Chapter 83, everybody! In which we learn about punching moves….

Okay the Mankey episode was another one I vaguely remember watching so my best guess is it was another one that I saw on VHS and probably rented back when video rental stores were still a thing (I miss those, browsing the shelves was fun). Honestly, the biggest part I remember about it was Ash ranting about his hat.

In other news, the Gen IV games did indeed have striking trees as a way of encountering Pokémon—including in Kanto, thanks to Heart Gold and Soul Silver. Also we have references to Mulan and One-Punch Man. And Ash running around trying to capture another Pokémon came from me counting up what he's got and going wait that's it?

And now for the reviews: thanks to Selet, Gouravsilentreder, DeathCrawler, Dragonkeeper10, Cyan Quartz, griffin blackwood, thor94, torbenefb95, epantoja521, Reader, and talesfanjmf, thanks for the reviews! Happy to see everyone was amused by who ended up with Muk. XD

Also thank you Selet for explaining why the first season of Pokémon seemed so darker—actually glad they went lighter and softer once it became a hit.

Pokémon © Game Freak; Nintendo

And now, for something completely different:

Muk – noun A Pokémon formed by toxic sludge and frequently encountered in urban sewers. interj. (slang) a highly undesired situation; considered one of the worst curses to use in polite company, may have originated from historical accounts of Muk coming out of the sewers to eat living organisms. Related phrases: Muk'ing, Muk'ed, ran a Muk.

Misty mostly did her level best to avoid training Muk if she could help it.

"I'm not a Poison trainer," Misty protested when asked. "Maybe if I ask Koga nicely when we see him he'll trade me something for Muk."

"Technically you've got the only Water/Poison Pokémon in Kanto," Brock mused. "I'm not sure if he'd have a Skrelp or a Qwilfish to trade you."

"Think he'd take it nicely if I asked?"

"I'm not sure what your beef is," Ash said. "You got rid of the smell and it's a new Pokémon you caught."

"First one any of you have caught in a while, now that I think on it," Darkrai said, floating behind them.

"That's not true—Vulpix—"

"Was a gift, not a capture. Pretty sure the last one caught was that Gastly of yours. No wait, the Magnemite—that was the last one, technically."

Ash considered this, started counting on his fingers—

"What do you mean I've only got ten Pokémon?!" Ash demanded, flailing. "I've gotta catch more how can I be a Pokémon master if I've got less than a dozen!?"

"Pretty sure there's something to be said about quality over quantity," Brock mused.

"Too late, he's gone," Misty said, indicating Ash running ahead and into the nearest patch of grass before looking at Darkrai. "See what you've done?"

"Admit it, you were getting bored," Darkrai countered.

Ash, meanwhile, was combing through the grass, searching desperately for another Pokémon.

"There's got to be something around here," Ash said to Pikachu. "I'll take a Pidgey at this point, just something that helps boosts my numbers—"

And then Ash's hat was gone.

"Wha—hey!" he barked, running after the Mankey that had snatched it and was currently scurrying up the nearest pole. "Give me back my hat!"

"Oh give it up, Ash," Misty called as the others neared, glancing up at the Mankey dancing at the top of the pole. "I'll buy you a new one from the Celadon Department Store."

"No way! That's a special limited edition League hat! You know the one where you had to enter a sweepstakes for it?"

"Oh yeah, I remember that one! Still don't know why you're so worked up about a lucky win though."

"I sent in a thousand letters to get that hat!" Ash hollered.

"No wonder I didn't get it," Misty said. "I only sent one."

"If memory serves me correctly, you made me lick the stamps," Darkrai said, floating down next to where Mankey was currently perched. "You look different Ash—new haircut?"

"Down here!" Ash yelled. "Get my hat back! Knock that Mankey for a loop!"

"Firstly, I don't take orders from you. Secondly, Dark types are weak against Fighting. Thirdly—and this is to you," Darkrai said, looking at the Mankey. "Take that thing off—you have no idea where it's been."

"Mankey?" the Mankey noised, pointing.

"Well, the kid did just take a roll in the mud with a Muk."

"MANKEY!" the Mankey yelped, pinwheeling before throwing the hat away and frantically grooming its fur. Darkrai caught it and drifted down to where Ash was still trying to climb up.

"There's a Mulan reference here," Darkrai opined. "I can sense it."

"So long as you don't burst into song," Misty said.

"Same to you."

"Thanks, Darkrai," Ash said, trying to grab his hat. "Can I have my hat back?"

"Mmm…no."

Ash wailed and fell straight off the pole.

Darkrai hung his hat on his foot. "'Somehow I'll make a 'mon out of you.'"

"Whatever," Ash muttered, sitting upright and grabbing his hat, putting it back on before looking up at Mankey. "Hey, Mankey! You want to travel with us?"

The Mankey paused in its frantic grooming to look down at them, taking several moments before pointing at Darkrai.

"Yes, Darkrai travels with us," Ash said.

The Mankey waved him off before leaping away, disappearing into the bushes shortly afterwards.

"Well, there went that," Ash said, sliding a look at Darkrai. "You cost me a capture, for the record."

"You didn't need a Pokémon on your team that we'd be getting confused with you anyway," Darkrai said, waving him off.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well let's start with the smell—"

"Should we stop them?" Misty asked, watching Ash chase Darkrai back up the hill.

"Nah," Brock said, turning and heading down the road. "They'll work it out of their systems eventually."

Lunch had Ash letting Gastly out and then going back to searching the grass.

"We've definitely got to expand your moveset anyway," Ash said to Gastly. "What other moves do you learn?"

"Gas gas," Gastly said.

"Uh…Darkrai, what'd he say?"

"You have a Pokédex, use it," Darkrai said.

"Is that what you said?" Ash asked Gastly, who shook his head in response—well, as best something that was all head could. To Darkrai: "I don't want to use the Pokédex, that thing only works like half the time!"

"It should have data on Gastly, Ash," Brock called over.

"Ehhh…maybe we just work on Dark Pulse first and then go from there," Ash told Gastly. "Come on, let's keep looking."

By the time Brock had lunch ready, all they had really turned up was a Rattata, which took off at the sight of them. Gastly shot off a hasty Dark Pulse at it, barely nicked it as it kept running.

"We can work on accuracy," Ash told Gastly—

Squawked and jumped back when he started glowing, growing larger and spikier with parts separating—

There was a much larger ghost in front of him when the light dispersed. "Haunter!"

"Hey!" Ash squawked, excited. "Gas—Haunter, you evolved! Oh wait you're okay with this, right?" he asked quickly, remembering Charmeleon.

The now-Haunter, meantime, was busy staring at his new hands, each one with three clawed digits—suddenly flailed about screaming, fists pumping the air. Ash backed up several steps, looked to Darkrai for an explanation.

"'I. Have. Hands,'" Darkrai repeated, deadpan.

"That didn't sound accurate," Misty observed.

"I'm not screaming that."

"Oh. Yeah that's great isn't it?" Ash asked Haunter, growing increasingly certain that this wasn't going to go like Charmeleon's evolution at all. "And—hey if you ever evolve into Gengar then you get feet too!"

"HAUNT!" Haunter yelled, still pumping his fists excitedly. Ash tugged out his Pokédex, constantly repeating the mantra of please work please work please work please—

"Aha!" Ash barked. "Okay search and…you can learn Sucker Punch and Shadow Punch by leveling up, and…Fire Punch, Thunder Punch, and Ice Punch from tutoring! Who wants to learn how to punch stuff?"

Ash was pretty sure Haunter's shriek was MEEEEE!

"Also you can learn Drain Punch, Focus Punch, and Power-Up Punch if you evolve again, so there's that," Darkrai said.

Which was apparently too much for Haunter, who fainted from the excitement.

The next couple of days had Haunter excitedly practicing all the punching moves, now that he had hands to punch with. He also tended to pick up whatever he could, including Pikachu and Togepi; Togepi seemed fine with this, would cheer whenever he carted them around.

Pikachu was less fond of this.

"Okay knock it off," Pikachu said, twisting out of Haunter's grip again and shaking himself. "You're messing up my fur."

"Fine, DAMPEN my glee," Haunter grumbled.

"We're stopped for now anyway," Squirtle said, watching the humans break for camp and release all the other Pokémon. "SO!" Smack his paws together. "Show us the ancient art of punching, oh scary dark 'mon."

Darkrai arched an eye ridge at that. "Now when you say that, are you volunteering as a target?"

"Er…honestly I was really hoping to skip that part."

"What's going on?" Geodude asked, floating over.

"WE'RE LEARNING HOW TO PUNCH THINGS," Haunter cheered.

"Good for you," Bulbasaur said. "To which I'm going to say that those of us lacking hands will probably pass."

"I really gotta evolve soon," Patches sighed.

"Actually technically you can learn Sucker Punch," Drowzee told him.

"Really?" Patches asked, perking up.

"Mm-hmm. And…pretty sure Squirtle and Psyduck can learn Ice Punch, uhh pretty sure most of us can learn Mega Punch and Dynamic Punch…same with Power-Up Punch, I think…Pikachu can definitely learn Thunder Punch…."

"How do you know all this?" Squirtle demanded.

"Look, when you all nabbed me I was spending all day in a fan club for Pokémon. You start picking things up through osmosis."

"What move is that?" Patches asked.

"Enough questions!" Squirtle insisted, a paw up. "We came here to learn how to punch so we're going to learn how to PUNCH!"

This led to them spending the next hour or so punching the nearby trees, Squirtle pausing only to drag Psyduck over.

"If you can learn how to punch too then you're going to learn how to punch," Squirtle told him. "Come on, you can learn Ice Punch too!"

Psyduck blinked several times, processing the situation before him…finally turned to face Squirtle. "But I don't want to fight trees—they didn't do anything to me."

"If you'd rather you can punch on that rock there," Darkrai pointed out. "But in that case there's a risk of accidentally angering a Graveler."

"That usually doesn't end well," Geodude agreed.

"And makes me kind of glad that Sudowoodo and Trevenant aren't native to Kanto."

"Those are tree Pokémon, right?" Ash asked, coming over. "Can I help?"

"You can see if that 'dex of yours is feeling helpful today—some of these moves I only know the theory for, and Drowzee isn't much more helpful in this regard."

"It's not like they actually showed me these moves," Drowzee sniffed.

Ash looked up Mega Punch first, which a handful of them could learn—Squirtle immediate roped Pikachu, Psyduck, Drowzee and Geodude into working on it while Darkrai tutored Haunter and Patches on Sucker Punch.

"The main point of the move is to sneak in a punch while your opponent is preoccupied with something else—usually prepping a move," he explained. "Otherwise, that defeats the purpose of it being a 'sucker' punch."

"So it's kind of underhanded," Patches observed.

"It's a Dark-type move, what were you expecting?"

Haunter threw himself into it, punching and whaling away on a tree until his fists started to take on a dark aura.

"That looks great, Haunter—I think," Ash said, looking to Darkrai for confirmation.

"It's in the general area," Darkrai said.

"So why is everyone declaring war on trees?" Misty asked, coming over.

"This lot wanted to learn how to punch things and generally trees don't punch back in Kanto," Darkrai explained. Everyone flinched at Geodude hitting a tree hard enough for the bark to crack, dislodging a couple of Metapod in the process. "Although that happens sometimes."

"All right, targets!" Haunter cheered, causing the Metapod to wiggle away as fast as they could—Bulbasaur took note, cantered over and wrapped them up.

"So I'm going to move these," he announced, walking away with the Metapod in tow.

"Ah, bogus," Haunter muttered.

"You outlevel them, you'd turn them into paste with one hit."

"So we could call you One-Punch 'Mon," Squirtle said, nodding. "Come on, Psyduck, hit it!"

Psyduck looked at the tree, at his paw—balled it up into a fist before tapping it against the tree.

"Oh good grief you're not giving it a fist-bump HIT IT," Squirtle scolded.

Psyduck put more effort into it—a shiver went from his fist through his whole body before he keeled over backwards.

"So I wasn't actually expecting the tree to win any of these altercations," Darkrai said. "But on the off chance I was, that was the one I was banking on losing."

"You hush," Misty scolded. "Are you all right, Psyduck?"

"F-fine," Psyduck muttered, pushing himself up and toddling over. "I'd like some tea now."

"The duck wants a tea break," Darkrai said.

"Probably a good idea," Misty said, picking Psyduck up. "Come on, maybe you'll feel up to this after some tea."

"Dangit," Psyduck sighed.

"Can I play?" Lewis asked, popping up next to Ash.

"Uhhh…sure Lewis, go for it," Ash said. "Do Riolu learn punching moves?" he asked Darkrai.

"I want to say Mach Punch, but I don't think he learns that until he's a Lucario," Darkrai said, pondering—

Lewis ran for the nearest tree, flailing—suddenly flashed out of existence, back in right next to the tree, and punched it with a glowing fist hard enough to rattle more Metapod out of it.

"Let's evolve here, you said," one Metapod said, glaring at the next one over. "It'll be nice and peaceful, you said."

"There's no accounting for traveling trainers," Bulbasaur told them, scooping them up and trotting off again.

Ash blinked, blinked again—finally recovered. "Was that it?"

"That—was Bullet Punch. No the rest of you can't learn that," Darkrai said when Squirtle raised a paw.

"Ah man," Squirtle moaned, sagging—shook himself and focused. "Okay then, MEGA PUNCH!"

"In other news, there's also a Mega Kick, if you want the set," Darkrai said.

"That sounds cool," Ash said.

"Can I opt for that instead?" Patches asked.

"NO THIS IS THE PUNCHING CLASS," Squirtle insisted.

"Misty, your Squirtle is yelling at me," Ash called over.

"Squirtle, play nice!" Misty called back.

"So I was thinking that, despite the risk of angry Graveler, we should probably practice the Fire Punch on that boulder over there," Drowzee said.

"Probably wise," Geodude agreed—punched a tree hard enough to knock it over. "Okay I think I got Mega Punch down."

"Agreed," Drowzee said—started at Togepi popping up next to him.

"Oh cool can I try?" Togepi asked.

Pikachu and Drowzee both exchanged bemused glances at that; Squirtle, meanwhile was all for it. "Sure little dude! Just remember, ball up your fist and channel all your energy through it into your target!"

"Pretty sure that's not how it works—" Drowzee started—

All of them stopped dead when Togepi punched a tree down.

"Okay Psyduck had some tea so we're going to try again," Misty said, putting Psyduck down. "What are you all looking at?"

"Togepi just punched a tree down," Ash told her.

"Do what?"

"The egg just punched a tree down," Darkrai told her. "So I wasn't expecting Togepi to learn Mega Punch but here we are…."

"Did I do good?" Togepi asked.

"You did great," Geodude said, scooping them up and floating over to the camp. "So well, in fact, that you graded out of the class. So why don't we go over here and eat something…."

"Yay!" Togepi cheered.

"So…does that mean my teaching method worked?" Squirtle asked.

"I don't know, but I want to know why I can't learn Mega Punch until I evolve again," Haunter said.

"Maybe you need elbows for it to work," Patches told him.

"Togepi doesn't even have elbows."

"We don't know that."

"Okay so Psyduck you try again," Misty said, putting him down.

"Do I have to?" Psyduck asked. "I was feeling really good after the tea."

"Yes you do," Squirtle insisted. "And I am going to get as many punches down pat as I possibly can, no one will ever see it coming."

"You do know that punching involves getting close, correct?" Pikachu asked him. "It's not like you can punch someone from across the field."

"I can if I believe hard enough!"

"Or the animators are cheap enough," Darkrai muttered.

"Blorp."

Everyone blinked, looked over to where Muk was puddling close.

"Maybe Muk wants to learn a few moves?" Ash noised.

"I don't know, I'm not really comfortable teaching it something," Misty said.

"Maybe we ask," Squirtle muttered, looking uncomfortable. "Yo Muk! You wanna learn how to punch stuff?"

Muk made another bubbling noise but otherwise didn't react.

"Ah dangit, I didn't need another creepy nonverbal 'mon in the group," Patches muttered.

"Honestly at this point Frenzy talking would be creepier," Pikachu said.

This was Misty's general opinion as well. "I didn't want a Frenzy."

"Maybe that means you need to give it an order?" Ash offered.

"Let's work up to some horrible truth of a Frenzy repeat," Misty said, grimacing. "Er—Muk, you want to learn this too?"

"Watch me work my magic," Squirtle said, puffing up—leaped for a tree, fist glowing—

Left a patch of ice when he dropped back down.

"Oh yeah! Look at me, I'm totally hot," Squirtle said, doing a few finger guns as he backed up.

"I thought ice was cold," Lewis said.

"It's an expression. Next 'mon—"

Muk suddenly bellowed, surging forward and making everyone scramble away, lashing out several tendrils—

And knocking down a row of trees with the punching moves they were all trying to learn, one move per tendril.

"Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh," it roared, apparently happy with itself as it glorped back to a resting position, completely oblivious to everyone staring at it or Haunter holding Lewis up and away.

"So," Ash noised. "I know you said you were giving it to Koga, but maybe I could have it?"

"I'll think about it," Misty said.