This is Haruhi on Drugs
The4thEmperor
2. Potato Chips
Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Haruhi S. & Kyon - Reviews: 56 - Updated: 03-12-12 - Published: 11-10-11 - id:7539904
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I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about her.
A/N Notes:
The first story is a Death Note parody. If you ask me, the protagonist of our first little tale just seems like the sort of person who would have a Death Note.
The second story is just a short little conversation between Kyon and Fujiwara, and the third story is about Yuki and her RPG obsession.
Itsuki and his friend, the Shinigami
Itsuki calmly walked home, with his usual smile plastered to his face, after another long, ludicrous brigade meeting in which Haruhi attempted. He opened the door, passing by his mother who kept her face away from the viewers to remain as anonymous as possible, because who in the right mind would want to appear in this fanfic, and entered his room. Sitting there was a decaying pale humanoid creature with leathery bat-like wings and red glowing eye sockets, chewing on potato chips.
"Welcome back, Koizumi." the monster said, shoving another handful of fried potato slices into his mouth and making loud crunching sounds. His yellowed knife-like teeth showed with his massive grin. Itsuki took a seat at the desk in his room, pulling a familiar black notebook out of a drawer, which he hid under his pictures of Kyon in a swimsuit.
"Hello Orcus." Itsuki said, opening up the notebook and preparing to write down the names of those who dared to stand in his way. "Just another perfect day for dispensing justice." he said, turning to face the potato chip-addicted Shinigami. "Soon, all that oppose me shall fall, and then Kyon will be mine and mine alone!"
Orcus burped and passed Itsuki the chip bag, as Itsuki began to write the name of his first victim.
Mi… Ku… Ru….
Itsuki laughed as he wrote down the name of his first enemy. Writing names with my right hand, and grabbing a snack with my left, I'll take a potato chip and…hey, wait a second…!
"Dammit Orcus, did you eat all the potato chips?"
"Yeah, nyuk nyuk nyuk."
"Orcus, you know I can't kill people with my Death Note if I don't have any potato chips! How the hell am I supposed to dispense my righteous justice without potato chips?"
"By "righteous justice", you mean getting rid of anyone who Kyon might prefer to you? Which are almost every vaguely attractive female humanoid in the universe and a few males?"
"Don't do that! It makes me feel insecure!"
Kyon's Rival
Fujiwara walked down the hall, with his usual smug face. He was busy plotting how to be more evil and possibly more smug, when he noticed his archrival.
"KYOOON!" he shouted, pointing at the snarky narrator, who until now had not noticed the obnoxious time traveler.
"Oh, uh, hey, Fujiwara." Kyon said, giving Fujiwara a brief glance before attempting to continue on his way. Fujiwara grabbed Kyon's shoulder, stopping him.
"Kyon, my archenemy, we meet again!" Fujiwara exclaimed. "It has been a long six days since our last encounter, but we meet again! This time, I will emerge victorious!"
Kyon blinked. "We're… archenemies?"
"Yes, you fool!" Fujiwara exclaimed. "We're counterparts! We're both the only male on each other's team…."
"What about Itsuki?"
"Doesn't count. Anyway, we're both the snarky one in our groups, and we both don't have names!"
"I have a name. It's Torahi-
"Yeah, yeah, no one cares; anyway, the point is we're rivals!" Fujiwara said, crossing his arms.
"Sorry, Fujiwara, but I already have a rival." Kyon said, walking away.
Fujiwara chased after Kyon. "What do you mean? I'M your rival! Who's this other rival? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?"
"Um, yeah."
"I THOUGHT IT WAS MEANT TO BE!"
Fujiwara fled, crying and sniffling, as Kyon got out his picture of his archenemy.
"One day I will defeat you… Minoru Shiraishi…." Kyon growled, as he returned the picture to his pocket.
Yuki cannot stop playing
"Get off, Yuki!" Emiri said, trying to drag Nagato away from the computer.
"Almost… done…just…one…more…level…." Yuki said, furiously cutting down lizard-like humanoids. She had been playing for thirty-five hours straight, her eyes now metaphorically glued to the screen, neglecting to go to North High and observe Haruhi's behavior. Now Emiri and Achakura had arrived for an intervention.
"Dammit, Yuki, you've become obsessed with this game, Doragon Senshi or whatever it's called, and it's been interfering with your job!" Achakura yelled, attempting to unplug the computer, but the plug being too far up. "If you don't stop, you'll be deleted!"
"She's right, Nagato!" Emiri said, still attempting to peel Yuki away from the screen. "We're doing this for your own sake, Nagato-san!"
Yuki continued to play, in a zombie-like state and ignoring the two girls who were attempting to help her overcome her reliance on the game, until suddenly a message appeared on the screen.
I'm sorry, but your account has been deleted.
Yuki stared at the screen, her body completely still. Emiri sighed; glad she had been able to hack the account. Achakura stared at Yuki.
"I think we broke Nagato." she said, climbing up the frozen data entity. Emiri looked at the screen. Slaughtering hordes of monsters for their possessions did sound rather fun.
"Want to play some?" she suggested.
"Sure." Achakura said. "I wanna be an elf."
"I think you'd be better as a gnome."
"Shut up…."
The cycle continues….
A/N Notes:
I'll take a meme… AND OVERUSE IT!
Orcus is the name of the Roman god of death, so I used for the name of Itsuki's Shinigami. *Latin Nerd* And I decided to give him a laugh like Curly of the Three Stooges.
I'm actually somewhat new to Death Note, but I got a boxed set of the manga recently and can now say it is one of the greatest manga in existence.
I think that Minoru should be Kyon's rival. It just makes sense.
MMORPGs are awesome, but my parents won't let me play any. ;_; Dammit, let me waste my life fighting fantasy monsters with people I don't even know and obsessing over treasure that don't exist!
Next Time, on This is Haruhi on Drugs:…I don't know, does anyone have any ideas? PM me or, better yet, leave it in a review!
Review for a magic cupcake.
