I didn't sleep well that night. The guilt was eating away at me. Whenever I'd finally get to sleep, I'd wake up only to roll over and see that the clock would read some miniscule amount of time had passed. I was completely restless, which only partially explained my terrible mood this morning. The only thing I was grateful for was the fact that Neil had already left for the day.

"You look tired." Susan noted as I took a seat at the kitchen table, sliding the ashtray towards me. Susan sat down some fresh toast in the middle of the table.

"That's because I am, Susan." I was extra snippy with her this morning and I didn't necessarily mean to be. "I'm sorry….I just didn't get much sleep last night."

"Then you should eat, Billy." Susan harassed, "I mean more than a cigarette and a cup of coffee. You'll need something to keep you going."

At least Susan cared enough to notice when I didn't sleep, or when I'd go without eating anything. Susan at least tried to be a parent. Sometimes I wondered what it would have been like to have been raised with a mother, maybe someone like Susan around. I wonder how I would have turned out if someone had been around who actually gave a shit.

I wonder what I would have been like if my own mother was around, if she was like Susan and actually tried. Maybe she saw too much of my father in me to stick around.

I didn't argue or fight Susan, not today. Not ever really. I appreciated having her around. I grabbed a slice of toast and some sausage she had cooked before shrugging on my jacket and grabbing the keys. Max was already putting on her shoes.

I was too tired to push Max around this morning. I was too tired to speed around the winding roads. I was too tired for music. I just leaned my elbow against the window rest of my car and silently drove to school. I could sense Max relax about five minutes into the drive when she realized she wasn't going to get screamed at today.

I pulled in the lot and the first thing I noticed was the bike I had finished last night parked in the corner. Her bike. Of course she would ride it to school. I wonder if she was rubbing it in my face, how much of an asshole I'd been. Of course she wasn't, she had no need to do that.

I wasn't a part of her life like that. I didn't occupy her mind like she did mind. There was clearly something wrong with me.

"If you're thinking of getting one," Max's voice was right next to me. She was shrugging her backpack on to her shoulder. "Neil will kill you. You know that right?"

I scoffed, taking a drag of my cigarette. I didn't scream at her, in fact I was somewhat glad to have a civil conversation with her. There definitely was something wrong with me today, because a conversation with Max….felt nice. "Yeah, well, what's one more reason, right?"

She looked at me, her blue eyes careful. Max didn't trust it, me speaking to her calmly. I didn't blame her, it was very out of character and I wasn't sure I trusted it either. I turned away from her questioning stare, put my cigarette out and grabbed my stuff, walking to the doors without a goodbye.

Leah seemed to be a popular topic among the it crowd today. I hated it. Every time I tuned in to their conversations they had something to say about her. I found myself constantly annoyed.

The thing is, her actions yesterday made her a target. Now they know she exists. Now they know she has some sort of interest or attention on me. Now they have someone new to talk about, something different to laugh at. My actions didn't make it any better. I gave them a reason to laugh, they thought me dismissing her was a 'go ahead' or sorts; a green light to ridicule her as much as they pleased.

They didn't see that with every snide comment, or every snarky remark that they made surrounding her, there was an anger growing inside me. An anger that Cool Billy fought so hard to keep buried. I didn't get it. Leah was tough as nails, she didn't need to tolerate anyone even looking at her sideways, let alone teasing her out in the open. Hell, even if she couldn't handle it herself, all she would have to do is go home and say one word about it and none of these kids would live to see daylight tomorrow.

Yet even though I knew she could hear everything that was being said about her, she never even gave these people a second look. It was like she truly did not give two shits what anyone said or thought about her. I thought back to the other day, and the look on her face. The hurt in her eyes, then, must have really truly just been because of my reaction. Not because of anyone else laughing at her. Leah had been hurt…..because I hurt her.

"That red haired freak you're always toting around…." Jason's voice rang from across the table, he was snapping his fingers, either trying to think or trying to get my attention. Either way it was pissing me off.

"What?" I asked, my voice full of irritation.

"You know, that girl….the one who's always by your car…." Jason had a smart ass smirk on his face. "...the soulless ginger…." He trailed off with laughter and everyone else at the table joined in, clearly thinking that I would follow along. I didn't.

It took all the restraint I had to not pull him across the table and break his head in two. I don't know why it made me so angry. After all, I literally bitched about her every single day since we moved to this shithole. Maybe it was because it was the fact that they didn't even have the decency to remember her name. Or maybe because it made me angry that someone else had the nerve to say anything about her at all. "Max…. Her name is Max."

I had no idea how the conversation got here, but now they had my undivided attention. I was begging them, any of them, to give me a single reason to snap. My anger was at a boiling point and the lightest nudge in the wrong direction was going to set off a nuclear bomb.

Jason still had a trace of laughter on his face. I clearly found none of it funny, but he wasn't picking up on my clues. "I was saying….clearly you have a type….short, ugly, built like little boys." Everyone laughed, except for Harrington.

I knew if I didn't get out of there, I was going to end up expelled. Part of me wondered if Neil would take it easy on me, since it was somewhat for defending Max. I didn't know if that was something I wanted to risk. I stood up, attempting to get myself out of the situation, knocking my chair over with the force. Jason was startled and they stopped laughing instantly.

"That's his sister, dude." Steve whispered to the rest of them who sat there confused.

I whipped around, slamming my fists down on the table. The force echoed off the concrete walls and the busy room became silent. My voice was low and threatening. "She's. Not. My. Fucking. Sister." They all sat there, the looks on their faces were dumbfounded.

I turned around, kicking my turned over chair out of my path as I stormed out of the double doors to the courtyard, lighting a cigarette before I even made it outside, despite the protests of some teacher in the corner. After a few moments the doors opened and Harrington stood against the wall beside me. "Look, man….I didn't mean to…."

"I'm not playing tea party out here with you, Harrington…" I hissed bitterly exhaling a cloud of smoke in his face, the clouds lingering in his locks. "If you want to talk about your feelings, go chit chat with your girlfriend."

Steve rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in defense, "Fine, whatever…" he backed up through the doors and into the school just as the bell rang signaling lunch was over.

I sighed heavily. I've almost made it. I almost survived the entire day without killing someone. I'm almost there. I've got this. I just have to keep myself calm for another hour. I can do that, right? I can be Cool Billy for another hour.

Once the cafeteria was clear, I went back to the table to grab my book and pick up my chair that was still laying on the floor where it landed after my angry punt. Of course my 'friends' couldn't be courteous enough to put it back where it belonged.

It was there in the hallway to English that I saw her for the first time today. I noticed a fresh new tattoo on the back of her elbow first. A leather jacket was slung over that arm along with her books. Her baggy jeans only safe from dragging the floor because they were rolled up probably a dozen times. I always forgot how much I missed seeing her, until I saw her again. It never failed. My memory never did her justice.

It was there, just as she walked past the water fountain, that it happened. One of the boys who sat at the lunch table with us stuck his foot out, tripping her. When she didn't topple to the floor, he reached out, shoving her over. Leah fell flat on her ass, her books and papers spilling out all over the hallway. The other students erupted in laughter.

I'm not exactly sure how the events played out because I snapped so quickly. I was seeing red, and it was instant tunnel vision. My body was boiling with rage. That was all it took, there was no more 'make it to the end of the day'. In less than a second, I was there.

The boy was pinned against a locker on the opposite wall by his throat, his feet suspended off the floor. The kid's eyes were full of terror, and the entire hallway went silent. I watched as his face slowly went red and he was pulling at my hands. I didn't flinch.

"Hey, man, it was just a joke…." Someone next to me tried to pull my arm away, but I wasn't paying attention.

My voice to the kid was a low, threatening snarl. "If you ever….put your hands on her again…..I will rip your arms off." I slowly lowered him back onto his feet, releasing my grip on his neck, watching his face return to a normal color. "Is that clear?"

The kid could only nod. I was pretty sure he shit himself. I adjusted the collar on his shirt, gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. I could feel her looking at me, but I didn't turn around to meet her gaze. I didn't want to know how she'd react to seeing me like that. Leah had never seen me angry like that, and I had never wanted her to.

I skipped last period and simply waited in the parking lot for Max. I sat there chain smoking to fend off the adrenaline rush. I was pretty sure if there weren't fifty other students around, I might have killed someone today. The scary thing was, I enjoyed seeing him afraid. The fear in his eyes was almost a rush for me.

What if that made me like him….like Neil. Is that the same feeling he has when I'm on the other end? Am I just as much of a monster as he is?

The door opening jolted me, but it was just Max. For a moment after buckling in she sat there, looking at me. I knew she wanted to ask something, but even she was afraid of me. Today, that didn't make me feel very good.

When I realized we weren't going to have any conversation, I started the car and began to pull away. There in the corner, I spotted her mounted on the bike getting ready to pull off. I don't know why I was feeling bold, maybe it was because at this point I had nothing much left to lose. I managed to muster up the bravery to speak to her for the first time since the other day. "You should wear a helmet."

She looked at me for a moment. I was caught off guard by it, I was expecting her to ignore me completely. It was her signature glare, a look of pure hatred. "You should mind your own business, Cali."

To anyone else, this was a clear sign to move along; a 'fuck off' if there ever were one. To me, this meant we were on speaking terms again. To me, that's all that mattered.