Disclaimer: Good Omens, along with its characters, locations, etc. are the property of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. If I owned the rights to it, I wouldn't still be desperate to meet the man that I absolutely ADORE: David Tennant.

Summary: Aziraphale has a mental breakdown after seeing some "everything happens for a reason" signs and Crowley helps him through it. One-Shot.

A/N: I've been binging random David Tennant episodes of Doctor Who for the last two days (my days off, wish me luck waking up at 4:30 in the morning for the next six days) and I needed some good DT fluff. And obviously the first stop on the DT fanfiction train for me was Good Omens. Enjoy!

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A Reason to Fight

….

Aziraphale had been angry for a long time. He didn't know when it started or how it happened, but it was exacerbated by the failed apocalypse and the recent, ongoing pandemic, and he felt his jaw clench and his hands curl into fists every time he thought about the Almighty.

What was the point? Why had She made the supposed "Great Plan" to make Heaven and Hell fight against each other, just to cancel it all at the last minute in the name of the "Ineffable Plan?" Was that even the plan? Was he supposed to team up with Crowley and make the apocalypse grind to a halt? Was the plan supposed to go off without a hitch? Were the humans supposed to die?

And what of the pandemic? Was that God's plan all along? Did she intend for he and Crowley to stop the apocalypse just so She could kill the humans another way? Was this her way of killing off the humans anyway, now that the world wasn't going to end? Or was this Her way of punishing Crowley and Aziraphale for foiling her plan? What was the plan?

Aziraphale had to always distract himself from his thoughts or he would find himself boiling with rage and questions that he couldn't get answered.

Today he had called Crowley and asked him to come to the bookshop, just to force the demon to go for a walk with him through the park. He breezed out the door just as Crowley was walking through it, knocking the demon into the doorframe.

"Nice to see you too, Aziraphale." Crowley muttered, straightening himself.

"I'm sorry, dear. Will you go for a walk with me?"

Crowley nodded as a response, shutting the door behind him. Aziraphale rushed forward, hurrying across the street and almost getting hit by a car. The driver honked loudly and made some rude gestures, causing Crowley to wave at them in apology. He waited for a break in traffic and then jogged across the road and then to Aziraphale, who was already at the entrance of the park.

"Slow down, angel, you're running like you're late for an appointment." Crowley eased up next to Aziraphale and slowed down, forcing the angel to drop to a more leisurely pace.

"I'm sorry again, Crowley." Aziraphale really did feel bad, he felt like he was taking out his frustration on his undeserving friend.

"It's fine, angel." Crowley shoved his hands in his pockets, and Aziraphale found himself wishing that he hadn't, just so he could take the demon's hand in his own.

"It's not, dear. I've been treating you poorly for a while now and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

"I forgive you, Aziraphale, always." Crowley slowed down and looked across the street. "What's going on?"

Aziraphale stopped next to him, not sure how to tell his friend what he had been feeling as of late. He looked across the street and started reading the billboards to give himself time to think of an answer.

Just as his thoughts were coming together, he skimmed a plain white billboard with black text, and his eyes quickly darted back. He blinked at the sign, trying to make his brain comprehend what he was reading:

"God never gives you more than you can handle. Everything happens for a reason."

Aziraphale felt an angry flush creeping up his neck. He felt more than saw Crowley turn toward him.

"Angel, what's going on?" Crowley repeated. He reached for the angel's shoulder, but Aziraphale angrily shrugged it off.

"Do you see that sign?" Aziraphale motioned toward it with his hand and gave Crowley only a half a moment to locate and read it. "God never gives you more than you can handle? Everything happens for a reason? Bullshit!" Aziraphale curled his hands into fists. "She tried to destroy the world, and we don't even know if stopping it was the true plan or if we spoiled everything! And then She unleashed a…a… a plague that has killed millions of people! How does that not fall under more than you can handle?! Millions of people have died!" Aziraphale turned around abruptly, seething with rage.

He heard Crowley call after him as he ran back the way they had come, sprinting through the park and across the street, into the quiet safety of his bookshop. He hoped Crowley hadn't followed him as he ran into the back room of his shop and sank to the floor, leaning against his sofa. He buried his face in his hands, embarrassed about his outburst. It was bad enough that he had freaked out like that in front of Crowley, but if any humans had heard him…

He heard the bell above the door of his shop chime and groaned. He had briefly thought about locking the door behind him, but he also know that Crowley could just snap his fingers and get in if he truly wanted to, so he had simply hoped that the demon would give him space, which clearly hadn't worked.

He heard the door lock click before he heard careful footsteps coming toward the back room. He decided not to move, because he figured that Crowley was going to ask him what was going on anyway. There was no point in trying to disguise his anguish and embarrassment.

He didn't look up as Crowley settled himself on the floor next to him, or when he felt a gentle hand on his arm. He dreaded the moment when Crowley would ask him questions and he would be forced to tell him all about his struggles, but the moment didn't come. Crowley sat silently next to Aziraphale as he wrestled with himself, rubbing circles into the angel's shoulder.

They sat like that for a long time, or what passed as a long time for humans. What was time to two immortal beings who had been alive since before the earth was created?

Aziraphale managed to compose himself enough to unbury his face from his hands, placing his palm delicately against Crowley's.

"I'm sorry, Crowley."

"I don't know why you keep saying that, Aziraphale, you have nothing to apologize for." Crowley said quietly, staring at the far wall of the back room.

"I'm sorry you saw me… freak out, for lack of a better phrase."

Crowley was silent for a long moment. "Why?"

The simple word knocked the breath out of Aziraphale's unnecessary lungs. He took a deep, steadying breath. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you sorry about what happened in the park? Why does it matter that I was there? You're my best friend, Aziraphale, my only friend. Do you think your 'freak out' will change how I see you?" Crowley finally turned and looked at Aziraphale, causing the angel's chest to tighten with an emotion that he couldn't quite name.

"I don't know, Crowley. I just feel like I should have everything together. I'm an angel, for… for someone's sake."

"I've never asked that of you, angel, just as you've never asked that of me."

"I know." Aziraphale whispered. He resisted the urge to tip forward into Crowley's chest, to feel the demon's arms wrap around his shoulders.

"Then why are you sorry?"

"I don't know, Crowley! I'm…" he trailed off, stopping himself from apologizing again. "I guess I just don't feel like much of an angel anymore. I have all these questions, all these doubts… what does that make me?"

Crowley gently wrapped his arm around Aziraphale's shoulders, tipping the angel into his chest exactly as he had imagined only moments before. "Better than all the rest of them, angel." Crowley lightly rested his chin atop Aziraphale's messy curls. "I feel the same way, a lot of the time. I don't understand why the Almighty would let us stop the apocalypse if She was just going to let this pandemic spread. I mean, surely she could have stopped the two of us if She wanted to, right? Why stop Heaven and Hell from killing all the humans if She was going to do it anyway? Did She do this all just to break our spirit? But surely She wouldn't do all of this just because of us. We're too insignificant for that, aren't we?" Crowley trailed off. "I understand, Aziraphale, more than you probably realize."

Crowley hand his hand down Aziraphale's back, skimming his fingers across the angel's shoulder blades, where his invisible wings connected to his back. Aziraphale shuddered, goosebumps raising across his shoulders and down his arms.

"You're still an angel, Aziraphale, and one of the best ones, at that. None of the others cared what happened to this planet, and they still don't. But you… you wouldn't be asking these questions if you didn't care, and that makes you better than all the rest of them." He tilted his head so his cheek was resting against Aziraphale's temple. "I wish I had some answers for you."

"Being here with me, for me, is more than enough, dear. Knowing that you have the same questions…" he shivered as Crowley's fingers trailed over his concealed wing joints again. "How… how did you know that…"

"I know where you want, where you need to be touched because I know you, Aziraphale. You needed to be reminded of your divinity." Crowley said simply. "You and I stopped the end of the world, Aziraphale. No matter what is happening now, nothing can take that away from us."

"But, Crowley…"

"I agree with you that that sign was bullshit, angel. God has given a lot of people more than they can handle, if She is even paying attention at all. But you're destroying yourself by worrying about this. There is nothing that we can do, love."

Aziraphale blushed at the nickname that slipped from Crowley's mouth, tipping back and kissing the demon's jaw. Crowley's neck and chest flushed red and Aziraphale bit back a giggle.

"I love you too, Crowley."

The demon cleared his throat roughly. "Right." He muttered, looking away from Aziraphale's piercing gaze. "Maybe that's enough, angel. You and me. Our… relationship is reason enough to fight for this planet, no matter what the Almighty, or Heaven, or Hell have in store for the future."

Aziraphale was silent for a moment, settling back against Crowley's chest. He idly stroked the demon's arm. "I like that, dearest. I can't think of a better reason to fight for this world than keeping you at my side." He wrapped his hand around Crowley's. "You'll stay by my side?"

Crowley let out a deep breath. "Always, Aziraphale. Always."