Chapter 3
Rachel watches Karofsky shove Kurt into the locker yet again. She bites her lip. She wants to support him, but she doesn't want to force her presence on someone who doesn't like her. She decides she has to try. Even if they're not friends, they are teammates. She makes it to his side just as he regains his balance.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." His tone is sharp. He may be physically fine, but emotionally he is not.
"Kurt—"
"I said I'm fine."
"It's okay to be upset or scared. He's a bully. We should do something to stop him."
Kurt whirls on her, glaring. "Shut up! I'm fine! And even if I wasn't, I have actual friends to support me."
Stung, Rachel watches silently as he storms off. She blinks tears away while reminding herself that he's just shaken from Karofsky's actions.
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She's late to school. She supposes its a good thing that they now know she's sick. While they still keep track of her tardiness, she isn't penalized for it. Dr. Reed provided paperwork for the school that explains that her fatigue may make it difficult for her to arrive on time. Since it is a medical issue that is out of her control, she can't get in trouble for it. Her dads hadn't wanted her to come in today. It took her a long time to rouse. Even after she was awake and out of bed, she moved slowly. She insisted she was fine. Mike frowns worriedly when she walks into class late. She smiles at him, but his expression doesn't change. He walks with her after class.
"Why were you late?"
"Rough morning."
"Rough?"
She sighs. "Just slow. I was tired."
"You still seem tired."
"Yeah, but it's not as bad as earlier."
He opens his mouth but is cut off by the arrival of his girlfriend. Tina smiles brightly at them. Her smile fades as she takes in their expressions.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yes. Everything is fine." She smiles back.
Tina looks uncertain, but shrugs it off. They chat happily while walking down the hall.
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Mike loves dancing. It's his favorite thing to do. He grins while his team dances. The grin fades when he spots Rachel slowing down. She's pale and she's been tired all day. When the song ends, she is practically shaking. Rachel slowly walks to her seat to grab her water bottle. Mike shoots Mr. Schuester a desperate look. The man has also noticed Rachel's demeanor and is frowning.
"Alright, guys. Let's take a break."
Everyone else shrugs happily and grabs their own waters. Mike wanders over to where Tina is now sitting next to Rachel. He loves that the two of them have hit it off so quickly. They're nothing alike, but he supposes opposites attract. Rachel is quietly listening to Tina ramble on about a show she'd watched the night before. When the break ends, Rachel doesn't stand with the others, but remains seated. Mr. Schuester walks over to her with a paper.
"Rachel, you've got the moves down pat. Can you go make copies of this for me?"
Mike spots a sticky note on the paper he's handing to her. He only caught a glimpse of it, but it appears to be a note to her. The small brunette nods and casually makes her way out of the room. Mr. Schuester winks at Mike and he relaxes. Rachel re-enters the room near the end of rehearsal.
"I put the copies on your desk, Mr. Schue."
Mr. Schuester smiles warmly at her. "Thanks, Rachel. All good?"
She nods, tucking some hair behind her ear. The last of Mike's tension fades.
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After watching yet another confrontation between Karofsky and Kurt, Rachel tries yet again to talk to him. Once again the boy brushes her off by insisting he's fine. She skips lunch to sit in the auditorium and think about what she can do to help him. Mike, Finn, and Tina join her.
"There you are!"
She smiles slightly at them.
"What's going on?"
"I'm just thinking."
Mike eyes her hopefully. "About what?"
"Kurt. He's being bullied by Karofsky pretty badly. Any time I try to talk to him about it, he brushes me off. But I can tell it really upsets him."
Tina nods sadly. "You're right. He's really upset about it. He shouldn't have to deal with Karofsky."
"What can we do?"
"That's what I've been trying to work out. The teachers can't seem to do anything, so we have to." She looks at the boys. "Do you two think you could get the support of the rest of the football team?"
"To do what?"
"To tell Karofsky to leave Kurt alone."
The boys think about it. "We can talk to them, but I don't think we'll get full support."
"But maybe if we get enough of them, it'll make a difference."
They nod. "We'll try."
Rachel smiles brightly at them.
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Mike is pretty pleased. He and Finn started by talking to Sam and Puck. Those two easily agreed to help out. Then they talked to the other boys on the team. Mike was surprised how many were happy to help put an end to bullying. And all of this was possible because of Rachel's determination to help someone who didn't want her friendship. Speaking of the tiny diva, he doesn't see her in the choir room. Everyone else has arrived. He frowns and checks his phone. No missed messages. Mr. Schuester enters the room and immediately opens his mouth to draw their attention. He freezes when he realizes who is missing.
"Guys, does anyone know where Rachel is?" The teacher's eyes jump questioningly to Mike.
Mike can only give a minute shake in response, hoping his expression shows that he doesn't know either. And that he's a little worried. This isn't like her.
"Oh, Berry might not be coming." Santana says offhandedly.
"Why not?"
"She got a nosebleed in class earlier. She went to the nurse."
Mike's stomach clenches. Mr. Schuester's expression falters. They share a worried look before Mr. Schue takes a breath and begins the lesson. Mike only half pays attention. His eyes keep jumping between his teacher, the clock, and the door. Ten minutes after class started, Rachel finally walks in. She's pale, but otherwise looks fine. Mr. Schuester's shoulders un-tense and his expression becomes more relaxed. Mike is even more relieved when Rachel takes a seat next to him.
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The football boys show up to Glee with contented smiles. Everyone notices.
"Hey, guys. Share the joy! What're you guys so happy about?" Mr. Schuester asks, smiling.
They stand proudly front and center. Finn takes the lead.
"We started by talking to the rest of the football team, minus Karofsky and Azimo, about bullying. Turns out, most of them weren't cool with it. They were happy to help put an end to it."
Mike nods. "Turns out most of them are getting tired of the other two being jerks all the time."
"I'm all for messing with people." Puck says casually. "But they take it too far. it's not cool."
"So today we sat Azimo and Karofsky down and explained that it has to stop." Finn says grinning.
"They tried to argue." Sam says laughing. "Hell, they tried to fight us."
"But we laid down the law. We think they'll listen. And if not, we have the support of most of the football team and our coach. If Karofsky keeps bullying Kurt and others, he's off the team. If he retaliates against Kurt or anyone else, it'll be worse."
Kurt's eyes well up. "You guys did this for me?"
"We did it for everyone, dude. But yeah, it was mostly for you." Finn explains.
"Thank you. All of you." Kurt smiles through his tears.
"It wasn't our idea." Mike admits. "It was Rachel's."
Everyone turns to look at the small brunette. She shrugs. "No one should have to put up with behavior like theirs. It needed to end."
Kurt stares at her silently for a moment, his expression morphing between shock, regret, shame, and appreciation. Finally, he takes the seat beside her. "Thank you, Rachel. And…..I'm sorry for being mean to you when you were just trying to help me."
She smiles at him. A real smile. "You're welcome."
He smiles back.
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"Alright, guys. Listen up. I've decided who will sing the duet at Sectionals."
Everyone sits up straighter, eager.
"Drum roll, please, Finn. And the lead singers will be…Sam and Quinn!"
Mercedes and Santana both grimace initially, but then applaud along with everyone else. All eyes then move over to Rachel. She's applauding with a small smile on her face. She's relieved Mr. Schue gave her a heads up. When she realizes everyone is looking at her, she rolls her eyes.
"Are you waiting for me to storm out?"
"Well…..yeah." Puck admits.
She shakes her head. "They sound good together. Not as good as Finn and I do, but they're good." A few of her teammates smirk knowingly. "And I'm sure Mr. Schuester will pick a song that accentuates their strengths and is a good fit for both of them. As long as they practice hard, I'm sure we'll win with them taking lead."
There are a few chuckles, though she's not sure why. She only spoke the truth.
"What about the second number?" Mercedes asks eagerly.
"I'm glad you asked! For our second number, we will showcase the incredible dance skills of Brittany and Mike!"
The two dancers smile happily and high five. Rachel laughs and cheers with the rest.
"But who will sing the song they dance to?" Santana questions.
"I'm not sure yet. We may hold a competition to decide who gets it. Or a vote. Or I may just decide. I'm not sure." Their coach admits somewhat sheepishly. "What I do know is that it'll showcase our two lead dancers. I also know the song I want to use. We'll start choreographing soon, then we'll determine the soloist."
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He forces himself to sit still. Rachel invited him over after not being in school today. Now they sit in her room. Her dads had greeted him with less enthusiasm than usual, then sent him upstairs to Rachel. She sits on the edge of her bed. He sits in her desk chair. Mike doesn't like the look on her face or how quiet she's being.
"Rachel?"
Finally, she looks him in the eye. "Stage 2."
He can't breathe. When her eyes fill with tears, he sucks in a breath and sweeps her into his arms.
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Mike sees her leaving Mr. Schuester's office. The man stands at the door watching her walk away, pale faced with bloodshot eyes. He knows. Mike walks slowly over and stands next to him. Once Rachel turns the corner and is out of sight, they look at each other. Mike can feel himself starting to fall apart. His coach claps a hand on his shoulder and pulls him into his office. Even out of sight of others, Mike keeps his head down to hide his tears. Mr. Schuester waits silently, standing next to him. Mike crosses his arms tight over his chest and paces in tight circles.
"It's not fair." He stutters out.
He walks into Mr. Schue, who wraps his arms around him.
"No, it's not." His teacher's voice is rough.
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He watches in slow motion. The frozen purple drink flies out of the cup and splashes Rachel's face. Rachel flinches back, gasping. His legs are taking long strides towards them before he's even conscious of making the decision to intervene. Mike grabs Rachel's arm. He had intended to beat up the jock who threw the slushee, but wanted to make sure Rachel is okay first.
"You okay?"
Rachel wipes the gunk from her eyes, frowning. "Yeah. Fine." She mutters.
Mike nods. Then he strides after the hockey player. Mike grasps the kids shoulder and spins him around. The boy frowns at him.
"Chang? Wha-"
Mike shoves him up against the locker. "Not cool, man. Don't throw slushees at girls."
He'd wanted to say more. Do more. But he held himself in check. He waits until Derek nods, looking both irritated and uncertain, then releases him. Which is why he's startled when Derek is suddenly slammed against the locker a lot harder than a moment before. Finn is glowering furiously at the shorter boy.
"She's off limits. Spread the word." His words are growled more than spoken.
Shaking, Derek nods frantically and scrambles away from the furious quarterback. Mike grins. Both boys turn back to Rachel, only to see her back. Tina and Kurt are leading her towards the bathroom to help her clean up.
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Tina is quite happy. She and Mike are still going strong. She not only has her usual friends, but she now has both Rachel and Finn as friends as well. She doesn't spend much time with Finn outside of school, but she does hang out with Rachel. It turns out Mike was right. She's funny and nice. Tina enjoys spending time with the small diva. And since she helped get Karofsky to back off of Kurt, Kurt is rather happy with Rachel as well. He no longer makes nasty comments or goes out of his way to insult her. He even offered to come along on a shopping trip to help Rachel pick out some new clothes. Rachel had looked both amused and annoyed. She admitted that being gay does not automatically mean having a good sense of fashion. Her dads do a decent job with their own clothes, but have terrible taste when it comes to hers. For years, she allowed her dads to pick her clothes because it made them happy.
"But why did you keep letting them pick your clothes in high school? When you started getting made fun of, why didn't you tell them so they'd stop choosing this stuff for you?" Kurt asked her as he riffled through a rack of tops.
Rachel folded her arms. "Because bullies started tossing slushees at me. They ruined my clothes. Even when I tried to wear more 'normal' and 'fashionable' clothes, I'd still get slushied. They'd be ruined."
Tina and Kurt had shared guilty looks, both feeling bad.
She shakes her head and brings herself back to the present. Her eyes wander to Rachel now, finding her trying to get some homework done before Glee begins. Tina frowns lightly. She and Finn still haven't managed to discover her secret. They still don't know what's going on in her life. Mike remains tight lipped. Mr. Schuester gets them up and rehearsing for Sectionals. They're running through the number when Rachel suddenly stumbles. Everyone stops to look at her. Mike and Mr. Schuester both start walking towards her. Everyone else is confused. Rachel wavers on her feet. Tina watches her grow paler.
"I—" Rachel starts, her hand reaching out grasping nothing but air.
She drops. Tina feels frozen in shock. Mike leaps forward and catches her before she hits the ground. He sweeps her into his arms and cradles her. Seeing her friend unconscious in Mike's arms makes Tina's stomach twist. What the hell? She quickly looks for Finn. The tall boy is hurrying towards them, frowning hard and looking as worried as Tina feels. Mike turns to their teacher. Mr. Schuester has reached them and lays a hand on Rachel's head.
"Rachel?" He calls out carefully.
There's no response.
"What the hell happened?" Finn asks.
"Is she okay?" Tina knows she's obviously not okay, but those are the words that came out.
Their teacher ignores them. Tina watches as he checks Rachel's pulse and breathing. He then shakes Rachel's shoulder gently and calls out to her once more.
"Rachel? Open your eyes."
Her eyes flutter open. Mike carefully kneels on the ground. He sets Rachel down, but continues to hold her against him while she orients herself. Mr. Schuester kneels on her other side and places a hand on her back. Everyone is silent while she blinks. Rachel raises a shaking hand and squeezes the bridge of her nose for a moment. When she reopens her eyes, she looks around. Seeing everyone staring at her, she cringes.
"Sorry."
"Don't worry about it." Their teacher tells her gently. "You feeling okay?"
She looks at him for a moment, then slowly nods. "Yeah. I'm fine. I just…got dizzy."
"Are you ready to stand? We'll help you."
She nods. Mr. Schuester grasps one of her arms and Mike takes the other. Carefully, they pull her up to her feet. Her knees buckle slightly. The men tense their arms to keep her up. When she gets her feet back under her, they guide her to a chair and help her sit. Rachel is very pale. Tina hurries over and opens Rachel's water for her, handing it to her. Her friend smiles slightly in thanks.
"Shouldn't you call an ambulance?" Kurt asks.
Tina takes in everyone's expressions. They're all confused and worried. Well, everyone except Mike and Mr. Schue. They don't look confused. Tina files that thought away for later.
"No. She'll be fine. Just…give us a few minutes. In fact, why don't you guys take a break? Be back here in ten minutes." No one leaves. Mr. Schuester smiles slightly. "Let me rephrase. I'd like a few minutes to talk to Rachel privately. Please step out for a few minutes."
Hesitantly, with their heads constantly turning to look at the pale diva, they all head out of the room. Mike stays where he is at Rachel's side. Tina frowns, but leaves.
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They don't go far. They stand around the hallway talking quietly. Mercedes and Kurt are in full gossip mode, trying to guess what's going on. They cover every possible theory from a secret pregnancy (with Mike or Finn's baby) to an eating disorder. Tina knows they care, but without any real information, they are left to guess and they do what they do best; gossip. Still, it makes her uncomfortable. Her friend just collapsed for reasons unknown. She knows Rachel isn't pregnant, so that theory is out. Most of their theories were ridiculous. But…..while she doesn't suspect Rachel has an eating disorder (having eaten several meals with her and seen that she behaves normally with food), the shorter girl has lost weight recently. But her dads are so sweet and doting! They are very attentive to Rachel. There's no way they wouldn't have noticed something was off, right? She steps away from the other two. Finn pauses his pacing to whisper to her.
"Do you think this has something to do with what we overheard?"
She nods, but doesn't respond verbally. She doesn't want to risk being overheard.
The three cheerleaders are also talking about it, sharing their own theories and any evidence they can think of.
"She had a nosebleed last week."
"Could have just been from dry air or allergies."
"Have you noticed she hasn't been in the cafeteria at lunch much anymore?"
"She turned in an assignment late. I thought she was allergic to late."
"She's been spending a lot of time with Mike and Finn."
"And me." Tina adds in. The cheerleaders turn to her with frowns. "Sorry. But you were gossiping pretty loud. Yeah Rachel has been spending more time with Mike and Finn. She has also been spending more time with me. And even Kurt."
"It's been ten minutes." Puck announces to the group, preventing the girls from responding to Tina.
They file back into the room, their eyes immediately going to Rachel. She's still sitting in the same seat, but texting away. Probably talking to her dads, Tina thinks. Mike is sitting next to her. Before Tina can take the seat on Rachel's other side, Finn clams it. Tina huffs and sits next to Mike instead. Her boyfriend takes her hand and smiles softly at her. Mr. Schuester exits his office and claps his hands to get their attention.
"Okay! Let's get back to it!"
Everyone stares at him incredulously. "What?"
"Seriously, Mr. Schue?" Santana asks, her eyes jumping between him and Rachel.
He sighs and puts his hands in his pockets. "Yes, seriously. Rachel will sit out and rest. I don't want her to get dizzy again. Her dad is on his way to pick her up. And we have a competition to rehearse for. Let's get rehearsing!"
They begin rising, though hesitantly, looking at Rachel. She looks up from her phone.
"Finn," The boy turns to her eagerly "make sure you step with your right foot at the start of the chorus."
Finn's shoulders slump. Rachel grins at him and pats his cheek teasingly. "You need to practice."
Tina grins and hears chuckles from others.
"I'll help him." Mike promises. He surprises Tina by kissing Rachel's cheek before standing. She hadn't realized just how close they'd gotten. Instead of making her nervous or jealous, it makes her smile. She pats Rachel's shoulder and follows her boyfriend.
They run through it two more times before Rachel starts gathering her stuff. Mike grabs her bag from her hands. She frowns at him. He briefly glares at her, then smiles big and offers her his arm. Her lips twitch before giving in to a smile. She uses his offered arm to pull herself up. Once she's standing steadily, Mike puts his free hand over her arm, keeping it there, and guides her out of the room. Mr. Schuester stops them before they exit and whispers quietly to Rachel. She nods at whatever he tells her and smiles at him. The look on his face while he watches them leave makes an uncomfortable feeling slink up Tina's spine. Glancing around, she sees that Finn has noticed it as well. When Glee finally ends, Tina and Finn corner Mike. They wait for everyone else to leave before speaking.
"What's wrong with Rachel?"
"Why do you think something is wrong?" Mike hedges, not looking at them.
"Dude, she fainted."
"She got dizzy. Maybe she spun around too much. Maybe she didn't eat enough today." Those are both very possible and reasonable explanations. But his tone tells Tina that he knows neither are correct.
"Mike, I know you. The fact that you're not even looking at us tells me you're not being honest. I know you're hiding something and I'm guessing its because Rachel asked you to." Her boyfriend looks relieved. She smiles at him and lightly kisses him. "Can you tell us anything at all?"
"No. You'll have to ask her yourselves."
Finn nods and tosses his bag over his shoulder. "Okay."
"Where are you going?"
"To Rachel's. You coming?"
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Mr. Berry opens the door. He doesn't look surprised to see the three of them on his doorstep. He steps back, letting them in. He doesn't speak, which is odd. Any time Tina has been over before, Rachel's fathers talk a lot. It's largely why they end up hanging out in either her room or the basement. It had made Tina laugh and ask if that's why Rachel used to talk so much before. She can't get a word in edgewise at home, so she talks as much as she can at school. Rachel had laughed in response. But it made Tina realize that Rachel hasn't been talking much this year. At all.
Rachel is curled up on the couch with a blanket over her lap, leaning against her other dad. She'd obviously changed into lounge clothes after getting home. She's awake and watching television, though from her glazed eyes Tina guesses she's not actually paying attention to what's happening on the screen. Her other dad is cuddling her against his side and doesn't seem to be paying any more attention to the show than his daughter is.
"Rachel?"
She looks up at them, her expression going from tired to alarmed. "Um…..hi."
The Mr. Berry holding her whispers something in her ear. Rachel slumps against him. He kisses the top of her head and stands. The two men leaves the room, giving the teenagers some privacy. Finn sits next to Rachel on the couch. Mike and Tina sit on the loveseat and hold hands. Rachel fiddles with the remote, not speaking. Finn gently takes it from her, setting it on the coffee table. He takes her hands instead. She stares down at their clasped hands.
"Rach." She pulls her eyes up to Finn. "What happened?"
"I got dizzy."
"Yeah, you said that." Tina chimes in softly. "Why did you get dizzy?"
"We know something is going on. We just don't know what." Finn admits quietly.
"What do you mean?" Her voice is shaking lightly. Tina doesn't like it.
"Don't do that. Don't brush it off or play dumb. Tell us. We care about you."
Tina nods earnestly. "We really do."
Rachel looks at each of them in turn, seeming torn.
"Tell them, Rachel." Mike encourages softly.
"What I'm about to tell you stays between us. Only you three and Mr. Schuester know. Got it?"
Finn and Tina nod.
"I'm sick."
Mike squeezes Tina's hand. She grips it back for dear life, though she keeps her eyes on Rachel. Finn wraps both of his hands around Rachel's. He's frowning.
"Sick how?" He asks.
"I have Aplastic Anemia."
"What is that?" Tina asks. Her heart is hammering in her chest.
"It's a rare blood disease. It means my body isn't making enough blood cells on its own. It's serious."
"How serious?"
"Life threatening."
A sob catches in Tina's throat. She slaps her free hand over her mouth. Rachel looks over at her before focusing on Finn. The tall boy looks scared and confused.
"What?" His question is raspy. "No."
Now Rachel is squeezing his hand, trying to comfort him. She goes on. "Without treatment, it is fatal. But, I've been getting weekly treatments. I'll be fine."
Finn pulls Rachel onto his lap. She wraps her arms around his shoulders and lets him bury his face in her neck. She presses one hand against the back of his head and rests her head against his. Tina can hear him taking shuddering breaths. Mike has his arms around her now and he rests his head against the top of hers. Tina leans into him. After a few minutes, Finn sits up.
"I need to know more. I need to understand this." He says quietly.
"So do I." Tina admits.
Rachel slides off of Finn's lap and nods. "Okay. Um…what else do you want to know?"
"Everything."
"Start from the beginning."
She laughs lightly. "So you want to be here all night?"
They don't laugh. They simply wait. Her smile fades. Finn takes her hand again.
"I had a doctor's appointment last June. My iron levels were very low and my red blood cell count was a little low. They accredited that with my vegan lifestyle. They told me I need more protein and iron. My dads freaked and got upset that they'd let me stop eating meat. I started taking supplements and transitioned to a vegetarian diet so that I could eat eggs and fish. I had a follow up appointment in August. My numbers were even lower, not higher. And…..I'd started noticing a few things by then. I was bruising easily. I was getting headaches. I was starting to have a hard time waking up in the morning. I'd gotten dizzy at dance a couple times."
Finn kisses her hand. "I remember you having to give up the vegan lifestyle this summer. We were still dating. You weren't happy about it."
"No, I wasn't."
"You told me your iron levels were low, but you didn't mention anything else."
"You weren't around much, Finn. You spent most of your time with your friends or playing video games or swimming." He looks down, regret clear on his face. She frowns. "It's alright. You were doing what you enjoyed. I was doing what I enjoyed…minus the doctors appointments."
He smiles slightly. Tina doesn't. If he had been a better boyfriend, he'd have known about this from the start. Rachel continues her tale.
"In August, they told me I needed a bone marrow biopsy. They thought I had leukemia. That was….scary."
"Finn," Mike asks, his voice low, "where the fuck were you when she had this scare?"
Finn's jaw is clenched. "I….I was….." he looks guiltily to Rachel "….she told me she wanted to talk about something. She sounded upset. But she'd just been upset because her dads cancelled her New York trip to see a Broadway show. I thought she was still upset about that. I'd held her while she cried about it once, but I didn't think…..I didn't think it was worth crying over a second time. I thought she was either being too emotional or just wanted my attention. I got annoyed and…..blew her off."
Fury and disgust like Tina has never felt before burns through her. Mike is glaring hard. "You fucking bastard. You never deserved her."
"Mike—" Rachel starts, a warning in her tone.
"I know." Finn cuts her off. His voice is full of shame and regret. "God, you think I don't know that? I realized that not long after breaking up with her. It was reinforced after we started being friends. And now? Now….." Finn looks at Rachel, tears welling in his eyes. "…now I know I'm the biggest asshole in the world. And the worst boyfriend."
Rachel shakes her head. "I wasn't the best girlfriend, Finn. We both had our faults."
"But you were always there for me. I wasn't there for you. Especially when you needed me the most!"
"You're right. But….you're here now. You're being a good friend now."
They calm down. Well, three of them do. Tina glances warily at Mike. He still looks angry. She decides it might be best to keep the story going.
"So you had a bone marrow biopsy?"
"Yeah. We got the results right when the school year started."
"Right after I dumped you." Finn seems pained to even say it. Good.
Rachel nods. "Yeah. Um….I started weekly treatments. I go to the hospital chemotherapy clinic. They hook me up to an IV and give me a blood transfusion, saline, and medications all intravenously."
"This is every week?"
"Yeah."
"Every week for months?" She nods again. "How long does it take?"
"Two to four hours. I usually do homework during that time."
"She has to." Mike volunteers. "The treatments have side effects that make her not feel well. She's not able to get any work done once treatments end. She has to either finish her work before it ends or wait until she feels better the next day."
"What side effects?" Tina asks.
"Dizziness, nausea and vomiting, headache, and fatigue."
"God, Rachel, I'm so sorry!" Tina goes to her and hugs her tight.
Rachel hugs her back. "Thank you."
Tina resumes her seat. "So….you have Aplastic Anemia. You get treatment once a week. What else do we need to know?"
"Tell them about the symptoms, Rachel."
Rachel huffs quietly and rolls her eyes. "My symptoms are mostly the same as the side effects of the treatment. I get dizziness, as you saw today. I get nauseous and headaches. I have a hard time waking up in the morning. I get nosebleeds. And I bruise easily."
To prove it, she lifts her shirt slightly. Tina gasps. Finn lightly runs his fingertips over bruises on her torso. Rachel puts her shirt back down.
"You said its life threatening." Finn reminds her quietly. "You get treatments. Is there a cure?"
"No."
Finn's jaw clenches. Tina's stomach flips.
"What else? You're holding back." Again, Finn's voice is soft. Gentle. But knowing.
Rachel briefly looks away. "There are four stages. Stage one is where it all begins, obviously. The bulk of the symptoms begin then, though mildly. Treatments once a week. Stage two is after numbers drop further. Same symptoms, but worse. Stronger. Stage three is when they increase treatments to twice a week. New symptoms appear and the fatigue gets worse. Stage four is….the end, usually. Some survive after hitting stage four. Most don't. It means bed rest or even hospitalization. Often followed by hospice, then death."
"What stage are you?" Tina asks nervously.
"I'm in stage two."
"But the treatments….they'll make you better, right? They'll heal you." Finn sounds desperate. It makes her heart clench.
"Finn….." Rachel sighs "….if the treatments are successful, I could go into remission. That is the goal. But there's no cure. It'll always be possible for it to return if I relapse. But in remission I can live a normal, healthy life once again. These treatments are slowing down the progression of the illness. If I'm very lucky, it'll be pushed down into remission. Until then, I'm….I'm dying."
Tina's stomach bottoms out and she gasps, tears jumping to her eyes once again. Mike hugs her and she cries as quietly as she can. Finn is crying. He reaches for Rachel, then stops himself. Tina wonders if he feels unworthy. Rachel climbs onto his lap and hugs him. He holds her tight. When Tina is a little calmer, she leaves Mike's embrace and goes to Rachel and hugs her again. Rachel ends up squeezed on the couch between Finn and Tina. Mike watches from the love seat.
"I'm so sorry you were going through this alone."
"I wasn't alone. I had Mike."
"Wait, why did you tell him but no one else?" Tina asks. She recalls the conversation she eavesdropped on. Mike said he found out by accident. But she can't let on that she heard that.
"I didn't tell him willingly." She argues.
"I found out by accident. My Youth Group volunteered at the hospital and I saw her getting treatment. I refused to leave until she told me what was going on."
"And he has been refusing to leave me alone ever since." Rachel is grinning at Mike, making it obvious she's not upset about it in the slightest.
"But guys, she was going through it alone for almost two months."
"Why haven't you told anyone?" Finn asks.
"Because they've proven that they're not my friends. And you can save any arguments on that front. Mike has been arguing with me about it for a month now. He is convinced that if I tell them, they'll stop being mean and start being my friends."
"And she is convinced that they'll only be her friend out of pity. She doesn't want that. I tried to tell her that they'll be her friends as soon as she opens up to them and lets them get to know her. She disagrees." Mike complains.
"They might pity you." Tina agrees, wiping away her tears. "But only at first. I think you're both right. Some may start being nice out of pity, but I don't think all of them would. And once they get to know you better, then they'll be real friends. I've been getting to know you and I really like you."
Rachel considers that. Finn lightly nudges her.
"What's the other reason." She frowns at him. "Come on. There has to be another reason."
She shrugs. "With me sick, they'll be more likely to take my solos by pointing out that I'm not well enough to handle them."
Tina guffaws. Only Rachel. Finn smirks and shakes his head. Then he stops smiling.
"No. There's another reason. Those are light, surface area reasons. But you feel things very deeply. Which means there is a deeper reason for why you're so against this."
Mike narrows his eyes, realizing Finn is right. Rachel looks down.
"Rachel?"
"Why won't you tell them?"
Tears start slipping silently down her cheeks. Her chin quivers. The other three share worried looks. Finn takes her hand. Tina and Mike lean forward.
"What if….." Rachel's voice is quiet and rough with emotion. "…..what if I tell them…and they don't care? Or they're happy about it?"
Tina feels like Rachel just yanked her heart out of her chest. The boys have gone very pale, their jaws dropping. Finn wraps her in a tight hug. Mike gets up and takes her hand.
"No. That won't happen. They'll care, Rachel! And no one, I mean no one, will be happy to hear that you're dying." Mike speaks passionately.
"He's right, Rachel." Tina grasps her other hand. "You didn't see their reactions when you fainted earlier. It scared them. Even after you were awake, they were worried. None of us wanted to leave the room when Schue kicked us out to talk to you. We all wanted to be there to support you. Kurt wanted to call an ambulance, remember?"
Finn kisses the top of her head. "You seriously thought anyone would be happy about it?"
"Maybe not happy that I'm dying, exactly. But happy that….that I won't be around to annoy them anymore. And won't be trying to steal their solos." She admits quietly.
Tina can't take it anymore. She pulls Rachel out of Finn's hold and into her own. "No. A few may gossip about it. And maybe, a few may use it as an excuse to not let you get solos. But I think it'd mostly be to help you. You're sick. If you're not up for handling a solo, someone else will have to take it. They might even be happy to have the solo. But they won't be happy about why. No matter how annoying anyone finds you, they'll be upset when the learn about this. I promise."
Rachel is hugging her back, crying softly. "You really think so?"
"Man," Mike says roughly, "years of bullying really took a toll on you."
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The next day at school Tina and Finn stick close to her. Mike is normally around, so that's not unusual. Tina and Finn have become her friends recently, but now they're also her shadows. She's not sure if she's thrilled or annoyed. She's surprised when Santana walks into class and stops by her desk.
"You alright, Hobbit?"
Rachel frowns. A concerned question combined with an insult? She's confused. "Yes, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" The Latina tilts her head, watching her. "You're not gonna faint again, are you?
"Not today. Thank you for your concern." She thinks.
The other girl nods and takes her seat.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Mr. Schuester stops her in the hall to check on her. She smiles and insists she's okay. She also lets him know that Tina and Finn are now aware. He smiles at her, relieved. In Glee, several members stop by her seat to ask if she's feeling better. She smiles slightly. Maybe her friends were right. Maybe they will care.
They get up to dance and she notes several sets of eyes flicking over to her. A hand lands on her back.
"You good, Jew babe?"
"What?"
"What what? Us hot Jews have gotta stick together." Puck grins at her.
She laughs. "I'm good."
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"I was thinking we could go back to the mall tonight. I've decided I want that top after all. Want to go with me?" Tina asks her.
"She has dance on Thursdays. Right, Rach?" Finn confirms.
"Um, I did. I don't anymore."
Her friends frown. Rachel notes Mr. Schuester frowning from where he's standing a few feet away at the piano.
"Why not?"
Think of something think of something think of something…..
Her friends may know the truth now, but the rest don't and the room is full. Mr. Schue hasn't started class yet, but almost everyone is here and could hear them.
She shrugs disinterestedly, not looking at anyone as she rummages in her book bag. "I didn't feel like that class was teaching me anything new so I dropped it."
Her friends exchange knowing looks. Now that she's in stage two, her condition is worsening. She tires faster. She's supposed to start limiting her physical activity.
"Are you going to look for another class?" Mercedes asks from a few rows over.
"Not right now. I haven't found a class that meets my needs yet. Hopefully in the winter." Hopefully she'll be in remission by then.
"I am offended!"
Rachel turns to Mike with a startled look. "Excuse me?"
Mike is giving her a playful glare. "You have been giving me voice lessons for a while now. In all that time, you never once mentioned being unhappy with your dance class. You can't find a good replacement? Why not ask me? I'll have you know I'm an excellent dancer."
Rachel grins. "But for some dances I'll require a female instructor."
"I'll help out!" Brittany calls over to her, smiling brightly. "I love dancing and I love teaching dancing!"
Rachel is startled yet again. "You'd be willing to give me dance lessons once in a while?"
"Of course!" The cheerful blonde chirps.
"See? All covered. Just let me know what you want to work on and if we need a female instructor, we'll call on Britt."