Chapter 43: Bezoar Bigger Mystery

"Neville!" Hermione whispered over their hot porridge at the Gryffindor Table one morning. "There's a blonde bird at your 3 o'clock down at the opposite end of the bench, staring at us."

Neville curiously turned, making the movement casually, gaze sweeping that of his gathered classmates in Gryffindor House, tucking in to the morning meal. He finally spotted a girl with blonde hair (more golden in shade and curlier than Luna's) who did indeed appear to be staring – well, more like glaring – in his and Hermione's direction.

"There! You see her!" Hermione hissed, without looking up from the open book at her place. Neville nodded.

"But why would that bird be glaring at us?"

"Glaring at me," Hermione corrected, absently turning a page in her text. "She's glaring at me."

"Why? Does she envy your test scores or something?"

"More likely she envies my fine taste in men," Hermione parried back dryly. Finally lifting her head to meet Neville's still-confused stare briefly, she shook her head with some bemusement. "That's Lavender Brown, our year. She's broken up more couples than anyone in the entire school!"

Neville allowed himself one more surreptitious glance at Lavender Brown. Now that he was able to place a name to a face, he realized she was a DA member, though one he hadn't interacted with very much, teacher to student. Now that he thought about it, Neville conceded that this Lavender was rather good with a wand.

"So she's a tart, then?"

"I'd much rather use the word 'hussy,'" Hermione purred with a poisonous disdain born from feeling threatened. "Honestly, if I could sell that girl for what she thinks of herself, and then buy her back for what I think of her, I'd make a ton of Galleons!"

"Hermione Granger, letting money pass through her hands? Whatever is this world coming to?" Ron suddenly sauntered in, plopping down to breakfast next to the two most important people in his life. "Morning, all!" Turning, he took in his girlfriend of a few months. "Good morning." Taking Hermione's chin in his hands, he forced it up out of her book so he could pull her in for a sound kiss on the mouth. Hermione held it, drawing away slowly, lashes fluttering dreamily.

"Hmm – good morning to you too, Sleeping Beauty. Late for breakfast, I see," Hermione smirked. "Whatever is this world coming to?"

"Dunno," Ron grinned back, blue eyes dancing. "But whatever I just ate has filled me jolly right up! Not feeling very hungry." And he winked at his girl cheekily.

Hermione threw back her head and laughed musically, before lazily looping her arms about Ron's neck and kissing him tenderly in return. "So my lips provide you with a whole meal, do they?"

"Indeed," Ron sent a tousled grin at her before finally tucking in to the porridge bowl Hermione had already gathered for him. "So: who is it that we were just talking about?"

Neville and Hermione locked eyes across the table, the beautiful witch's big, brown orbs imploring with her best mate not to say anything. Craving a bit of fun, however, Neville spoke up anyway.

"Oh, we were just discussing how Lavender Brown wants to hex Hermione where she stands."

"Someone wanting to hex my girl?" Ron got out immediately following a swallow of porridge. "What the bloody hell for?"

"Watch your language, love." Though this admonishment from Hermione was for once halfhearted; in fact, her eyes were twinkling a little bit at how Ron seemed ready to leap at anyone who dared to offend his Hermione's honor. When Ron's curious look refused to change, she sighed. "I wouldn't let it worry you, darling. She's just jealous of us and our happiness! She means to steal you away from me."

Ron craned his neck around his girlfriend so his eyes could quickly pick out where Lavender Brown was still watching them with an almost heartsick look in her eyes. While Ron knew the bird about as little as Neville did, he let out a contemplative sound from the back of his throat.

"Huh."

Gawping, Hermione swatted at him, forcing his eyes back onto her. "Ronald!"

"What? I was just thinking how I suppose there are advantages to being a bigamist!" At Hermione's look of horror, he broke out into a beaming smile. "I'm kidding! Now, come on – get over here and kiss me!" And with that, he pulled Hermione into his lap so she was audaciously straddling him. She nearly choked.

"Ronald! People…. People are staring!" Hermione stammered.

Ron smirked. "Then let them stare, that Lavender Brown especially. Meanwhile, go ahead and mark your territory!"

Hermione took a beat to think about this, smirked wickedly and then fell into Ron's arms for a deep kiss that quickly grew more involved, heating all the way up to a passionate snog. When the couple broke apart, Hermione's face was adorably pink, while Ron's smile was somewhere between dazed and supremely satisfied.

"There now…. you're the only one I want, love. Why any bloke would want to snog more than one bird is a total mystery!"

Neville smirked. "And I guess wondering why any bloke would want to shag more than one bird makes it a bigamystery."

Ron immediately roared with laughter. Hermione got the joke half a second later, and frowned.

"Bigamist….. Get out!" she snapped at Neville exasperatedly.

Neville came back from a strategy lesson with Dumbledore late to find the boys' dormitory empty except for Ron. His best mate was seated criss-cross applesauce on the floor by the window, its curtains drawn back.

"Pretty, isn't it? The moon," Ron breathed, an oddly dreamy quality to his voice.

Neville frowned. "Divine," he quipped. Shaking his head, he turned to his four-poster bed, where he came upon a box of chocolates perched prominently on his pillow. Reading the signature, he scoffed and tossed the lot into the wastebasket. Romilda Vane really had some chutzpa; he was glad Hermione had warned him to steer clear.

Neville glanced back to where Ron was still staring out the window with a dreamy smile on his face. He smirked. "Hermione give you a jolly good night snog, then? She'd be back from studying in the library by now…."

"I can't stop thinking about her, Neville…." Ron sighed piningly.

"Indeed. Tell me more, why don't you?" Neville smirked. Ron got to his feet, and Neville was a little perturbed at how his best mate was still sporting the same, shit-eating grin.

"Honestly, I'm just hoping you don't reach a point where the two of you remember yourselves and she goes back to annoying you…"

"She could never annoy me!" Ron cried, entirely too eagerly, moving to join Neville on his four-poster, the cozy proximity causing Neville to blink and frown, now weirded out. "I think I love her!"

"Well….. brilliant!" Neville casually moved off the bed and back onto the adjacent one; Ron was still grinning like a loon.

"Do you think she knows I exist?"

"I bloody well hope so! She's been snogging you for almost four months!" Neville laughed.

"Snogging?" Ron's face fell with confusion. "Who are you talking about?"

Neville froze, and some goosebumps began to dance onto his skin in warning. Something wasn't right…. "Who are you talking about?"

"Lavender, of course," Ron breathed. "Lavender Brown."

"OK…." Neville drew out, blinking. "Very funny…" He got up and moved towards his trunk… only to jump when Ron suddenly tackled him.

"What the….?!" Neville threw his best mate off him. "What was that for?!"

"It's no joke! – I'm in love with her!"

"All right, fine, you're in love with her! – Have you ever actually met her?" Neville spluttered. He was completely baffled, agog, and exceedingly glad that Hermione wasn't here to see this and get her heart broken. He still thought it had to be some sort of elaborate prank by Ron, one that had long ago stopped being funny.

Except Ron seemed quite serious, seemed to be playing it quite straight, as his face briefly fell. "….. No." A beat and then, quite eagerly: "Could you introduce me?"

Neville was now starting to feel disturbed. On a hunch, he crossed back to the wastebasket and fished out the discarded box of chocolates from Romilda Vane. Opening the lid, he found that some of the chocolates were missing.

"Had ourselves a little midnight snack, did we?" he called back to Ron, who had resumed staring stupidly out the window at the moon again.

"I only had one!" Ron bawled, sounding like a child.

Neville snorted dryly. "Or twenty…." He inspected Romilda's note again, confusion compounding his fear. If he was right and Ron had eaten chocolates that had been spiked with love potion and had been meant for him, Neville…. then why was he mooning after Lavender instead of Romilda…? From what Hermione and later Dumbledore had told him about the workings of love potion, it didn't make sense….

Neville looked at the note again, and realized the bottom quarter of the parchment had been creased and folded in. Lifting it back, he realized the signature he had read was incomplete:

Love, Romilda….. & Lavender.

That was it, then. The slags of Ravenclaw and Gryffindor House were in cahoots and had gone in on this scheme together. Ron had come back, found the chocolates, and clearly eaten the ones spiked so that he would fall for Lavender. All in all, Neville considered it lucky that Ron had happened to not eat chocolates spiked by Lavender and by Romilda – he'd be babbling now with indecision over being in love with two girls! He shook his head, remembering their recent conversation at breakfast. Bigamist, indeed!

He quickly crossed back to Ron as a plan took hold in his head. "Come on, Ron: I'm going to introduce you to Lavender Brown."

Neville didn't care that it was base manipulation that made him lead Ron instead to Professor Slughorn's office. The Potions Master answered the door in his nightcap, Ron glancing desperately about and calling Lavender's name.

"Is she here? Is my sweet Lavender in here?"

Slughorn frowned, perplexed. "What does Mr. Weasley want lavender perfume for?"

"It's Lavender the girl he's been wanting!" And Neville quietly whispered the situation to his professor. Slughorn nodded grimly.

"Right then." He led the boys back into his potion stores, and poured a few drinks. Catching Neville noticing him slip something unfamiliar into one of the glasses, Slughorn winked.

"We'll have to trick him into drinking the antidote." Neville nodded, following Slughorn's lead.

Slughorn called for a toast in praise of Ron and…. Lavender finding each other, to which Ron eagerly drank.

Slughorn chuckled. "Well, Neville, my boy, it is, after all, springtime…. The only pretty ringtime…"

Slughorn's light singing was suddenly cut off by Ron collapsing into a dead faint. Neville watched in horror as his best mate suddenly writhed upon the ground, hands going to his own throat and frothing at the mouth. Oh, Merlin…. Ron was having a seizure!

"Professor!" Neville threw himself down beside his best mate. "Do something!"

But Slughorn could only stand there impotently, gawping. Thinking fast, Neville vaulted over Ron, sprinted into Slughorn's potion stores and tore through the place until he found what he was looking for. Dashing back, he quickly jammed the thing clutched in his fist down Ron's throat. Though unconscious, Ron swallowed the bezoar, then his limbs locked up before he lay chillingly still.

Ron…. Ron…..! Grunting, Neville managed to heft Ron into a fireman's lift before rounding on Slughorn.

"I'm taking him to Madame Pomfrey! You:" he rounded on Slughorn. "Find Hermione Granger immediately! – understand?!"

Slughorn nodded dumbly before dithering out of the room. Muscles already burning, Neville nonetheless somehow found the strength to carry Ron all the way to the Hospital Wing at a dead run.

Neville waited outside the Hospital Wing until Hermione came hurtling, white-faced and roused from bed, down the corridor and into his arms. Through hysterical tears, she demanded to know what had happened and Neville quietly told her everything. Watching Hermione's face contort with rage, Neville figured Romilda and Lavender were about to become the hunted, rather than the courted.

The two friends joined most of the other Weasleys gathered around Ron's sickbed. Hermione immediately collapsed into a chair at her lover's side, reaching out to hold his hand.

"Neville!" Neville turned to see Dumbledore approaching, followed closely behind by McGonagall, Slughorn and a rather confused Snape. McGonagall was keeping a close grip on a pair of simpering girls – Lavender Brown and Romilda Vane – who now both stared in fear at where Ron lay languishing on the bed. Neville hoped they let this be a lesson for them.

Spotting Lavender and Romilda, Hermione stiffened, and never in his entire life had Neville been more scared of the anger in his best mate's expression. Yet, Hermione rose with surprising calm and dignity that belied this justified rage, at least until she opened her mouth.

"If you ever try to come between me and my love again…. I'll kill you." Her voice was deadly serious. Romilda gawped like a fish. Whimpering, Lavender tearfully nodded.

All at once, a soft rumbling could be heard coming from the direction of the bed. "…..Er….. mine… Er – mi – ne… Hermione…."

Brown eyes going huge with love, Hermione sank back into her chair and took Ron's clammy hand in hers again. Lavender burst into tears and managed to break free of McGonagall's grasp, fleeing the Hospital Wing and wailing. McGonagall looked like she wanted to go after the girl, but a shake of the head from Neville stayed her.

Dumbledore merely smiled. "Oh, to be young, and to feel love's keen sting. Well…. come along, everyone: Mr. Weasley's well-tended."

The teachers, the love potion perpetrators and the Weasleys filed out. Ginny drifted into Neville's side as he hung back to watch Hermione hover over Ron with relief and deep caring.

"Think there will be a proposal once he wakes up?"

"If there is, no ruddy telling who will pop the question first," Neville shrugged. "Though Hermione will definitely negotiate for a prenuptial agreement!"

Hearing him, Hermione glanced up, saw her best mate and her boyfriend's sister watching her, and half-scoffed, half-laughed. "Oh, shut up…."

Neville and Ginny ambled away, leaving Hermione to breathe in deeply, her shoulders rising and falling happily as she beamed down at her paramour with shining love in her eyes.