"Hey, Rika, great performing with you today!" Nagisa grinned as she ran into the Merm4id leader.
"Same to you!" Rika's smile matched Nagisa's. They were far from the only ones to notice their many similarities, but as they would come to learn, their similarities ran far deeper than either of them might've ever imagined.
"I didn't know you and Tsubaki had such a… history," Nagisa said casually, conversationally.
"That's a word for it," Rika chuckled ruefully, but her face softened a moment later. "I'm just glad it's all water under the bridge…"
Nagisa looked as if she wanted to say something, but wasn't quite sure how. She sensed a kindred spirit in Rika, and it wasn't just their matching personalities. There was something else there too… Running into Rika today was no accident.
Rika, meanwhile, said nothing. She could tell that Nagisa hadn't mentioned Tsubaki just for fun. There was something specific on her mind…
"I won't pry," Nagisa finally said, "but I just want you to know that I understand…"
Nagisa was only Shinobu's cousin, but especially when they were younger, there were times when Nagisa felt more like a big sis than anything else. She and Shinobu were a team, spending hours playing games and music together. But as the years rolled on, things started to change. Shinobu grew increasingly withdrawn and sour, and no matter how Nagisa tried to approach her, she stayed bitter and guarded.
"It scared me a little at first, to be honest," Nagisa confessed, no longer able to meet Rika's eyes. "I didn't know what was going on, because my own teen angst phase wasn't like hers. I think, though, that my worry only made her feel more stifled…"
But even when Nagisa took a playful and friendly angle, Shinobu was still cold to her. On good days, she shook her head and smirked, as if amused that Nagisa was still asking for playdates even at her age. On bad days, Shinobu would growl and glare, seemingly embarrassed just by being in Nagisa's presence. It hurt Nagisa more than she ever let on, at least until she started talking to Rika.
"But why me? And why now?" Rika asked, confused.
"Because it's similar to your relationship with Tsubaki, isn't it?" Nagisa asked, and then it was Rika's turn to struggle to find words.
"I—! That's—! Well…"
Nagisa shook her head and smiled knowingly. "That's ok, my relationship with Tsubaki is like that too."
It was something else she never talked about, mostly because it would've made things really awkward, but she might have had a tiny (ok, larger than tiny) crush on Tsubaki. Anyone with eyes, though, could see that Tsubaki's were already glued on Aoi. That was another thing that tied Rika and Nagisa together: their mutual, one-sided crush on Tsubaki and the subsequent silent rivalry with Aoi that came with the crush. Although, Rika knew her guilt over not doing more for Tsubaki in the past would've weighed just as heavily on her heart even without the crush.
Rika was suddenly reminded of her conversation with Aoi earlier, the one where she thanked the RONDO leader for taking care of her childhood friend when she was unable to. In the past, Rika was a little jealous of how easily Aoi swept Tsubaki off her feet even though Rika was Tsubaki's childhood friend, and the one who tried far harder than Aoi to spend time with her. After the joint live with RONDO, though, Rika's frostiness melted into warmth and light. When she approached Aoi, she did it for herself just as much as she did it for Aoi and Tsubaki.
Nagisa had a similar experience, although with Kyoko rather than Aoi. Early on, Nagisa envied Peaky for being able to get Shinobu to open and lighten up, even though Nagisa was her older cousin and had spent far more time and effort trying to look after her. Nagisa wanted to be the cool one in Shinobu's eyes, so she was resentful of Kyoko for stealing her little cousin away from her. At least, that was what Nagisa used to think. Like Rika, though, she eventually had a change of heart about Peaky.
"I still wish I could've been the one she felt most comfortable with, but now, I'm just grateful they were able to be there for her when I wasn't, and that they were able to be everything she needed when I couldn't," Nagisa said quietly and Rika felt her eyes mist over. Yes, this was exactly like her relationship with Tsubaki. It wasn't just the estrangement, but Tsubaki finding a home in a band that was not Rika's. But they'd both since reached a point where they could say that knowing Shinobu and Tsubaki were happy was enough for them. The resentment was fading.
"I think Tsubaki… just suffered from a certain type of anxiety," Rika said pensively. "She thinks everyone is better than her. I even remember her telling me that she was embarrassed by how often she needed me to help her out of trouble when were kids… Heh, silly girl… Didn't even realize those were some of my favorite memories of us…" Rika shook her head, thinking back to the M4/RONDO retreat. As Nagisa said earlier, Rika also wished she could've been the one to help Tsubaki see the light again, but fate had other plans and Aoi became her knight in shining armor instead, not Rika or Nagisa. But that was the heart of the reason why Nagisa wanted to talk to Rika.
"It took me a long time to forgive myself for not being the person Shino needed in the past, for not being able to be there for her even though we both tried our best," Nagisa admitted slowly, painfully. "I just hope you don't blame yourself for not being able to do more for Tsubaki, because it wasn't your fault. Sometimes, fate just has other plans." If nothing else, Nagisa at least wanted Rika to take forgiveness from their chat.
"Oh, Nagisa…" It was a big thing they grappled with. How did someone forgive themself for all the people they did not become, and how did they make peace with all the people they did? Was it ok when a person didn't turn out the way they thought they would or should?
"Oh, I just remembered something Hiiro told me," Nagisa said suddenly. "Different methods, same love."
She'd gone over to Hiiro's place late one night, the threat of a storm on the horizon. Knowing that Hiiro didn't do well alone in the dark, Nagisa wanted to be there with her in case the storm caused a blackout. The last time that happened, Hiiro faced the darkness alone until Aoi rushed to her side. Nagisa wanted to make up for her and Tsubaki not being there for Hiiro the first time, and that was when Hiiro gave her words of wisdom.
"In your own ways, you two cared for me, just as Aoi cared for me in her way. Different methods, same love, that's all."
Nagisa was starting to see that type of love in all of her relationships. In her own way, she cared for Shinobu, but it didn't always land the way she intended. That was why it was so important for her to meet Shinobu in the middle and also love her in a way that she understood too. The most important thing, after all, was that Shinobu knew she was loved. Maybe the same thing went for Rika and Tsubaki.
"I know it doesn't feel natural to you to avoid the people you love, especially when you think they're going through something," Nagisa said. "But I think, sometimes, that's what needs to happen. Maybe you feel like you didn't do enough, but maybe you did. Maybe you did exactly what you were supposed to, even if it didn't seem like it at the time…
"You didn't fail Tsubaki, you just weren't the person she needed at the time, and that's ok! In your own way, you loved her. Even if you two had different methods, it was still the same love in the end. But even more importantly, it doesn't have to be The End." Nagisa smiled for the first time since she met Rika earlier that night. There were tears in her eyes, and Rika's as well, but she smiled anyway.
"Shino and I don't play the way we used to, and we still aren't as close as we were when we were kids, but we're doing better now than before," Nagisa said. "Maybe I was destined to have a place in her life, I just had a certain idea in mind, but fate had other plans…" She chuckled dryly, but the look she gave Rika was meaningful, and Rika found herself nodding along. Much like Nagisa and Shinobu, she and Tsubaki were not as close as when they were kids, but if their recent joint live was anything to go by, they were certainly better now than before!
That inspired hope in Merm4id's fearless leader and she returned Nagisa's smile. Fate had other plans… Wasn't that the truth? It wasn't just the unexpected reunion with Tsubaki (or Shinobu, for Nagisa), Rika knew neither she nor Nagisa had ever originally planned on being in a band. For Rika, the decision was spur-of-the-moment the first time she saw Saori. Saori may have reminded Rika of Tsubaki, and perhaps that influenced some of the way Rika perceived her, but Saori was the first girl Rika had really loved since Tsubaki.
For Nagisa, she begged to be a part of RONDO and Aoi and Hiiro eventually caved. Nagisa hadn't joined RONDO with a secretly broken heart, but she'd grown incredibly close to Hiiro, the purple-haired member of her unit that acted as her impulse control and voice of reason just as Saori did/tried to do for Rika. Rika looked Nagisa up and down. Truly, the similarities were stunning. And with the recent joint live…
"Can I expect to see more of you in the future?" Rika asked playfully, cheering up quickly.
"Absolutely!" Nagisa fist-pumped the air and Rika eagerly opened her arms for a hug.
"My first hug for my new friend, Nagisa!" Rika declared. "Consider this friendship symbolic of the relationship between our respective units! May RONDO and Merm4id both live long and prosper together, growing closer and closer as we aim higher and higher!"
Nagisa cheered with her. Oh, such a curious thing was fate's invisible string, but the curtain was rising on a new era in RONDO and Merm4id's lives and both Rika and Nagisa were more than ready to face it head-on. They knew they had each other, and their bands, at their backs.
"And look out, everyone, cuz we're just getting started!"
