p class="MsoNormal"Olivia sat nervously on the stool in her kitchen looking down at the deep red liquid that filled her rounded glass. She had everything and nothing on her mind all at once. Elliot was coming over tonight to finally talk, at the time she felt she was ready and now the day is here and she couldn't be more nervous. She knows this conversation is within her control and in the safety of her home. Not that she thought Elliot would physically harm her, she just needed a safe space to allow herself to open up./p
p class="MsoNormal"She was so lost in thought she almost didn't hear the knock at her door. She took a deep breath and a large swig of her merlot as she slowly walked her heavy feet to the door. When she answered Elliot stood on the other side with a bottle of wine and a helmet on. Confused, Olivia looked up at the helmet than back into his baby blues expecting an answer for the football helmet currently covering his head./p
p class="MsoNormal""Just in case you needed to throw anything at me" He shrugged causing Olivia to laugh out loud./p
p class="MsoNormal"'Good' She thought, laughter. She stepped to the side silently allowing him to come in./p
p class="MsoNormal""Would you uh, like anything to drink?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Yeah sure, whatever you're drinking is great" Elliot awkwardly stood in her living room knowing the last time he was here, he was high and a few admissions came out that night. This time he really had the chance to look around at her home. Her life. Noahs life. Photo's of Noah and Olivia filled the apartment and he smiled at each and every one of them. He started to look at pictures on her console. Most of them contained the squad. A lot of them with Noah. Noah in Fin arms as a baby, the blonde detective, Rollins held Noah at what looked like a baptism. Cragen and Noah that one made Elliot smile from ear to ear. Cragen cradled little Noah as Noah held his finger. One photo stood out, and not in a good way. There was a photo of Olivia, Noah and a man he hated. Ed Tucker. They stood happily in front of the Eiffel Tower looking like a happy family. Eliiots fists balled up but before he could make a snide remark Olivia interrupted his thoughts holding out a glass of wine./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yes, we will discuss that too" She told him as she motioned to the couch. They both sat down and took a deep breath, "So…Where do we begin?" Ollivia started/p
p class="MsoNormal""Tucker" He said with anger/p
p class="MsoNormal""Same jealous son of a bitch" She smirked, "I will tell you part of it, but our story wasn't the beginning, he was the fairy tale ending" Elliot look confused and then down at her ring finger looking for evidence of what he thought was a fairy tale ending./p
p class="MsoNormal""No we weren't married, but he got me out of a dark place. A place I never thought I would get out of." Relief washed over Elliots face before she continued, "And before you make any snide remark, just know that Ed died" Elliot looked up and soon the relief turned into guilt./p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm sorry" He told her truthfully/p
p class="MsoNormal""It's ok, we have learnt to live with it"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Each of them took another sip before she proceeded to speak. "Like I said, there was some very dark times after you left. Ed was there for me, he was there for Noah. We were a family. He offered me the world. He wanted to get married, he was going to retire to stay home with Noah, and you know me. I wouldn't. I fucked it up yet again" She sighed, "We eventually broke up and Ed got remarried" Shock was the only feature written on Elliots face./p
p class="MsoNormal""Then he came to me and asked me to come to a doctors appointment with him. He only wanted me there, so I went and that's when I found out that he had cancer. Terminal." Olivia struggled with the memory but took a deep breath and allowed herself a moment to compose herself./p
p class="MsoNormal""He took me to our pier, the pier where he first told me he loved me, where he used to take Noah fishing, where he surprised me with our trip to Paris and he told me how much he loved me and that it was always me. He said he was sorry for not fighting for me harder and he kissed me one more time. Then 2 hours later I got-" Olivia started to cry as she recalled the events, Elliots heart broke for her but he needed to give her the space she needed./p
p class="MsoNormal""2 hours later I was told Ed ate his gun. He didn't want to burden anyone with caring for a sick man and he was already struggling and he just- he-" Olivia struggled to finish the sentence and Elliot finally reached for her hand in an attempt to comfort her./p
p class="MsoNormal""I am so sorry, Liv. I really am. I am so sorry you and Noah had to feel that pain" Olivia regained composure before slowly pulling her hand back./p
p class="MsoNormal""Thank you"/p
p class="MsoNormal""And I'm sorry for being an asshole"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I appreciate that, El"/p
p class="MsoNormal"The two sat in a comfortable silence as Olivia got herself together again./p
p class="MsoNormal""Now what else do you want to know?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Everything, start at the beginning if you're comfortable with it"/p
p class="MsoNormal""It's all going to come out at some point so it won't matter where I start"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Maybe so, but I want you to feel safe and comfortable when you do tell it all"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I was a wreck when you left, I lashed out, I became violent, I was a complete bitch to everyone, I lost myself and nothing was ok. I was coping by drinking, having sex with anyone who would want me, and having mental breakdowns. I hate that I let you have that type of power over me, Elliot. I hated it. You never should have meant that much to me that I was lost and broken without you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm sorry, Liv" He told her softly and honestly/p
p class="MsoNormal""Elliot, 'I'm sorry' means nothing to me anymore. It's a phrase that people say to stop whatever guilt they have." Elliot stayed silent allowing her to continue./p
p class="MsoNormal"Olivia took another sip of wine before grabbing the bottle, "I'm going to need some more of this before I go on, and before you get ahead of yourself no I don't have a drinking problem, the only person who I have fully divulged this information with is my therapist, and doing it again is horrendous and I need a bit of liquid courage"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I understand" Elliot told her as he sat back and let her continue…/p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"TBC/strong/p