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Once In My Life

I thought longing for death in my long years of existence was torture. That there was nothing more to life than the repetitive cycle of seeing my friends and family die before me.

But I was wrong.

Absolutely and irrevocably wrong.

Being blinded by my own wisdom, I thought that the Almighty has already punished me enough.

"Fate is the question I throw. The answers will be found by you."

I shook my head in annoyance, sadness, loneliness, and utter defeat.

"What is even the use of looking for answers if that is the fate that you are going to throw at me?" I snorted and took a deep breath. It didn't help at all. Nothing does. Nothing ever did. The sword's gone and yet my heart is still harrowingly in pain, even more so, than the last nine-hundred years of my existence.

No matter what I do, no matter what consolation, it's all the same.

"I didn't think it through," I muttered to myself, "..if she forgot about me, then I'm probably worth being forgotten.."

Is that the answer to my fate?

"It's just.." I paused and closed my eyes as I felt the crushing, pounding, clawing painful realization out loud.

"I miss you a lot."

To the point that it's killing me.

If this is the punishment then God must've hated me a lot for the sins I've made.

I glanced down at the empty seat before me and felt the sickening coldness of the room.

I pushed myself away from the table, no longer able to bear the overwhelming sadness and walked out of the door of the restaurant. Not really thinking where to go. I just let my feet, or is it my heart, to take the lead.

Ironically, I still ended up visiting the places where she and I spent together. I still ended up retracing the steps that she and I took.

It is as pitiful as it sounds. It is as if I am fully embracing the punishment that the heavens have bestowed upon me. Hating the loneliness but also craving the remnants of her visage where her presence lingered: her empty rom, the docks where I gave her the buckwheat flower, and the paved road where our eyes met for the first time.

I found myself walking in a pool of loneliness as one droplet of rain fell and another and another..

And I looked up at the sky, torn between pleading again and cursing the God or myself, I no longer know, when I suddenly felt the tingling sensation around my hands and see the smoke coming out of my clothes.

I found myself back in the streets of Canada. Heart-racing, chest pounding- I turned around.

"Where are you?!"

I see Eun-Tak, tears running down her face. My body seems to moved on its own accord before my mind began to realize that she must've remembered- she must've gotten her memories back.

If not, if this is just a delusion, if this is just another trick from Almighty, I don't even care anymore.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her around to face me. Her eyes have become swollen from too much crying. I held her cheek in one hand and pulled her closer with the other one in a deep kiss.

After what feels like eternity, I slowly pulled back with much hesitation, fearing that she would disappear once again. I didn't realize that my hands began to shake as I opened my eyes and see her eyes.

She remembers.

My heart nearly burst out of my chest as she pulled me in for another kiss and another and-

"H-hold on." She pushed at my chest lightly and turned her head sideways. I couldn't help it as I buried my face against her neck and inhaled her soft scent as she made a soft little sound that turned my insides into a hot mess.

"W-wait." She pushed again at my chest.

"Hmm." I nuzzled at her ear.

"No-no, I'm serious."

I hugged her even tighter.

"We're in the streets."

I sighed and slacked my grip around her. "You don't know how much I've been waiting for this." I whispered softly as I leaned my head on her shoulder, my arms around her waist.

"I know." She chuckled nervously. "I-It's just that there are people staring."

"What?" I looked over and saw a married couple in their fifties standing and smiling at our direction.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but may we?" The man gestured to the front door of the store. Eun-tak and I moved away in embarrassment.

"It's nice to see such young and passionate couple, ain't it dear?" His wife said.

"Yes, I do remember we were the same back in the days."

"Were?"

The man looked at his wife and smiled. "What I meant was, we're no longer you know- open with our love in public. The kids would think it's disgusting." He winked.

"You do have a point, but," the woman turned to face us, "my advice is, no matter how long you spent together or even apart, I hope you keep your love for each other alive."

I smiled at her and nodded. "Of course."

"Well, then I hope you have a lovely night." The husband raised his hat and then guided his wife up the steps of the store.

I turned to look at Eun-tak as she watched the couple enter the door.

"I'd like that." She smiled wistfully.

"Like what?"

"Like those two," She nodded towards the store and then looked at me. "Grow old together."

I smiled at her. "I'd like that as well."

I grabbed her hand and entwined our fingers. "Let's go"

"Where are we going?"

"It's getting chilly out here. Let's go back to the hotel."

❊ - ❊ END ❊ - ❊