A/N: This piece is a spin-off coming from my fic Before The Storm where Bulla and Goku had a short-lived illicit affair which also paved the way for the birth of her twins Vegito and Gogeta. There is nothing much going on here, just Bulla writing a letter to Goku, the man who broke her heart but had always been there.
Disclaimer: I do not own the DB franchise and any of its characters.
To the one who broke my heart,
I don't know why I'm doing this all of a sudden after all the years that passed. I have vowed to focus my attention on more important things and set aside whatever feelings I have for you, but I guess it's not as easy as it sounds. There are things easier said than done, and this is certainly one of them.
To start off, I want to tell you that I'm happy that you're almost always here because at least, I get to see you. I get to see how you look now, I get to know how you're doing, and how stronger you have become. It gives me contentment, even if I cannot come near you or wipe off the sweat and blood you got from training, even if I can't dote over you the way Mom dotes over Dad whenever he comes out of the gravity room, and even if your reason to come is not to visit me but to spar with Dad and the twins. Our twins.
Vegito and Gogeta sure are getting stronger as they grow, and by now, we can all see that while they may have two different personalities, they inherited your love for fighting as well as the desire to get stronger. When you first came to spar with them, I saw the excitement in their eyes. Dad had told them that you were the strongest warrior of our universe, and it certainly got them pumped up. I remember that they woke up really early and waited for you, and that day was action packed because the four of you came out of the gravity room all sweaty and bloody with your training clothes torn for the most part. I was worried for Vegito and Gogeta but they surprised me when they told me that they could already go into Super Saiyan 2. Thanks to you and Dad, our twins were able to achieve a new level of Super Saiyan at the age of merely six.
I remember you telling them that they both have so much potential, and with constant training and fighting, they will become the strongest Saiyans alive, even stronger than you and Dad. I thought you weren't aware of the fact that they are full Saiyans just like you and Dad, but I was surprised when you mentioned it. I was shocked when you deduced that their dad must be a full Saiyan because you were able to analyze that a quarter Saiyan like me and a half-Saiyan such as your sons and my brother Trunks combined wouldn't result into pure blooded Saiyans like Vegito and Gogeta. That was also the time when you suddenly became curious as to who their father is, his appearance, and most importantly, how strong he is.
Right then and there I wanted to come out and tell you the truth. I wanted to tell you that the version of yourself who faced the monster called Cell is the father of the twins, so technically, it's you, and that is the reason for their vast potential when it comes to strength. They are actually more than full blooded Saiyans, and that would explain why they would be stronger than you and Dad when they grow up.
The reason for all of that…. is you.
The moment you said the words, "Their father must be a strong guy. Makes me curious about him..", I almost forgot that my parents were there and they have no idea at all as to who the twins' dad is. Well, to be honest I'm not really sure about Dad. He already had an idea that they are full blooded Saiyans since the day they were born, and he had been doing the honors of training them since Vegito and Gogeta learned to walk and speak. Dad is the Prince of All Saiyans, so he knows a lot about them. Even before you realized that the twins' dad is a full blooded Saiyan, Dad must have already known that, yet he chose to keep quiet. I often saw him staring at me as if wanting to ask me a question, but it never happened. He never asked me anything, even if I felt his strong urge to shake the truth out of me.
I can't really say he knows that Vegito and Gogeta's dad is you, but I think he has an idea. He has his suspicions. The confirmation would come when I finally come out and tell them everything.
Anyway, during that moment, I wanted to tell you all, and confirm Dad's suspicions. I wanted to say that yes, their father is indeed a full Saiyan, a strong guy and not to mention handsome. Their father is the reason why Vegito and Gogeta turned out to be the way they are. Their Saiyan genes, their looks, their potential, their strength, their love for fighting, their excitement at the mere idea of facing strong opponents and their continuous desire to get stronger are all because of their father.
Those are all because of you.
Frankly, I can't help but feel thankful when you stopped taking your wife Chichi with you everytime you come to visit. I just can't stand to see her. Now don't get me wrong. I do not in any way feel any resentment towards Chichi. It's not like I have the right to. The reason why I don't want to see her is because Chichi is a constant reminder of the fact that you and I will never happen even if we both became the reason for the existence of two Saiyan children. We will never have the chance to become a complete family together with our twins, and I will never have the chance to hold you, to touch you, to watch you as you sleep, to feel your warm, heavily muscled body closer to me as I hug you and snuggle close to you during those cold nights, to drown in ecstasy as you shower me with your love, to melt in your mind blowing kisses as you again give me one of those, and to tell you how much you mean to me even if what we had, or rather what I had with your past self was just short-lived.
I will never have the chance to tell you how much I loved and I still love you even after all the years that passed. That despite you having a happy family in this timeline, nothing has changed and nothing will ever change. Despite you having a wife whom you love and who loves you just as much, I will always love you until my time here on Earth is done, and I am called to go to the Otherworld.
You are the light of my heart, yet ironically, you are also the one who broke my heart.
I will never get to experience those things I mentioned earlier, and everytime I see Chichi, I am reminded of that fact. That's why it hurts to see her. The pain is just too much, and if you ask me to describe it, it's as if you're hitting me with your Kamehameha head on over and over again. In short, it's like I'm being killed and resurrected only to be killed again. It's just a good thing that over the years, I have learned to control my feelings and remain as stoic as possible, so no one, not even our sons, could notice how I really feel.
You have no idea how much it broke me every time there was an occasion, and Vegito and Gogeta would prepare something for their dad and wait for him to come until they both grow tired and sleepy. In the morning they would wake up and ask if their father came, but their faces would fall everytime I answered them no. In fact, I already have a box in my room full of the twins' gifts for you. I want you to have it, but I can't give it to you for obvious reasons.
Sometimes I wonder how you would feel knowing that you fathered strong Saiyan twins with me. I'm sure as hell that you would be excited at the thought of having two Saiyan children to train and spar with. But would you be proud of them too? Would you be proud of them as you were with Gohan when he defeated Cell, and later Goten? Would you feel proud that Vegito and Gogeta achieved Super Saiyan level 2 at the age of six, and now that they are twelve, they have unlocked two new Super Saiyan levels? Would you be proud that even as children, Vegito and Gogeta are already considered heartthrobs by the girls in their school? How would you feel if you learned that Vegito got reprimanded at school often because he was having a hard time controlling his strength and he always ended up hurting his companions on the football team especially when he's really into it? How would you feel if you found out that Gogeta saved his teacher and classmates from harm during their field trip when the bus they were in accidentally lost its brakes and fell off a ravine? How would you react if you saw that Vegito is growing to be more like Dad, while Gogeta is growing to be more like you?
Would you feel overwhelmed too? Or as proud as any parent could be? Would you scold Vegito as you teach him how to control his ki and strength? Would you smile widely during the recognition day as you walk on stage with Gogeta and receive his award for exemplary and courageous behavior? Would you take the boys on a fishing trip too like what you did with Gohan a few days before you went to face Cell? Would you soak in the barrel with them too like what you did with Goten and my brother Trunks? Would you also teach them the fusion dance as well as the power of the Supreme Kai's potara earrings? I wonder what their name would be once they fuse, or how strong they would get.
So many questions that would remain forever unanswered. Yet I still cling on to that little bit of hope that someday, you will finally learn the truth and recognize our twins as your sons too. Gogeta wouldn't bug me anymore with questions such as who their daddy is, where he went or how he looks like. Vegito wouldn't ask anymore when they would get to spar with their dad and I can guarantee you that they will always look forward to sparring and training with you. They would even ask you to make them as strong as you or maybe even stronger, so they would be prepared should any threat come to Earth. They would be excited to hear your stories about the villains you have faced and the great fighters you and Dad met during the Tournament of Power many years ago, and they would get pumped up upon learning that such strong fighters exist in other universes. They would listen to your words of wisdom about how power comes in response to a need and not a desire, and how they should create that need in order to gain more power. When night falls, you would tuck them both into bed with the promise of another intense training session the next day, or after their school is done.
Nevertheless, I am glad to see that you keep on getting stronger like Dad and the boys, and you keep growing more handsome as the years pass. I guess we'll have to thank your Saiyan genes for that, as well as your family, and most especially, your wife. You look like a very happy and contented man, and I delight in the knowledge that Chichi takes good care of you, dotes on you and does the things I wish I could do. I'm sorry for being jealous of her, I just can't help it because I love you, and I want to take care of you too, but I know that it can and will never happen. Chichi will always be your wife and the love of your life, you made that clear to me years ago when you chose to sacrifice yourself during the battle with Cell to save the Earth and everyone else. You will never choose me, because Chichi and your family will always come first above all things.
Most of the time, facts can really hurt, and I learned that the hard way.
Don't worry, I will never say a word to anyone about whatever it is that we had. It will remain a secret that I will take down to my grave, and I will try my best everyday to put up a strong facade so that no one will notice that I feel like dying inside whenever I see you wrap your strong arms around Chichi and hold her close. I will try my best to remain as stoic as I could even if I'm breaking up on the inside everytime Gohan or Goten calls you 'Dad' and you acknowledge them by smiling at them and patting their backs. I will do my very best to remain as quiet and reserved as I could even if I want to jump in your arms, kiss you on your lips and declare my undying love for you everytime I see you. I will constantly remind myself that you will never be mine, no matter what I do.
However, let me say this one more time.
I love you more than anything else and more than you could ever imagine. And if I will be given another chance to choose the one whom I'll fall in love with and who the father of Vegito and Gogeta will be, it will still be you. Even if you can never be mine and you can never love me back. Even if you cannot love me the same way as I love you. Even if you cannot marry me because you already have someone else to share your life with.
In every lifetime, and in every timeline, I will always choose you, Kakarot.
Bulla
END
