You will take this chapter and you will like it.
As the first stretches of morning light cracked through the gaps in the trees, Dick was politely awoken by a twig being thrown off the side of his head.
"Oi. Get up. Colonel's missing."
Dick groaned. "Five more minutes…"
"If you don't get up now, human, we will leave you with the rodent."
Grumbling, he opened his eyes. So, it wasn't a dream. He was still in a jungle in the middle of nowhere, Weasel still clinging onto him like he would dispense prizes if squeezed hard enough.
Everyone around him was slightly blurry at the minute, but he could tell that they were all on their feet and ready to go.
"Wait, am I the last one up?"
"Yes" Javelin responded curtly, picking up his weapon and brushing leaves off of it. "We considered waking you earlier whilst thinking up our next move, but decided you'd have no intelligent input to give. Don't take it personally. Or do. We really don't care."
"Yeah, yeah" Dick mumbled dismissively, slowly removing Weasel's hand from the small of his back and getting to his feet. The thing coughed as it slowly regained consciousness, mouth opening and closing and eyes twitching back and forth.
"Not to mention you two just looked so adorable together!" Harley grinned. That was the problem with her, Dick had found. You could never tell whether she was being vindictive or not. "I have a hyena back home, you know. He's great for cuddles. Real fluffy. Is Weasel fluffy too?"
He'd only been awake for three minutes and already felt like he'd hit the maximum number of questions he could possibly answer for today.
"Task Force X" came Waller's voice over the comms. "Come in."
Boomerang made a show of rolling his eyes before activating his earpiece and answering back in an exaggeratedly happy tone of voice.
"Hiya, Waller! What can we do for you this fine mornin'?"
"Cut the shit, Harkness" she responded, ever the charmer. "We've located the camp Colonel Flag has been taken to. In - no, it was not just you, John, shut up. Infiltrate the camp and get him back before moving on to Jotunheim. These are dangerous people and should not be underestimated. Are we clear?"
"Get in, kill 'em, get Flag out. Gotcha. I guess we could use the exercise; 'think Mongal here's been wantin' to stab somethin' all night."
"I crave violence" Mongal said to no-one in particular, fists flexing. Dick took a step back and almost bumped into Weasel, who was trying to swat a butterfly with its paw.
The earpiece beeped as communications were cut off. "Well, today's yer lucky day, Your Almighty Easy-peel. Hey, Dick-wad! You ready?"
Dick gave the ground a once-over, just to make sure he hadn't dropped anything. "Sure."
"Hey, how did the guy get nabbed, anyway?" TDK's voice came from behind, causing Dick to jump maybe three feet.
Boomerang shrugged. "Maybe went out on patrol in the middle of the night. Maybe just wanted to stretch his legs. Either way, we've got to get him out of whatever sitch he's got himself into. Now if you're all finished askin' dumb questions, let's move. We can 'prolly get there in about forty-five minutes or so…"
"I cannot believe it took us four and a half hours to get here" he heard Mongal growl, intense dislike pasted across her features.
Savant clearly shared the sentiment, spitting on the ground.
Harley shrugged, adjusting her bag as she joined the two of them at the clearing. "Hey, it wasn't what I thought it was gonna be either, but look on the bright side – we got to see the sights!"
The older man kicked a tree in annoyance. "Yeah. The sights. Forest, forest, and by God, if it doesn't look like more forest coming up real soon."
"I get you feel bad with there being no computers around, but I'm sure you'll get your chance real soon. Expert hacker gotta hack, right?"
"Expert hacker got to get out of this godforsaken place before he throws himself off the nearest cliff. Now, where are the rest of those idiots?"
Boomerang and TDK were just a few metres behind; Javelin, Dick and Weasel were bringing up the rear.
The fiddly thing on Dick's zipper finally agreed to do its job as he negotiated with it by briefly hopping on one leg whilst pulling it upwards.
"…don't tell me you guys were fucking" Savant deadpanned.
"Please" Javelin scoffed "I have standards."
"Yeah, well, so do I" Dick snapped. Not his wittiest comeback, so he tried again. "And I could do better than some guy who obviously chose his weapon as compensation for something."
Weasel coughed up a mound of dirt from a molehill they'd had to drag it away from a few minutes earlier. Boomerang chuckled, but it didn't sound like it was about something Dick could chuckle about, too.
"Guess it must have been the fine Doc John here, then."
"What?"
"Bet he wanted to pay you back for savin' him from the jaws of death, huh?"
"Hey, the old guy dragged him out of the sea!"
"The old guy wasn't gettin' special hugs all night though, was he?"
"Just shut up."
"Hope you didn't get any hickies, 'cos those teeth look mighty dirty – "
"Moving on from that image before we're all violently ill" Savant cut across them, his back in their direction as he observed the small settlement below. "We need to figure out a plan of attack."
"…and I'm not old" he added as an afterthought, giving a firm glare for good measure.
Dick saw the opportunity to steer the conversation out of these uncomfortable waters and nodded in agreement. "I'm thinking full frontal assault."
"You want to offer yourself up on a silver platter before or after?"
"Full frontal assault" Dick repeated, trying, and failing to pretend the asshole hadn't said anything.
"Jesus Christ, you're an idiot, kid. That's what happened on the beach, remember? And we had to retreat after about three minutes."
"We're less exposed in the jungle, though" interjected Mongal. "The trees are ideal cover. Not to mention we have the high ground on approach."
"You're forgetting how much surface area there is. The camp as a whole takes up too much space. There's only eight of us, not to mention at least one will have the job of finding Flag once the fighting starts. We'd be stretched too thin."
Dick realised what he was getting at. To cover the whole area, they'd need to split up. And in a one-on-one fight between a teammate and a gunman, he'd bet on the gunman in at least half of those cases. "… you're saying we take it slow and stealthy, then."
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
"Well, that was my second plan, anyway."
Another head-turn and glare combo. Dick momentarily wondered whether his neck was starting to hurt from doing that over and over again.
"Sure, kid. Incidentally, can you even be stealthy?"
"'The hell kind of question is that? Of course I can! I wasn't put on this team for nothing, you know!"
"You're a walking killing spree."
"Aw, really? Thanks, man."
"It's not a compliment. You can hear everything shuffle about as you move."
He turned back around to view the camp again, lowering his goggles over his eyes. Dick stewed in indignation for a bit before picking up a more hushed conversation from behind him.
"'Wasn't really anythin' like that, don't worry" the team Aussie was drawling. "Dick-head here just needed to take another piss, is all."
"Isn't that, like, the fifth time?" Harley asked incredulously.
"If I had a tenner, I'd bet you it's at least the ninth. 'Thought I'd better hang nearby just in case he has a phone on him and decides to ring up the military again."
You fake a betrayal once and no-one ever lets it go.
"Oh my God, dude, it was just the one time. And I learned my lesson. It isn't going to happen again."
He smacked his hands over his mouth, remembering a little too late that he wasn't supposed to be hearing this. The jungle fell deadly silent, leaving only the sound of a few crickets chirping.
"Wow" Boomerang drawled as Harley folded her arms. "Turncoat and eavesdropper. You're a real double threat, mate."
"You're damn right, you…half-baked… C-lister!"
"'Least I got into the papers, mate. You, on the other hand, I'd never heard of until yesterday."
"Then let me give you the lowdown, asshole" Dick snarled, temper finally getting the better of him. "I was part of an elite criminal organisation. I fought Booster Gold, a full-on space cadet-type guy with a drone. I've got guns, an energy shield, a whip, and more strength in this suit than the entire population of whatever shithole town you come from combined. I'm Blackguard, motherfucker. Who are you? Captain I-use-the-first-thing-I-found-in-the-nearest-bin-as-a-weapon?"
"Careful, mate" Boomerang retorted, voice now dangerously low. "You start throwing words like that around, we might decide you're too much to keep hold of. You've already tried to do us all in once. 'Might have to get you out of the picture if you go about trying to sabotage the team's effectiveness again, you see what I mean?"
"Well then I might have to break both your legs before you can stab me in the back like the rat bastard you are. Then once all this is over, I'll go over to Australia or wherever the hell it is you live and screw your Mum for good measure."
A boomerang was slowly removed from its holster on the guy's chest, but Dick could only see red. "You sure, chum? 'Cos all that's stoppin' you is air and opportunity."
Dick took a deep breath through his nose.
"An' there goes the air."
"Bring it, Captain Koala!"
"Captain Koala?"
"That's enough out of both of you!" Savant hissed, shoving them both apart. "You want to alert the whole jungle that we're here?"
"Wouldn't be the first time for him, right?" the jerk obviously couldn't resist saying.
"You –"
"Both of you back away now, or I swear to fucking God, I will decimate both of you. Got it?"
Whether through sheer willpower or some supernatural force behind the man's gaze, Dick felt himself calm down slightly. "Sure."
"And you?"
"Aye. Sure, mate."
"Good. Now if you've both finished acting like idiot children, we need to -"
He faltered. "We need to ask where the hell Weasel's gone."
"What do you mean, he's right -" Dick turned on his heel, only to find himself pointing at empty space and a set of paw-shaped footprints leading towards the edge of the incline they were on. "Oh, crap."
Savant dashed back to his viewpoint, looking in several different directions before freezing instantly. Whatever his eyes had landed on, it couldn't be good.
"Shit" he said rather lamely. "Oh, shit."
The rest of them came over and bundled together, trying to see what he saw.
The camp still appeared relatively calm, though it was too far away to see register everything properly. A few puffs of smoke rose from extinguished fires and one or two birds were hovering over the roofs as a woman washed clothes in a metal basin. The security arrangements actually seemed pretty light to Dick, give or take the odd armed guard around the perimeter.
And the brown, humanoid mass coming up behind one of them.
The affair on the beach had been, for lack of a better term, a complete embarrassment.
Suarez stormed his way into the meeting room, silently fuming. From what he could get out of the commanding officer that had been on the scene (well, before the burning poker had passed through his face and into his brain), the attack force had been relatively small.
Relatively small, he'd said. It had been nine people!
Nine people, and they'd managed to outwit an entire regiment. Suarez didn't know whether that was a mark of their skill or the sheer incompetency of their military. Either way, someone was going to get shot for it.
Camila, the presidential aid with a simpering voice and breasts perked so far up her chest it was a wonder she could breathe, jogged slightly to keep up with him, folders in her hands.
"Intelligence ran the checks you requested, General" she said. "The other commanders are being briefed as we speak."
Suarez just nodded, sitting down and looking to the head of the table.
President Luna looked almost bored with proceedings, hand resting against a hand and his leg up over the arm of his chair like a child that couldn't behave themselves. Looking at him, you'd never know the man had planned and executed a perfect military coup just months ago. Suarez had been there, and it was moments like this that even he doubted his own memories.
"- the invasion force was all-American, Presidente" said a nearby Captain, who Suarez had never bothered to learn the name of. "We are exactly not sure what they're here for, but we've tracked them to somewhere within the western sector of the jungle. The last known location of the rebels."
Luna looked up slightly, this apparently being enough to wake him from his semi-coma. "You think they're gaining foreign assistance?"
"It's possible, sir."
"What was Intelligence able to find out?"
The captain pulled out a remote, switching on the television sat at the opposite end of the table. A man's face appeared by an annoyingly empty fact file, with nought but a name and some basic information.
"We've identified the leader via military records. Colonel Rick Flag. A decorated US marine. Plenty of tours of duty under his belt."
The way his voice trailed off made it obvious there was something else he wanted to say.
"But…?" Luna prompted, clearly noticing this too.
"We haven't been able to find anything on him past 2011. He returned from Iraq at some point and simply… vanished from the grid. It's like he gave up on his career."
"And then ten years later, he shows up again" Luna finished thoughtfully.
"This is only guesswork, Presidente, but I would assume that he was drafted into some sort of black ops unit. It would take an immense of skill or government backing to stay this well hidden from the public eye."
"And the others?"
The captain nodded. "This is where it becomes stranger. Intelligence had to check them based purely on physical appearance and clothing alone, so they're yet to find anything specific. But all of them were linked to the US prison system. Further vetting showed that they're supposed to currently be serving sentences."
Another man sat a few seats away let out a guffaw. "They're recruiting criminals? Have they no shame?"
They're Americans, you idiot. Of course they don't.
Suarez held the retort back, noticing that the image had changed. A beach-blonde man, quite young. Based on appearance alone, he looked quite susceptible to spilling secrets, given some…persuasion.
"This target was a point of interest in the after-action report. Apparently, he alerted the regiment to his squad's presence, saying he'd called them and made a deal beforehand."
"And had they?"
"No, sir. The regiment opened fire, as per their orders."
"However, we do have an informant, do we not?"
"Yes. They have instructions to only make further contact if the enemy enters the capital."
Luna clearly had an unanswered question, if the raised eyebrow was any indication.
"Given the fact that the… security level in this room is lower than in the police headquarters, Presidente, we thought it prudent not to mention their identity out loud."
The captain was sweating slightly, and it certainly wasn't because of the weather. Either out of fear of Luna or Suarez himself, Suarez didn't know.
Good. He had a right to be scared.
Luna nodded absent-mindedly, flicking through his briefing papers, apparently satisfied with this response. It looked like the man was off Suarez's mental blacklist, at least for now. Lucky.
No-one spoke for a moment, the silent only cut by the crinkling of pages and the odd noise from their leader. A scoff here, an exasperated sigh there. A visible shudder and a "Santa Maria" when he came across what Suarez could only make out as a tall, hairy thing.
Then he let out a curious hum. This time, Suarez could just about see the image of a young woman with blue eyes and dark make-up, and his heart sank.
Oh, no. No, he knew that look. It was a look that could only end in catastrophe.
Suarez respected Luna more than any of their colleagues believed, but he had to step in before he doomed them all by thinking with his dick before his brain.
"Presidente -" he began.
"Hold on a moment, I'm thinking."
Yes, that's what I'm worried about.
"Please do not consider lowering your standards and approaching these people as a friend." Or just one of them in particular.
"Whyever not? We are a stable country now, Mateo. We're civilised."
A gunshot echoed from the basement. Looked like the scheduled executions had finished up for the day.
Suarez hated it when Luna referred to him by his first name. It made him feel like a disgraced toddler, or even worse, one of the man's godforsaken birds.
"But you make a good point. Espionage in our country is not to be tolerated."
His finger shot towards Camila, who turned to face him like she was on a pivot.
"Find a way to get a message out to our informant: I would like Miss… Quinn, brought in alive. The rest are… expendable."
It was the best news Suarez had heard all day. Luna snapped the file shut. This meeting was over.
"Now, I believe Doctor Grieves had something to show us?"
Fun fact: "I'm a walking killing spree" is an actual Blackguard quote from his comic appearance in the 1980 Booster Gold comic book run. Yes, I've been reading up. It pays to actually know about the guy you're using as a central narrator, it turns out.
In other news, holy shit, I actually did it. I actually wrote a chapter rather than sleep.
In the early hours of the morning, I feel a sense of accomplishment. And also dread that this will not be received well. Why? Who knows. Delusions brought on from lack of sleep settling in, perhaps.
Any comments, as always, really help. I had a lot of deadlines whilst doing this chapter, but the thought of getting your feedback, however much praise or constructive criticism it may include, kept me going.