Author's note – Someone posed the question a while back about what the conversation in Oliver's car must have been to convince Shane, Rita and Norman to return to the DLO at the end of For Christmas. It got me thinking and ultimately writing this little FanFic.
This is my first story for SSD and I want to thank my dear friend and soul sister Felicia Ferguson who graciously offered to read and edit it. She provided me with some incredible insights. I am also working on a request from ninergrl6 who asked me to write the love story of Joey and Caitlyn in From Paris With Love.
I own none of these characters. They belong to the brilliant Martha Williamson. I've used some of the content of For Christmas in this story and I have incorporated some of the edits provided by Felicia Ferguson.
I hope you enjoy reading it!
"Merry Christmas Oliver." Stealing a final glance to him Shane stepped into the passenger seat of Oliver's Jag carefully holding her halo not wanting to break the fragile prop. It would forever be a reminder of the day her Christmas spirit began its restoration.
The three Postables were quiet as Rita slowly pulled Oliver's car away from the curb. Shane raised her gloved fingers doing her best to rub the frost from the window just in time to see Oliver, standing alone, his hand stretched out in a half-hearted wave as his colleagues drove away. Had the window been clearer she might have seen Oliver's misty, red-rimmed eyes. Shane felt a pit in her stomach as she watched him tug his coat tighter around him in an attempt to keep the cold at bay while snowflakes softly floated down around him. The pit grew deeper the farther they got from Denver Mercy and the closer they got to Denver International Airport.
Shane wondered if Norman and Rita were as tired as she was following the events of the past two days. The only thing breaking through the quiet inside the Jag was the familiar sounds of Christmas carols playing at a low volume on the radio. Shane leaned her head against the frosty wetness of the window and thought back to the events of the last two days. The much-anticipated Postal Ball exceeded Shane's expectations and the team seemed to enjoy the festivities, at least as much as they got to experience. Heads turned as she and Rita walked into the ballroom, Shane in vivid red and Rita in a figure-hugging black dress fitting for Miss Special Delivery. Jordan stood just inside the ballroom and before Shane had the chance to look around, and, if she was honest, find Oliver, she found herself walking to the center of the dance floor with the man brought in to troubleshoot the Dear Santa project. Dancing with Jordan was enjoyable and she did her best to teach him some of the steps she'd learned during her lessons with Oliver. Jordan was attractive and easy to talk to but, as she soon realized, he was no dancer. Shane was taken by surprise at Oliver's sudden appearance tapping Jordan's shoulder and asking to cut in. Shane chuckled to herself at the memory. She didn't realize men still did that but then, Oliver was of another time.
In spite of the cold, Shane felt her cheeks grow warm at the memory of their dance together. The intensity was reminiscent of an evening months earlier when Oliver left her standing alone in the DLO, breathless, after a particularly fervent practice session for the dance show-case they never realized. During their postal ball dance, Shane couldn't quite put her finger on it but she thought Oliver's behavior bordered on jealousy as he tersely informed her of the many reasons why teaching Jordan the steps she had learned as his temporary dance partner was tantamount to thievery. Shane had giggled as she defended her actions until Oliver abruptly spun her around so she was firmly wrapped in his arms. Shane's smile disappeared as her eyes met his, the smile gone from her face. It was the closest they'd ever been to each other. In previous dances Oliver kept a gentlemanly distance between them but not tonight. Her breath caught and she tightened her hold on him as he ordered her to dip. Oliver held her longer than she expected, and she couldn't resist kicking her leg high in the air. Dancers around them stopped their own swaying to watch the non-couple couple move effortlessly across the dance floor.
Shane sighed heavily at the memory. Her heart constricted knowing that what she felt during their dance was likely one-sided especially given Oliver's marital status. She was pulled back to the present by Rita striking up a conversation for her plans at the spa. Shane wasn't really in the mood to talk but didn't want to hurt Rita's feelings so she told her about the package of services she'd bought to pamper herself in the warmth of Arizona. What she really wanted to do was return to the replay of the dance with Oliver that occupied her thoughts. Shane's restrained response must have been enough for Rita to get the hint that she didn't want a conversation. The car fell quiet again as all three seemed to be lost in their own thoughts.
During dinner a hand to her neck brought alarm as Shane realized her signature necklace, the one that had hung around her neck every day since she'd received it from her parents, was gone. Her alarm escalated quickly as she feared the necklace, her only keepsake of her family and their happier times, might be gone forever. As Jordan passed by, he saw Oliver, Shane and Norman scouring the area and offered to help look. Oliver readily described the necklace to him in detail as Shane looked to Oliver in astonishment at his quick recollection of her necklace. Maybe Oliver did pay closer attention to her than he let on. Thankfully Jordan found it and returned it to its proper place around her neck. The rest of dinner was spent listening to Oliver and Jordan spar over word origins and definitions. They truly were "two word nerds sitting together at the postal ball." Shane couldn't help but smile remembering them trying to one up each other.
Being pulled away from the festivities to handle one more child's letter left Shane irritated to say the least. She'd spent far beyond her budget on the new red gown and the extravagance of the salon and they only spent an hour at the ball. Oliver reading the words of another little girl's letter to God that were so like her own rocked her to her core. Hannah's plea to God stirred up emotions Shane thought she could escape this Christmas with a trip somewhere warm. Hannah wanted her mom to get better, and she got her happy ending. Shane wanted her family to be happy again, but she never got her happy ending. Her father never came home.
Shane shifted in her seat in an attempt at keeping her face hidden from Rita as an unexpected tear slid down her cheek. The memory of the exchange between her and Oliver in the hospital lobby left her feeling unsettled. Shane was surprised that Oliver hadn't delivered his last letter. After all, Oliver could deliver a letter to anybody, anywhere. Oliver's question of what happens to the spirit of a child struck a nerve in her and, as much as she wanted to, she couldn't stop herself from revealing her own experience. She didn't have to tell him she was talking about herself. Oliver was perceptive enough to know what she wasn't telling him. His question about where she grew up confused her until he handed her the letter. Hesitantly she pulled out the envelope with the familiar handwriting simply addressed "To God." The letter was written on a piece of school notebook paper that still held the faint smell of waxy crayon. She looked at Oliver puzzled. Her stomach churned as she unfolded the paper. The first thing she saw was the signature…Love, Crackers.
She held her tears as she read the letter Oliver handed her. In a flash she was the 10-year-old girl laying by the Christmas tree writing her own letter to God. She couldn't bring herself to read the last line so Oliver finished it for her… "I just want to have a happy family again. Love, Crackers." Forcefully thrusting the letter back to Oliver, she turned and ran up the stairs desperate to flee not just Oliver, but her inner turmoil as well. She couldn't fathom how, after all these years, her letter had landed in Oliver's hands. She thought it was a joke so when Oliver called it a miracle, she couldn't hold back her anger any longer. She openly doubted God directly to Oliver yet he never wavered. As she turned her back to him and started walking away, she heard "Shane!"
Remembering the intensity of his voice as he called her made her shudder but it was the next words he spoke, in the way only Oliver O'Toole could, that made her stop and listen.
"We have all lost something or someone we love in this world and someone else's happy Christmas can make it hurt all over again." Shane could still hear his impassioned plea in her head. His descriptions of Rita as her sweet sister and Norman as a little brother brought a smile to her face as she pictured Rita's owls and her horrible cookies and the image of Norman walking across hot coals. But it was Oliver's description of himself that moved her the most. "This odd fellow who loves words and books and things from the past and has spent his life trying to find a future with someone in it to share it with. I haven't been very successful at that" brought Shane to the brink of tears. He spoke of the perfect love that cast out all the pain and replaces it with hope. Shane had never known perfect love…just broken love. She didn't trust her voice so she did the only thing she could to let Oliver know what his words meant to her. Holding his face in her hands she met his eyes with her own. Without hesitation, she reached up and kissed his cheek closing her eyes as she took in the scent of his cologne and the smoothness of his skin. She wrapped her arms around him and felt an indescribable peace pass over her. As Oliver reciprocated her embrace, she felt his arms go around her trying to move past the wings she wore.
Shane, still lost in her thoughts, stared out the window noticing the sign for Pena Boulevard and the airport. Oliver's words "we have all lost something or someone that we love in this world" were ringing in her ears. Yes, Shane had lost people she loved, but as Oliver had convinced her, God had answered her prayer with her DLO family. Oliver had lost someone he loved, his wife, Holly. Shane had many thoughts about Oliver's wandering wife and while she hoped that eventually Holly would release Oliver from the limbo he was in, tonight her heart ached for Oliver who was left to celebrate Christmas alone. She thought of him standing there looking a little forlorn as the three of them drove away. He'd put on a brave face, but Shane knew him and knew he was doing whatever he could to cover up his own emotions.
Oliver was always there for each of them as a supportive, caring person who wasn't just their boss but a mentor as well. Even in those times when he was facing his own struggles, he was there to lift each of them up. Shane's overwhelming desire to be the one to take care of Oliver caused her agitation as her heart and her brain played an internal tug of war. She wanted to stay because, as much as she knew she shouldn't, she loved Oliver and not just the way families love each other. She had known for some time that her heart belonged to him. She chastised herself knowing that her feelings weren't appropriate. He was still married and the more time she spent with him the harder it would be when and if his wife came back.
Shane did what she always did when those thoughts crossed her mind. She convinced herself that even if Oliver could never love her as she did him, he was still her friend, a very dear friend. And all she knew now was that her dear friend was alone this Christmas with no one to celebrate along-side him. Without a second thought Shane exploded "Rita, I'm so sorry but I need you to take me back to the DLO."
The Jag swerved and Rita tossed a startled looked toward Shane. Rita must have thought she'd drifted off to sleep. Shane flashed her an apologetic smile. "Oh, okay, did you forget something?"
Shane looked down at the floor. Barely above a whisper, she admitted, "I just don't feel right leaving Oliver by himself."
Shane couldn't see Rita's face but she could hear her heavy sigh. "Oh, I'm so glad you said something. I was feeling terrible about leaving him too. He always does so much for us, I hate for him to be alone, especially at Christmas."
"Won't your parents be upset that you're not home with them?" Shane now felt guilty that her change of heart was affecting Rita as well.
With a shrug of her shoulders, Rita said, "My folks will understand. I'll just go for New Year's."
Shane's smile grew hearing Rita was in agreement with her. She leaned into the back seat. "Norman, are you in?"
"In what?" came from the back seat.
"Norman, we're going back to the DLO to spend Christmas with Oliver. Are you in?"
"I'm in. Families spend Christmas together and we're family, right?" Norman's simple statement resonated with Shane. After all the Christmases in foster homes and never really feeling a part of them, Norman was going to spend this holiday with his chosen family.
"Yes Norman, we're family." Shane's heart felt so much peace as the words slipped easily from her lips.
The threesome walked through the quiet of the USPS Main Branch past bits and scraps of wrapping paper left over from the Dear Santa wrapping frenzy that had taken place the day before. As they reached the DLO, light peeked through the crack in the doors. They entered quietly and stopped momentarily, taking in the candles and Christmas lights that illuminated the room. A funny looking Christmas tree stood next to Oliver's desk, and he was focused on decorating it with an eclectic assortment of items. Was that Norman's cummerbund? He turned when he heard the squeak of the doors.
Seeing his three colleagues standing together across the room he stopped what he was doing. "Did you…miss the plane?"
"We missed you."
The smile from Oliver was all Shane needed to see to know they made the right choice.