sheer cliff to my right and beyond that I could see distant grasslands past the cliff and the open sea beyond, I could even make out a decent sized village in the distance right at the edge of the grasslands with houses spreading out from the port.

I then took a look around in my immediate vicinity and saw that I was standing next to an unmarked grave. With nothing but an odd insignia on it that looked somewhat like two angular 'S' shapes with right one mirrored and a triangle sitting in between them right where the lower curve back begins. "That's not creepy at all." I remarked to myself. Though admittedly that insignia did look vaguely familiar but I had other things to worry about.

Then I noticed the massive silver tray sitting next to the headstone which had a massive pitcher of ice water, a knife, a fork, and sitting on an expensive looking white china plate a wrong looking fruit which might have been some demented mind's fever dream version of a peach. I cannot stress enough how wrong the damn thing looked, the manga and anime really undersold the creepy look of devil fruits. This thing was an eerie purple that almost looked like it was wafting off of it if you squinted hard enough and those swirls weren't nearly as neat as they were drawn in the anime or in the manga. They were uneven in everything be it size, depth or angle. It was making me dizzy just looking at those swirls too closely, so I looked away and noted the card sitting next to the tray.

I walked over and picked it up. It read "Bon appetit. P.S. You have a year before destiny comes knocking."

I pocketed the card and miserably whispered. "Yeah, screw you too asshole."

I sighed and sat down on the ground in front of the silver tray with the devil fruit and as I reached out to the fruit I immediately flashed back to drowning in my own blood, with each breath coming harder and harder, the metallic taste in my mouth, the sheer panic as I tried harder and harder to breathe, trying to distract myself with whatever popped up in my head and finally darkness.

I immediately got up and walked away from the damn fruit breathing heavily. "Fuck, I really really don't wanna drown again." I decided to look around some more and left the damn thing sitting right where it was. I noticed a path that wound parallel to the cliff and ended on an outcropping cliff on top of which sat a gothic looking mansion whose back wall looked like it was just an inch or so away from the sheer cliff's edge. I looked at the mansion and pondered to myself 'Maybe it just seems like an inch away from this far away, the distance is probably much farther in reality' I idly stared at the mansion for a while, trying hard not to think about anything.

Finally, I resolved myself. "I am so fucking learning Geppo first, not even gonna go near a bucket until I have Geppo down pat." I turned and around and went back to the damn fruit still sitting there, promising a watery grave. "Well, I'll show you, you damn fruit." I sat down in front of the tray again and picked up the knife and fork and chopped the damn thing up into 4 pieces and separated the creepy looking pit out to the side.

I grabbed the pitcher of ice water in my left hand and gathered up the 4 pieces of the peach from hell in my right hand and before I could change my mind opened my mouth as far as I could and stuffed the all 4 pieces inside. I honestly cannot describe how incredibly, awfully, horrifically, hellishly disgusting that thing tasted in the few seconds it was in my mouth before I gulped the water from the pitcher and swallowed the pieces whole without even bothering to chew them.

"Fuck, how the fuck did that monkey brained asshole eat one of these things by mistake ?! there aren't enough adjectives in the world to describe how awful that tasted. I wouldn't have inflicted that on any of the 300 or so people I killed that's how awful that thing was!" I screamed out between the choking and gagging coughs.

Then I heard a ding go off in my jacket pocket and I noticed for the first time that I'm wearing the same thing I was wearing when I died. A black t-shirt, black jeans, a kevlar vest that had pockets for armor plates which were now empty and a black jacket lined with kevlar as well. Yeah, not exactly the height of fashion but I was going out on a murder spree not a Milan fashion show.

'Not that any of that kevlar helped me against the near point blank shot from 4-gauge shotgun to the chest. Which was fucking bullshit anyway, that damn thing was an antique and had no business getting off that shot anyway. I guess mafia bosses like to keep their antique guns maintained even if they are just for show in case a wandering mass murderer like me happens to drop by." I morosely thought to myself as I pulled the card from earlier out of my jacket pocket.

The text on the card had changed. Now it read "The Alter-Alter Fruit" and as soon as I was done reading the last word the card turned to dust in my hands which blew away over the cliff.

"That's helpful." I idly commented as I watched the dust scatter away. "Could have been a bit more descriptive but whatever, I'll take it. Now, let's see what this fruit does." But, before I could start experimenting with my devil fruit powers I was hit by the flashback of my backstory in this whacky world that ROB had promised me.

Once I was done assimilating the so-called "flashback" because it wasn't just images no, it also "downloaded" for lack of a better word all the relevant information regarding my background.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ROB ?! COME UP WITH SOMETHING ORIGINAL FOR ONCE!" I shouted impotently out to the sky. Then, I took a breath and slowly got myself under control, or tried to.

"Fuck, that backstory alone is enough to get me killed a thousand times over. YOU SICCED THAT MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BITCH AKAINU ON ME." I yelled angrily to vent my frustration.

See what ROB had done was modified my actual backstory to fit in to this world and since my grandfather was part of the navy in my world he was also in the navy in this world, except in this world instead of retiring at the rank of Captain, my "grandfather" was an ADMIRAL! Not only that, he was an admiral that had been retired at sword point because he had tried to kill Akainu and Aokiji for their part in the Ohara incident in the middle of fucking Marineford. He actually did kill 6 other vice admirals that tried to stop him before Sengoku, Garp and a lot of other vice admirals stepped in and managed to stop him and even then he damn near succeeded.

In this version of the One Piece world the now admirals and then vice admirals are sporting some rather interesting scars courtesy of my grandfather. Akainu had a scar starting under his left ear and continued a little past the middle of the front of his neck considering that my grandfather damn near beheaded him and Aokiji is sporting a rather big scar on the lower right side of his chest just above his kidney and matching one on his back where my grandfather skewered him with a broadsword.

The only reason they were alive is because of Garp and Sengoku getting in my grandfather's way and even then Garp realized that if they fought him in Marineford a lot more than just 6 vice admirals would end up dead so he offered my grandfather a compromise, my grandfather would retire and Garp would ensure that he would get me who was only 2 years old at the time, his sole surviving relative and him to a hiding place only Garp would know about and we could live out our lives in peace. The only reason my grandfather accepted is because even if he managed to kill Akainu and Aokiji which was seeming increasingly unlikely since they were both logias and Haki using vice admirals were surrounding him at the time already not to forget Garp and Sengoku. The navy would still hunt me down and kill me for revenge and end his family line forever since my parents in this world were dead by then too.

'Why did my grandfather go so far for the Ohara incident? You might ask.' I turned around to look at the headstone on the grave and the strange insignia on it that I had noticed earlier now I knew where I had seen that insignia before, it was the flag for a fictional nation that I am absolutely certain didn't originally exist in One Piece world because it would have led to massive copyright infringement lawsuits. Because that was the insignia for the nation of Latveria.

Yeah that Latveria, because ROB did in fact pick a new name for me and he changed my grandfather's last name too and what a fucking name he picked. 'I here and now solemnly swear to myself that I will never start talking in third person and if I do, I blame ROB.'

Because the name he had picked for me was none other than VICTOR VON DOOM. Grandson of Alexander von Doom the former and last ruler of the island nation of Latveria and the most infamous traitor to the marines in recorded history.