Thank you for the reviews on In The Summertime.
Now here is the second of the two one-shots to connect 2021's Christmas fic to 2022's. This will definitely give you a hint of where we are and where the Christmas fic will be heading (and be proud of me, I have written the first chapter...). Although, does the title of this now give away what is going to happen in this one shot?
So this is meant to coincide with the start of the new academic year. Mainly to add up this year with where in the year the fic is set (if you get me). So I am a week or so early. Because...
Happy birthday Gem (for tomorrow). Wish we still spoke as much as we used to (stupid Twitter for kicking you off) but I know that you are still here, being one of my biggest cheerleaders, reading and reviewing when you can. I hope you have a wonderful day and hope you enjoy this as much as you have the others.
Please enjoy this and we will see more of this timeline on 1st December...
We Love It When A Plan Comes Together
The day had been the worst.
Rachel'd had bad days in the past.
But nothing compared to the day that she had just had.
Even her first day as a teacher seemed ten times better than the day that she had just had.
She had never felt so humiliated in her entire life. She had never felt so small in her life. Even with all the prostitution. She had felt dirty and sickened by herself and what she had agreed to do for money. But she had never felt humiliated by it. Because there was no other way for her to get the sort of money that she needed at the time.
Even dragging her heavily drunk father out of the pub and down the street to get him home never felt so embarrassing as what she had just gone through.
And she leant against the front door after she closed it, her hand on her stomach, wishing that the nauseous feeling hadn't followed her home. It had started during her first dressing down from Max and failed to go away, even after she had, unexpectedly, thrown up in the student's toilets, with one of the girls asking if she wanted her to get Mr Lawson, which Rachel had politely refused. Eddie didn't need to know how badly her day was going at that point.
She stood there, with her eyes closed, willing her stomach to stop doing flips and for her not to throw up again. She had never liked throwing up. Not that she was sure that anyone liked throwing up. She just… couldn't deal with it. Even just the sounds of someone throwing up made her want to throw up. So when Mika threw up on her on her first day at Waterloo Road, she had been living her worst nightmare.
"Rachel?"
She opened her eyes to Eddie's rather worried face.
Coming back to work after the summer holidays shouldn't have been as difficult as she found that day to be.
She should be coming home, to her boys, still full of enthusiasm that this was going to be the year for Waterloo Road and that the last minute merger dumped on them wasn't going to stop all the progress that she thought that the school could make. She should watch as Eddie and Philip would glance over at each other and one of them (probably Philip) rolls his eyes at the other, signifying that she should find something else to talk about after it had been the only thing she had talked about for a month. She should be using the time to try and talk about a strategy with Eddie for him to silence her with a kiss and do everything in his power (outside of the bedroom) to try and distract her from work.
Now… the last thing she wanted to think about was work. The only thing she wanted to do was curl up in a ball in bed and try to fall asleep, hoping that when she woke up, she would realise that it had just been a bad dream. That the day from hell was just her own conscience building the worst case scenario for her.
The longer she stayed quiet, the more worried Eddie looked.
"Are you okay, Rachel? You look rather pale." Eddie said, taking a couple of steps towards her.
She opened her mouth to say something but found herself quickly closing it before she rushed up the stairs, hoping that she could get to the bathroom quick enough. Her hand was over her mouth, with her thumb and index finger pinching her nose. She only really had the energy due to the motivation of not getting sick on the carpet.
It was clear that Eddie had realised what had happened and the way that he was rubbing her back was the sort of comfort that she had needed earlier. Maybe she should have accepted the offer of getting him earlier in the day.
The toilet roll that was offered to her was greatly appreciated, along with the glass of water. She sat back, leaning on Eddie, who was still behind her, glad when his arms wrapped around her and pulled her slightly closer to him.
"So the answer is no." He said.
"To what question?" Rachel said.
"Whether you are okay because you looked pale. No, you are not okay."
She closed her eyes and moved her head to rest her forehead against his chin. "This isn't the first time today." She muttered. "It was… It was where I was when the fight broke out."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't want you worrying."
"Rachel, we are a team. A partnership. I want to know these things."
Max's words filled her ears and she found herself holding onto Eddie's arms, making sure that he would give her the comfort that she needed. The memory of the words that Max had said about her relationship with Eddie along with his questions about her professionalism seemed worse than when he actually said them. And no matter how much she wanted to tell Eddie, she couldn't find the strength to. Mainly because she couldn't see Eddie taking it well and she didn't have the energy to argue with him over how they should approach things.
"Rachel?"
"Yes?"
"How long have you been feeling like this?"
"I think… the nauseous feeling started last week. And I've also been feeling more tired."
"Are you umm… late?"
She slowly opened her eyes at his question. She opened her mouth to ask him what he meant when it hit her. And she probably was.
"Oh, God." She said.
"Maybe you did tempt fate when you brought those tests the other day." He said, with Rachel glad to hear the amusement in his voice.
"I suppose… there is only one way to find out."
"I'll give you a minute then." He placed a kiss on her temple. "I'd better check on dinner anyway and I'll see if there is any of that ginger tea left."
Rachel knew why Eddie was giving her some space but she didn't want him to leave her. Because she knew that she would be left alone with her thoughts and Max's words. She knew that she had to get up off the bathroom floor, with the tests being in their ensuite. But she couldn't stop herself from diving into her bedside drawer, rummaging around to find where she had hidden what she had bought when they were away.
Because now, more than ever, she felt like she needed confirmation that Eddie would be by her side.
Even if she knew that she wasn't ready to take that step just yet.
Eddie may have taken longer than he originally planned to.
Mainly because from the moment he got downstairs, the dread and worry hit him, knocking out any enthusiasm over a potentially positive result.
So much so that he nearly grabbed his phone to call Zoe or Alice or his mum (in that order, hoping that he would get either Zoe or Alice and not have to say anything to his mum. Just yet anyway). It was the type of panic that made him forget all of the techniques and other little things that he could do to calm himself down. He was grateful that he didn't have a pain attack over it (because he was still embarrassed about the one he'd had over the whole situation when they were still only talking about it, leading to him agreeing to the counselling and the reason why they stopped talking about it in the first place).
So when he stood at the bottom of the stairs after finishing everything that he felt like he needed to do, he froze.
And it took him a while to motivate himself to take those first steps.
Once he was going he was fine.
Up the stairs he went.
The next battle came when he reached the top of them.
And he hated that Rachel wasn't in the bathroom that he left her in.
It would have made things easier.
It would have been a shorter distance to walk.
Even if he knew that the tests were in their ensuite.
He scratched at his neck, knowing that he was leaving red lines that would only worry Rachel more. He just had to feel something like that to keep him grounded. As he was on the search for her, he couldn't use her to ground him.
The door to the ensuite was pushed to and it took another burst of strength to push open the door, with Rachel raising her head as she stood there, leaning against the side, with the test balancing on the rim of the sink and a small black velvet-like bag in her hands.
"I'm going to lose you, aren't I?" Rachel whispered, tears starting to make their way down her cheeks.
Eddie wished that he could assure her. He wished that he could walk over to her and catch the tears. He wished that he could hold her face in his hands and tell her that she would never lose him.
Instead, he just stood there, watching the woman that he loved more than anything else in the world (except for maybe Michael) slowly break down in front of him.
"Eddie, I need you more than ever. I don't… I don't care for my bloody stupid plan. That test." She said, shakingly pointing to where it was on the sink. "That test can be negative for all I care because… I can't lose you. God. I should have realised it myself. I should have done this by myself. Because I think this is just going to end in so much misery and you've already had enough of that in your life. I want you. That is all that matters."
Eddie shook his head. "You don't mean that."
"Don't I?"
"Look, we don't know either way at the moment. And then we will have to go to the doctors to get it properly confirmed." He waved his arms around, probably showing Rachel his discomfort. "I'll be fine. It's just a shock to me at the moment. Once I've processed it. Whatever the result."
"He's going to undermine me. Every step of the way."
"Who?"
"Max."
"Why? What has he said?"
"He questioned my professionalism."
"Sorry? What?"
"Our personal and professional relationship. Everything that happened over the last two years. The fire. The Kelly's. Like I want to relive all of that. Does he not think that sits on my conscience? I don't need him lecturing me about letting the… riff-raff in. About that this is the type of thing that happens when you do. That people can't change. Then obviously we got on to me and my past and how I am just playing a role. Whether that was the 'bad girl' turned good while I am still doing it as a side hustle or I was a paid actor. To pretend that I was a prostitute.
"Now I… I don't really care what people say about me. I know what happened back then and if anyone wants to think otherwise, then that is up to them. If they want to know the truth, then they know where I am." She took a quick breath. "And maybe it is a mix of me not feeling well but I couldn't take it today. I've never felt so small and when he told me about how he was going to be at Waterloo Road permanently and shut my office door in my face, I felt humiliated. It is my office. And it is my school. And you are my partner and I'm not allowing him to take any of that away from me." She opened the bag in her hands and pulled out the ring. "Marry me?"
Eddie heard the question.
He saw the ring.
But his brain was taking a while to put them all together and process what exactly was being asked. And that Rachel was waiting for an answer. And she looked very worried when he had finally processed everything.
"Eddie?"
He took a couple of steps towards her, cupping her hands in his, hiding the ring for the moment.
"I can lose everything else." She whispered. "I just can't lose you."
"Rachel, I don't think we should do this now."
"Why?"
"Because I think this is a knee jerk reaction to a bad day and a feeling that you might be losing control."
"No. No. This is something that I have wanted to do. I wouldn't have brought the ring if it wasn't something that I hadn't thought about."
He swallowed. "But I don't think that you planned to do it now."
"Eddie, I need you."
"And I haven't said that I am going anywhere."
"But you know that it doesn't happen like that."
"It is going to take more than Max Tyler to scare me off."
"A baby might."
He sighed. "Hopefully not. That is why we've done all of this preparation."
"Do you not want to get married again? I can understand it. I never thought that I would get married. Sorry, I should have said something."
"Rachel." He said, firmly, hoping that she would listen to him for a moment. "Will you just turn off for a moment? Stop thinking. Mainly because you have a habit of overthinking these things and this isn't me just dismissing all of your concerns. Okay?"
He watched her as she closed her eyes and a couple of stray tears made their way down her cheeks. He didn't quite understand how he kept his resolve for so long. Part of him just wanted to accept it to make her happy. And he knew that he would eventually. He just didn't know whether now was the right time to do it.
He gave her a small smile when her eyes opened.
"We can deal with Max. Any idiot can put two and two together and see that you are good for Waterloo Road. That you are one of the best things that has happened to the school and that your past is the reason for it. Any idiot that was there that day knows that you told the truth. Any idiot knows that you are, now, completely transparent about it. Ask any of the kids and they will tell you that is the reason why they respect you so much. You've gained their respect and trust. Max, if he keeps going the way that he is, will find out how hard it is to gain our kids' trust and respect. And he is going completely the wrong way about it. And we will do it together. As head and deputy. Side by side. Like we have done everything else."
"And that test?" She whispered.
"I've got an appointment booked for Friday after school. I know that Zoe and Alice are always available. They might not like when I could call but I know that any cursing of the time will also be met with the reassurance that I will need." He moved his hands to show the ring again, with him taking it in a little more and allowing the smile to rise on his face. It might not have been traditional but at least he knew that Rachel would always be able to find him something that he would like. "Plus… whatever the result, you'll need someone to support you. And I think that will be my job as your fiancé."
"Really?"
He nodded. "Yes, Rachel, I'll marry you."
"Only if you are sure."
"When it comes to you, I'm always sure."
The hug that they fell into was tight and Eddie knew that there were still many worries there but, for the moment, they were just them. They were just Rachel and Eddie and he knew that things would be alright in the end. This was all part of the journey. This was all part of the plan and they both knew that.
"Now, let's have a look at this test," Eddie said as he pulled back.
"Do you want your ring first?"
"I suppose so."
They managed to smile at each other and the ring was a weight that Eddie didn't realise that he had missed.
It was something that would hit them both later, when they were wrapped up in bed together. And they could whisper about plans that they had to make because things were only going to change. And for the better. There were still a few things that they needed to do but the test that was on the rim of the sink was the starting point. Because it was positive.
The last couple of weeks had been long.
There had been conflicts with Max and the rise of rivalries, mainly between the girls, hadn't been what Rachel had wanted. And things only seemed to be getting worse.
But no one, other than Philip, knew about how different things were in their personal life. There had been quite a few more doctor's appointments that either of them were expecting and Rachel had to mention something to both the doctor and midwife when Eddie really struggled after they spoke about all the risks of her geriatric pregnancy. They did seem understanding but she hoped that they would give them both the same level of information that they had done, just more sensitively.
It wasn't really how they wanted to do it. Rachel definitely wished that there was a better time than at Cathy's leaving do, but it was going to be the only time that Eddie's family was going to all be together and they had both decided that they needed to tell everyone as soon as possible and altogether if they could.
It was clear that everyone would miss Cathy and Rachel did wonder whether the distance would affect all of them, especially Cathy. The two or so hours between them and Leicester would probably feel like she was moving to Australia with how close they were as a family. Although, Rachel already knew that Eddie had planned a little trip down there for the October holidays, just for them to get away (and not to see his niece that Rachel knew that he was already missing).
It was almost instinctual to how they looked at each other, knowing that it was time to tell everyone. The nerves mixed with the morning sickness, causing the nauseous feeling to intensify. And she let Eddie take the lead on how they were going to do it. It was his family after all and the only reason her family (e.g. Philip) knew was because he lived with them. She would just send a text to Melissa at some point to let her know.
They had talked about how they were going to do it. They felt like announcing their engagement last was probably the way to go, getting the heavy subject over and done with first.
"Umm, there is something that Rachel and I want to say," Eddie said, with everyone quietening down.
There were quite a few worried faces pointing in their direction and Rachel did wonder whether, maybe, they should have done this separately rather than all in one go. She could feel Eddie start to clam up and when she took his hand in hers, she knew that she had to take over.
"We said that we would keep you updated at every step. And well… A couple of weeks ago, we found out that I was pregnant." Rachel said.
Everyone's face seemed to portray the same emotions. On one hand, they were happy for them. On the other hand, they all looked rather worried as they looked towards Eddie.
"We've hit 10 weeks." Rachel continued as she changed how she was to slip her arm around Eddie's waist. "And, ummm, well… that is the first part."
"First part?" Sue said, the worry to what the next set of news was clear in her voice.
"The last part is better. Or, well, the better news of the two."
"We're engaged," Eddie said.
That seemed to cause more of a reaction (for the better) and Rachel knew that they had left big gaps in how it all came about, with everyone focusing on the fact that it was Rachel who proposed. Which seemed to help everyone put aside the other news for the moment. But Rachel was sure that it would get brought up again at some point before they left.
"Edward?"
Eddie looked up to see his mum step out of the conservatory, joining him outside. He had been hiding and he would admit that. But his mum had been one of the people that he had been hiding from. Although it didn't really matter because when his mum opened up her arms, he found himself almost running into them. Four, 14 or 40. He would always gladly accept a hug from his mum.
"Oh, Edward." His mum said as she rubbed her hands up and down his back.
"The initial shock has worn off."
"Are you sure?"
He nodded. "It had just been when they have been talking about Rachel and all the risks."
"Why?"
"It is a geriatric pregnancy. Because of Rachel's age. And… there are risks attached to that."
"Like?"
"Miscarriage." He swallowed. "And other things related to the birth."
He allowed his mum to pull back and even though he could see the worry in her eyes, there was also something else that helped calm him. He didn't know exactly what it was but it worked whatever it was.
"You've always gone to the worst case scenario." His mum said. "Always. And you always have made things ten times worse. And I know. When you did start to become less worried about things, everything fell apart. And I know that there are people out there that will try to rationalise it but it is what it was. It was shit. And totally unnecessary and no one ever deserves to go through that."
Eddie smiled when his mum swore. Mainly because she never did and he could feel the memory of her hitting him around the head when he did swear in front of her for the first time.
"But?" He said.
"There is no but. I would have loved for you to still be with Alison and Michael and Stephen. For you not to have gone through all that. But there is nothing that we can do to change that. And we all love Rachel. People love to try and find meaning in things where there is no meaning to be found. You weren't meant to go all through that so you could find Rachel. Anyone who says that you have to go through suffering to find someone is talking a load of crap. And all this you have to love yourself before someone else can. Life is life. Good things happen. Bad things happen. And we can't stop that from happening, no matter how hard we try."
Eddie slowly nodded. "Just Rachel does have a lot of stress at work at the moment. With the merger."
"She seemed ecstatic about it. Just before you started again."
"She didn't count on an Executive Head, who seems like he is targeting her. I did manage to listen into one of their conversations. No wonder her confidence levels have dropped." He sighed. "It was why she proposed to me. Because she can lose everything else, but me."
"I assume you are still seeing that counselling guy."
Eddie nodded. "Although, as much as I was worried about it all, I think Rachel was panicking more about it than I did. The initial shock is over now. It is just… 30 weeks is a long time. April seems like it is a long time away. And I've got to do everything I can to get Max off of Rachel's back. And December. It might just be as tough this year as it was last year."
"Maybe. But you did last December pretty much by yourself. And she hasn't got Melissa around to… wind things up. You've got us, Edward. Please remember that we are here for both you and Rachel."
"I've got Zoe and Alice on speed dial."
His mum gave him a smile that he couldn't quite place until she said what she did next.
"You know, this is going to turn out okay. I can feel it in my bones."
Eddie chuckled. "That might be the arthritis."
He probably did deserve the slap across the head that he got but he did also know that his mum wouldn't say something like she had done if she didn't believe it in some way. He might have grown up in a very loving household but his mum wasn't one for sweet nothings or false sentimental sayings. She always told him that false hope was worse than no hope. Because someone with no hope could become hopeful again. Someone with false hope was only disillusioned and would be lost to those disillusioned thoughts.
And he knew that his mum wasn't trying to disillusion him. He did genuinely believe that she thought things would turn out okay. And it was enough for him to be able to take some comfort in her words and feel calmer about the situation as a whole.
Things would be okay.
Mainly because he was sure that Rachel wouldn't let him go.
Not after the words that she had said when she proposed.
She would hold onto him while Alison let him go.
And he had to hope that would be enough to keep him together.
Rachel knew that she had tried to explain that she didn't really have a good male role model to Cathy at Christmas. And she had been jealous when Cathy had listened off the names that she did. It did feel like an odd thing to be jealous of but it was how she felt at the time.
But Rachel felt herself not feeling as jealous as she once had done. Being surrounded by Eddie's family had the upside that she could see why Eddie was the way that he was. Why he was a gentleman and unlike anyone else she had been in the past.
And even before becoming her father-in-law, she had started to lean on Rob in a way that she probably would have with her own father. Had he not been the way that he had been.
The advice that Rob had given her so far had been sound advice.
But he would have known how worried she had been about announcing the pregnancy and she was sure that was the reason that he pulled her to one side, bringing her into a hug that probably shouldn't have felt so comforting.
"Everything okay?" Rob asked.
"Will be." Rachel said.
"He'll be okay."
"It isn't just that."
"How?"
Rachel sighed as she looked up at Rob. "He's okay. Over the initial shock. It's just… things at work have been stressful and just the risks of me being an older woman. I have said something to the doctor and midwife about saying things more sensitively but I know that he knows how stressed I am."
"And you?"
"I am happy."
"But?"
"I… I wasn't meant to propose." She sighed. "I'd had the day from hell and." She stopped, biting her lip before she could continue. "I was as freaked out as he was about it. I told him that I didn't care what the result was but I had… realised that I couldn't lose him. And I know. Just because we are engaged, it doesn't mean that things are going to be different to how they were with Alison. It doesn't mean that we are more likely to stay together. But I do want to keep him by my side. I don't think I can take on the world without him now."
Rob smiled at her. "I think he feels the same."
"I know everyone is scared of losing him again."
"But I think you understand that fear. And I think you've always kept that in mind. You have made him go and talk to someone about it. You wouldn't know but Sue was so close to dragging him down to talk to someone about it. She honestly had no idea how she was going to get Eddie back. But you've understood that from the start. Helped him out from the start." He paused. "And we are here for you as well."
"I don't think there is much you can do about someone being after my job."
"No. But we can help in other ways. You aren't doing this on your own anymore."
"I know. I know I have Eddie and you and Sue and Zoe and Alice and everyone else." She sighed. "It's… just hard. Just because I know it, doesn't mean that… subconsciously I know it."
Rachel did feel like Rob maybe understood that but it was hard to see things from a different angle when there was no way of knowing what it was like for the other person. No one in Eddie's family had ever felt the insane distrust that Rachel had for anyone who wanted anything from her. There always seemed to be a catch. Something that she would have to do. A way that she would have to compromise herself. It was harder to think that someone wanted to be with her because she was her than to think that someone wanted to be with her because they wanted something off of her. In fact, this felt like the first time that she was actually the one taking from the relationship. Mainly because Eddie felt like he had so much that he wanted to give her.
"Everything will be okay, Rachel," Rob said, a very kind smile rising on his face. "Everything always turns out okay."
If Cathy had decided that she was going to interrupt them, throwing her arms around Rachel to congratulate her, then Rachel was sure that she would have told Rob that not many things in her life turned out okay.
But her plan was starting to come together.
She would (if everything kept going as planned) have a baby before she was 40.
She just had to make sure that she didn't lose Eddie, the baby and her job in the meantime.
And she wasn't really sure how she could make sure that she didn't.
