Hello lovelies! Yes, I know I disappeared for a while. Had a summer full of travel and... Covid. But finally home, fully recovered, got the kids of to school (minus the babies).
This is part one to a two shot. When will the next part be updated? Knowing me? Who even knows but hopefully soon.
Thanks for sticking with me, always.
Please review and stay tuned for updates on stories existing and more random ideas I have.
She had finally told him yes.
After they had solved another case together, parked outside the water and laughed just like old times.
After he had once more asked if he could take her and Noah on "that lunch now."
After he had corrected himself by just the look on her face and instead asked her, "How about just you?"
She had thought that was a fair trade off. It's not like they weren't meeting for lunch then. Anytime they were both free, which wasn't a lot of the time, they would meet. So she was about to agree when he specified even further.
"I mean, dinner. Can I take you to dinner?"
"Elliot…" because there was some sort of reason to tell him no. There had to be.
But this man. "Where I take you to a nice restaurant and where you wear a nice dress and a stupid pair of heels that hurt your ankle."
His voice had sounded almost small and pleading. And when he had even added a, "Please," with some serious Stabler puppy dog eyes, she had blown a deep breath out of her lips.
"Like a date?" She had asked him.
He had turned his body towards her then, had captured her eyes in the most breathtaking stare, "Yeah, like a date."
After he had said that, she finally said yes.
And now here she is, for probably the fourth time this week, standing outside of this new lingerie store they have built right outside the precinct. She doesn't know why they thought that this was an ideal spot for a store like this but Jesus, she can even see it through her office window.
She doesn't mean to keep ending up here, but the coffee shop is located pretty much right next to it, she just wants to grab an ice coffee with Rollins in the middle these hot days, and her body keeps navigating itself towards the building. Seriously, she's pretty sure the owner has now even noticed because today she's right next to the window with a smile on her face.
And the window? It's full of elegant lingerie. Of pieces that she considers classy, expensive and sexy. Of pieces that actually speak to her.
Her and Elliot haven't agreed on a day yet. Instead leaving it open for when she is free. She is the busiest out of the two of them and they both know it. Not only does she run a whole fucking unit, she has a ten year old son who she hardly sees as it is. It's hard for her.
And for the first time, she's thankful for how busy she is. Because it has given her time to do this. To figure out how exactly she wants this date to go. How exactly it's supposed to go. Like is it just dinner? Is she going to have sex with Elliot Stabler after dinner? Is that what she wants? Is that what he wants? Should she have asked him this when he asked her? And if she's going to, if they're going to, would he appreciate it if she bought something like this to wear under her dress? Is that assuming too much? Is she fucking overthinking everything?
"You good?" Amanda asks her with their cups of coffee in her hands and yup. She's as good as she's going to be.
EO
She's still staring at the store from her office, has even turned her chair towards her window so she can. God, she can't even remember the last time she's bought lingerie, let alone put one on. Sure, she has expensive matching sets of bras and panties but something like this? Something made of lace that will accentuate her body in all the right places? Jesus.
There's a small knock on her door, one she doesn't even turn her body to look at when she says, "Come in." Is it old school to wear lingerie now? Like is that even still a thing? And what if she puts one on and they don't end up in a bed? What if she gets rid of Noah for the night and nothing happens? What if she prepares herself to bare her not so smooth body to him and he has no intention whatsoever of taking her…
"You sure you're good?" Amanda asks from behind her.
Shit. She snaps her body around, looks at her blonde detective and great. She knows exactly what is about to come out of her mouth. She is the one who suggested her and Elliot get a room to get it out of their system. "Oh my goodness! Did you get a room? You totally got a room."
"Will you just…" shh. Although it's not all the way necessary, her office door is shut, she could still just shh. "We haven't, didn't, get a room. We're going out to dinner."
"And a bed is coming after?"
"Amanda!"
"What? I'm just saying you guys need it. Trust me, I know."
She did know. It had taken her and Carisi 10 years to get it together and they are as happy as two people can be, in Olivia's opinion. And in a way, Olivia knows too. Knows that the only thing really left between her and Elliot is this. Is this line they, he, she still has up between them. Once they cross it, once they fall into bed, once they know exactly what it's like to be tangled naked in the sheets together, there will be no turning back. And maybe that's why she keeps fucking overthinking this. Elliot will be hers. She'll be Elliot's. Their kids will know they're together, their units will know they're together, Noah will look up to him as a father. And it terrifies the fuck out of her.
Because what if they don't work out? What if she absolutely hates the way he piles his dirty clothes up? What if he hates the fact that she's such a fucking control freak now, it's almost ridiculous? What if she pushes him away because of her fears? What if he pushes her away because of his recklessness? Would she be able to survive something like that? Could she have Elliot Stabler, all of Elliot Stabler, and then not have him anymore?
But she knows. She knows that each of these questions illustrate her fear for something deeper. Her fear of intimacy. Her fear of being completely devoted to one person for really the first time in her life.
She hasn't seen Lindstrom since he told her about her intimacy issues. Since he told her she needed to figure this thing out with Elliot. But she has a feeling he would be completely on Amanda's side with this thing.
And they're right. Both of them. This thing between her and Elliot will never reach farther if she keeps living in her fears. If she keeps making excuses to as of why it's not a good idea. If she wants this, if she wants the man she's always wanted, she's going to have to take the chance. It's not like they have to jump into everything all at once. They can go slow, move one step at a time, wait until she's, they're ready to announce it to everyone. And it'll work out. It'll work out the exact way it was always supposed to work out.
Amanda is still standing here, waiting for some type of response, she thinks, and fine. "If there's a bed involved, I have to get rid of Noah for the night." Definitely going to have to get rid of him. There is no way she's possibly putting on lingerie, no way she's possibly having sex with Elliot, with her 10 year old in the house.
"I'll take him."
Jesus. "You know, I thought you hated Stabler."
"I do. But you don't and I have to trust your judgment. Plus you really need to get some."
"Oh, thanks." What a way to tell her she's been a complete bitch lately.
She shrugs slightly, "I'll take him and if we get a call, Carisi will be there. He doesn't have to leave in the middle of the night anymore."
"Must be nice."
"That's what I'm saying."
But shit. What if she plans this all out with the intention of sex happening and she gets called into work? That shit would irritate her so bad. Because sometimes, even if Fin is covering her ass, sometimes the Captain is needed. Although, Fin always has her back and for something like this? She can almost guarantee she isn't being called unless someone is fucking dying.
So she nods her head, "I'll talk to Fin. Give you a day."
"Sounds good. I'm happy for you, Liv. I really am."
Goodness. She feels so blessed in this life. To come from a home with almost no love, to being surrounded by love, makes her heartache every day. These people are her family. Always have been.
She thinks Amanda is about to walk out, once more turns her body to look at the lace that keeps catching her eye when she hears, "You should go find one. I'm sure he'll love it."
"You think?" Yes, she really did just fucking ask that. God, it would be great if she had a little more confidence with this whole thing.
Amanda laughs, almost a belly laugh and walks out without even responding.
Okay then, she fucking gets it.
EO
Fin is worse than Amanda.
He really fucking is. Even gives her cat call as she's walking away from his, "I'm only agreeing if it's Stabler," comment. Like what an idiot. If she wants to date someone else other than Stabler, she fucking can. Even though she doesn't want to, she can dammit.
And now she's back outside this fucking store again. Her bag swung over her shoulder. Noah is expecting her home in 30 minutes and she's once more gawking at these mannequins. There's some people in there today, a young woman looking through a rack of sexy nightgowns, a middle aged couple that keeps giving one another those fuck me eyes, and it's kind of nice to watch. People are interesting.
She's so consumed in staring at a piece that she likes that she's startled by the sound of someone's voice.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you."
She recognizes the woman. The same woman who had given her a smile earlier in the day. "No, that's okay."
Her nod still looks apologetic but she seems to let it go. "I'm Sarah, the owner. Would you like to come in? Take a look around. I'm sure you'll find something you'll like. Something your significant other will like also."
She almost laughs at the significant other comment. She's not sure why because if this really fucking happens, Elliot will be her significant other. And Jesus, why is that so fucking weird. She's still not even sure if sex is happening yet, although it seems to be working out like that, but if it does, she's still not sure she wants to be so extra. Although she doesn't think feeling sexy is extra…
Fuck, maybe she should go see Lindstrom. He may be able to help her sort through this fucking mess she has in her head right now.
So she respectfully declines, for now.
EO
Lindstrom is a godsend. Is able to get her in for a 15 minute session on the way home and Noah is fine with the short time change as long as she presents herself with pizza. Fair trade off in her opinion.
"So, what would you like to quickly talk about today, Olivia?"
"I'm letting Elliot take me to dinner." There's really no point of beating around the bush with it. She does only have 15 minutes.
He's pleased with that. She can tell and Jesus. Has everyone just been waiting for her to get her shit together? "That's great."
"Yeah… yeah," she says. Because it is.
"What's the problem?"
"Other than the fact that I'm terrified?"
"It's normal for you to feel terrified. It's a big step towards something you never thought was going to happen."
"I know." She does. She's figured that much out already on her own.
"And what else?"
Here she goes. "I just, we didn't really specify how the date, umm, how it's going to end?" God, does that even make sense?
"You mean, you're wondering if sex is going to happen?"
Well, at least one of them can be blunt in this conversation. Guess that's what she pays him the big bucks for. "Yeah."
"Do you want sex to happen?"
"I… umm, shit." She does but… "Yes, I do. But what if I get all mentally and physically prepared for sex and it's not on his itinerary at all?"
"Do you really think he doesn't want to have sex with you?"
Okay, when it's said like that it does sound a little bit stupid. The man looks at her like he wants to consume her whole sometimes. And she swears the way her blood seems to settle at the apex of her thighs? Jesus. "What if he doesn't want to have sex with me yet?"
"What if he does?" That makes her snap her eyes to his. Fucking psychologists. "Look, I don't know the man but I'm sure if he wants to take you out on a date, he wants more with you. And even if it doesn't happen yet, at least you're mentally and physically prepared for it to. You'll feel confident and ready and maybe you can even be the initiator."
She doesn't know about that much but he is right that being prepared is better than not being prepared. "You're right."
"Okay, good. So go out, go to the salon, find a new dress, take a bubble bath, do all those things you used to do for a date. Feel good about yourself and let the cards fall how they are supposed to."
She can do that. She can.
EO
She calls him.
Listens to him scold Bernie for being on top of the ladder, smiles when he tells Eli to keep his eye on his grandmother for ten minutes, laughs when he apologizes for all of it.
"I should be free next Friday night. If that works for you," she tells him.
She thinks she hears him take a deep breath. "Yeah, that's perfect. I'll pick you up?"
"What time?"
"Um, seven?"
"Yeah, okay. Sounds good."
This is happening.
EO
She picks out a dress on Monday. A deep burgundy short sleeve dress that hits her right above the knee and hugs her curves perfectly. This 30 minute morning workout in her room is definitely paying off. That much she can guarantee.
She goes to the salon on Wednesday. Gets her hair freshly done, puts a couple more blonde highlights than usual because why not. Gets her toes painted a deep burgundy to match her dress and her fingers painted a nude color. Gets herself waxed for the first time in forever and ouch, she forgot how painful that is. Although she loves the way her new landing strip looks. It's nice to actually see herself again.
After work on Thursday, she finds herself outside this store again. It's really not necessary. She could just wear one of her matching sets, they look like lingerie anyways but it would be kind of nice, at least she thinks it would be. It would be nicer if her body wasn't fucking marked by a monster and seriously, it's bullshit. She's about to walk away again because really, it's not worth the stress she keeps bringing on herself when she hears that voice again.
"Are you sure you don't want to come in? It's empty right now and you're welcome to try on as many as you want. I can help you also, if you need some."
She turns her body to look at Sarah and she's not sure what her facial expression shows, not sure if she can see the emotion swirling around inside of her because god, she wants to surprise him but her skin doesn't look the same and she hasn't told him what happened and fuck.
"You'll look incredible. I promise you that."
Jesus. How can a stranger even do this to her? She sniffles, just a little bit, nods her head. Because if she's going to go look, this is really the only time she has. The date is tomorrow. She follows Sarah in, takes her first really good look around the store and god, she doesn't even know where to start.
"Take your time. If you have any questions, or would like me to help, let me know."
Her body turns towards the black lace that her eyes keep falling upon and points towards it, "Can I try that one. I don't know what size…"
Sarah is already walking toward a rack in the way back, "Medium. Bust size of 36 DDD? It's perfect for your body. Teddys are some of the sexiest in my opinion. Do you want black?"
"Um," her feet follow hers because the lady knew her bust size just from looking at her, she obviously knows what she's doing, "What other colors do you have?"
"In that one? Red, green, oh, there's blue too. You know, just try them all on." As she speaks, she throws each piece, in what Olivia thinks is her size, over her arm. "Any more you'd like to try? We have a lot of teddys to choose from. Also have stockings for them too."
Great, stockings. "Think we'll pass on the stockings. Thinking of wearing it under my dress."
That makes Sarah smile, "Trying to surprise him? Her?"
"Him and yes," something like that, "Do you have any more suggestions?"
"Well, I think this is a great one for hiding but this one," she makes her way to one more rack and holds up a sheer and lace black teddy, damn, "Is my favorite teddy. Shows enough but not everything. Makes it more fun. Even has a snap at the crotch for easy access. All different colors too, should be able to hide it also."
"Okay. I'll try those ones." She's in here now, might as well and if she doesn't like them, she won't buy them.
"Great. I'm telling you, you're gonna look incredible. Not that you don't look incredible now, just…" she does a little click with her tongue, gives her a wink and holds up a thumbs up.
It makes her smile. "Thank you." It's nice. Being complimented is nice and it gives her a little more confidence as she follows her to the changing room.
"Of course. Panty liners in that box right there."
Being left alone behind a red curtain, in front of three mirrors that she's essentially supposed to get butt ass naked in front of, spikes her anxiety. She doesn't look at herself naked that much anymore, aftermath of trauma. So having three mirrors that show every single angle? Jesus.
She hangs her purse up, glides her hand along the various colors of sheer and lace that Sarah hung up for her, takes a deep breath, grabs a panty liner and turns herself around. She'll look once she has it on.
She tries the one she saw first. The fit? Like a glove. She doesn't even have to look at the mirror to know that much. How the woman knew her size down to a tee is actually really impressive and Olivia hopes this business is giving her a good living.
She takes one more deep breath turns herself slowly towards the mirror and fuck. It's been way too long since she's seen herself in something like this and she can't even help the tears that fill her eyes. She looks… good. Sexy even. And god, she can't remember the last time she referred to herself as sexy either. The lace is completely see through. Her nipples strained against the black flower design, her belly button draws attention downwards and her bare lips are almost on full display. The wire keeps her breasts upright, not as upright as she usually likes but they still look good. And her ass? God. She's always had a nice ass. Her scars on her breasts are visible but then again, they're always going to be visible and if she's going to do this, if they're going to this, he's going to see all of them anyways, so she's just going to have to get past that.
Overall she likes it but Sarah was right. It doesn't leave a lot to the imagination and something about hiding some pieces for further discovery, sounds sexier to her. So she turns back around, puts the teddy on that Sarah suggested, takes another one of these deep breaths and turns her body towards the mirror again.
Now, this. This is something she can look at herself in forever. The bust is stronger in this one. Holds her breasts up and together, makes her look a little bit like Dolly Parton, which is really fucking nice. Her nipples are covered with a combination of sheer and lacy fabric that makes them invisible to the naked eye, her belly button still draws attention downward, her lips are covered with the same fabric and this snap? She can guarantee Elliot is going to love it, if he gets her dress off. Although she's standing here in the sexiest teddy she's ever worn, she really doesn't think the if is needed. If he wants her dress off, he can definitely take it off.
She thinks about trying another color but she's always had a thing for black. She does one more complete spin, once more compliments her own ass because it really is a nice ass, draws her hands along her sides slowly, bites her lip at just the thought of what Elliot's face is going to look like when he sees this, and gives herself an encouraging nod.
This is happening.
When she tells Sarah all about her relationship with Elliot, the 12 years of partnership, the 10 years of absence, the 24 years of love, her tears trickle again. But Sarah is amazing, tells her she deserves this, tells her that this first night is going to be mind blowing and god, she really fucking hopes so. She accepts the free warming lube that Sarah offers her because although it sucks, her hormones are a bitch now and can't really go wrong with warming lube, in her opinion. And when she walks out of the shop, she feels more confident then she thinks she ever has.
EO
A bubble bath was the perfect suggestion.
She comes home as early as she can, spends a little bit of time with Noah, kisses his curls and thanks Carisi when he shows up to pick him up, silences her work phone because Fin promised not to call her. Even promised to try not to send anyone out because the last thing they need is their shitty luck ruining tonight for her and Elliot.
Elliot has called her too. Has confirmed with her that he'll be here at seven o'clock sharp, which is still a great time because she has enough time to get completely ready. She blow dries and curls her hair butt naked, because she's supposed to feel sexy. Supposed to feel confident and what better way to do that than stare at her naked form the whole two hours it takes her to do her hair, skincare routine and makeup?
This time when she pulls the expensive teddy up her body, she watches herself the whole time in her full length mirror. Watches herself pull the zipper up, watches herself readjust the girls so they're nice and perky, watches herself angle this snap just right. Even gives herself another good twirl to see all of her. And she really doesn't think she could have picked a better piece for tonight. Just looking at herself is making her feel hot and at least she can still do that to herself.
She gives herself another one of those encouraging nods, drapes her dress over her head, pulls her zipper up, leans down to buckle these stupid heals that hurt her ankle, leans in close to the mirror to put on her jewelry, a matching gold set that compliments her dress nicely and she looks, she feels… ready.
Ready for tonight. For whatever tonight has to offer with Elliot and when she hears her phone chime, and her security guard on her intercom telling her that an Elliot Stabler is there to see her, she glances at her bed, with her freshly washed sheets, tries to ignore the combined shiver of nervousness and anticipation that rolls through her veins and takes another deep breath.
Ready for whatever tonight has to offer them.
EO
"Wow, Liv. You look amazing," is the first thing he says when she opens the door. And damn, the way his eyes just looked at all of her. He's holding a bouquet of pink and white peonies and oh, he remembered.
She takes them, brings them to her nose for a sniff and mmm. "Thank you. You do too."
He really fucking does. Looks like a million dollars in her opinion. In a white long sleeve button down, that is barely even buttoned if she may add. Like did the man forget what those are for or something? She swears the first four are undone and yes, she wants to run her hand through all of that course hair. A pair of black slacks. Clean shaven face and head, with the scent of his cologne drowning her senses. Just his proximity does things to her and shit, she needs to calm down. Or maybe she doesn't because the way she catches his eyes drop to her breasts and his teeth catch his lower lip, she's not the only one having thoughts.
As she makes her way to her kitchen, because these flowers are beautiful and they need water, she says, "Come in, let me put these in water real fast."
She hears the click of her door, reaches to the top of her fridge for her nice vase and when she turns his eyes are glued on her ass. Well, maybe dinner isn't necessary, although she is hungry.
She tries to ignore the heated look in his eyes and turns the faucet on, "Do we have dinner reservations?"
"I would hope so. Wouldn't be a good date if I didn't plan to take you anywhere." His tone is humorous, makes her laugh, and okay, this is good.
She's rearranging the flowers in the vase when she catches him staring at her again. This time, just her face with this look that she can't all the way place. "What?"
"Nothing. You're just so beautiful. Even more now than you were then."
Holy shit. She was not expecting that and what the fuck was that tone he just used with her? Jesus. Thank goodness for Lindstrom and his whole be prepared speech. Because she is so prepared to put her fresh sheets to use tonight. God, just the thought has her squeezing her thighs together. They need to leave for dinner, right now. Or they're never going to.
She gives him a smile, tells him, "Thank you," and makes her way to her purse that is sitting on her entry table.
"So, Noah isn't here?"
That makes her smile too. Makes her wonder if he had been pondering that question since the moment he stepped through the door. She swings her purse over her shoulder, turns her body to look at him once more and god, it is not okay for him to be so fucking good looking and says, "No, he's at a sleepover tonight."
If the look on the man's face could really melt her, she'd be a puddle on the ground right now. It's like he knows exactly why Noah is at a sleepover tonight and as much as she would like to be ravished as soon as possible, which is exactly what his eyes tell her he wants to do, she's hungry. She wants expensive food and expensive wine. She wants to flirt a whole lot. She wants him to earn it. Wants him to show her all that she's been missing. So, no he does not get to ravish her, yet.
"Dinner, El." Just in case he needs a reminder of the schedule.
He gives her that show stopping grin, makes his way before her to open her door before she can, and says, "Yes, dinner."
EO
The man has good taste. A nice French restaurant in downtown Manhattan with an expensive menu, fabulous decor, and romantic music. He keeps his hand on her lower back through the maze of tables, pulls out her chair for her, pushes his chair a little bit closer to hers, orders the best bottle of Cabernet they have. It's nice.
Problem is, she doesn't really know what to talk about. They know everything about one another, for the most part, and the point of a date is to get to know more about the other person, she thinks. So when she reaches for her wine glass, she feels a little bit awkward.
"Maureen is expecting again," he says and okay. She thinks that's a great conversation starter.
"Really? That's great, Elliot." It is. Who doesn't love more babies in their life?
"Yeah, it is. She's nervous though. Kathy was so involved, or as involved as she could be with the twins, even came here when they were born. So, she doesn't know how she's going to do it without her."
Well, she's not exactly sure what to say to that. Kathy is not someone who she really wanted to talk about tonight. Although that may sound a little rude, she was kind of hoping for some flirting. And flirting does not involve Kathy. But she has to respond with something. "Kathy is with her, is with all of you, in your own personal way. Hopefully her memory and everything she taught her will be enough." She can't really get anymore philosophical than that and more wine sounds like a great idea right now.
"Kind of along the same lines that I told her. She'll always be with us and we'll make sure her memory lives on through us and through everyone after."
"Yeah." She feels like he was maybe hoping for more but again, Kathy is not who she wanted to talk about tonight. She doesn't want to remember the fact that if she hadn't died, Elliot would have disappeared again. Would have left her like she was nothing again. And fuck, this is a mistake. They can't do this. They can never do this.
They're silent. And she uses the menu in front of her as a distraction. She's not really hungry anymore and the wine seems to be the only thing she really wants, but when the waitress comes up to take their order, and Elliot looks at her to go first, she has to order something. "Um, I'll just take, um," her eyes scan the menu because shit, she hasn't even really looked at it.
"Can we have a little more time?" Elliot asks the waitress and no. More time means more time until they get their food, which means more time until she can get home, which means more time until she can cry into her pillow over the fact that she and Elliot will never be.
"No, no. That's okay. I'll take the ratatouille."
Elliot eyes her suspiciously but orders the boeuf bourguignon and thanks the waitress as she steps away.
He tries. He really does. Asks her about work, about Noah, about the time he was away. But she answers everything with short answers. With answers that hardly even answer what he's really asking. Because, this. This wouldn't be happening if Kathy, the woman who was so involved in her grandchildren's life although she was miles away, the woman who came to New York for their delivery, the woman who wrote that letter, wouldn't have died. Olivia was nothing to Elliot when Kathy was alive. And really, she shouldn't be anything now either.
By the time he asks about Noah's dance and she answers with a, "It's going good," while swirling her wine in her glass and looking at her lap, she can tell he's done trying. He sighs sadly, drops his shoulders in defeat, picks up his own glass of wine. They eat in silence. Well, they both don't really eat at all. She cuts her eggplant into little triangles to try not to let the tears threatening to escape her eyes actually escape because dammit this was not supposed to happen. He sits there staring at her, she thinks. And when the waitress comes back, Elliot is the one who asks for boxes. Thank god.
He pays the bill in silence, they walk to the car in silence, she thanks him quietly when he opens the door for her but they drive in silence. She's ready to go home. Ready to wash off her stupid makeup, ready to brush these curls out of her hair, ready to rip this dress off of her and ready to throw this teddy in the trash can. Jesus, she fucking prepared, mentally and physically, to have sex with this man tonight and this is what she got. Fuck Lindstrom.
But really, fuck herself. Fuck the fact that she can't get out of her own goddamn head with this man.
She thinks they're going back to her place. Thinks that she's about to have a sanctuary alone. But when he makes a right at a stop light he's supposed to make a left at, her eyes flash to him. He must have forgotten where her place is. "You were supposed to…"
"Make a left, I know. But the date isn't over yet." His voice is almost defeated sounding, and god. She doesn't like it. At all. "I had one more thing planned, if that's okay."
The fact that he's essentially asking her for permission makes her almost cry. Really, what a fucking man.
"Okay," she answers. Because seriously, she can't tell that no, regardless of how bad she wants to go home.
He nods, keeps his eyes focused solely on the road in front of him, and what better place to look other than there? She watches the whole time. Watches him go straight through three lights, watches him make a left at the next and a right at the next. Sees the beautiful sight of the water and the Statue of Liberty before her, takes a deep breath when he parks, looks at him when he asks her, "Will you get out with me?"
The night is beautiful. Perfect, even. The breeze from the water is perfect against the heat of the night, she sees the bright lights from late night boat rides on the water, sees the light of the torch from their lady Liberty. It's romantic. Fuck, the man is so goddamn romantic.
"I'm sorry about dinner," he says and seriously, who the fuck is this? Dinner wasn't even really his fault, it was mostly her and her stupid ass overthinking. "I was trying so hard to not let you overthink yet."
Okay. The hell is that supposed to mean? "Excuse me?"
He arches his eyebrows at her because really, is she seriously going to deny that that's exactly what happened? Because it fucking did and he knows it did. God, he still knows her better than anyone ever has. "Asshole," she mumbles. He didn't have to be so blunt and call her out.
He ignores the name call, "I just wanted to tell you about the kids," he says and oh. He's defending himself too. "I shouldn't have mentioned Kathy. I tried to fix it, to switch it back to neutral ground." And acknowledging that he was wrong too? Jesus.
But this is supposed to be a conversation, she thinks, so she responds, "You're right. You shouldn't have mentioned, Kathy." He shouldn't have. "I'm excastic that Maureen is having a baby because I love babies." She does. And if this happens, that means she gets to be around more babies. That she gets to, essentially, be a grandma too. But, "I want, I wanted flirting, Elliot. I wanted you to keep looking at me like you wanted to slam me against the wall, and keep talking to me like I was someone you wanted to take home. Kathy doesn't…"
He's quick. More than quick. So quick she hadn't even realized he was getting closer. That or she was too consumed in what she was saying. Either way, his lips are on hers before she can even think. It's a small but passionate kiss. A deep peck that seems to consume her whole. And when he goes to pull away, to what she thinks gauge her reaction, she just pulls his lips right back to hers. She was not done with these yet.
His lips are everything. Everything she had always imagined they would be and more. They're soft and tender, rough and hard. They give just as much as they take. His tongue sets the rhythm. His hand in her hair pulls her in a direction that just allows more. His other hand presses her hard against him. And holy shit. She never knew kissing was so fucking good. Never knew it could make her so wet.
And when he pulls away, to let them both take a much needed breath, although she thinks she could have gone longer, he says in this fucking tone, "I want to slam you against every wall, I always have and I would do anything to be able to take you back to your place tonight. Anything." The last anything is emphasized, like he really does fucking mean anything.
And god. She's never wanted anything more.
EO
The ride home is fun.
His hand won't stop squeezing her thigh, won't stop drawing her fingers to his mouth each time she grasps at his hand to giggly tell him to stop it. And since she can't stop clenching to every fucking squeeze, although she doesn't really want to stop, she moans and decides to actually talk to him. She needs something to distract herself with, dammit.
"Noah's dance is amazing. He's so good, Elliot. Like I never knew how fucking much I could look up to someone, you know? He inspires me."
"He's a great kid, Liv."
God. "He really is." She takes another breath, moans softly when he squeezes her thigh perfectly once more. "Work is bullshit. It's always bullshit. McGrath is always up my ass about shit that I have no control over. Never agrees on how I run any fucking case and I'm supposed to keep my mouth shut? Does he know how hard I have fought for SVU? This is…"
At the same time she says "mine," he says, "yours." He knows. He knows what this unit is to her. It's the only place she's ever felt was home.
"Yeah," She says.
"You're an amazing, Captain. I always knew you would be." She hums softly, is about to open her mouth when he says, "Hottest Captain too." Fuck. "Like Jesus, Liv. You in your nice Captain clothes?" He squeezes her thigh again, like he's expressing how fucking hot she is and damn. "You right now?" Another pause, another squeeze, "Fuck."
Okay. This is not okay right now. The man has barely touched her and she feels as if she's on edge already. She moans softly again, whispers a deep and sexy, "Thank you."
She watches him grin, feels that hand once again grip and she would really appreciate it if he could move his fingers up just a little bit more. Maybe if she opens her thighs a little bit.
Elliot is an asshole though. He moves his fingers a tiny bit higher but never quite where she wants him to be and she swears, she almost groans in frustration.
"Something I don't know about?"
Shit. He had asked that too. And although she's not prepared to tell him everything yet, she's really not trying to ruin the mood with her past lovers, doesn't want the dread when it comes to her scars, she can tell him something. "Noah is adopted." He glances at her with that. Sees the shock on his face because she's sure he thought the mystery Ed was his father. "It's just him and I. Has always been him and I." She tells him that on purpose. To tell him that no matter who she's dated, Noah is hers. No one, absolutely no one has been able to call themselves his father.
She smiles at his smile, and yeah. She thought he would like that. Such a fucking alpha male. "You've done amazing with him."
"I know." She has dammit, and no one will ever be able to tell her different.
"I'm so happy for you, Liv. So beyond happy that you were able to get him. You've always deserved to be a mother."
It's her turn to lift his hand to her lips, because really, she never thought she would hear him say those words. "Thank you."
It's silent, only for a moment, and when he speaks again, she swears her fucking liquid pulls in between her legs, "I want to get you naked."
Well. They're definitely on the same page now. "Mmm. I think we can arrange that."
They can.
EO
She hasn't brought a man home in a really long time and she sees the way her security eyes them all the way to the elevator. She thinks it has something to do with the fact that she's actually bringing him up, but she's sure it mostly has to do with the fact that Elliot keeps fucking touching her. Around her waist, against her hip, a quick swipe of her ass cheek and when they stop at the elevator to push the button, he pulls her completely into him, drops his mouth the small distance to her ear to tell her once more how much he fucking wants her and Jesus. This elevator needs to hurry the fuck up.
Elevators are not a safe place to be with Elliot Stabler now. And she hopes they don't get stuck in an elevator at work because this is exactly what's going to happen. She's backed up against the corner as his hands run along the length of her body, as his lips drop sweet but passionate kisses against her lips and she's already in heaven with this man. Already slick with want and maybe they won't need that warming lube after all.
When the doors open, she almost has to shove him backwards to get his lips to detach from her jawline, almost drops her keys from the pure intensity of his deep breath against the back of her neck and almost sighs in relief when her door is closed and locked behind them.
She doesn't have much time to really think about how this is supposed to go because he's already sliding her purse off her shoulder, already guiding her body backwards and when her ass hits the back of her living room chair, he leans forward to kiss her deeply. Well, guess she's following his lead tonight. That's okay with her. If he's confident, if he's sure, she's confident and sure too.
Elliot likes to devor, that much is obvious. The way his tongue expertly moves in her mouth makes her think of other places it will expertly move and goddamn. Her hands are wrapped around his head, holding the smooth skin of his cheeks, feeling the boldness of these fucking shoulders, and seriously she doesn't think she's ever been so attracted to a man before.
When he pulls his lips from hers she almost whimpers in protest but the look on his face and his instant drop down to his knees stops her. Instead she moans lowly and smiles softly at the way his hands skim along the arch of each heel as he removes her shoes. Such a gentleman.
And then, she guides them. Guides them down her hallway, across the threshold of her door, turns her bed table light on because she knows the both of them would like to see everything, turns her body back towards him to let him guide them once more. A push and pull even in the bedroom. Perfect.
Guide them, he does. His hands take hold of her hips, wrap around her waist, squeeze her ass and his lips latch right back onto her. On one slow movement of his hands up her body, he groans lowly and she's pretty sure she knows exactly what he groaned about.
"Do you have something under this?" He asks. His voice is deep and sexy. Makes her clit vibrate in tune to each syllable.
She bites her lip, gives him what she hopes is a sexy smile, because fuck, she feels sexy, nods her head, "Mhmm."
"Fuck…" his eyes close almost as if he's trying to get himself under control, and Jesus Christ, that is the sexiest thing she has ever seen. "You're everything. You know that?"
Well. She was not expecting that, although she doesn't know why she thought she would get anything else with him. He's everything too. Everything she's ever wanted, everything she's ever dreamed for, everything she thought she would never have. Because, Elliot? He's the only man she could ever have everything with. Her eyes fill with tears, her head nods once more and when she pushes him towards the edge of her bed, he sits without question.
She wore this for him. She should be the one who actually shows him. Who confidently shows him. So with his hands intimately on her hips, she reaches behind herself for her zipper, smiles softly again at the deep breath he just took in, leaks at the look of pure want in his eyes, and lets her dress fall.
God, she didn't even know a man could groan so loudly and he isn't even coming. He's just looking. With these icy blues so fucking dark with want, she swears she feels like she's on fire already.
"My god, Olivia." The way he rolls the O of her name makes her clench. His eyes trace the movement of his slow hands and she can see how much he wants her. She always knew he would be large, everywhere.
She catches his eyes flash to the visible scars scattered along her chest but those are the last things she wants to talk about. "You like it?" She asks because she really needs those eyes to concentrate on something else. And she's always liked talking anyways.
His eyes snap to hers with that question, thankfully, and Jesus, she already knows that answer. Not that it was a serious question anyways. His hands move to grab a fistful of ass and when he opens his mouth, she's ready. "Turn around."
Well, she thought she was ready. She's not sure how this man keeps saying shit she's not expecting, but he's really fucking good at it. "What?"
When his hands grip her harder, she moans louder because damn, she's always liked the roughness, and he repeats himself once more, "Around, Liv. Turn around," she swears the fucking panty portion of this teddy is useless.
She can feel her arousal coating her thighs, and when she turns around and he pushes her a little farther away from him, she can feel the coolness from the air against her. Can hear the deepness of his fucking groan and she bends just a little forward to show him a little more. It's been a long time since she's really felt whole in the bedroom, and when Elliot smacks her ass perfectly, she thinks maybe she's never felt whole at all.
"Fuck, Elliot." Seriously, her clit is still fucking vibrating, she fucking feels like she just came, and they are in so much trouble. She gives her ass a nice shake, just because and when his hands grip her ass hard to pull her back so he can sink his teeth into her asscheek, she hisses sharply, reaches her hand back to hold him to her. There is no way they're this fucking connected. "Ellll…"
"I fucking love it." His voice is a perfect combination of emotion and sexiness and she needs to get her lips back on his, right now.
It's deep, passionate, purposeful, has her angling his head back and forth to try to make it deeper, allows her to take charge. But that only lasts for a minute because Elliot is a good multitasker, she would have never guessed. His lips kiss her, while his hands rome along her body perfectly. Around her waist, up her spine, along her shoulders, across her clavicles, down her breasts, where they stop to squeeze and knead and his fingers tug and pull and before she can even think, she's on her back on the softness of her mattress, with him hovering over her and his mouth staking claim in hers.
It's hot and when her hips arch up because goddamn, she needs some fucking friction, she's met perfectly with the hardness of him. Man is not small, in any sense of the word.
He knocks into her perfectly and fuck, she wants more. She wants so much more. So she grinds and grinds, hooks her legs harder when he tries to pull away, whimpers a no, no because fuck, it's been too fucking long since she's had an earthshaking orgasm. And it's about to fucking happen, she feels it building in her core and if he would just not move, that would be great.
And he not only doesn't move, he starts thrusting in tune to her grinds. Takes some of the work off her, presses himself more deeply against her, makes her wind even tighter, makes her pull her lips from his. "Uhh-oh, Elliot… El, I-I-I…" she's not sure what she's even trying to say, her mind drowning with the on coming of this orgasm, but she's trying to say something.
"Come on, Olivia. Come for me."
Okay, that is definitely a way to make her body unwind. Man has the sexiest voice she's ever heard and his deep praising words as she calls out his name into the air around them makes her gush more and makes her come harder.
"That's it, baby." "God, you're beautiful." "Fuck, I can feel you even through our layers, Liv… so wet." The moment is so intense. Has her seeing stars, has her clinging onto him so she remembers she's not fucking alone. That this is real and not another one of her fantasies. And fuck, she never knew an orgasm through clothes could be so intense. He groans deeply with her, faults on the movement of his hips and him. She wants him, all of him right now.
Her hands reach between them to pluck at the few buttons on this shirt, and when he helps her get it off his shoulders, damn the man is so fucking muscular, she reaches down for the button on his goddamn trousers.
He tries once again to bring his hips away from her, but she just follows him with her hands, sits up enough to still get them unbuttoned and unzipped, keeps her lips attached to every piece of him she can. His lips, his jawline, the upper portion of his neck. And when her hand slides right in to take a hold of him through his boxers, their groans are in unison. Poor man. He's just as hard as she is wet. And fuck, she wants this to happen. Wants to feel the thickness of him stretch her, wants to feel the longness of him reach places inside of she's never knew existed, wants them to finally to become one.
"I want you, Elliot. I want everything that comes with it." God, she wants to be a grandma to his grand babies, she wants his kids to come to her for advice, she wants Noah to look up to him as a father, maybe one day she even wants to call him her husband. Everything.
He kisses her deeply again, presses her body back into the mattress under them and yes. She's always wanted this position too. "God, me too, Olivia. I want you so much. I love you… so much."
She can tell, can tell he's terrified that that may freak her out. And even though it does a little bit, maybe a lot bit, she's ready for this. She's ready to conquer every fear with him. "I know. I love you too." She's thankful he's just as emotional as she is, and even with their tears, it's still so full of heat.
At the next swipe of his tongue, she maneuvers her hand to slip inside of his boxers as well, wraps her hand around the bare length and seriously. Man is perfect. And, ready. He's hot and heavy and she can feel him throbbing, "Liv…"
She can't help the few generous pumps of her hand as she goes to push his pants down, "I want you inside of me."
"But…"
He's not stopping her, by any means. His legs are moving in tune to the movement of her hands, his body is sitting up enough to reach back to pull his shoes and socks off, so she knows he's not telling her no. And when his eyes flash to her still covered breasts, she understands. The man is a romantic, he wants to do everything, wants her naked, probably wants to kiss every part of her, wants to make her want him even more. But seriously there is absolutely no way she can want him even more right now.
"We have all night, El." They do. He can do all that stuff later. He better do it later because his mouth? Fuck.
His eyes darken with that, and yes, all night, Elliot. When the man has a mission, he's quick. His fingers unsnap her teddy, he groans again about how much he likes the outfit, swipes his fingers through her soaked folds, "God, Liv." He even pulls back enough to look at all of her and while it's sexy, she's on edge, he's on edge and she wants him inside of her.
"Ellllioot…" she wiggles her hips, whimpers when he sinks one finger slowly inside of her, moans when he sinks one more, clenches at the stretch, arches at the groans that escape his lips, throws her head back at the curve, gushes at the way he takes just enough time to find her sweet spot. "Uhhhh-fu…you-you, you." Her body, she's desperate to come again. But her first orgasm was so intense and she doesn't want to do the next one without him. She wants to be with him. Wants the intensity of what they do to one another.
He removes his fingers, makes her moan when he groans deeply around them in his mouth, is just as quick to position himself right at her entrance and she can't help but look down the length of them. To find where they are about to be connected. Perfect. He's, they're perfect. "This what you want?"
Goddamn. "Fuck, yes."
She expects some sort of sexy remark. Even some sort of sexy action but when he gives her nothing, she draws her eyes up the solid planes of him to see his eyes once more casted at her chest. There's no mistaking what they are or the cause of them but she really doesn't want to talk about that right now. One day, yes. Right now? No. So she sits up a little bit once more, closes the distance between their lips, tells him, "Just be with me, Elliot." Just her. Nothing else matters because this? This is everything.
Although he nods, his eyes are full of emotion and she doesn't like that. This is supposed to be fun, supposed to be sexy, supposed to make them both feel whole, and that's exactly what it is. "I want you to fuck me."
Jesus. She didn't think his eyes could get any darker. His hand grabs the back of her thigh roughly, opens her more up to him and yes, please. "You sure?" The look in his eye is kind of dangerous and yum.
"Yes. Fuck me like you've wanted to fuck me for the last 24 years." Fuck her. Who the fuck is she? Maybe it was all that wine at dinner. Maybe it's just 24 years of pent up frustration.
He growls loudly, pushes her thigh up even more, closes the distance between their lips, catches his teeth against her top lip and sinks himself inside of her perfectly. He swallows every moan, is gentle but rough when he needs to be, and god. The stretch of him is so fucking fantastic. Once he's completely inside of her, the tip of his dick hitting somewhere deep, he pulls the length of himself out slowly enough to make her go cross eyed and snaps his hips forward quickly enough to make her call out once more.
And when his hand pushes her thigh up even more, she really didn't think she was this flexible, she moans, "Yes, yes, yes." She wants it. Wants every ounce of happiness, every ounce of sadness, every ounce of regret, every ounce of love this man has ever felt for her. And she wants to give it back to him.
Elliot is strong. Powerful. Puts his all into every fucking thrust. When his hips quickly establish a rhythm that is oh so deep and rewarding, that rocks her body roughly back and forth, her hips work to match his. To help make him hit deeper. To help him go faster. To help him hit that incredible spot inside of her.
Her pleasure builds hot and fast. From her toes, to her head. And it's so fucking powerful again, that she can't even try to taper it down. But Elliot keeps thrusting, keeps telling her, "God, you feel so fucking good. One more, Liv. Think I can get you there again?"
Jesus. She thinks so. "Mmhhhm, ye…" And when he threads his fingers through her hair to tilt her head back to look into her eyes, when he hooks her leg high on his shoulder, she is a definitely going to feel this tomorrow, when he hits something really fucking good, she sure the hell can. "Yes, I'm almost there already… AHHH, Ellllliiiiooooot." She moans again, wraps her hands back around his neck to latch her lips back on his. The word harder is almost whispered and she's surprised he even heard it. Surprised he can even go harder also.
She can feel the moment his body tenses, can hear in the way he groans her name, and shit.
"Inside me, Elliot. Come inside of me." She wants it. Wants the evidence of this to always be left inside of her.
It takes her one more hard thrust and one more loud groan of her name, for her body to once more clench around him. And his seems to be just in tune to hers. He groans her name deeply while she moans his name delightfully. Every twitch of his dick seems to make her gush again and every gush of her pussy seems to make him twitch again, and holy fuck. She feels like it goes on and on and on.
She doesn't think she's ever felt so warm in her life. Has never felt so safe and satisfied or so sexy and whole. And as they both come down from their highs, as their tongues languidly swipe along one another, as their hands softly touch along the others flesh, she smiles softly.
She's never believed in fate but with Elliot, she kind of does.
Because this is everything.
This is exactly how it was always supposed to be.
And when he begins to drag his lips along her jawline, she will never have words for how thankful she is for Lindstrom.