Thunderclouds S21 E36 (Fletch and Jac)

It was the little flinches, the tongue that was as sharp as the scalpel she wields. There was something different there though, something just didnt feel right, maybe he was more attuned to her than he thought. Fletch kept his eye on her, looking for the little cracks in her persona and he saw then but as usual, he never gave him a chance to bring it up probably for obvious reasons.

They had been there before not so long ago and she no doubt didnt want to go there again.

Fletch accepted that, he had someone else who he could love now and who wasnt afraid to love him back. He liked that even if sometimes it felt like a distraction. A strike of lightning shot through the sky, she flinched again but he couldnt help but smile at the way it lit up her face and reflected off the whites of her eyes. Only if he could see the pain that was underneath it all.

He wondered what went on between them, the way she was around him, her sarcasm was there, her acid wit, but something was dulled down, her voice was tired or maybe even scared. A part of Fletch wanted to protect her but he knew she wouldnt be ready for that, she never really was and that was where the intrigue set in. He watched her closely, he saw her visibly shudder as the thunder rumbled and the rain lashed against the windows. He sensed her pain, even after all this time of being removed from it.

When he looked back at it he realised how unhealthy it was that they were doing that back and forth thing they did, share her pain between them or sometimes his and then she would shut it down trying to protect him. He liked to think that if she wasnt like that they would be happy and in love and she would show him those feelings and lay them on the table for him so they could navigate it together.

She looked sad. That was the only way to describe it, Joseph being back had more of an effect on her than he thought it would and he didnt quite understand the whole picture until it just clicked. It seemed to happen when Jac was involved in his life, he just seemed to understand the outside influences that made her the way she was. He didnt even hear her leave the ward at the end of her shift, no one had realised she had gone, she hadn't said any goodbyes not even to him and that was unusual. He sensed she wanted to create distance between herself and this place which was also unlike her, something just didnt sit right with him.

Fletch didnt know why he found himself at Jac's door the morning after that shift. The rain was still lashing down onto the waterproof coat he was wearing but he rang her doorbell, if he was honest he wasnt expecting an answer, he wondered if she knew it would be him checking up on her or if she just refused to open the door because she didnt want to see anyone.

Jac opened the door and poked her head around it slightly, her body still hidden behind the worn-down wood, he was surprised that she left it that way, she always seemed so on top of all the little things in her life. He raised a bag up, it was a brown paper bag, she just stared at him as if it was a foreign concept but he showed her the contents inside and she let him in.

He felt awkward in her home, he didnt know why, he found himself looking around for any signs of Emma that may give her comfort or that she was using to quell her uncomfortable feelings, she seemed to sense this immediately as she flicked the kettle on.

"Don't start" she states swiftly, he nods and bites his lip before sliding his shoes off "Why are you here Fletch?"

"I just thought you could do with some food-"

"Why are you here Fletch?" she persists obviously unhappy with his answer "Have you come to check up on me?"

"You just dont seem yourself" he admits his true intentions, an eyebrow shot up to her hairline but she pushed a coffee towards him anyway

"Do I not?" she looks at him before shuddering at another roll of thunder, he bites his lip "Well I'm sorry I dont live up to your expectations of being alright"

"Jac please dont-"

"Just go back to Ange" she mutters, he wasnt helping her mood and she was starting to let it show "I want to be alone, I like being alone2

"What's the story with you and Joseph?" he asks, he had heard rumours but in a way, he wanted to hear it from her

"And you think you're owed that?" she glares, he sighs before realising his question might have come across as him seeming like he was jealous

"No, I don't-"

"Just go Fletch" she waves her arm and puts the milk back in the fridge, he leaves the paper bag on the side

"Can I ask you one more question?"

"Do I have a choice in the matter?" she stops in her tracks and leans against her hallway wall

"Why did you leave without saying a word?" he refers to her shift, she knew that instantly but she drops her gaze, they had a nice little routine at work, if they were both on shift together and finished around the same time they'd say goodbye but she didnt do it

"Because...things change"

"Joseph?"

"Stop saying his name" she sighs in exasperation, a part of her wished he would just drop it but another part of her wanted him to continue

"So he's obviously done something bad?"

"If you call putting his son first something bad then..." she sighs and shakes her head "Why am I having this conversation with you?"

"Because a part of you maybe wants to get it off your chest?" he tries, he hoped that it worked but she narrowed her eyes

"It's complicated" she dismisses the chance to talk about it again "Just go"

"Jac" he sighs and walks over to her "What happened?"

"It's in the past" she responds "And thats where it's staying"

"You're so stubborn you know that" he rolls his eyes, his words laced with humour, something in him thought she needed it, another roll of thunder occurs and she shudders before flinching at a bolt of lightning

"You should go"

"Ok if you dont want to talk about Joseph or Faye for that matter...we can just sit and eat those pastries I got from Pulses"

"Why do you want to stay?"

"Because you're my friend and I want to help if I can" he sensed there was more to just the Joseph debacle "And if you dont want my help then maybe you could consider enjoying my company for a bit as a distraction, nothing more nothing less"

"Fine" she relents cautiously and sits down on the sofa as if her world just ended "You win"

"Right" he sighs and picks up the bag, he passes it to her and she takes a chocolate chip muffin out of it "So...why did you really leave Emma?"

"Because she was happy" she shrugs, he nods slowly "They were all happy, it was like a premade family, she looked so happy so I let her stay"

"Thats unlike you-"

"Are you calling me a bad mother?"

"No of course not!" he exclaims, she rolls her eyes immediately thinking this was a mistake "I just...you dont seem yourself"

"I'm fine" she confirms and eats her muffin so quickly so she could get out of his vicinity "I should ask you why you're leaving your kids at home in a storm"

"They're fine"

"You see?" she looks at him "Why should I elaborate when you dont, it can't all be one-sided Fletch"

"I'm sorry" he apologises swiftly "I can see you just want to be alone"

"Correct"

"I'm sorry"

"Apology accepted" she shifts her weight from one foot to the other awkwardly "But thank you"

"For?"

"Checking up on me" she confirms, she did appreciate it but she wasnt ready to lay all of her cards on the table just yet, probably because she didnt know how she felt, she just felt numb "You didnt have to but thank you"

"You're being surprisingly nice" he looks at her, she bites her lip "You didnt put any drugs in your coffee did you?"

"Very funny" she rolls her eyes, he walks over to pick up his coat "Go back home, I'm fine"

"You're not but I know when I've overstepped the line so I won't push you" he sighs, she nods "I dont want to ruin our friendship"

"You could never ruin that"

"Thats nice to know" he didnt really know what else to say "Just...take care Jac, if you want to talk you know I'll always listen"

"Yeah" she gulps and winces as another strike of lightning flicks through the sky "Same here except-"

"You're really bad at that" he finishes off her sentences, she chuckles at how well he knew her "You should give yourself more credit"

"Bye Fletch," she says quietly, he nods knowing he wasnt going to get anything out of her so he leaves and she shuts the door behind him

Another roll of thunder and another shudder, her hands pulling her cardigan around her that bit tighter and with that she finally let more tears fall.