The days seemed to pass in slow motion, faces and moments all turning into one big blur. How could one guy I barely knew have such an impact on my life?
Pathetically enough, I slept with Eddie's jacket every night.. it was all I had left. Until I couldn't take it anymore, it was causing me such pain and heart ache that I had Dustin return it.
I was still very much house bound, feeling like I was under a microscope every second of every day. I still wasn't allowed to use my car, to see anyone apart from Dustin.. as long as it was at my house or his.
My music was long gone to the point I was forgetting what music and originality was. Forget about television too, that was also off the list of things allowed.
So what did I get to do all day and night? Think about Eddie, non stop. With so much free time and literally nothing to distract myself, all that was ever on my mind was him.
Other than that.. I did a lot of hanging out in our backyard, sometimes I'd just lay there for hours staring at the clouds moving or at night, staring at the stars. Picturing a life that was different, one where my parents weren't hard asses.
They still were very much hard asses. They didn't ease up in the slightest, you would have thought I committed a triple homicide or something by the way they acted.. a lot of it was my dad.
The issue with my parents was, or I suppose the time we live in and what's 'normal' is that my mom can be totally against what my dad thinks, wants or believes but she will always side with him even if he's wrong, even if he's being ridiculous.
Some bullshit about saving the marriage, making your husband happy.. yada yada. It made me want to scream into a void.
It had been two weeks. Two long weeks.
Eddie returned to school after a week of suspension, it felt like my heart stopped beating the moment I saw him. There was still whispers about us, students gossiping among themselves.
We haven't said anything to each other, I've tried.. he's tried. I guess we just don't know what to say. What is there to say? We can't be together, at least right now and that's torture to the both of us.
To see each other in the halls every day, to hear about each other from Dustin and Mike. It's like that feeling of being so close to someone, yet so far away.
From what Dustin has said, Eddie took it all really hard. He's more withdrawn, quieter than usual. Like he's always in thought. He's much more snappy, on edge. He's been close to a second suspension already.
The thought has crossed my mind if we never hooked up the first time, If we had never met that night... maybe things wouldn't be this way. He would of just been Dustin's friend, that's it.
But at the same time.. I want him. I want to be with him, I want all the stupid cliche bullshit. I don't regret meeting him, I don't regret sleeping with him (twice).. I regret being born into a household that is so insanely anal that my parents can't put their own stupid ass mindsets aside to really get to know Eddie.
It started to be fact that this town and my parents hated me just as much as they hated Eddie, well.. besides Dustin but Dustin is one of the nicest humans on this planet.. If only people could be more like him.
I sat outside on the school steps to eat my lunch, facing the crowd was too much to bare. It was exhausting.
"How are you doing?" I hear Steve approach me from behind, sitting down next to me as he rubbed his hands together "Surviving," I merely say,
Steve and I hadn't talked much either since everything happened.
"Sounds about right," he lets out a short laugh, "I'm sorry.. for not really being around." He pushes his fingers together as I pick at my plate "I get it. You hate him.. you're upset with me, everyone's upset with me." I sigh, standing up and dropping my food into the garbage can beside the stairs.
"I was just surprised," Steve gives a small shrug of his shoulders, his eyes resembling a lost puppy. "I'm sorry," He repeats, his tone low and genuine. "It's fine," I wave it off, he didn't owe me anything either.
"And I'm sorry about.. what happened," he speaks in a whisper, "Yeah, me too." I breathe out, passing him as I walk back inside with my head hung low.
My parents had given me some leeway, letting me hang out at the school for a little bit after it ended to make sure Dustin got home after his D game.
Dustin had promised his mon and my parents that Eddie wouldn't be there and from what I heard around school, he had been temporarily suspended as the leader of the hellfire club, though I wasn't privy to how long that was suppose to last or the logistics.
It wasn't even really leeway, pacing the school for an hour and a half while it was empty wasn't exactly doing much different from what I did at home. Another place, same loneliness.
I'm caught off guard as I'm tugged by the arm into stage entrance, nearly falling on my ass "What the fuck?" I ask to see Dustin standing before me with a child like grin "You'll thank me later," He quickly runs past me.. shutting the door I had just been pulled through.
I go to open it, pushing.. pulling, even kicking and it doesn't budge. "They trapped you too, huh?" I freeze in place as Eddie's voice sends chills down my spine.
"Looks that way," I mumble, refusing to turn around and look at him as I continue to try and get the door open. "They're not going to let us out," he's still quiet as he speaks "Then I guess I'll have to try every door." I mutter,
"Already have, they're all locked." He states matter of factly, his voice echoing through the auditorium. I slowly turn around, seeing Eddie standing by the table they play D at with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Great," I groan. "So uh, how's life.. how's um.. things?" He asks awkwardly as I stare at the ceiling, nope.. can't get up there. "Never better," I reply in a monotone.
"You?" I ask, trying the door again in hopes Dustin only locked it momentarily but nope, still locked. "Oh you know," Eddie gives a small shrug, "Life sucks," He lets out a small, wavering laugh.
I look back at Eddie over my shoulder, sighing to myself as I turn around to look at him.. really look at him. "I uh, got my jacket back. Yeah, that stung." He sucks in a sharp breath before exhaling loudly,
"I still have the shirt," I point out, succumbing to my fate of being stuck in here with Eddie for who knows how long. His lips twitch upwards into a smile, fading away in the blink of an eye.
"I miss you," I breathe out in a sigh, if we were stuck in here.. I might as well say all the things that have been floating around in my mind. "I miss you too," he avoids my gaze.
A moment of silence washing over the room as I seat myself at the table, "I didn't mean for things to go the way they did." My hands slide through my hair, thinking over the past two weeks.
Eddie weighs his head side to side before seating at the table himself. "I don't think either of us did," he says in all honestly, spinning one of his many rings on his fingers.
We both avoid looking at each other, Eddie pretending to be occupied by his D stuff.. my eyes dancing around the room over and over like there was so much to look at.
"Just for right now right," He repeats what I had said that day. His fingers trailing over a map on the table, I shake my head as my hair falls over my shoulders.
"You're the one who said all or nothing, Eddie. What am I suppose to risk being sent away so we never see each other again?" My head whips to look at him now as he leans back in his chair, rocking it slowly.
"I don't know," he shrugs "Guess it doesn't matter now, as soon as your parents find out about this..." his voice fades out as I nod. Yeah I'll be triple screwed.
"Why are you so against waiting?" I finally ask, a question that has been plaguing me "I.." Eddie's lips twitch left and right "I've been an outcast as long as I can remember," he starts,
"With you I didn't have to be." His eyes flash to mine for a brief moment "i can't wait until we graduate to be together, just to find out we are going in different directions anyways." His tongue trails over his lip "It uh, it hurts too much."
Eddie swallows loudly as I think to myself, I didn't really know what my plan was after graduating. The only thing I was focused on was getting away from my parents, that was my bright and shiny future.
"So I guess we just.." I shrug myself now as Eddie nods, "Yeah." He merely says.
It felt like we had been sitting in silence for hours when the door to the stage finally flew open, half expecting my parents to be standing there with my bags already packed but it was just Dustin.
Dustin's eyes look from Eddie to I as I get up from the table "Didn't work, did it?" Dustin frowns as I shake my head, holding back tears "Let's go," I say softly, looking back at Eddie once more who was still sat at the table.. looking just as heart broken as the day we went our separate ways.
By the time Halloween rolled around, my parents had given me more freedom than I previously had. I was able to get a job with Steve at Scoops Ahoy which by proxy lead to us hanging out more which my parents were over the moon about.
Little did they know I was two months away from being able to rent my own place, I didn't care if it was a shoe box at this rate as long as I was free.
I got my car back, music.. all those things. I was still watched like a hawk, still not able to see Eddie. God, I miss him.
All our silent shared glances in the halls and classes we shared were breaking me down over and over again. I heard a rumour he was seeing someone else, Dustin said it was to fill a void that I use to fill.. either way it sucked.
I guess I couldn't say much, Steve and I were getting closer. We went on a date or two, no physical intimacy yet.. it just wasn't the same but I felt myself falling into the trap of my parents wishes.
Slowly becoming who they wanted me to be instead of who I actually am.
They like Steve so much they agreed for me to go to a Halloween party, as long as I was going with him. It was ridiculous how much control they hold over me.
But it was a little bit of freedom, a little bit of normalcy.. so I took it.
Costumes weren't really my thing so Steve and I both agreed to just wear our Scoops Ahoy uniforms, it counted.. I think. They did look ridiculous enough.
"Alison, Steve is here." My mom calls from downstairs as I grab my bag, looking at myself in the mirror with a shrug.. whatever. A costume was a costume.
"Okay seeing you outside of work in that.." I start laughing manically as Steve stands by the front door in his uniform "Yeah yeah, this was your idea." He points out with a grin,
"Be safe!" My mom yells out as we make way to Steve's car "She's still.." he pauses, bringing his fingers to his head and spinning them "Oh yeah, I think all screws are loose at this point." I laugh.
We head over to the party which is at somebodies house, once again who was throwing the party.. no idea. But I was not complaining, I got a little bit of freedom even if it was just for one night.
Steve goes into the fridge, pulling out a beer for both of us as we mingle together in the backyard. I still didn't really know anyone in Hawkins.. I didn't bother to get to know them. What was the point? Most of them were assholes anyways.
"I think we look like the most ridiculous ones here," he yells into my ear over the music as we spot the many costumes "We can say we just got off work," I give a shrug as he points at me like I'm a genius.
The music blares loudly inside and out, Steve and I shimming and shaking to it, half making fun of the other people dancing and half.. actually enjoying ourselves.
Getting super pumped up and excited as I want to know what love is comes on the radio, man it felt like years since I heard foreigner since I had my cassettes taken away.
Steve and i are both feeling a bit tipsy now, swaying to the song and using our bottles as if they are microphones. His hand pulls me in by my waist as we fake waltz to the song (clearly the wrong dance), making a fool of ourselves.
"Nice," I hear a voice whisper in my ear. My neck almost breaking from spinning my head so fast.. watching Eddie walk by with some ditzy blonde linked to his arm.
I drop my hands from Steve's shoulders as his hands slowly fall from my hips "Don't let him get to you," he says over the music as I bite down on the side of my bottom lip "Oh, like I care." I try to laugh it off, "I'll be right back," I manage weakly.
Running into the house to find a room I can lock myself in to regroup and calm down, the bathroom being the only one free. Eddies eyes lock with mine as he enters the house behind me, while I slam the bathroom door shut.
Great now I was not only in some ransoms house but in their bathroom too. What a lovely place to be.
I sink down to the floor, leaning my back against the bathtub with my head buried in my hands, my leg jiggling violently to keep myself from falling apart.
So the rumours were true, there's another girl. Another girl whose probably better than me, prettier than me, whose parents don't give a fuck.. well, I stopped myself from crying for a few minutes at least.
A low knock breaks me from my thoughts, "I'm fine Steve, I'll be right out." I yell while my voice cracks. "Slightly offended you think I'm Steve.." I hear Eddie's muffled voice on the other side of the door.
I could ignore him, pretend like I didn't hear.. pretend like I want nothing to do with him but before I knew it, my body had taken full control and was opening the door.
"Can we talk?" Eddie bends his knees so we are at eye level, somehow his voice is quiet yet loud enough for me to hear over the music. "Join my humble hideout," I gesture into the bathroom as he slides past me.
"Nice digs," his hands are in his pants pockets and he's looking around the bathroom like he's enthralled by it. "What?" I shut the door "I said," he begins "No I mean what do you want to talk about," I sniffle.
"Are you and Harrington.." Eddie trails off, turning to look at me "No," I say, voice quiet. "You and too-much-pep-in-her-step?" I cross my arms as Eddie grins, his eyes crinkling at the corners "No," he says.
"Then you're here to tell me how much you hate him," I nod in realization, Eddie turns his body so it's fully facing me.. shaking his head left and right "Then what?" I ask, extremely confused.
"I'm here to tell you.." Eddie walks up to me slowly, "I cave," he breathes out. My eyebrows furrow, eyes narrowing "You can't cave when I've already caved," I argue in confusion
"Not caving for sex," he whispers down to me "Caving for you." His hand gently caresses my cheek, easily melting right into it. "What does that even mean?" I'm wiping away tears now as I laugh.. Feeling like I was trying to solve a puzzle.
"Seeing you with Steve was the nail in the coffin.." his amber eyes sear search mine, "I don't want you with someone else.. I don't want to be with someone else." He admits, his thumb wiping away the last remaining tears on my face.
"But my parents.." I start, you know.. what the whole issue was. "Whether we have to sneak around, get creative.. whatever it is.. I don't dare." A meaningful smile curves up on his lips,
"I can't stand.. being with out you." Eddie's lips tremble as he speaks "Life does suck with out you," I admit as he lets out a hard laugh.
Our eyes look into the others longingly, so much pent up sadness and anger.
Eddie's lips press harshly against mine, his hand grabbing a handful of my hair and pulling on it as my nails dig into the nape of his neck.
A much needed release.
He lifts me up and places me on the bathroom counter, his hands now grabbing onto my thighs as our kiss becomes like an outlet for all the hurt and frustration we felt over the past weeks.
Eddie pulls down my work uniform shorts, only so there's enough room for my legs to open comfortably as he fiddles with his belt one handily "God I've missed you," I struggle for air as our lips break apart, my hands tangled in his long Reddish brown hair.
"I've," he begins, sliding his cock into me as his head tilts back, lips parting and letting out a sigh of relief "missed you." He moans.
"Oh fuck," I moan as he drills me, no care or caution as we physically need one and other. Not need in a lacking sense either, need in the way of breathing, feeling like we'd die in that moment with out it.
Eddie thrusts hard and deep into me, "You like that princess?" He breathes heavily against my ear, I'm only able to nod as my breath is taken away by how hot he sounds.
"Yes, yes! harder," I beg, pleading as Eddie's teeth latch on to my ear, hearing the grunts that escape his plump lips. His hips thrusting at super speed, feeling the earth shattering sensation of being on the edge of orgasm and I had cum many times before but this.. wow.
It felt like fire and electricity was running through my veins, at the same time feeling completely weightless and one with Eddie. My moans getting louder as I go to let his name escape my lips, his hand flies over my mouth.. eyes darting to the door. Not wanting me to draw attention to what was going on.
I moan into his hand as Eddie's body shakes, his cock throbbing so much I worried he may die by way of orgasm. "Oh fuck baby. Fuck Ali," he moans in my ear, his hand against the mirror to keep himself standing as he cums, full body twitches ensue.
His breathing is laboured and erratic as he leans into my face, his lips brushing against my cheek momentarily before placing a soft kiss. "We should be mad at each other more often," I manage our weakly, dying for air myself.
"Funny," he says sarcastically though I can feel his smile against my cheek. Eddie pulls up my shorts for me, our lips now blending together in a much calmer way.
I hear the sounds of him doing up his belt buckle, his lips freeing from mine as he blinks rapidly "I love you," he breathes out, Eddie's nose against mine. "You're going to say that in a random persons bathroom after just having angry sex?" I can't help but chuckle as I raise my brows,
"Yeah well," he breathes heavily, helping me off the counter "Better here then never?" He tries to reason with a laugh "Say it again," I whisper up to him as Eddie cups my face in his hands "I love you," it's drawn out, genuine.. like the most honest fact he's ever known.
"I love you," I say with the same sincerity, pretty sure there was a thousand butterflies flying around in my stomach. I meet his lips with my own, soft.. sensual.
"It better not be the sex talking," I warn, as he throws his head back with laughter. "I'd love you with or without the sex," Eddie's smile lines deepen, his eyes squinting as he smiles
"so that means.. " I begin in thought as he presses his lips against mine once again "No. No withholding," He laughs. Rejecting what I was going to say without having said it.
We straighten out our clothes and make sure we look put together, Eddie's rings clang on the door handle, "Sneaking around is going to blow," he bows his head "But it's better than the alternative." He smiles, kissing my forehead before exiting the bathroom.
I stay behind and wait another ten minutes or so, praying no one has noticed or put two and two together.
Wait.. does this mean we are dating? I don't know, as long as it means Eddie's mine and I'm his.. that's good enough for me.
I undeniably love Eddie Munson.