Chapter 2
Never Meet Your Heroes
The universe had made a terrible mistake. A terribly cruel mistake. Not only had the powers that be mistakenly found Jessica worthy of a Green Lantern's ring, but they had also seen fit to give her a talking ring.
"Jessica," said the semi-robotic voice, "you require sustenance."
"I don't care." She shut her eyes and covered her ears to drown out the noise, but unfortunately the voice was coming from inside her own head.
"What is the matter?"
"I don't know..."
It had been a week since Jessica last left her apartment. Before that it had been four long years. She was supposedly wearing one of the greatest weapons in the universe on her finger, but thus far it hadn't done much besides nag her. Why couldn't everyone just understand that talking about herself was the last thing she wanted to do? A small trickle of emotion would quickly become a flood, and then she'd have to make a poor excuse as to why she was crying. Allergies were usually her go-to. Then the inevitable 'Why are you crying?' would be asked, to which Jessica never had an answer.
For seven days she hadn't played her Gameboy or watched cartoons. She had showered once, but only to wash off Phoebe's blood, and had gotten out as soon as the ring had started talking to her. Jessica couldn't decide whether the voice was masculine or feminine, but having a constant companion had convinced her to bathe in a swimsuit next time. The few times she'd gotten dressed she might've set a record, and had warned the ring that under no circumstances was it ever to speak while she was going to the bathroom. Her threats had been as vulgar as they were violent, and Jessica still hadn't ruled out cutting off her finger and flushing them both down the toilet.
"Please, Jessica. Speak to me," it said after some passage of time that went unnoticed by Jessica.
She was curled up on the couch, far away from her formerly favorite window. She hadn't eaten today, and couldn't remember if she'd eaten anything the day before. All Jessica could do was stare at the blank television and imagine every horrible thing being said on the news. How many people could Jessica have saved if she'd just get off her couch? With the ability to fly, she could be anywhere in the world right now, but instead she was in Opal City, Texas. Yee-haw...
Just like every little boy and girl, Jessica had played superhero and dreamed of wearing a cape to work someday. In her teenage years, she attended Halloween parties dressed as whatever superheroine was popular at the time. She'd been lacking in a couple of specific areas to pull off a successful Wonder Woman or Power Girl cosplay, unlike Phoebe, but she'd made for a fairly convincing Supergirl. If Supergirl had dark hair, dark skin, and a penchant for cursing in Spanish that is.
No superhero had been there for Jessica the day she needed them, and as far as she was aware, the murderers were still free while Jessica was trapped in her apartment. If she couldn't save Phoebe, David, or Ethan, what was even the point? And if Jessica couldn't save her best friend and their boyfriends, what chance did strangers have? She'd probably just screw up like she screwed everything else up.
"It's like God's mocking me," she whispered. "If I'd had this ring four years ago, I could've saved everyone and none of this would've happened." Jessica glared at the ring, wishing she could cut her finger off without there being blood. "Why didn't you come then, huh? Was I not brave enough hiding in the woods while men with guns hunted me like an animal? What about when I saw them shoot David? Or Ethan? Or while holding Phoebe and lying that everything was going to be okay! I don't even know what my last words to her were because I didn't realize she'd already died in my arms! Why did it take stepping out of my apartment for you to find me!?"
"I'm sorry, Jessica," the ring said, monotone as always, "but I was not even in your solar system four weeks ago, let alone four years. If I had been, I cannot promise that you would've been selected, but it does not change the past, nor the present."
Jessica winced as though she'd been struck. She wanted to run and hide, but unless she suddenly found the courage to cut off her finger, the ring was coming with her. "I'm sorry," she whimpered. "I've wasted four years of my life thinking about that day, and I'll waste another four before I know it. Tell me, would you just slip onto another finger, or would you go find someone actually worthy if I cut off my-"
"I will not permit you to harm yourself, Jessica."
She nodded. "It was just a thought. I've never actually hurt myself, you know. Not badly anyway. I'm not really in control here, am I?"
"Do you wish to be in control?"
Jessica had to think for a moment. "No. I don't know. Maybe. I haven't been in control in a long time..."
"I understand your reluctance, Jessica. You feel guilty that you lived while your friends died, and you believe you don't deserve to be happy. You know that your friends would want you to be happy for their sakes, but that just makes you feel even more guilty because of how you've spent the last four years. You know their deaths weren't your fault, but you can't bring yourself to admit it to yourself."
She scowled at the ring. "You haven't told me anything my parents, sister, therapist, and Dr. Phil haven't already. In case you haven't noticed, I've got stacks of self-help books lying all around the apartment that haven't done any good either. I know what the problem is, but it's like knowing a math problem and not being able to find the solution. Even if I found it I'm not sure that would do any good either."
"Perhaps you should take a break from the problem."
"Don't give me that crap about 'Just don't think about it' or 'Try to get your mind off it'," she mimicked the ring's monotone way of speaking for added effect. "I left a part of myself in those woods, and I'm still there lying in the bushes, trying to keep Phoebe quiet while she bleeds to death. You don't understand. Nobody does..."
"Then help me understand, Jessica. You cannot run and hide from me as you have your family," the ring said.
"Watch me." Jessica got off the couch and stormed into the kitchen. Since she hadn't done the dishes recently she had her pick of knives lying in the sink. She reached for one but her hand moved away, guided by the ring. Undeterred, she reached for it with her left but an emerald light emerged from the ring and she suddenly found herself in handcuffs. "You've got to be kidding."
"I told you, I will not permit you to harm yourself. More people understand what you're going through than you realize, but even if they don't, you can help them understand by talking."
*sniff*
"Why are you trying to help me?" she tried not to sob. "I don't want help, and I can't be helped. I've seen what Green Lanterns can do. Please, just go away and find someone else. Make them the kind of superhero that'll save the world. If nothing else, find someone who'll save people from becoming like me. Nobody deserves this hell. Except me..."
She closed her eyes and bowed her head, but looked up when she felt a hand caress her cheek. The construct wasn't fully corporeal, but emerging from the ring were the familiar arms of Phoebe comforting her just like old times. They wrapped around her, and she gritted her teeth to keep from crying.
"I already found that person, Jessica. Unlike the other Green Lanterns of Earth, you don't want to save the planet or galaxy, or even the universe. Only you know yourself well enough to keep people from becoming like you. Addicts seek help from other addicts because only another addict can understand what they're going through."
Jessica almost laughed. "Of all addictions to have, I think I picked the worst. It doesn't even get you drunk or high." She glanced at the ring. "Isn't stopping murders a little mundane for a Green Lantern? The only time they're in the news is whenever they're saving the world or stopping a supervillain."
"Perhaps to the Guardians, but you care more about people's lives than the balance of the universe, and I am your faithful guide and partner. You possess the necessary willpower to control this ring, and willpower is the source of all your newfound power."
She laughed darkly and turned to her cuffs. "Superman gets his powers from the yellow sun, and I get mine from willpower. Guess that makes me the most useless Green Lantern in the universe, huh?"
"Your willpower has been sharpened daily for four years. You may not wield it as a weapon yet, but that does not mean the weapon doesn't exist. I'm here after all, and you have yet to wield me. You possess great potential, Jessica."
"You just told me it takes willpower to get you to work! Giving me a Green Lantern's ring is like giving superspeed to someone in a wheelchair!"
*knock, knock*
Jessica's head spun to the door. It wasn't time for mail and she hadn't ordered groceries, and it also wasn't her parents. In four years her neighbors hadn't knocked on her door once, and the landlord and maintenance guy always called before making their rare appearances. Who then-
*KNOCK, KNOCK*
The stranger banged on the door again, louder this time in case she were deaf.
Jessica glanced at her cuffs which disappeared. "You said this ring makes me bulletproof, right?"
"That is correct."
"Guess we'll find out whether you're telling the truth or if you're just a talking decoder ring."
She tiptoed to the door and peeked through the peephole. "Jessica Cruz?" The woman had a peculiar accent that was strangely familiar. She was a tall woman with dark hair, but what stood out the most was her gray trench coat, sunglasses, and fedora.
Jessica grabbed her cellphone and preemptively dialed 9-1-1.
"Jessica, I know you're in there."
She thought about just remaining quiet, but between the half dozen locks and the power ring, and the police station being less than five minutes away, she felt safe enough talking through the door. "What do you want?"
"I wish to speak with you."
Jessica frowned. This already wasn't going well. "If you think I'm gonna open this door for someone wearing a trench coat in July, you're loca. You're either here to shoot me or flash me, and I don't know which one's worse."
The woman chuckled. "I suppose the coat is a bit conspicuous, but it's the best I could do under such short notice. I'm not here to shoot you. Can't make any promises about not flashing you though." She laughed again.
"What do you want?" Jessica demanded. "Make it quick. I've already got 9-1-1 dialed. I've also got a taser, pepper spray, and-
"-and a Green Lantern's ring?"
Jessica's gasp was audible through the door. "H-how-"
"If you let me in I'll tell you, though I suppose I wouldn't let someone dressed like me into my home either. Just a moment."
Jessica peeked through the peephole again and saw the woman remove her hat and sunglasses, followed by her long coat. "Oh my God..."
Standing outside Jessica's apartment was a bronze goddess in the likeness of an Amazonian princess. A gold tiara sat atop her head, and she was dressed like a modern day gladiator in the colors of the American flag. It looked more like a bathing suit than actual armor, and she looked as though she'd be more at home on the movie set of Troy than storming the actual gates thereof, but there could be no doubting that the woman was a warrior rivaling that of even Achilles.
Jessica however knew her as a superhero, but more importantly, her childhood hero. "Y-you're-"
"I am," she said, neither modest nor arrogant, "and if you don't open this door, I'm afraid your neighbors are going to get awfully curious as to why Wonder Woman is standing outside your apartment. Might I come in, please? I will not flash you if that is your wish."
Jessica quickly picked her jaw from off the floor and went to work unlocking the door. She threw it open and took a step back, her mouth agape and eyes wide at the unbelievable sight before her. Perhaps unsurprisingly the Amazon was taller than even Jessica, who had always been one of the tallest girls in her class. She was broad shouldered and as athletic-looking as any Olympic athlete, but there was nothing unfeminine about her. If anything, she was in Jessica's estimation, the perfect woman by every measure.
Wonder Woman stepped through the threshold and gave Jessica a smile that caused her inner child's heart to leap for joy. Although summer in Texas was hotter than even the depths of Hades, Wonder Woman despite just taking off a long coat didn't even have the slightest sheen of sweat.
'OH MY GOD!' Jessica screamed internally.
A superhero was standing in her apartment. Her superhero. A literal demigoddess, and she was standing in her living room amidst piles of dirty laundry. Right after Jessica had accused her of being a flasher...
"Wonder Woman brand underwear." The superhero nodded approvingly toward the couch. "If you put them on we'll practically match." She gestured down at herself then Jessica, who came enough to her senses to realize that once again she was wearing only panties and a sports bra. Not that the ancient Greek warrior was any more modest.
Jessica's face turned scarlet and she scrambled for a pair of jeans and a hoodie, not caring if they were dirty or not. Wonder Woman didn't seem to mind or care, but as she glanced around the apartment, her grin faded somewhat.
"So you're the new Green Lantern," Wonder Woman said, turning to Jessica who in embarrassment toppled over with her jeans around her ankles.
She hopped back onto her feet and after getting her clothes on, took an extended series of deep breaths. Her eyes were full of tears as she looked at her hero, and she instinctively shied away. "I-I guess I'm not exactly what you were expecting, huh?" She promised herself that she wouldn't cry, but didn't know how much longer she could hold out.
Wonder Woman gave her a sad smile which elicited a painful sob from Jessica. "Behind closed doors, heroes rarely are what we expect them to be," she said softly.
"I don't know about that," Jessica said, unable to look away from her hero for more than a few seconds, but also unable to meet her in the eyes. "You're everything I knew you'd be, Wonder Woman. Uh, I mean, Miss Wonder Woman. Ma'am. Uh-"
"Diana," she offered. "My name is Diana of Themyscira."
"D-Diana," Jessica said, struggling to get the words out. "It's an honor to meet you, ma'am." She bowed respectfully.
Diana graciously returned the bow. "The feeling is mutual, Jessica, and I'm honored to be in your home."
Jessica tried to apologize for her appearance, her apartment, and everything else she had to apologize for, but it all came out at once.
"I'd love a glass of water," Diana said. "Thank you."
Jessica stared at her dumbly before running into the kitchen for a glass. She leaped over several piles of dirty laundry and books to get there, and searched all around for a clean glass worthy enough for Wonder Woman to put her lips to.
"What about the plastic Wonder Woman cup you drank out of as a child?" the ring asked helpfully. 'The one with the crazy straw. Would this be considered secondhand kissing?'
"Shut up..."
"What was that?"
"NOTHING!"
Jessica ran back into the living room where Diana had made herself comfortable on the only unoccupied seat on the couch, and seemed to be entertaining herself by looking through Jessica's collection of Pokémon games and the various movies lying around.
"Wally was obsessed with Pokémon GO there for a few months. He won't admit it, but I think Clark was as well." She thanked her host for the water, and took a polite sip.
Jessica sat across from her, shoving clothes and empty boxes onto the floor. She wanted to ask or say something clever, but didn't trust herself to speak. At last she found something mildly intelligent to say.
"Sorry about the mess!" she screamed.
Diana laughed. "It's your home, Jessica. You'll soon find out that superheroes aren't the tidiest bunch. Just wait until you see Wally's room at the Watchtower. It's practically a right of passage and cautionary tale for all new recruits at this point."
"Who?"
"Oh, right. Secret identities and all that. You'll figure it out soon enough, though be aware he's a terrible flirt." Diana looked at the young woman thoughtfully. "I'll have to keep an eye on him while we get you settled," she said to herself.
With Diana deep in thought, Jessica sank deeper into her chair. What could she possibly say to the most famous woman in the world? She didn't know how old Wonder Woman was exactly, but assumed she must've been at least a couple thousand given her heritage, not that she looked a day over thirty.
Again Jessica tried to interrupt the silence by apologizing but Diana held up her hand which had the authority to silence even minor gods. "It's my fault for not calling ahead. Even if you believed who you were talking to, I wasn't sure how you'd react. I wanted to speak with you about the ring."
Jessica squirmed in her chair but didn't say anything.
"The Watchtower picked up on a power ring's signature traveling to Earth but couldn't tell which of the seven corps it belonged to. Thankfully the Green Lantern Corps contacted us before Superman and myself could be sent to investigate. According to the Guardians, with the four primary Green Lanterns of Earth all currently off-world, it was decided to find two replacements. Temporarily at least."
"L-lucky me..."
Diana grinned at her. "The Justice League has already contacted the other Green Lantern. He's had his ring for a few weeks now, and didn't waste any time using his powers to fly around the country and test his powers. You can imagine our surprise when we discovered the other ring was lying dormant in a Texas apartment, and hadn't moved in a week."
"If you want it back you can take it. Here! I don't deserve it anyway! The ring made a mistake!" She tried taking it off but to no avail.
"The ring belongs to you, Jessica. I'm not here to take it from you." Diana studied the young woman as if gazing into her very soul. She was almost childlike, and was a child from her perspective, but she could also sense an old soul within her. "I know about Phoebe, Ethan, and David," she said quietly. "I'm terribly sorry, Jessica. I know how it feels to lose the people you love, and how powerless it feels when you lose them."
Jessica looked away before her hero could see her cry.
"There's no shame in tears, little one."
"Yes there is," she sobbed. "It's not me that you care about. You're only here because of the stupid ring..."
Diana's expression softened, and that only made Jessica feel worse. "The ring may be why I'm here," she conceded, "but besides seeing if it was on your finger, I haven't given it a second glance. Right now, all I care about is you, Jessica"
Tears finally fell from the young woman's face, and she didn't bother trying to hide them. "Why should anybody care about me? If you know what happened to my friends, then you already know why I don't deserve this ring. I can barely leave my apartment long enough to get the mail. I-I can't even keep it clean! Why should someone like you of all people care about me?"
Diana leaned forward. "We're more alike than you think, Jessica. You're ashamed that you haven't left your apartment in four years? Well, I was afraid to leave my home for thousands of years. I spent many centuries being ashamed and feeling unworthy, but I was chosen and so were you. I've never known a Green Lantern that wasn't worthy." She smiled fondly at the young woman as though she were her own daughter. "Even Guy Gardner." She winked.
"All I did was step out of my apartment. I-I heard fireworks and thought it was gunfire, and-" Jessica closed her mouth and swallowed when she began to stutter and sound hysterical. "For four years all I've done is hide. If it wasn't for my dad, I'd probably be living on the streets right now, or back home which would be even worse. Why do I get to live in a nice, two bedroom apartment when there are people with actual problems without homes? What makes me special?"
"I think the question you're really asking is 'Why did I get to live when my friends died?'. Is that right?"
Jessica buried her head between her knees. "Yes..."
"I wish I could give you a good answer," Diana said. "I'm far from the bravest of my people, but I was the one chosen to become Wonder Woman. I've seen better heroes than me get killed when I somehow survived, and I've seen innocent people killed for no other reason than bad luck. Life isn't fair, Jessica. If it were, I don't know if either of us would be here right now."
"I've heard it all," Jessica said bitterly. "I've tried to get better. Honestly, but it's always one step forward, two steps back. For every good day I have, it's immediately followed by two bad ones."
"Take it from me. Sometimes it's when we're at our absolute lowest that we rise to the occasion. You had to have overcome something absolutely terrifying for that ring to sense you and consider you worthy of wearing it."
*sniff*
"I don't feel worthy..."
Diana smiled "Neither do I most days, and neither do most heroes." She got to her feet as though to leave, but instead walked over to Jessica and offered her hand. "Jessica Cruz, it'd be my honor to help you to your feet as many times as it's necessary."
Jessica's entire body shook as she touched her hero, once again her hand guided by the ring, and when she found herself standing in front of her, she threw her arms around Diana and buried her face in her shoulder.
"It's alright, little one." Diana patted her on the back. Jessica tried to pull away once she realized what she was doing, but Diana kept an arm around her and a hand around her wrist. "Here, why don't you grab hold of this for me."
She wrapped a length of her lasso around Jessica's wrist, and her entire body stiffened. "W-what's going on?"
"This is the Lasso of Truth, Jessica. You and I can't lie while we hold onto it. Now tell me, what do you want?"
Jessica opened her mouth to lie but the words poured out. "I want help," she sobbed. "I want to help other people, but I don't know how when I can't even help myself. If I can save just one person's life, or just make someone's life better, maybe I won't feel so worthless, useless, and miserable anymore. Maybe I'll be able to repay Phoebe, David, and Ethan..."
She forced her mouth shut, and Diana stared at her with all the wisdom her many centuries granted her. "You have my word that I'll help you every step of the way, Jessica. Not because you're a Green Lantern with powers rivaling my own, and not because I want to feel worthy of the name 'Wonder Woman'. I honestly want to help, and someday, you'll do for someone in need what I'm doing now."
Jessica shook her head. "I can't fight supervillains, much less stop someone robbing a liquor store with a gun. Whenever I see a gun on television, I-I-" She shook her head. "And blood... I don't know if I can do this..."
"The Justice League isn't going to just throw you to the wolves on your first day, Jessica. First you'll need to be trained, and luckily for you, I have some free time." She chuckled suddenly. "Maybe that's unlucky for you."
"What about my ring?"
"Several members of the Justice League have extensive experience with Green Lanterns, including myself, and both Hal and John left recordings to help instruct new recruits should anything happen to them. First though, I think we should get you something to eat."
"I've got some instant noodles if you want some."
"I was thinking somewhere outside your apartment."
"Oh..." Jessica glanced around for her shoes but couldn't find them. She couldn't remember the last time she'd worn shoes. "There's a Greek restaurant a couple blocks down the street." She winced realizing what she said might've been offensive, not that she was ever offended when someone suggested Mexican food.
"I know just the place." Diana placed a finger to her ear. "J'onn, teleport us to transporter room five. I want to give Jessica a view to remember before lunch."
"T-teleport?" she squeaked.
Diana nodded, a mischievous grin on her face. "Ready to have every molecule in your body rearranged, Jessica?"
"W-whhaaaa!"
Jessica's scream was cut off abruptly when for the second time in a week she left her apartment, this time by having her atoms scrambled and reassembled roughly twenty-two thousand miles above her apartment in Texas.
(A/N: Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Wonder Woman being Jessica's mentor is something I really like, and I also really like her striking the balance between warrior, superhero, and motherly figure with thousands of years of experience. That combination makes her very versatile in my opinion, and while her methods shown here and later may be questionable, I also believe Diana is an incredibly good judge of character and is the definition of compassionate. Wonder Woman is an old soul who knows a thing or two about warriors suffering from PTSD, and I think that makes her the perfect person to take Jessica under her wing.
"Mental illness" in fiction is a bit of a blanket covering for any number of invisible struggles a character may be facing, and I wanted to try and give each of Jessica's specific struggles the individual attention they deserve since this story is focusing specifically on getting her back to some resemblance of healthy living. Jessica strikes me as a naturally anxious person even before her friends were murdered, and someone with low self-esteem. I think this is something many people can relate to, and I try to treat it separately from Jessica's PTSD as much as possible due to them being related but independent of each other, if that makes sense. Much like many real life people that suffer from PTSD, Jessica's stems from survivor's guilt, and she's trying to find a rational explanation for something that for the most part is "irrational".
It's a step by step process, and Jessica took the first steps on her own when she was able to think of Phoebe, David, and Ethan in a setting that made her happy with little to no bittersweet feelings, and by stepping out of her apartment for the first time in four years even if it did involve a panic attack. She tried to help when ordinarily she would've ran, and for an entire week has had a companion forcing her to finally talk to someone on a regular basis. If mental illness is to be treated like a physical illness, then focusing on the root of the sickness (Jessica's survivor's guilt) should be the priority while her symptoms (agoraphobia, heightened anxiety, depression, etc.) are tackled one at a time. I hope "Avoiding the Limelight" has been as entertaining of a read as it has been encouraging, and I hope you approve of my portrayal of mental illness and Jessica as a character.
All credit goes to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who has blessed me with this story and wonderful readers such as yourself. God bless)