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A few hours later, Jason woke up from his nap. The room was silent, except for the beeping of the machine that he was still attached to. Even though he woke up from his coma, he hadn't been able to stay awake for longer than an hour or two without falling asleep again from exhaustion. He knew a lot of it had to do with the fact that his body was lying there for six months. He needed to get his muscles back in shape. More importantly, he needed to gain back all of his memories.
Jason glanced over at the plush green chair in the corner to see Elizabeth curled up in a ball sleeping. She was so beautiful and he loved her so deeply. She had stayed to watch over him and it warmed his heart. He really wished she believed him when he told her how much he loved her and wanted to be with her. There was no way these feelings were going to leave him, he was sure of it. They were too intense.
Elizabeth stretched in the chair and let out a huge yawn. Her muscles were cramped from crunching up in a ball. She felt Jason watching her and their eyes locked, blue on blue. Jason smiled and Elizabeth smiled back.
"Good morning sleepyhead," Elizabeth began. "I hope you had a nice nap."
"Yes, I dreamt of you."
"Jason, stop that. You know you can't dream."
"I am serious, I am not sure what happened but I can dream. I was dreaming of us in Italy last night and I know we never went there, so it was a dream."
Elizabeth was blown away. "That is amazing. How?"
"I have no idea how, or why but I can dream and I remember my childhood. I have memories of running around the mansion chasing AJ, laughing with my mom and dad. Having tea with my grandmother. I remember wanting to become a doctor. I also remember climbing in the car to save my brother, and smashing into that tree," Jason admitted.
"I don't know what happened when that tunnel exploded and crashed down around me, but it knocked something inside my head lose that brought all these memories back. I slipped into a coma for a reason. Maybe my brain was healing itself while I slept. Who knows. What I need is a brain surgeon to run some tests and figure out what is going with me."
Elizabeth couldn't believe what he was saying. She knew that he mentioned it earlier, but it hadn't clicked yet that he meant he was remembering being Jason Quartermaine. He remembered his accident too.
"You need Patrick Drake. I am not sure if you remember him but he has operated on your brain several times. When we get back to Port Charles, we should give him a call. Even if you get your memories back, it would be a good idea to get a CAT scan. We could send it to him to take a look. He is very familiar with your case."
"I have all of my memories up until I became Jason Morgan. Everything after that is scattered. I don't remember waking up specifically, but I do remember the hospital and yelling at everyone. I remember a lot of our time together, up until we broke up at the courthouse. After that it's all a blur. I am not sure if I have all of our memories but I would like you to help me put things in order, and then I would like you to tell me what happened after that."
"Oh wow, so most of your time as Jason Morgan is a blur other than some moments with me but you remember your entire childhood. That's actually pretty bizarre. It's like you have reverted back to Jason Quartermaine with just a bit of Jason Morgan."
"Well, I remember walking in on Sonny and Carly having sex behind my back. I remember Carly taking Michael away from me and all the stuff with Robin. Mostly everything after that is a blur other than the times I spent with you."
"Jason, so much more has happened to you, and to us. Are you sure you want me to tell you? Not a lot of it is pretty. As a matter of fact, most of it is downright maddening and I am not sure I am strong enough to take you through it all."
"I am sorry Elizabeth, I know I am asking a lot from you. I know we aren't together right now. You aren't comfortable around me, but you do still love me. That much I know, or you wouldn't have kissed me or you wouldn't be here right now."
"Jason, I won't lie to you. We were barely getting along before you died. You did agree to help me with some illegal trouble that I got into, but we really weren't speaking much, if at all. You were actually dating a woman named Britt Westbourne. She was with you along with Drew, your twin brother when the tunnel collapsed."
"I was afraid of that," Jason admitted. "Can you tell me what happened between us? Cause what I am feeling right now for you is intense. There is no way we didn't get married and start a family. I know we have a son but I don't remember much about him. Why don't I remember my son? I remember him being born, and being terrified I was going to lose you both. I remember saving him, but after that..."
"Oh Jason, I know you must be incredibly confused. I...yes we have a son, but you, no we...we were afraid for his safety because of what you do for a living. So you gave up your son and let Lucky raise him."
"Lucky? I let Lucky raise my boy? Why would I let that happen?"
"Jason, it's really hard to explain. There was a lot of things going on between us at the time. I was still married to Lucky. He was addicted to drugs. You were on and off again with Sam."
"Who's Sam?"
'Oh boy. I went and stepped in it now,' Elizabeth thought. How was she going to tell him about Sam. 'Hey, your partner got the slut pregnant, you took her in, she lost the kid and you fucked the slut. She became your ride or die chick, and then you married, had a baby, after disowning your other son, and living happily ever after.' Somehow she knew that wasn't going to fly.
Jason could feel the tension coming of Elizabeth in waves. He knew this was not good. He was bracing for something crazy to come out of her mouth. "Who's Sam Elizabeth?"
"Sam was your wife."
"My wife?"
"Well, you are divorced now, but for the most part, she was your wife. You've been on and off again since about 2004. She was your soulmate and the love of your life until she kicked you to the curb and you finally divorced in 2018." Elizabeth responded bitterly.
"I...I don't know what to say. I don't understand. I couldn't have married anyone but you."
"Jason, I don't know what you have in your head right now, but what we had was barely a blip on the radar. Yes we had moments here and there that were special to the both of us, but we never made it. You were married 4 times, none of which were to me. As a matter of fact, other than Robin, I am the only one of your women that you didn't marry. Every other one got that pleasure. I got the danger talk and the boot."
When Elizabeth saw the look on Jason's face she softened, but only briefly, before letting him have it again. "I am sorry, I wanted to be gentle with you but I cannot do this. It hurts too much. I don't want to talk about Sam or any of your other sluts. I hate that bitch and I hate you for leaving me alone and marrying her."
Elizabeth stormed out of the room, leaving Jason to fester in his own thoughts.
Nikolas went into the room to talk to Jason. After Elizabeth stormed out of the room, he knew that Jason had to be confused.
"Hey Jason," Nikolas began. "How's everything going? Is there anything that I can get you?"
"No thank you Nikolas. I appreciate you helping me. The only thing I need is Elizabeth, but apparently I messed that up and she hates me."
"I saw her storm out of here crying, she will be alright. It's just overwhelming to see you alive again. You guys have had this star crossed lover thing going on for the past 20 years. You never got it right. I know she loves you Jason, it's just that you guys never made it and it kills her. You both made so many bad choices."
"I just don't understand how I could have married this Sam person. I don't see how I could have married anyone other than Elizabeth, but she told me I was married 4 times. I just don't see how I could do that."
"Well, one of them was to Brenda, she blackmailed you into a marriage for the sake of Sonny and Carly but that was annulled. Then you married Sonny's sister Courtney, that marriage lasted a year I think before she betrayed you."
"Then you met Sam. She got pregnant by Sonny, and Sonny had you claim the baby as yours and moved Sam in with you. He didn't want Carly finding out. You and Sam fell in love and became a couple and eventually married."
"Then finally, this was more recent, right before you died, you married Carly. Sonny was dead and it was purely a business decision, but that turned out to be invalid because Sonny was alive."
Jason listened as Nikolas laid out his life before him. What the hell was wrong with him? He married the love of Sonny's life to keep her from causing trouble in his marriage to Carly? What the hell? He then married Sonny's sister, and then his mistress? What the hell was going on? Then Carly? Carly of all people? He really was brain damaged.
"Sounds like I am a little obsessed with Sonny, don't you think? What the hell was I thinking? Every single one of those women have something to do with Sonny in some way. As Jason Quartermaine, I hated Sonny Corinthos for what he did to Karen. This...this is just too much to take in."
"I don't know what to tell you. Most of what you did was for the sake of Sonny and Carly. More Carly than Sonny when you think about it. No matter what she has done to you or someone that you loved, she was always the one constant in your life. You've always chosen her Jason. The one person that you never gave up on."
"You gave up a life with Elizabeth and your son for them and Michael. I hate to be the bearer of bad news Jason, but you were a shitty father, shittier than me, and that's saying something. You abandoned your kid. You let a drug addicted Lucky raise him, and you never looked back."
"Well clearly Elizabeth and I were together at some point. We have a son. Can you tell me about that?"
"Elizabeth was having marital issues. She caught Lucky in bed with Maxie Jones. You had just seen Sam sleeping with Ric, her stepfather, and you both hooked up one night. She went back to Lucky, and you went back to Sam."
"I think you guys did try to be a couple at some point after you found out you were Jake's father, but you were running the business at the time, you didn't have time for her. You guys both talked about the danger of the business. Then Michael got shot and it was all over at that point. You gave Jake up for good. You and Sam got back together, and she got pregnant with your son Danny. You have two sons."
"I...I have another son, Jason asked, the shock evident in his voice. "Did I know him at all?"
"No, Danny was only about 4 months old when you were presumed dead the first time in 2012. You fell into the water after being shot by Faison. You were missing for 5 years. Before that there was question about Danny's paternity, and you didn't really get to know him. When you came back in 2017, after being missing, you did start to bond with Danny and getting to know him more."
Jason let everything that Nikolas was telling him sink in. His life was a disaster. He couldn't understand how he could abandon Elizabeth and Jake, and marry someone else and have a child. He was sick to his stomach. He wanted to die. The pain was unbearable. How could he do it? How could he have been so horrible to her? Brain damaged or not. There was no excuse for it. It was like he was under some type of spell and he only listened to Sonny and Carly. He felt so empty inside.
Nikolas watched the raw emotions come off of Jason in waves. He was heartbroken. He looked lost and alone. He looked like he was about to break down any minute. His eyes were bloodshot, unshed tears pooling in his eyes. One lonely tear falling down his cheek.
"Jason, are you going to be okay?"
Jason swallowed the lump in his throat. "I don't think I am ever going to be okay again," He admitted.
Elizabeth splashed cool water on her face. After running out of the room, she broke down hard. Every emotion that she had bottled up inside in regards to Jason came pouring out. She never even mourned his death last year. Yet, for some reason finding out he was alive, she was mourning their lost relationship all over again.
As soon as she saw him, all the love she had for him came rushing to the surface, but along with that came the pain. The terrible pain of losing him when he walked away from her.
She thought she let him go completely when she married Franco. She was a fool for thinking it would be as easy as that. Jason Morgan would forever be ingrained in her heart. There was no denying it any longer. No man would ever be good enough. No matter how hard she tried, Jason Morgan was it for her.
Elizabeth knew she had to get back to Jason and apologize to him. She felt horrible for telling him that she hated him. There was a very thin line between love and hate, and for the most part, she loved Jason. She hated, what he did to her. Although she treated him just as badly for the sake of Lucky and their permanent lock. More like permanent hell. Maybe she was the one with the brain damage.
Elizabeth made her way back down the long hall to where Jason was staying. She could hear Nikolas talking to him, telling about his life. She didn't want to just walk in, so she knocked.
"Come in," Nikolas instructed.
"Sorry," Elizabeth apologized. The door was closed all the way and I didn't think it was right to just walk in."
"Don't worry about it. Come on in."
Elizabeth glanced over at Jason to see if he was upset with her. What she saw in his eyes broke her heart. She could tell that he had been crying, and it killed her to see. He was probably beyond confused hearing all about his life. He looked so defeated and lost.
"I will leave you two alone," Nikolas announced to the room. He knew neither one of them heard him, so he snuck out the door, closing it behind him.
Elizabeth walked over to the bed, never taking her eyes off of Jason. "Jason...I am so.."
Jason cut her off. "No, don't you apologize to me for telling me how you feel. I can understand why you would hate me. I hate me too. I don't understand how I could walk away from you and our son. I don't understand how I could do any of the things that I have done to you. I wish that whoever pulled me out of the tunnel would have just left me there to die."
"Jason no, don't say that. You dying is never the answer. I have accepted the fact that I will never have you in my life. As long as you were happy, was what I told myself."
Elizabeth paused briefly before continuing. "Speaking of dying, I tried to kill myself you know."
Jason's head snapped up in horror. "What? Why? Elizabeth no."
"Yeah, after you left me for good, I went back to Lucky. Surprise, surprise. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't love him, I hadn't for a very long time, but he was there and he was easy. He loved the boys and it was better than nothing. Then I was terrified because I didn't want to fall into the same old routine again, so I slept with Nikolas."
"You..you slept with Nikolas? The Nikolas in the other room? That Nikolas?"
"Yes, that Nikolas. I wanted to hurt Lucky, but I wanted to hurt myself more. So I did the worst thing I could possibly think of, and I slept with Nik. I destroyed him, but he finally left me for good and it broke the never ending cycle of me taking him back over and over again. After that, I tried to kill myself by jumping off the roof of the hospital. So I ended up in Shadybrook.
"Oh Elizabeth, I am so sorry I wasn't there for you. I am sorry I walked away. I am sorry for so many things that I don't even know of because I don't remember," Jason said sincerely. "I wish I could go back in time and change things, choose you."
"We can't go back Jason. We can only move forward. Dwelling on what was and what could have been solves nothing. I have learned that. I have been wallowing in self pity for so long that I destroyed my boys. I have been in and out of Shadybrook a few times and I don't think I am getting any better."
Jason just listened intently, his heart breaking a little more as Elizabeth told him how she was so broken, that she almost killed herself. He truly wanted to die.
"My most recent stay, last month, didn't seem to help. I am losing slots of time and I cannot seem to get out of this slump I am in. I am lost and alone, even though I have a boyfriend. My boyfriend seems to think he knows what's best for me and has continuously gone behind my back. Needless to say, that relationship is over. He just doesn't know it yet."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Yes Jason. I hope you didn't think I was living as a nun all of these years while you trotted around town with your slut, and throwing it in my face."
Jason winced at her outburst. He knew he deserved them all, but he wasn't used to Elizabeth yelling at him or hating him. How were they going to move forward if every other sentence out of her mouth was reminding him of what a horrible person he was.
"Elizabeth, I know you hate me, I know. I hate me too. I told you that already. I cannot change what I did to you, I can only change how I treat you going forward. I am not asking you to marry me, or even to be my girlfriend. That may never be in the cards for us, but that's up to you."
"What I am asking you for, is a chance to get to know you again. I want to start by being friends again. We did so well when we were friends. Let's give it a shot and see where it takes us."
Elizabeth liked the idea but there was no way they were going to remain friends. "Jason, as much as I would like that, we've always been more than friends and I don't think I can be around you without wanting you, and I just don't think that is possible."
"Elizabeth, with my Quartermaine memories intact, I don't have a desire to go out and kill people, except maybe Sonny Corinthos for ruining my life. I don't want to be in that business anymore. I mean, I have already been gone 8 months, I am sure Sonny has replaced me by now. I want out of this life that I am in, and I want to make a new one with you. If I left the business for you, would you consider giving me another chance?"
Elizabeth sighed. He wasn't going to give up. "I wish you would have put forth this much effort back when I was begging you for a few seconds of your time. I had to beg you to give me the time of day. Now you want to walk away?"
"Yes, because now I am working with a full brain. At least I think I am. I feel things differently now. I think of Monica now, my mom, and I feel nothing but love for her and regret for how I treated her. Oh and Alan, I was horrible to him. All they wanted to do was love me and I pushed them all away. Why do I push everyone away? My mind cannot fathom that anymore. I just want the rest of my memories to return so I can sort through the mess that is my life."
"So you seriously want to walk away from the life you've known and lived for the past 20 plus years? Sonny will never allow that."
"Well too bad for Sonny, I want a life with you. If you'll accept me."
"Oh Jason, you have no idea how long I have wanted to hear those words pass your lips. How are we going to get past all the hurt and anger? I have so much hatred inside of me, and I don't know how to get over it. Yes, I love you, but sometimes love isn't enough. Especially not after all of the things you put me through. I know I did just as many bad things to you, but in the end, you are the one that gave up and moved onto to another family."
Jason's shoulders slumped in defeat. She hated him. She truly hated him and he wasn't sure anything he said would change her mind, but he would try again.
"Elizabeth, I am not using this as an excuse, but I am brain damaged. You have to cut me some slack. I don't process thoughts like a normal person, and I know you know that about me. I wish you would just give a break like you used to give to Lucky all of the time."
"I know...I know I messed up royally, but I never intentionally set out to hurt you. If I know anything, I know that. If I put something out of my mind, it's gone. So I would have had to shut down completely to get you out of my mind. Sounds like that is what I did."
Elizabeth closed her eyes and sighed in defeat. He wasn't going to let up. She wanted to say yes, but something was holding her back. She already kissed him earlier, but that was just because she just found out he was alive, and she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that she wanted to. She hadn't kissed him in what seemed like forever. So she had a moment of weakness.
"Jason, I am willing to work on our friendship for now. If and when you get all of your memories back and you still want me, I will consider giving you a chance."
"Oh Elizabeth," he kissed her hand. "You have no idea what this means to me."
"I said consider Jason. You have a lot to prove to me. I am not going to just drop my panties when you look at me with those smoldering eyes of yours. So stop."
Jason smirked. "Stop what?"
"That right there. That look."
Oh Jason was pretty sure he would be using that in the future. She agreed to give him another chance to make things right, and he wasn't going to waste it. He was going to win her back and they were going to finally become husband and wife, if it is the last thing that he ever did.
