If Shion Read Twilight 3: Team


Brooks101189
3. Chapter 3: Negotiations?


Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Bella & Shion S. - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 06-10-10 - Published: 01-22-10 - Complete - id:5688176


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Outside the entrance of the torture chamber, Oiishi and Akasaka had an army of policemen waiting. Despite the two of them not liking Stephanie Myer's work, they still couldn't allow her to be killed.

Oiishi picked up his walky talky impatiently and turned it on.

"Kira. Come in Kira. How is the negotiation going?"

There was silence at the end of the line, then Oiishi heard someone on the other end turn on the walky talky.

"We're sorry." Kotonoha purred on the other end of the line. "Kira can't come in right now, his guts are too busy sliding out. And thank you Oiishi for allowing us to get another hostage."

There's a moment of silence then Oiishi heard Akise scream.

"GOD, SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Akise screamed. "THEIR EYES, THEIR HORRIBLE EYES. IT'S LIKE STARING INTO HELL!"

Oiishi could hear the three yanderes cackling manically, then taking a deep breath put on his serious face.

"Look Miss. . .. Errr…."

"Kotonoha Katsura."

"Right, right, listen Miss Kotonoha, what would it take for you two girls to release the hostages?"

"One sec."

Kotonoha put her hand over the walky talky speakers and looked over to Shion and Yuno.

"He wants to negotiate with us." Kotonoha told him. "He wants to know what it would take for us to release them."

Shion and Yuno exchanged glances, then Shion smiled.

"Hand me the walky talky for a moment."

Nodding Kotonoha handed Shion the walky talky. Shion put it to her ear.

"So, you want to know what it would take for us to release them old man?" Shion chuckled. "Alright then, here's my condition."

"Anything you name it." Oiishi answered.

"WHERE IS MY FUCKING SATOSHI-KUN!"

Shion's shriek nearly blew out Oiishi's hearing aid.

"But isn't Satoshi tied up in the torture chamber in there with you?" Oiishi asked.

"That's not Satoshi, that's Juu-sawa Juu from Denpa Teki na Kanojo. That anime's Miya may look like Rena, but Juu doesn't look like my SATOSHI-KUN!"

In the background, Juu curses as his disguise doesn't fool Shion any longer.

"Damn, where's Ame when you need her. . ."

"We could take you to him just as soon as you release the hostages. What do you say?"

"What do I say? What do I say? I know what you bastards did to Rena in the second live action Higurashi movie. You sniped her at the last second over something similar. I'm not an idiot."

"No, no, we would never do that." Oiishi said as he looked at the snipers that stood near the entrance of the torture chamber, guns at the ready.

"My condition is final, if Satoshi isn't brought to me, I will kill the hostages. And those are just my conditions."

Yuno snatched the walky talky from Shion.

"Hello Mr Policeman."

"Err, hello …..Yuno."

"Mr Policeman, you do know I was the God of my dimension right?"

Oiishi looked to Akasaka.

"Y…..yeah, what is your point?"

"My condition is simple, make me the God of your uni….."

"AU AU AU AU AU, I'M THE ONLY GOD HERE."

Yuno turned to see Hanyuu materialize beside Ryuk and stomp her foot up and down repeatedly in anger. Shion shrugged.

"Just ignore her, that's what most of us do. . ."

"Anyway." Yuno continued. "Simply make me the God of your world and I'll turn everyone on Earth including you guys into Yuki-kun clones so I can have my Yuki-kun harm!"

Kotonoha and Shion stare at Yuno with mouths agape.

"Not you guys. . . .you cool."

Kotonoha whispered over to Shion. "And they called me crazy for the ending of my series."

Yuno threw the walky talky back to Kotonoha.

"Well Kotonoha, what is it you want?" Oiishi asked.

"Hmm, Makoto's already dead, so you really can't bargain with me, which means. . . "

Kotonoha took Yuno's cleaver from her and shoved it through Akise, causing Akise's screams to echo back to Oiishi through the walky talky. Kotonoha cackled in delight as she drove it around Akise until the poor boy's torso was split in half, blood and guts oozing out.

Shion and Yuno just watch in shock.

"But I was supposed to kill him eventu….."

"Jesus, she has the Hinimazawa Syndrome. . ." Shion mumbled.

"Is that good or bad?"

"What do you think?"

"Oh. . . Well, oh shit."

Giggling manically, Kotonoha turned to Shion, Yuno and Stephanie. Her eyes were blood shot, the pupils tiny and slit as she drooled at the mouth. A rabid yandere made even worse.

"Teheheeheh, YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE COPPER!" Kotonoha screeched into the walky talky. "Isn't that right ladies?"

"We're not with her." Yuno and Shion said at the same time.

Kotonoha frowned suddenly, tilting her head to the side.

"What? I thought we were all in this together?"

"Well, we are bu….." Shion started

"USODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." Kotonoha screamed.

Shion let out a squeal and jumped into Yuno's arms.

Kotonoha approached them threateningly with the cleaver.

"You two understand, we're not backing out of this." Kotonoha growled. "I will kill anyone who tries to break out of our pact."

"Pact? We were just at the bookstore at the same time!" Shion stammered.

"But when we were at the bar you both said you wanted us to torture Miss Myer together."

"But we were drunk." Yuno reminded.

"Fine." Shion said. "If we die, time will restart anyway. This is a fan-fiction after all."

"Heh, at most, our series will get more recognition for killing off Miss Myer."

Chuckling the girls turned to where Stephenie Myer was only to see that she wasn't there anymore.

"Uh…..girls, where the hell is she?" Yuno asked.

Just then, a slight sparkle caught Kotonoha's eye as she looked over to one of the torches lighting the room. It was there that she saw Edward Cullen himself holding Stephanie Myer, his shirt unbuttoned, the light flickering causing him to sparkle.

"I cannot let you monsters harm the woman that made me a popular icon."

"Well, this Fanfiction just went to hell. . ."Shion mumbled.