In which Anakin accidentally knocks out Ahsoka's teeth during training.
AN: This is based off a Star Wars Tumblr post. I'm not even in the Star Wars fandom so yeah, I literally have no idea if this is in character or not.
WARNINGS: brief description of uh teeth right at the start. Nothing too gory because I'm rather squeamish myself but yeah better save than sorry and all that jazz.
Anakin stuck out his hand to help Ahsoka up. Spitting out a mouthful of bloody teeth, she reached out to grab his hand. Anakin let out what he later swore was a manly scream and snatched his hand back in horror, staring at the scattered teeth. Picking herself off the ground Ahsoka looked around wildly, wondering where the fire was.
"You- your-" stuttered out Anakin, face pale.
"Whath ith it?" asked Ahsoka puzzled. Then she realised she had a lisp and her mouth felt kind of different. Kind of cold as she breathed in. She checked and yep, she was missing some of her teeth. Oh well, not the end of the world. It's not like she only had 1 set of teeth and she was pretty sure Anakin knew she was a Togruta. They had gone over this in the Jedi-Padawan application notes.
After much swearing, apologies, and stuttering from Anakin, Ahsoka finally managed to get the full story out of him.
"-and now I'm going to have to get you DENTURES. YOU'RE ONLY 15 I AM SO SORRY-" He sank to the floor and continued crying.
Ahsoka briefly considered telling him that it was bound to happen at some point anyways but as she weighed the options in her mind, she realised that now was the time for some payback, with the added bonus of getting her hands on that limited edition lightsaber that she had been eyeing. "Yeah mathter how could you do thith to me?" She began, feeling a little self conscious. Pausing, she struggled to think of other things to say. Wait, why didn't she just channel her inner Anakin? Now with a game plan, she began to feel more confident.
"I truthted you and now," she paused dramatically, "I'm going to need fake teeth! Oh my pearly whiteth! Are my teeth even inthured?" She continued talking about insurance and dental plans as she watched Anakin declare he was a monster for kicking out her teeth. Too bad no one else was here to watch Anakin have a mental breakdown.
Briefly mourning the loss of not having any popcorn nearby, she continued. "Oh and the trauma of lothing all my teeth! The other Jedi will laugh at me for not having teeth anymore! I'll never forgive you!" She sniffed loudly, as if she was trying to hold back tears.
Perhaps she was going too far, she thought, as she awkwardly patted Anakin on the back as he sobbed even louder. She was pretty proud of her performance and it was going well. If the whole Jedi thing didn't work out, at least she could become an actor instead. Although she did feel slightly guilty - for a brief three seconds, before she reminded herself to stay true to her goal. For the limited edition lightsaber. (And okay, maybe a teensy bit of petty revenge but she was pretty sure petty revenge was one of the Do Not Do things to becoming a good Jedi so she wasn't going to admit to it out loud.)
"Take thome deep breathth mathter," she said, trying to calm Anakin down enough so he could think straight again. She'd rather not risk having her limited edition lightsaber become sold out waiting for Anakin to stop crying. "In and out, in and out."
After several minutes of breathing exercises, Anakin had finally calmed down enough to stop crying. "Oh my Force, I'm so sorry! I'll get you new teeth! And therapy! Is there anything else you might need?" Anakin said, begging for forgiveness.
Ah ha! Her chance!
"Well," she said, pretending to think. "Since you're inthithting… I'd really like that limited edition gold and thilver edged lightthaber, with 10 different colour changeth, and karaoke feature with an additional 5 excluthive songth and exthtra thound effecth!" she said in one breath. "And then I'll consider keeping you as my Jedi mathter." She added.
Anakin let out a wail at the thought of his Padawan leaving him. Who would do the laundry if she left? "Of course, of course!"
"Exthellent, we should go now before it sellth out!" Eagerly she leaped up from the floor and started pushing the still sitting Anakin towards the ship. He didn't even resist.
Several days later Anakin finally managed to make a call to the best dental care centre in the galaxy. It had been a busy couple of days, from dealing with a droid outbreak in the sewers (no one was sure how they had got in there but they had gone feral), to chasing down an illegal arms dealer (who turned out to be selling armchairs, not guns or limbs). On top of it all, the dental care centre was constantly busy so appointments were booked up to 6 months earliest. In fact, it was near impossible to manage to call them in the first place (being put on hold was a nightmare). Of course he could have went to a different dentists but Ashoka deserved the very best new fake teeth.
Hitting the call button to Spental's Dentals, Anakin ignored the scrolling text, which said "YOU ARE [56th] IN LINE. PLEASE HOLD." in 68 different languages. By this point he actually knew which language was which. Leaning back on his comfy chair that he may or may not have stolen from the illegal arm(chair) dealer, he pressed play on episode 78, the Real Housewives of Tatooine.
Midway through episode 80, where Tar-Tar and Sau Se were busy shouting at each other over who's kid had made the better sandcastle, the hologram flickered, pausing the show immediately. "YEAH YOU TELL HER SAU SE— hey! What happened?" He leaned forward to press play again. The episode disappeared and Anakin found himself looking at a receptionist, who looked back at him with their six eyes. "Hello this is Spental's Dentals. How can I help you today?" they greeted with a big smile in perfect customer service mode, politely ignoring Anakin, who had his face pressed up to the hologram. Having forgotten he had been calling them, Anakin was caught off guard, his anger quickly dissipating. "Oh- hi I'm calling to make an dentist appointment?" He felt a little unsure about making calls to dentist places now. Perhaps he should've got one of the commanders to call instead?
"Sure," said the receptionist politely. There was a pause as they prepared to type things into the computer. "Is this for yourself or someone else?"
"Someone else," answered Anakin. "And what kind of appointment are you looking for?"
"To replace lost teeth. There was an accident. We just need some new ones." He said awkwardly. He still felt guilty. After they had gotten the lightsaber, they went back to base. Ahsoka had hidden herself in her room and refused to come out, saying the Jedi would make fun of her.
"Can I get a name, age, and species please?"
"Oh uh yeah sure," said Anakin. "Name is Ahsoka Tano." He spelt out her name. "She's 15 and her species is," he trailed off as he tried to remember. The keyboard clicks stopped as the receptionist waited. Anakin began quickly glancing over his notes. Occasionally the word "annoying" would slip out from under his breath as he read. "Uh, species is… Tortuga? Oh Togruta."
The receptionist paused in their typing. "Sir is this a joke?"
"No," said Anakin although it came out more like a question as he re-evaluated what he had just said.
A sigh and the receptionist said flatly, "sir we are very busy, we do not have time nor do we tolerate these kind of prank calls."
"It's not a prank! I want to make an appointment!" Anakin began to lose his temper. First his Padawan loses her teeth, then the arms dealer wasn't even an arms dealer, he kept getting put of hold, and on top of all that he gets interrupted mid-binge! The Real Housewives was just getting exciting; both Tar-Tar and Sau Se were totally gonna lose that argument, Bar-Bar Que was about to sabotage their kids' sandcastles anyways.
"Have a nice day sir." The receptionist's expression clearly indicated they did not care whether or not Anakin had a nice day or not.
"WAIT! I SAID WAIT!" yelled Anakin at the hologram. "I'll have you know I'm a respected Jedi! You could at least answer my questions!" he demanded.
The receptionist looked unimpressed but they heaved a sigh. "Yes sir?"
"Why do you think this a prank? I want to make a legitimate appointment!"
"Look, for a start, Togruta don't lose teeth permanently. They have multiple sets of teeth throughout their lives. So you clearly don't need replacement teeth alright?"
"No. You're lying!"
The receptionist ignored him. "Goodbye sir. Have a nice day." The receptionist clearly sounded like they were regretting their life choices as they ended the call.
Anakin didn't even notice. He was too busy ranting at the receptionist. "How incompetent! Wait- there's no way…" He trailed off and rushed to open Galaxypedia.
"AHSOKAAAAAAAA—"
Rushing over to Ahsoka's room, he rapidly knocked on the door. When there was no answer, he kicked down the door. He realised the room was empty within seconds.
"WHY YOU—"
A long time ago on a planet far, far away... life was going great for one Ahsoka Tano.
She was happily busy testing out her limited edition lightsaber and her teeth were growing back. As soon as she had gotten her hands on her lightsaber, she had locked herself in her room, making the excuse that the Jedi would make fun of her and left Anakin to do whatever he was doing, before immediately leaving for the next ship bound for the next planet. After several days of travelling around, she had finally found a safe enough place where she could try out her new limited edition lightsaber without it getting stolen or whatever.
Not even sparing a thought for Anakin, Ahsoka finished singing "Singing in the Galaxy Rain" and moved onto song number 420, "the Phantom Menace of the Jedi".
