Tossing and turning in his bed, Alan replayed the events of the evening in his head. Why couldn't he see this as a positive thing? She would be closer, they could spend more time together, and who could be more perfect than his best friend's daughter? He knew he loved her and yet he still pushed her away. He felt her absence already, knowing that just the night before he had been with her. Drinking in the intoxicating essence of her. He punched the pillow in frustration. A mere number of days ago he would have given anything to have her next to him again, watching her as she bit the head of a pencil as she filled in a crossword puzzle, seeing her out of the corner of his eye as she flicked through the channels on the television in her oversized Red Sox top. So why couldn't he accept that she wanted to be closer to him now? Perhaps even be with him now.
Across town Rosalie was also having a sleepless night. She was miserable that she'd left in such a state. She had cried the whole cab ride home, and fled into her room without so much as a knock on her father's door. She knew she was drunk, but she also knew how much Alan's reaction had upset her. Just the night before he had held her as she slept, been as intimate with her as any man ever had, and now he had made her feel stupid for thinking that he might have been excited to have her in the same state. She felt even more stupid for even thinking that he could have loved her. She just couldn't understand why he was so resistant to the idea that they could co-exist in the same city, maybe even become exclusive, without assuming she wanted a white picket fence and two point four children.
The next day, Rosalie woke to a thick head and an incoming phone call. She held a palm to her forehead and picked up her cell.
"Hello?"
"It's me."
"Oh. Alan." She felt her tone frosting.
"I don't think I dealt with last night in the best way. Can we meet up, talk maybe?"
"What is there to say? I think you made your position relatively clear."
"I don't think I did," he sighed. "I want you to stay. I just thought… I thought you were asking more of me than I can give."
"I don't want to move in with you. I don't want to marry you. I don't want to carry your children. I like the way things are and I don't want that to change." She rolled over in bed to fetch a glass of water. "I just wanted you to look happy about the fact that I wasn't leaving."
"Of course I'm happy about that."
"Then why couldn't you have said it?"
"Because I have the emotional maturity of a pinball." Despite herself, she laughed. "Dinner tonight? You can tell me all about it."
"You're paying and I choose the restaurant because I have emotional damages from this."
"Who taught you litigation?"
"Denny Crane."
"It's a deal," laughed Alan.
As they sat in the restaurant, Rosalie smiled at Alan. He'd been so apologetic all evening; flowers when she arrived, champagne to celebrate, choosing the wines he knew she preferred. She knew she was probably going to forgive him.
"So what's the plan from here on in?"
"I need to look for a house. I get accommodation on campus, but I have no interest in living between two frat houses quite honestly. I should get a good price for the house I've got now so with any luck I'll be able to get something decent. I'd like to be near the city so I can go out. Then I'll give notice to Columbia and leave at the end of this semester."
"So you'll be here by Christmas?"
"Yeah, I guess so!" She grinned and drank some more wine. "It'll be my first one with Dad since I don't even know when."
"He doesn't really enjoy Christmas you know."
"I don't think lonely people ever do." Alan thought about this for a moment and nodded slightly in agreement.
"There's probably some truth in that," he said as he gestured for the check. "Nightcap somewhere?"
"Your place? It feels really weird taking you back to my dad's house."
"I suppose at some point we'll go back to yours."
"I thought you didn't want to move too fast," she said with a twinkle in her eye.
Back at Alan's suite they laid in bed together, Alan reading a book and Rosalie responding to emails on her cell. Suddenly, she stopped.
"I need to tell you something."
"Is it how desperately you want me to start kissing every inch of your body?"
"Not quite," she said, putting the phone down on the side. "The night before I left for France, you had a night terror. Do you remember?"
"I think so. I had quite a few after you left."
"I told you I loved you that night." He looked at her and put his book down.
"I don't remember that."
"Well no, you were asleep. I just… I didn't want you to fall asleep again without knowing that I said it."
"Do you think you would say it again?"
"I think I probably would."
"I would like you to say it again too."
"What about you?"
"I want to say it. Hopefully I'll make it there soon."
"That's good enough for me," she replied simply, kissing him softly and rolling over to turn out her bedside lamp. There was a pause, and then she said, "Can I leave a toothbrush here?"
"That, I'm not sure about," Alan chuckled, turning out his own lamp and rolling over to bury his face in her hair. He stroked her arm gently and closed his eyes, feeling content.
