Enjoy! Author notes at the end
Three weeks have passed since Pidgeot thought it was a great idea to deliver the letter I definitely did not want delivered. I know it's not possible but the poor bird looked wiped of all colors the second he returned. Apparently the look on my face was enough to let Pidgeot know I was freaking out, it didn't help that I ran outside screaming, "What did you do?" I shake my head at the memory. Poor thing had been trying to make it up to me ever since, the guilt getting at him. I assured him that it was fine. What was done was done. Now we just had to wait and deal with the consequences. The only slight possible saving grace was that the letter was not delivered to Red himself. The praying had seemed to work, as Pidgeot did indeed have trouble locating Red and instead handed the letter off to his Charizard who he had eyed flying around. If I was lucky enough maybe the letter never actually got to him, maybe Charizard lost it along the way or he just never gave it to him. I doubt Red's pokémon like me very much anyways. I know his damn rat doesn't. But, honestly, even if he did read the letter, what exactly am I expecting, to see his Charizard fly down with a little messenger bag around his shoulders and a letter with all of Red's accounts of his own life? A letter where he gets to go over all the ways I ruined his life in return.
Taking a big gulp of my morning coffee I grimace at the bitter taste, regretting not picking up more sweetener at the store, at least it seemed to fit my mood. It's been a slow day today. A lot of days are slow days if I'm being honest. The glamorous life of a gym leader isn't always what it's cracked up to be, especially when you're one of the last stances before the Elite Four. I'm tough to beat. I know that, the trainers know that and this isn't just me bragging. It might have only been thirty minutes but I was still a champion regardless. Because of that, it takes a while for trainers to get this far in and even if they do they're still not always prepared. I particularly like it when I get the babies in their first gym challenge, those that didn't do their research and realize that this was not a good first choice. I still battle them. I even go easy on them sometimes, forcing Eevee to join the fray much to her dismay. But alas, this is why doing your research is important. I do usually feel a slight ping of remorse after I beat them so, I walk over and I pick them up, give them a pep talk and invite them back for a redo after they feel they're ready.
Hearing a knock on the door, I cursed softly as the surprise caused me to mess up my signature. If I have to sign an obnoxious amount of paperwork (another gym leader highlight) I'm going to at least make it look good. "Come in." I called out with a sigh, knowing it was probably one of my trainers. If I'm lucky enough maybe an opponent was actually able to defeat them all the way through to get to me. I could use a little action right about now, something to help me get rid of this everlasting sense of anger that always seems to be lingering in me. I sigh, Daisy's right, I am dramatic.
"Um, Mr. Blue, sir?" said Jason, one of my trainers as he walked into my office, standing around in a hesitant stance, his fingers fidgeting and a foot scratching his adjusted ankle as if it had an itch. Curious, I put my pen down and signaled that he could go on. I still feel a bit odd at how formally they address me sometimes. "Um, yeah." he coughed into a closed fist. "There's someone here for you." he said, finally spitting it out.
"Okay." I said, not really knowing what else to say seeing as I was just given the vaguest of information. "Is it a challenger?" I ask as I begin to stand, raising my arms overhead for a quick stretch. I like to get nice and limber for a battle.
"Maybe?" Jason answered with a shrug, this caused me to stop and look at him inquisitively, one of my brows lifting up high, both questioning and encouraging him to go on. "He's kind of refusing to come inside the gym unless he talks—to you." He smiled, right before looking away from me and down to his hands that continued to squirm. I hum at this. I think I know what's going on. It's happened once or twice before. Sometimes we get one of those hot shot, hot headed, wanna be the very best trainers that think they're too good for their breeches. They'll refuse to take the gym challenge or the battles with my gym trainers, demanding to go straight to me. They somehow think they're a little too good for all of it. They're irritating for a lack of a better word. I know I was a little up there but I don't remember being that level of prick. I instead took the challenges as another way to prove just how awesome I was.
"Well, let's get down to it then." I tell him as I follow him out of my office and down stairs to where the gym lies. When we arrived at the gym floor I'm surprised to see a few other trainers scattered around near the door. Salma looked almost flushed when we made eye contact briefly before she turned away. Not being able to help it, my brows narrowed deeply once more before turning over to the large wooden gym doors. This guy must really be something else if he had the gang acting like this. They're probably waiting to see how I handle this punk kid. I had to keep a chuckle in as I heard the trainers' feet shuffle to get a closer look.
Once fully open, I see him standing there and I freeze. It's not some random punk kid that thinks he's good enough to take me head on. Well, actually he kind of is. But, never mind that. His back is towards me but that doesn't stop me from knowing exactly who this is. I'm pathetic enough, unfortunately. That and his clothes had barely changed. It's a bit hard to have a wardrobe when you're basically living in a tundra. Hearing someone behind him, he turns around, his damn yellow rodent frowning at me like always. And, just as he lifts a hand to greet me, my brain short circuits and I panic. "No." I said as I swiftly shut the door. I stand there silently staring at the wooden grains until I hear Jason clear his throat.
"Blue sir, you just slammed the door on the Kanto Champion." he said, as if I didn't know, as if I wasn't there. It's not like imagining a moment like this hasn't been haunting me forever and now apparently my nightmares have come true. Bless his heart, he wasn't the brightest color in Kanto but he was a good trainer.
"I'm fully aware of that, thank you." I reply as I begin to walk away. I'm not dealing with this today. Nope. I'm just going to go on as if it never happened. The true Oak way.
"Should we try to get him to come in?" I hear another voice shout out at me but I'm too far off at this point to distinguish who it belonged to.
"Let who in?" I reply with a shrug as I go back to locking myself in my room. After that I settled down and got to work. I was lucky enough to have a small restroom connected to the office and a mini fridge to provide me with my sad sandwich lunch. I never set foot outside again that day. Not through my door anyways, being on the second floor worked to my advantage. If I peeked out just enough I could make out the hat he always wore or the rodent running around out front. It looked like it was time for some old school sneaking out through the second story window with a little help from my bird friend. Time to make it up to me, Pidgeot.
When I came back the next morning after a night of one of the most restless sleeps I've had in a long time, I was both surprised and not surprised to see him still sitting outside, slumped up against the gym doors. Considering this was a person who normally slept inside of a cave on a mountain with subzero temperatures, I'm sure the mild spring weather and soft grass was like a five star hotel. Lady luck continued to be on side as he appeared to still be asleep. I had already thought ahead and decided to fly knowing this was very much a possibility. Guess another day of sad sandwiches were on the plate for me today. If he thought I couldn't play the avoidance game just as hard, well, he had another thing coming.
Unfortunately, cabin fever and the guilt about being here but not present did start getting to me towards the end of the second day. It was already getting dark and almost time for me to go and I wasn't sure if my trainers even knew I was here. If anything I'm sure they would have at least heard when Eevee knocked down a chair when she was running around, her pent up energy also getting the better of her. I should be heading out, that's what she's telling anyways as she stares me down from the corner of my desk. "Fine, hold on." I sigh, as I go over to the window to take another peek. Looking down, I couldn't help but to smile largely at the empty field. I won, he actually went away. I'm sure he'd be back. I'm not dumb enough to believe he'd given up all together but this was at least my one chance to go down and leave through the door like a normal person.
As I make my way downstairs, Eevee in tow I can make out the sounds of some of the trainers' voices coming out of the break room in the back of the gym. I suppose going over to say a few words would be the most professional boss thing to do after hiding out for two days. Running a hand though my fabulous hair and dragging my feet, I push my way through. "Hey guys, I know I've been kind of absent for the last two days b–you're still here?! Why is he still here?!" I said, stopping myself mid-apology when I noticed I had walked into a damn gossip party, the traitors. Here I was feeling bad about leaving them alone all while they were fraternizing with the enemy. The wide eyes and sideways glances at least showed that they knew they were caught red handed but I rolled my eyes at the sight of him sitting down comfortably in a chair, a pen and pad in hand, clearly in view. No shame.
"He's very persistent, sir." Jason said, quickly coming to their defense.
"Pikachu got fed up with being outside and marched inside after we offered the last time." Salma added, covering her mouth in embarrassment when she realized that she basically confessed to inviting him in on multiple occasions. Elan and Ida just shook their heads silently at the scene.
"Of course he did." I groaned exasperatedly, Pikachu's little red cheeks sparking in response until being calmed down by a pat on the head. Looking over at me after his rat settled down, he lifted a waving hand. I could feel my own begin to lift subconsciously before I curled it into a fist, let out a deep exhale from my nostrils and promptly turned around and left. I raced for the door, the tiny click clacks of Eevee's small rapid steps behind me as we crossed the gym floor. I knew he was coming up behind me as well. I had heard the sound of the chair squealing from him standing up and if I wasn't fast enough he would catch up.
The weather was brisk, the night chill tickling my nose as I had made it to a busy part of the city. I was beginning to slow down, the wariness getting to me. I'd occasionally feel Eevee paw my ankle, complaining, trying to get me to stop. She was no doubt tired and begging to be picked up. She was my spoiled baby but she just needed to hang in there a little while longer. We were close to making it or so I thought until I felt a touch on my elbow. Damn it. I must have slowed down more than I thought. I tried to ignore it as I sprinted a little but it didn't help, as I felt another touch, my shoulder this time. Knowing I had lost, again, I came to a screeching stop, Eevee again pawing at me angrily when she bumped into my legs. "What? What could you possibly want?" I shouted as I turned around to face him, feeling a slight sense of satisfaction to see he was out of breath, glad that I had at least made him work for it.
For countless seconds we just stood there, motionless and silent. My face scrunched in a frown as he remained neutral as ever. Pikachu seemed to bore after a few, hopping off his shoulder and joining Eevee who did not look happy about still being outside. The small motion seemed to have jolted him as he lifted his hand to tilt his hat, the nervous tick he's had since we were kids. After a few more seconds he sighed, lowered his hand, the other joining along as he began to shift them, creating the familiar words I had not seen in awhile. "Can't you just stop and talk to me?"
"Oh, oh, now you want to talk? Now? After all these years? Red, it's been years!" I said angry, lifting a palm, a sign to stop before his hands started moving again. "And, and I'm not even talking about since you left but since I last saw you." I knew he was irritated now, the little side twitch in his lips telling me so.
"You knew where I was." he said, his hands moving quickly yet a little clumsily, probably from under use and frustration.
"Yeah, I did." I said crossing my arms, his statement only making me angrier. Making it sound like it was all my doing. That somehow the years of absence were only on me when he very well knew where I was too. I wasn't the one that was hard to find. I wasn't the one hiding out. I wasn't the one choosing to ignore the world. "And I actually did come to visit you if you care to remember." I said, making it clear that I was the one that had made the effort. "I even sent you a visitor." I said, with a slight pause. "Did he ever find you?" I ask, truly curious, he had been a good kid, chatty but a good kid.
Hoisting his arms up and down similar to a quick shrug, he nodded, his eyes rolling just slightly. "He was good." He said, stopping momentarily to sigh. "He beat me." he finally confessed, looking just a tad bit defeated.
"Good." I replied, with a genuine smile, especially when he groaned in return.
"You stopped coming." he said instead, desperately wanting to change the subject, getting the conversation back on track. But now it was my turn to groan.
"Yes. What did you expect me to do? Keep coming every three months with a care package to make sure you weren't dead? I couldn't do that. I had things to do. I had to study. I had to work. I don't have the privilege of just living like some mysterious mountain hermit that everyone seems to love. Can you imagine what people would say about me if the already failed grandson of the great Professor Oak didn't find a half decent career path?" I said, just letting it spill out. What did he expect from me? We can't all just go off to live our dreams of training endlessly. He knew I always had eyes on me. Just like how he always had eyes on him, except the ones staring me down were always much less forgiving.
"You're the Viridian City gym leader now." he said, looking surprisingly sheepish for the first time tonight.
"Obviously." I scoffed, with an eye roll.
"I didn't know. Congratulations." he signed, his hands palms up opening upwards like fireworks.
"Yeah, thanks. I get to be the leader of an abandoned gym that was formerly run by a mob boss. Who was actually defeated by you! It's an amazing constant reminder every morning." I reply, trying to make him more uncomfortable. Knowing he was feeling guilty about not knowing I had taken over. Newspapers and the internet don't go that far up the mountain. "I'm just lucky enough that for some reason Lance seems to like me." I said softly, mostly to myself. I really did feel a great sense of gratitude towards the dragon trainer. I don't know why he's so nice to me but it was—nice.
"Your trainers like you." He said, as I grumbled. How patronizing. The prick.
"They don't count. They have to pretend to like me. I'm their boss." I said, still not letting go of the resentment over their betrayal. Just push me aside for the champion, why don't you?
"Nah, they like you." he nodded as if he knew them after a few hours. "It's also really nice that you kept some of them." he continued, my brows narrowing in confusion over what he meant. "I recognize some from Giovanni's time." he clarified. 'Ah' I mouthed with understanding. It wasn't their fault their leader was a mob boss, so yeah, I kept a couple that weren't affiliated with Team Rocket. They were good trainers and overly professional, the habits being hard to kill.
"Look, what do you want? You're not here to discuss who does and doesn't like me. You've been living up there forever. Why did you come down now?" I asked, ready to get the conversation over and done with. I didn't want to have it to begin with and I know that's not what this was about, considering that up until yesterday he didn't even know they existed. Looking away from me briefly, his hands twitching to tilt his hat again he fought the urge and instead reached into this vest, pulling up a plain white envelope with his name and stamp on the cover. Oh, I think this is it. I think this is where fate takes me for my embarrassingly painful death.
"Ugh, that wasn't even supposed to get to you." I said with a chuckle as I rubbed my face in despair. It sounded fake and unnerving but I felt like if I didn't laugh I would have very much cried. Slumping down, my shoulders low in defeat, Red promptly pointed to his name and stamp. "Yes, I know it's addressed to you and it has a useless stamp but you receiving it was not my intention." I looked down to the ground, not being able to look him in the eye. "It was all Daisy's idea, okay? It doesn't matter." I said, all of sudden sounding and feeling very tired.
Feeling a light touch on the arm I look up just enough to be able to make out Red's hands. "Yes, it does." he said, taking a step forward as I instinctually took one back and towards the building we had been standing by. "Do you really think I ruined your life?" he asked.
"Look, I already told you. It doesn't matter." I repeated myself, taking a quick glance at our pokémon who seemed to be enjoying the show or really they both seemed concerned, Eevee letting out a soft 'Ve~' when we made eye contact.
"But it does." He reiterated when I at last looked back up at him. "Blue, I'm sorry. You know I had to give it all I had. You would have been just as angry if I didn't." he said, my heart beginning to race as the rage I felt before came rushing back. I could feel my fingers and eye twitching and teeth grinding as I let out a low growl.
"Damn it, Red! How can you be so good at some things and so stupid at others? Are you really that oblivious?" I shouted, holding my head in my hands. "It's not about that. I don't care that you beat me. Don't get me wrong, I did at first. It ate me up inside but it's not about that anymore. I know you were better than me. I know you still are and I'm trying to be okay with that." I continued, my hands dropping as he stayed still, letting me finish. "I'm not angry about it anymore. I'm angry you left. I'm angry you just up and disappeared like it was nothing, like the journey was nothing, like being champion was nothing, like I was nothing. You just left." There, I said it. I let it out. My biggest unknowing denial.
"I didn't mean to leave you."
"But you did!" I yell out at him. Not giving him the chance to say more. No, he wanted truth. He was getting it. He was getting all the torment, fury, and distress I stored inside. He was getting all the things that weren't in that stupid letter. "You left me. You left me to deal with that aftermath by myself. For the first time I was truly alone. You were everywhere. If you were to ever go through my history you'd be there, even when I didn't want you to be, and then you just left me when I needed you." I took another step back towards the building wall.
"I was already a laughing stock for losing so quickly. You avoid the media like the plague so they flocked to me. Then after you left, they really didn't leave me alone. Only it wasn't interviews covering my battle but questions about where you were and if I was going to go out to find you. If I thought you leaving was somehow my fault. I even got jokes about me killing you to take over. Those were just hilarious." I let out a laugh, knowing I was beginning to sound mad.
"When I went out on my research project that doubled as a search party for you," I pointed at him angrily. "It only got worse because now I actually did know where you were. But, I wasn't going to tell anybody. I promised I wouldn't and it wasn't my information to give. I'm sure they could tell there was some omission in my statements after that." I pause for a moment to gather my bearing. "And I get it, you running away, really I do, I wanted to do it too and we were still so young. But, even when I found you, you didn't come back. No matter how many times I visited or how many times I asked, you didn't come back." I took the last remaining steps I needed to have my back against the building wall for support.
"It took a long time, years, but it eventually got to a point where all the hype had died down. I wasn't questioned as much. I had found myself in a good spot at the gym. So, yeah I stopped coming. I just couldn't do it anymore." I finished, sliding down to the ground, hunching over trying my best to ignore the twist in my stomach and the look of a few passersby whispering to each other. I bet we were quite a sight. A couple of Pokémon champions having an emotional breakdown in the middle of the street. I can imagine the headlines now.
Meanwhile, Red was already at the beginning of his own spiral. He was looking down at the ground, his knee bouncing and hands fidgeting, bringing them up only to promptly bring them back down several times. When it looked like he might have been ready to say something he instead lifted his hat to run a hand over his hair and wiped away at the sweat that didn't exist. He turned around for a quick second to glare at a person that was walking too slowly for it to be normal. Getting the hint, they took off in a sprint. Turning back he sighed, ready to try again, he lifted his hands as I watched on, trying to keep up. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for any of that to happen, I didn't know what you were going through,I didn't think it would be that bad for you, I thought it would beallforthebetterforeveryone, IthoughtifIleftyou'd-.." He rambled, his hands moving at such a breakneck speed I wasn't sure if he was even finishing every sign completely.
"Slow down, slow down." I shouted out, causing him to stop completely. "I'm out of practice." I told him, my words seemed to have an effect on him as his lips quivered and his brows curled upward before he let out a low snarl, throwing his arms in the air. Worried about his trainer, I hear a small 'Pika~' to my left. For once, I appeared to relate to the little demon. "Calm down." I called out in the softest most neutral voice I could, Red who in turn only frowned at me.
"Don't tell me to calm down." He said, this time his words were clear and precise.
"I know." I said, trying to keep my voice low and tranquil. I knew he hated to be told to calm down when he got frustrated. Communicating was never his strong suit, his social anxiety just couldn't take it sometimes and then it exploded. He didn't need to be told it was a struggle. So, I get it. He didn't want to be told to calm down just like I didn't want to be told that I was being too dramatic. "But you jumble your words when you're upset and it's hard for me to understand." I told him clearly, hoping the honesty was enough for him to know I wasn't just trying to undermine him.
Closing his eyes, inhaling and exhaling softly he seemed to have understood. I was close to calling out to him again when his eyes reopened. Looking down at me, he smiled at me sadly before taking a few steps forward and squatted down in front of me. "I didn't mean for it to be that bad for you. I thought it would be better." he said, as I sat back against the wall, my knees to my chest as I shook my head.
"What? Did you think I would be appointed champion again?" I asked with a laugh when he shrugged back. "You have to know I wouldn't have accepted even if they would have offered." Red shrugged again, one shouldered with a huff. He should know I'm too stubborn to have let that happen. I would have fought tooth and nail about not deserving it if it had. I think the league probably knew that too. "I did think it was my fault, you know? That you left." I said after a few moments of comfortable silence, Red looking up at me in concerned disbelief. "That I made you feel bad about being good or something. I don't know." I continued, as he shook his head slowly, trying to tell me that I was wrong. "My biggest regret has always been not going after you, to convince you to come back right then and there, to avoid all this." I confessed, licking my bottom lip that was starting to crack with the help of the frosty breeze.
Smiling at me with a bittersweet expression on his face, he scoots just a tiny centimeter closer, lifting his hands once again. "My biggest regret was not taking you with me." He said, with far more sincerity than I think I can handle right now so I look away, curling my arms around myself. Taking another look at our pokémon who still sat near me, I could feel my face heating up despite the chilly night. Pikachu, glaring at me like usual, also held a scrunched nose and a look that could only be described as disgust while Eevee I could have sworn gave me a wink.
"Yeah well, maybe we're both stupid." I finally said, with a slight fake cough as he stood up, offering me a hand. Groaning and rolling my eyes, I reluctantly accepted, pushing him away playfully when I got to my feet. "And, I hate that you're officially taller than me now, by the way." Red laughs out loud, taking much pleasure in my annoyance. I had always been a bit taller than him growing up and was unpleasantly surprised one day when I reached the top of the mountain and saw that he had caught up and I guess now he surpassed me. Oh joy, another thing I had lost at.
"You wanna go get some coffee?" I asked giving myself a good stretch as Red looked at me questioningly, pointing at his watch. "And, so? I like live off this stuff now." I say, cracking my knuckles before I wave to Eevee, prompting her to stand and strut to my side. "Come on, I know a place that stays open late." I said, as Red did the same to Pikachu as they walked on, following my lead. "Because, you are staying for a while, right?" I asked, glancing behind me, Red nodding before finally succumbing to his urge to tilt his hat. "Good." I said, turning back, smiling knowing he couldn't see me as I continued walking forward.
So, this was written in order to fulfill a prompt being 'your biggest regret'. I've had this idea floating around in my head for about half a year and I finally got it out. I had two scenes that just popped in there and I just had to write them. One was Blue answering the door to see Red only to immediately saying "No" and slam the door in his face. The second was Blue telling Red to "Slow down" because he was out of practice and Red getting upset about it. One was purely for comedic purposes and the other for angsty ones.
Blue's trainers Salma, Elan and Ida are the names of some of the trainers he had during HeartGold/SoulSilver. Jason on the other hand was the name of a trainer that was there during Giovanni's reign during the original Red/Blue/Yellow and the FireRed/LeafGreen games. I thought it would be nice touch or thought for Blue to have kept some of Giovanni's trainers for the reason he gave. Since Jason was one of Giovanni's original trainers that why he was the one to always refer to Blue as "sir" because he was used to being overly professional.
I tried the best I could to convey that Red was speaking in sign language. I made sure to point things out like having to touch Blue to get his attention or how he had to express himself in other ways then verbal words such as the gestures he used. I hope I did a half decent job but if anyone has any pointers then feel free. Also, I looked up the word 'congratulations' in Japanese sign language to be able to describe in the fanfic. So, when it says that Red signed with his hands 'palms up opening upwards like fireworks' is accurate or as accurately as I could describe it anyways.
I hoped you liked this fic that's been swimming around my brain for while. Sorry for the long note! OH! I also so imagine Blue like a cat that likes a good stretch so...that's why I have him stretch several times . Just a random tidbit, haha.