I do not own Harry Potter, only the OC
Hello guys Badger here, I have something new for you today. Before we begin, I want to give a small warning. There are going to be themes in here that may touch a few nerves in some of you. I know it touched a few in me and I bloody wrote the thing. There will be depression in this story, with moments of self harm and even attempts of suicide. Just saying it makes me squirm. If this is something you don't wish to see, then find something else. I will place warnings at the start of every chapter, as a caution.
That is all for now. I hope you guys enjoy, I will see you at the end.
Trigger Warning: Possible Self Harm and Attempted Suicide,
Chapter 1
A Quick Rescue
It was close to midnight and the black sky left the streets in complete darkness. A gentle breeze blew against the trees, it's small branches blowing back and forth, tapping on the windows of 12 Grimmauld Place. The former home of the Black Family was quite, its current occupants asleep in their beds. On the top floor, Mr and Mrs Weasley slept peacefully, with Remus Lupin sleeping in another room, a few doors down. A few floors below them, the Twins slept in bunk beds, whilst Hermione and Ginny were sharing the room next to there's, with Ron snoring loudly in the room opposite. On the first floor, opposite the stairs, James Badger slept peacefully, a wand under his pillow, just in case and, in the room opposite was…an empty bed. A bed belonging to Harriet Potter, the Girl-Who-Lived.
Harriet, or Harri to her closest friends, was not sleeping in her bed. Instead she was sat at the dining room of 12 Grimmauld Place, tears streaming down her face. She had been found like this by different occupants in the building for the past four days. Except this time, Harri had a knife in her hand, which she stared at, as she thought. It had been mere days since the death of her godfather Sirius, who died at the hands of the insane witch that was Bellatrix LeStrange. Harri blamed herself for his death. She had let Voldemort trick her into believing Sirius was in danger and went to the Ministry of Magic to save him. But it was a trap. Voldemort wanted a prophecy and had used her to get it. And Sirius payed the price for it. Harri's dreams were plagued by Sirius' face as he fell through the Veil of Death, before fading away into nothing. It all happened so fast, Harri couldn't save him. Though, it would have been useless either way, as Sirius had been hit with the Killing Curse. He was dead before he even fell through that stone arch. But that didn't stop the nightmares. Harri's friends had noticed a shift in her demeanour since then. She had become more distant and snappy towards them. They wanted to help but even Harri wasn't sure how they could help her.
She didn't know much of anything anymore. What she did know, is that she didn't want to keep going. Her parents died to save her when she was a baby, Cedric died the previous year, protecting her, as he stood before Voldemort and Pettigrew, his wand drawn and now Sirius had died, hoping to save Harri and her friends, trying to get them to safety. She was the reason they were dead. It made her think. How many more would die trying to protect her? How many would be saved if she just…stopped? She had been thinking about it for the last couple of days and, as the blade of the knife shined under the moonlight creeping through the window. She made her decision. She didn't want to continue anymore. She just wanted everything to end. Everything would be so much easier for everyone if she was no longer around. Pressing the blade against her wrist, Harri sliced her skin. The blood came fast. Very fast. Harri was surprised at how quickly it was coming. She was starting to feel light headed and her vision was going blurry and darkening, where she then fell of her chair, landing on the floor with a loud crash.
…
James Badger was making his way downstairs to the kitchen. He had been tossing and turning in his bed for hours and he couldn't get to sleep, no matter how much he tried. He was too worried about Harri. She was going through a hard time and he wasn't sure what he could do to help her. After failing to get to sleep, James decided to head downstairs for a drink and something to eat, where he heard a crash coming from the dining room.
James quickly rushed in and was met with a horrific, gruesome sight. Harri was laying on the ground, looking incredibly pale, more pale then himself. Her wrist was cut and blood was seeping out of the open wound a large pool forming, where a bloody knife lay a few feet away. James wasted no time in rushing to her side.
"Please Harri…don't tell me you would…" James said "Why would you…"
James found himself unable to speak, as he did his best to heal her wound, to stop the bleeding. Healing charms weren't something he was familiar with and hadn't practiced much with them. However, he was able to stop the bleeding, but Harri wasn't out of reach from death just yet. With all the blood she was lying in, Harri could die from the blood loss, unless James could get her to a healer who can administer some Blood Replenishing Potions. James would also have a healer check Harri's mental state too. Removing his wand, that James always kept with him, out of paranoia if nothing else, James pointed his wand in the air, where a high pitch screeching noise rang and echoed across the building. Something that James hope would wake up the others. And it did. Within seconds he heard people running down the stairs, before they entered the room. None of them looked happy about being woken up, but they frustrated looks turned to one of shock and worry, when they saw the sight before them. Remus immediately ran to their side, checking Harri's pulse.
"James what happened?" He asked
"I was walking down the stairs when I heard a crash" James explained "I rushed in and I saw…Harri had tried to…I've already healed the cut, but she's lost a lot of blood…she needs some potions and she should have her mind checked too"
"We'll take her to St Mungos, I'd take her to Pomfrey but she would have left Hogwarts by now" Remus said, picking Harri up "hold on to me James, seeing as you found her it's only right for you to come too"
"Wait!" Hermione yelled "we want to come to!"
"I know Hermione, but the healers won't allow all of us crammed inside a hospital room…as soon as Harri has been checked over, you can come and check on her"
Seeing no point of arguing, Hermione could only nod, where Remus apparated himself, Harry and James out of the room and in front of St Mungos Hospital. They ran inside and the woman in the front lobby, upon seeing Harry's bloody state, didn't ask them any questions. Instead, she quickly led them down a corridor and into an empty room, where a healer arrived soon after. James and Remus stood to one side, waiting anxiously, as the healer gave Harri a Blood Replenishing Potion and checked Harri's mind and mental state. It must have been half an hour until the scans and diagnostics stopped.
"Well, how is she?" Remus asked "Is she going to be okay?"
"Calm down, she will be out for a few days, but Miss Potter will make a full recovery, thanks to Mr Badger here" the healer said "If it wasn't for Mr Badger, then she would have died within minutes…and, whilst he was able to heal the wound and stop the blood, due to how much blood was lost, she would have died anyway, except the process would have been more slow"
"Were you able to see what caused this?" James asked "I doubt that Harri did this on an impulse"
"I took a look through Miss Potters mind" the healer nodded "it seems Miss Potter is suffering from clinical depression, with proper treatment, it may go away, but we cannot be certain…someone should also look after and watch Miss Potter, with her mental state, she would probably attempt to self harm or even attempt suicide once more"
"I'll look out for her" James said, immediately "I care too much about her and I'm not going to have her die in such a way"
…
Harri felt really light, almost like she was floating. She was awake, at least she thought she was, but all she could see was never ending darkness. She tried to move, but she couldn't. It was almost like something was holding her in place. It was that moment when a small light appeared in the distance, a light that was really bright despite how far it was. Harri felt herself moving towards it. She continued moving towards it, until the light faded away once more, where Harri's eyes opened, to the sight of a white ceiling. Harri wasn't quite sure where she was, but she seemed to be in some kind of hospital ward. The rest of the beds were empty. The only other person in the room was James, who was asleep in a chair next to her bed.
"Ah, Miss Potter, you're finally awake" a voice said
Harri turned to see someone, a healer of sorts, in a white robe walking towards her, pushing a medical trolley.
"Where…where am I?" Harri asked
"St Mungos hospital Miss Potter" the healer said, gesturing to James "you gave your friend a massive fright…luckily he healed the wounds and had you brought here with another man, Mr Lupin I believe…your other friends have also visited but weren't allowed to stay long…you have good friends Miss Potter, that boy sleeping beside you hasn't left your side since you were brought here two days ago"
Harri looked at James, remembering everything that happened. She tried to end it and he found her? And saved her? Why? She wasn't worth saving. Harri then processed what the healer had just said.
"Two days?" She asked "I've been here two days?"
"Yes, your friends have been worried sick" the healer nodded "speaking off.."
The healer walked over to where James was sleeping and gently shook him. The sudden movement caused James to wake up, with a surprised jolt. He groaned as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, where he saw Harri awake, looking at him, slightly amused, where he quickly rushed at her, wrapping her into a tight hug, ignoring her small hiss of pain.
"Harri, thank Merlin you're okay" James said "the healer said you'd be out for a few days, but even they weren't sure if you would wake up"
"Mr Badger" the healer spoke up, alerting James of their presence "while I can understand your fear, that does not excuse you crushing Miss Potters ribs, please let her go, before you cause any damage"
James' cheeks turned a small shade of pink, of embarrassment, as he removed himself from Harri and sat down on his chair, crossing his arms and looking away. Harri couldn't help but smile slightly. James was someone who never liked to show fear, or panic, often wearing his heart on his cheek, keeping his true emotions and feelings hidden out of fear, of other reasons he chose to keep hidden. Hell, 'I'm fine' was pretty much his catchphrase. Something they had in common. Harri turned her attention back to the healer, as they spoke.
"Now, I sent a message to Mr Lupin when you woke up, he should be here shortly" they said "after running a few diagnostics, I found you are suffering from clinical depression, you may experience mood swings as your depressive state changes, some days it may be mild, making you feel down and low, other days it may be more severe leading to…self harm and…attempts at suicide…over time you may feel long periods of unhappiness and hopelessness, lack of interest in activities you used to enjoy, loss of sleep and appetite, as well as feelings of stress and anxiety, in time it may go away, but we cannot guarantee it will be gone permanently…"
The healer paused, as they turned to the trolley and pulled out a vial of some pills, which she handed to James.
"She needs to take at least one every day, two if a second one is needed, make sure she takes them, they will help numb her depressive states" the healer said, turning to Harri once more "I'm also going to hire a therapist for you…many people, wizards and muggles alike have found that therapy helped with their recovery, I'm sure it will help you as well"
"T-thank you" Harri said, looking at her hands, thinking about what she had just been told
"No need to thank me" the healer waved dismissively "as soon as Mr Lupin arrives, you are free to leave, however, you are to remain in bed and rest for another twenty four hours before doing any activities or exercises, and that is an order, not a suggestion"
Harri could only nod, as the healer walked off to attend to their other errands. James put the pills in his pocket, before helping Harri stand up from the bed, so she can walk. She was a little unsteady, but was able to move about.
"Thanks" she said, blushing a little
James only smiled at her, just before the doors opened, where Remus burst in, looking relieved to see Harri awake and well, before he wrapped her into a hug of his own.
"I'm so glad to see you are okay little cub" he said, letting her go "you had everyone worried"
"I'm fine Remus, can we just go home now?" Harri asked
"Of course" Remus nodded, putting a hand on both Harri's and James' shoulder "hold on tight"
Harri felt the sickening feeling of being squeezed and pushed through a straw, as everything around her seemed to morph and bend, before it settled down and she saw the gloomy walls of Grimmauld Place. Harri didn't even have time to move, before she was wrapped into a bone crushing hug, almost knocking her glasses off. The bushy hair told her it was Hermione, who had a few tears down her face.
"Oh Harri" she cried "why would you…I was so worried!"
"You may want to let go Hermione" James spoke up "I was given a small scolding for hugging Harri too tightly"
Hermione let go after a second, before taking a few steps back, though others could see that she wanted to hug Harri and never let go.
"Everyone was worried about you dear" Mrs Weasley said gently, walking up to her "do you need something to eat or drink?"
"No thanks Mrs Weasley" Harri replied "the thought of food makes me feel a little nauseous"
"Loss of appetite, remember what the healer said" James said "Remus, I'm taking Harri to bed, the healer says she needs to rest for another twenty four hours before doing any activities or exercise"
"Sure thing" Remus smiled "I'll tell everyone what they need to know"
James nodded, before leading Harri up the stairs, keeping a hand on her back, so she remained steady and standing upright. He then helped her get into her room and into bed. He even tucked her in.
"You don't need to look after me" Harri pouted
"Considering your mental state, someone needed to look after you and help you recover" James said, placing the pills on the bedside table "and I immediately volunteered"
"Why?" Harri asked
"I care about you" James replied "I was scared to death Harri, when I saw you laying in your own blood…I don't want to see you like that again, I lost my sister nearly ten years ago, I'm not going to lose you as well…you're going to get through this, you're going to recover…and I'm going to be there to help you every step of the way…now, get some rest, doctors orders, remember, my rooms next door, just knock if you need anything"
Giving Harri a small smile, James made his way out of her room, closing the door with a soft click. Harri sat there, as tears streamed down her face, as she thought about everything that had happened. She had tried to kill herself. Almost succeeded. But James saved her. James. She never told anyone, but Harri had…feelings for him. Have done since Third Year. As she never had such feelings for anyone before, she was scared. He was her best friend and she didn't want to ruin that friendship, though did have some hope of something happening between them. Now though, she wasn't so sure. She could hear the Dursleys in her mind, screaming at her, calling her a freak. A no good freak. For once, she was beginning to think they were right. She was a freak. James wouldn't like her back, as she was a freak. A freak. Harri put her head in her hands, as she cried. Why couldn't she have just died? Everything would be so much easier if she had.
…
And done. What did you guys think.
I'm sorry if this touched a few nerves. As someone who has the odd depressive state, it did with me. I may have had one or two moments of thinking of suicide but death scares me to much so I don't do it. Don't worry, I haven't had a thought like that in years.
This idea was one of the first I had when coming up with new stories to make when writing A different Hogwarts experience, so this has been simmering for a while, though I now wonder if I should have made it in the first place. However, there is one major change from the original idea. Originally Harry was a boy and it was going to be a Male/Male pairing, but I know a lot aren't keen on such pairings and I'm not confident writing Male/Male fanfics, as I've never actually done one before. Maybe some day.
That is all for now, so leave a review if you wish and maybe I'll see you next time.
Badger out
