Chapter 55: I Love You

Lily emerged from the memories in the Pensieve stunned into disbelief. She stood there for a moment in Dumbledore's office, shaking. She could feel herself shaking, though not from nerves.

On the contrary, she was exhilarated, yet also terrified all at once. With the sum total of her life having now been played back in full view for her (including close to two decades wrapped in a mental fog while confined to St. Mungo's), now it all made sense. She only wished that she hadn't been too blind to see it; if only she had been able to sooner discern Severus's clear love for her. How he had cared for her stalwartly after she was attacked, how he had clearly pined for her from afar….

She gave a little jerk as she was jolted back to reality upon realizing: Severus! She had to find him amidst all this chaos! She… she had to…. well, she wasn't jolly well sure what she had to do once she found him, but Merlin, it would be something! They were going to talk and they were going to work through this, she resolved. As to what might come from that, she wasn't sure about that either, but the possibilities sent a thrill through her bones that she hadn't felt in years. Not since…

Shaking her mind to clear it, Lily drew her traveling cloak around herself and hustled from the castle. She kept to the shadows, the private alcoves, some of which she now recalled as places where she had spent time as a student kissing her future husband during late night Head Boy and Girl rounds seventh year. It still astonished her how she could feel such recall so acutely, for all the novelty that such a sensation brought with such new appreciation. Which explained why, as she thought of James, the sharp pang that went through her was as sharp as the day she had awoken and Severus had needed to haltingly tell her the news. She shuddered and brushed the anguish aside. James was gone, had been for quite a bit now as time had moved forward without her for the longest of periods. The opportunity to bid her husband a proper goodbye would be later, when she was in a more ready state for it. For now, though….

She wasn't entirely certain where Neville Longbottom had gone, only that he would be far ahead of her after she had watched from the shadows as he left Dumbledore's office. Somehow, Lily managed to steal out of and away from the castle without getting entangled in the sporadic pockets of fights and duels still burning like pockets of flame throughout her beloved Hogwarts.

Huddling in a relatively safe area, she pulled out her wand and took a deep breath: "Homenum Revelio Severus Snape!"

The light mist her wand produced began to move with the air currents, pointing her in the direction of… the boathouse? Frowning, Lily ran feverishly in the direction of the old, crickety shack which had housed all of the slips and schooners since she was a student and even before. Hogwarts' armada fleet had always been for recreational purposes. She recalled fondly how James had once taken her out for a rowing ride, cheekily transfiguring a small boat into a gondola; it had been one of their first dates. But it wasn't as though any of these vessels were sea- or even Black Lake-worthy for any purpose beyond the wizard's sailing team, so she could only hope that Severus hadn't foolishly instigated some kind of naval sea battle with Death Eaters.

The stone staircase down to the water had always been steep, explaining why she had visited this place so infrequently in her school days. Lily kept her wand at the ready as she approached the wooden structure. There was nobody around, or so it seemed. No sounds of shouting or the crash of dueling spells, nor any corresponding sparks. There weren't any obvious signs of a struggle at all, really – just a sunburst of broken glass where part of the boathouse's front window had been blown out.

Which, now that she peered closer by the light of Lumos, Lily could detect flecks of blood along these glass shards. Finger brushing the stain, she let out a horrified gasp when she realized:

The blood was still wet.

She dove for the boathouse door, unable to wrench it open fast enough. Calling Severus's name, she rounded the corner and pulled up short, sucking in a breath sharply.

There, sprawled, lay her childhood best friend, huddled up against and under the sill of the front boathouse window. He was crumpled and concave, as though he had been trying to make himself small in better defense from a relentless attack. His wand was still clutched in his fist.

"Severus!" Lily breathed, stricken, and she flitted over to him, her robes fanning out about her as she knelt at his side. As she bent over him, fingers hovering just above but too afraid to brush him, fearing he might be cold to the touch. That he could be….

No, she refused to believe it! Not after all this time, not after all they had apparently been through!

Lily examined him judiciously. He was still, too still, and it wasn't immediately obvious to her whether he was breathing or not; if he was, it was shallow. Frowning, she pressed her ear against his collapsed chest, listening for any indication of a heartbeat.

…. There! She found one, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She studied his face, now a ghastly pale, though the man's pallor had always been such that he never absorbed much sunlight. She had to bite back a smile at a memory, once thought long gone, in spite of herself, of them at their little meeting spot by the lake in Cokeworth. The man had never been able to achieve a tan to save his life.

Save his life…. Focus, Lillian! She scolded herself as she set about racking her brain for every trick she had ever learned in her Healing courses, before she was first married and then later had needed to go on maternity leave for Harry. A source of the wound… She felt along his chest, and was heartened and concerned all at once to find that he was merely lukewarm to the touch. She needed to move quickly, but it wasn't helped by the strange absence of any cuts or bruises or inflicted injuries, whether by wand or something else.

It was only when she finally got to his neck that she saw it: two little bite marks, around which there was a pool of blood, though there clearly had not been as much loss as one might normally find for…. a snake bite? Perhaps Severus had been dueling an enemy after all, though not of the Death Eater variety, and gotten more than he bargained for.

Antidote… snake antidote! How she wished she had had the foresight or presence of mind to bring along a pocket cauldron! She hadn't any potions with her that could be used to concoct an antidote for snake venom, and running back up to the castle would waste precious time that she – and especially Severus – didn't have. Like in the Muggle world, snakebite, if venomous, was no laughing matter. And even if this particular bite wasn't venomous, it wasn't best to chance it and find out.

She'd have to get him back up to the castle and hope he could last until then. She would break into the Potion Masters' storeroom – in this chaos, a little looting was necessary and even excusable – and nurse him back to health there. At the moment, the best thing she could do was close the wounds, siphon off the lost blood and pray that he wouldn't lose anymore. Her hands shook, tears spilling, as she began the countercurse to Sectumsempra, the spell Severus had invented and apparently tried to teach her once, back before they had become estranged.

"Salvio Hexia…. Salvio Hexia…."

There was a groan, and she froze as Severus turned his head suddenly. He seemed to all at once look directly at and yet right through her. Her heart leapt into her throat. He looked well and truly awful. "Sev? Severus, can you hear me?" she whispered.

But Severus did not answer; he merely lifted a giant paw of a hand (it had always struck Lily how a man who was only skin and bones could possess such massive hands) to brush the red bangs back from Lily's face, tucking the strands behind her ear before his palm hovered, cupping and brushing her cheek. Unconsciously, she felt herself actually lean into his touch, despite its charged intimacy, and she shivered at the chill from loss of contact.

Severus dropped his hand and his head dropped along with it, lolling as he slumped backward. Lily drew both hands to her mouth to hold in a horrified sob.

"No….. No!" she wept. "Please…. Please…..! Please don't leave me!" Draping herself over him, she nuzzled her face into his robes and then, despite how it might have once left her terrified at the time of her awakening, she spoke aloud words that she had always carried in her heart, had carried for some time even after she had woken up, though the tone of them had shifted, almost without her realizing it. She dearly wished she had worked up the nerve to get out of her own way and tell him herself:

"I love you!" she whispered through her tears.

It appeared to be too late. Even as she clutched him to her, Lily could feel Severus's body start to chill; rigor mortis would soon be setting in. The boathouse was deathly quiet, save for the sound of her sobs.

Then, all of a sudden –

There came a trickling rush that sounded close to the tinkling of bells. Behind her closed eyelids, Lily caught a glimmer of light, at first brushing it off as it might be morning, sunrise, after a long, hard night of death. Yet the sparkles continued, and it didn't feel like the natural, dapple patterns of sunlight.

The WHOOSHing became a torrent now, sounding more akin to a sunshower, and she finally lifted her head, opened her eyes. Those same hazel eyes now bulged as she registered the comets of light falling like tiny meteors around her and Severus. A gust of wind now tore through the open-air boathouse, creating a marked updraft that now seemed to catch Severus under his cloak and propel him upward, so that he pressed against her and past her. Only one word formed silently about Lily's lips – What…? – as his body sprang like a flower petal into the wind.

As the breeze gathered the strength of a tempest, Lily shrank back against the boathouse in fear and amazement, drawing her traveling cloak tighter around herself. Watching intently, shock nonetheless prevented her from forming her confusion into intelligible, rational thoughts. Her head was spinning. What's happening to him? was all she could manage to wonder dazedly. Oh, Dumbledore save us and have mercy, what's happening to him….?

Severus was carried up higher, higher still, the tendrils of his cloak leading him. When he finally halted, his form dangling, suspended in midair, the cloak then quite suddenly gathered tight about him, cocooning his body. The man unconsciously squirmed and then a hand suddenly snatched out, fingers reaching, straining for the heavens. There was a flash of golden light, and Lillian staggered back, pushing her wildly untamed red locks back out of her face so she didn't miss one single, incredible moment.

Severus's feet arched for the floor, the flash of gold light bursting from them too. His body now began to spin faster and faster in his cloak. His expansive, impressive chest was puffed out, well sculpted even when shamefully hidden under all those robes, and a particularly earnest gust now blew through his long, oily, black locks. There was one final flash of gold light, emanating from his handsome face, spreading to his neck where the blood and snakebite had been, and finally out from his chest.

Lily gaped, thunderstruck, as the corpse of her dear childhood friend was gently lowered back towards the floor. The little comets of bright dust were falling around them in a deluge now, though by this time, she hardly noticed them. There was only Severus, as his body, still swaddled in the cloak, was now transported safely back to Earth, the fine garment acting as a sort of parachute to bring him down unharmed. When he touched ground, he simply lay there and moved no more.

Heart hammering in her ribcage, hardly daring to breathe, Lily cautiously crept forward, reaching out a shaking hand for him. A light mist that had been created by the comets of light suddenly seemed to absorb itself into Severus's body and the man breathed. Lily sprang back with fright, a startled yelp emanating from her, astonished as she observed Severus slowly struggle to his feet on ungainly legs, his back briefly to her. Staring at his hands, he finally rounded on her.

Lily could only gawp with shock, both hands to her mouth, speechless. Her hazel eyes were far more expressive as they took him in, widening along with a hardly-daring-to-hope smile.

"Lily…. it's me." And Severus now stepped into the light, taking her hand even as she shied away, the smile on his face luminous and rare enough that Lily could confidently say that she had only ever seen it grace his face but a few times.

Only in times when he was looking at…

Tilting her head, her lips upturned in bemusement, she pondered him, skeptical. Lifting a trembling hand, she finally willed herself to let her fingers brush through and tangle in his black locks, and she ran the strands between her fingers, sizing him up. Turning her face so she could look into his properly, she all but sank into his eyes: they were black, as they'd always been, but they were now also bright too, beholding her. It was an expression that, even as her vision of it was hazy, Lily knew she had seen before, whenever he would smile at her as they sat and talked and he cared for her while she was in St. Mungo's.

Clarity descended, and what a gift it was, as Lily's joyful expression dawned like the break of day that was now coming apace.

"It is you!" she cried ecstatically, taking a critical step in to lovingly cup his cheek. Severus beamed down at her, and she shuddered from violent pleasure as he reached up a hand to brush her fiery bangs out of her eyes. She didn't quake from fear, however, despite how her heartbeat was now thundering wildly. The blood pounded in her ears. Carefully, Severus lowered his face down to hers until they were a hair's-breadth apart, in his eyes a silent question. At another time, Lily would have been terrified, her practical head telling her to think rationally and not leap into anything with both feet. She should still be skittish at the deep…. intimacy she now felt for this man whom she had known nearly her entire life. But her brilliant mind was so clouded and dizzy, so overjoyed that he was alive that for once in her life, Lily decided to hang it all. She found herself tilting her face up to his, almost in challenge, and she was impressed, even pleased, when Severus didn't back down from it. She closed her eyes expectantly, lashes fluttering as her eyelids sank shut.

Her hands somehow found purchase along his chest, one of them curling and fisting the black fabric of his under-tunic. When Severus's lips finally met hers in a gentle kiss, Lily gasped, her lips parting pliantly for his like a flower bursting into full bloom, even though they had apparently kissed many times before, according to the Pensieve and in the haze of her addled memory.

Lightning was sent coursing through her body. A sudden gust of wind swirled about the embracing couple, dotted with blue lights and Lily felt Severus unconsciously pull her closer. Flinging her arms about his massive shoulders, looping them about his neck, she enthusiastically kissed him back. Her fingers sank into his black hair that, in another life, she had always secretly wondered about. She damn right shocked herself by deepening the kiss, prolonging it. Lily felt Severus's strong arms encircle her slim waist, splay up along her back, tugging her flush against him. The blue inferno of light caused her fiery curls to stand straight on end, the same gust sticking Severus's dark hair straight up.

And as Severus Snape and Lillian Evans Potter embraced and kissed, a piercing shriek split the air as blue fireworks whizzed and exploded into the nighttime sky above the boathouse.

After what seemed to be many sunlit days, Severus and Lily broke apart, their arms still around each other. Blinking dumbly, the couple finally shared an awkward giggle, and beaming radiantly, Lily was just reaching up to kiss him again when Severus suddenly twisted from her arms.

"Neville!" he yelped, quite unexpectedly.

"Huh?" Lily murmured dreamily, his kiss still leaving her in a tizzy, dazed. "What about Neville?"

"He's going for the Dark Lord! He's gonna go for the snake!"

Lily's green eyes widened and it was actually she who now moved faster, dashing for the boathouse door. "Oh, Godric! Come on!"

"Lillian, wait for me! We stand a safer chance staying together – LILY! I don't even know where you're going; how will I find you?! Wait! Please, WAIT!" And Severus pelted after his… his lover.