You wish to know the color of tainted sorrow? As I ascertain, it's comprised of antiquated sounds and vanished words.
Haruna was gloomy, eyes skimming the page but comprehending nothing. While everyone else was out playing in the snow, having fun together, she sat alone inside the classroom. She just didn't like the cold, she said, books were far more enjoyable. It wasn't technically a lie, but the reason she so despised the winter was because it was hard to watch her classmates play together year after year while she was always left behind. When recess came, friends linked hands and raced outdoors. There was no one to hold Haruna's hand.
Haruna knew it was due in part to her role on the Junior Disciplinary Committee. Nobody wanted to hang out with the girl who was always getting everybody in trouble and writing them up. Nobody wanted to hang out with the short-tempered square who had no idea how to have a good time and relax. If only they knew just how badly the walls they were building between themselves and her hurt… They just had no interest in her antiquated speeches about ladylike behavior, and every time she tried to strike up a friendly conversation, the words vanished in her throat.
Heaving a weary sigh, Haruna tried to ignore the loneliness in her chest as she redirected her attention to her book yet again.
ooo
When I close my eyes, will my feelings reach you? When I open my eyes, shall I show you a smile?
Kurumi pressed her back to the school's brick wall, exhaling shakily as she shut her eyes and sank to the frozen ground. All she wanted was to excite and delight people with her clever and creative surprises, but so seldom were they ever appreciated. She knew that being the class clown meant she would make some enemies, but it seemed as if not a single person in the entire academy saw her as anything other than a pest, and it hurt.
I know they think I'm annoying, but… I can't always help it! Life was just so boring sometimes, and Kurumi couldn't always force herself to focus and behave, even though she tried. She sighed again, eyes still shut. She could feel tears threatening to fall… There was just so much she wanted to say to so many people, so much love she was certain she had to give, but the feelings she wanted to share with the world never quite hit their mark, no matter how good Kurumi thought her aim had been…
Seconds later, a rush of schoolchildren went running by, laughing and squealing as they chased one another with snow. On the inside, Kurumi frowned with envy. On the outside, she smiled. All she wanted was to see people happy. It seemed that this was as good as she would get.
ooo
The seasons I dreamed of are passing us by. The rain has finally passed and become snow.
Miyu stared at the azure sky speckled with white, eyes full of longing. As lovely as the academy was, she felt as though time was slipping right through her fingers. She was anxious and in anticipation, even though she didn't know what she was waiting for. She didn't even know what she wanted, just that she wanted something. Of course, that was not to say she took anything in her life for granted. She knew how blessed she was. But she still felt restless, trapped! Even though she couldn't explain why.
There was an ache in Miyu's heart, almost like wanderlust, and she longed for a world she didn't even fully understand. Her worry about the swift passage of time was only exacerbated by how few friends she had to talk to, and how much snow was on the ground, the latter acting as a cruel reminder of the clock's merciless tick. Her future was uncertain and unclear, a gray and foggy haze that seemed endless. Miyu watched the falling snow with a soft, sorrowful sigh. It would've been easier if she could at least understand what her fickle heart wanted, or if she could have a friend who would help her figure it out.
I feel as though time is moving too fast, and I too slow…
ooo
And forced unto to me, I buried my infatuation, to protect my purity and preciousness.
Miiko scuffed her foot against the floor, pouting, fighting hard not to cry. She was a big girl now, almost in high school! She told herself she was too old to get upset by the mean things her classmates said and did, but that didn't stop the pain. Earlier that day, her biology class dissected frogs. Miiko was super excited for, and interested in, it, but her enthusiasm for the morbid work led the students to treat her like a monster. Some of them just avoided her, others made fun of her, some threw her nasty looks, and some told her she needed to find more appropriate interests.
"But I'm not a bad girl! And liking scary things doesn't make Miiko bad either!" Miiko cried. Just like always, no one listened. Her shoulders slumped in defeat as tears stung her emerald eyes. Whether they meant to or not, her class tainted her childish wonder because it was for something they didn't approve of. That was why Miiko wanted to travel the world. Someday, she would find her people, but until then…?
Miiko decided to stay inside. It was lonely not having anyone to talk or play with, and a tiny part of her wished she could go out in the snow too, but she also knew it would be awkward if she did, especially after what happened in biology class.
ooo
That was then, this was now. The color of tainted sorrow was at last hidden by snow, and barely a single footprint remained as the final monument to the pain of the past. Looking ahead, all they saw was a brand-new white world stretching out, waiting for them. It was the first winter any of them ever enjoyed because it was the first winter they shared together. They were no longer so alone in the world, and the wind blew away the color of tainted sorrow, leaving nothing but fresh air in its wake.
It's funny, Miyu thought as she and her three new companions walked through the academy's snowy grounds, I finally found people with whom I would entrust the color of my tainted sorrow, and yet now that they are here with me, that color is utterly absent! Every color she saw now was vibrant and beautiful, full of light and life, hope and laughter. It was like being in a snow globe, their own little safe haven away from the rest of the world. It was like a flower blooming at the water's edge, trust and love growing and flourishing between them.
For Miyu, with them, she finally felt as though she found a purpose. Or rather, even if she still wasn't sure what she wanted the future to hold, she felt readier to face it head-on now that she had three wonderful, loyal friends at her back. For Haruna, she finally had people who didn't mind her boring blockheadedness. They saw the virtues and heart underneath her strict and quick temper. For Kurumi, she finally found a group of people that tolerated her pranks, especially Miiko. Thanks to Kurumi, Miiko finally had someone she could share her love of all things scary with.
"Just for a short moment, let's hold hands!" Miyu cried suddenly and the others were more than happy to oblige.
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Haruna took her right hand and Kurumi her left while Miiko hung onto her arm just above Kurumi's hands. They smiled and laughed as Miyu swung her arms and put some pep in her step, almost skipping along through the snow. It was amazing how much they changed in such a short period of time. The four girls, who used to spend all their time alone in the dark, now had the windows flung wide open to catch the sunlight and snow. They weren't hiding away anymore, not now that they had each other.
"Don't let go of these innocent dreams, don't take your gazing eyes away from me," Miyu continued, smiling wider than she had in months.
"Wherever we go, you should always protect me," Kurumi agreed, rubbing her cheek on Miyu's arm and smiling sweetly up at her and Haruna.
"We're connected to our white world, don't miss out on the shining light!" Miiko laughed and clapped, skipping merrily alongside them.
"Don't throw my heart into disarray…" Haruna murmured, looking at the other three and biting her lip. She was having fun, but if anything, that was why it scared her so much. She wasn't used to… enjoying herself while in the company of her fellow classmates.
The other three only smiled and nodded, taking Haruna's hands reassuringly. Eight hands piled on top of one another, holding each other tight. A silent promise, a white wish, was born from their little impromptu huddle, warming them from the inside out. The refreshing cold of the clean snow, and the encouraging, heartening warmth of companionship combined to make the best of both worlds.
The slate was wiped clean, a fresh start for all, and the color of tainted sorrow replaced by bright white light. They could learn to love and trust again in their brave, new, white world. And even after the snow melted, all it took was one single look for the four of them to know that their friendship would last far, far longer. For now, though, the snow swirling all around them on a frosty breeze, they were happy.
The color of tainted sorrow was covered by snow and blown away by winter wind. Now, not a single footprint remained as a reminder of their lonely histories. Instead, there were new footprints, new memories. Whenever one of the four turned around, they no longer saw only one set of footprints. There were always three more right beside the first.
There were Miyu's light steps, Haruna's evenly-spaced ones, Miiko's uneven ones as she danced alongside the others, and Kurumi's wild ones as she darted to and fro through the snow. Four different tracks, four different girls, four different pasts. One group, one friendship, one present.
Just for a short moment, let's open the window! Yes! Yes! Yes! Just for a short moment, let's hold hands! Yes! Yes! Yes!
AN: Yes I slightly changed some of the lyrics, and yes this is an AU where they didn't become friends until high school, but LL is honestly my favorite band just because I think they have the best group dynamics and I hope this fic helps outline why (#FoundFamily, lol!)
