008: The Social Experiment II

A Few Years Back –

When Everyone was in University –

Received text messages (4)

[Yui Yuigahama: Hikki, can we please talk.]

[Yui Yuigahama: I know you have been reading my messages.]

[Yui Yuigahama: I can see the blue ticks.]

[Yui Yuigahama: Please!]

Received text messages (3)

[Yui Yuigahama: Hikki if you don't respond to my texts in the next 15 minutes I will do something stupid.

[Yui Yuigahama: I'm serious!]

[Yui Yuigahama: You will regret it.]

Received text message (1)

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Don't do anything stupid, Yuigahama. I'm not worth it.]

[Yui Yuigahama: You don't get to decide that. I love you dammit!]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: I'm sorry that I ran away that day. I don't know what came over me.]

Received text message (3)

[Yui Yuigahama: If I call you right now, will you pick up?]

[Yui Yuigahama: I want to listen to your voice.]

[Yui Yuigahama: I want you to call me stupid.]

Received text message (1)

[Hachiman Hikigaya: I'm sorry. I can't.]

Received text messages (1)

[Yui Yuigahama: Yukino, do you hate me?]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: I don't hate you, Yuigahama-san.]

[Yui Yuigahama: Hikki hates me.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: Hikigaya-kun does not hate you. He is merely confused.]

[Yui Yuigahama: What is there to be confused about? He doesn't like me.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: I think I am partly to be blamed for this misunderstanding. I should not have disclosed to you that he confessed to me.]

[Yui Yuigahama: Why not?]

[Yui Yuigahama: You rejected him right?]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: I did.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: But I miscalculated how you would react to this information, Yuigahama-san.]

[Yui Yuigahama: What do you mean? How did you want me to react?]

Received text message (1)

[Yukino Yukinoshita: I can't tell you that.]

[Yui Yuigahama: Why the hell not? It's important to me.]

Received text message (1)

[Yukino Yukinoshita: You are important to me, Yuigahama-san.]

Received text message (2)

[Yui Yuigahama: Did you reject Hikki because of me?]

[Yui Yuigahama: Did you think he liked me?]

Received text message (1)

[Yukino Yukinoshita: I don't want to discuss this matter any further. Let's stop talking about that stupid man.]

[Yui Yuigahama: Yeah, he is pretty stupid. Hikki's a dummy. You know, he doesn't reply to my texts anymore. What a jerk!]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: He did what?]

[Yui Yuigahama: Ah, forget about it Yukinon. It doesn't matter.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: It matters Yuigahama-san. Don't you remember? He was forced to be a member of the service club and Hiratsuka-sensei entrusted me to fix his rotten personality. I failed spectacularly in the task, letting my personal feelings cloud my judgment and letting that rotten man do as he please, without a care in the world for proper etiquette or sensibilities.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: No more.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: It's time he gets fixed.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: Like a dog.]

Received text message (1)

[Yui Yuigahama: You are scaring me, Yukinon.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: Don't worry Yuigahama-san. I will not harm him. Excessively]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: You can help me if you want.]

[Yui Yuigahama: Really?]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: Yes indeed. You are the perfect woman for this job I have in mind.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: In fact you even possess some skills which can be found lacking in me.]

[Yui Yuigahama: Okay. Now you are just messing with me.]

Received text message (1)

[Yui Yuigahama: But if you have a plan to teach Hikki a lesson, I'm on board.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: Splendid.]

Received text message (1)

[Yukino Yukinoshita: Are you free today?]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: I'm never free. Didn't you hear me give that big speech during orientation? I have my hands full.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: That's no excuse.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: It's a simple yes or no question.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Fine. I will meet up with you. What time?]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: Before breakfast. I want to give you something.]

Hachiman Hikigaya found himself blushing. It was early in the morning. He had just returned from his morning jog with Seishirou Tsugumi and now he was exchanging text messages with Yukino Yukinoshita, the ice queen who broke his heart at the end of last semester.

She hadn't spoken to him since then and he hadn't reached out to her as well. Now all of a sudden she wanted to meet up. There was something wrong with this picture and he had a feeling he would soon find out. Plus, the way she said 'give you something' sounded awfully sexual. He tried to ignore it and chat sensibly but it quickly backfired.

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Fine. But I will be hungry.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: Please control your sexual appetite.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: You know damn well I meant food.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: If you say so.]

He could picture the small smile on her face and it made a dull ache throb in his chest. He wondered when this feeling would go away. He hated this feeling more than anything. To an extent he was thankful for all the responsibilities which were thrust upon his shoulders. It kept his mind occupied. It stopped him from thinking morbid thoughts. And most importantly it stopped him from making an utter fool of himself. But sometimes, it couldn't be helped.

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Okay. Let's meet at the dining hall.]

Then because he was feeling reckless he typed:

[Hachiman Hikigaya: But it's gonna cost ya. You have to buy me breakfast.]

The reply came in an instant.

[Yukino Yukinoshita: Asking a woman to buy you food. Since when did you become such an uncouth brute? Don't you know it should be the other way around? There is such a thing as chivalry, you know.]

He couldn't quite help himself from throwing the small barb.

[Hachiman Hikigaya: If we went out together, I would have paid for everything.]

This time the reply took a couple more minutes from her end.

[Yukino Yukinoshita: Pity, we never found out. I have expensive tastes. I would have bankrupted you.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: My feelings are unchanged on the matter, Hikigaya-kun.]

He let out a sigh of defeat. He really should have learnt his lesson by now. You can't force someone to love you. As with most things the problem lied with him. He schooled his thoughts and coolly shot back a proper reply.

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Sorry if I upset you.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: You did not. I will see you at the dining hall.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: As an added incentive, like you wished I will be buying you breakfast.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: I was joking. I can pay for both our meals.]

[Yukino Yukinoshita: I insist.]

There was a note of finality to her last text and he found himself complying with her wish.

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Okay. See you then.]

Hachiman Hikigaya didn't know what to make of the small package.

"What's in the bag?" He asked.

"Cookies." She replied. "Handmade, in case you were wondering."

He was confused. "You made me cookies?"

Yukino Yukinoshita shook her head. "I helped someone make these cookies."

He took a closer look at the cookies. There was something weird about them. They looked a bit odd. The texture was also quite different. They looked like they were made by someone, probably a toddler who didn't know his way around kitchen utensils, let alone something as dangerous as an oven.

Nevertheless he took one out and popped it into his mouth.

He choked on the taste and reached for a glass of water to help it down.

"How was it?" Yukinoshita asked with a smile.

Hikigaya coughed. "You are an evil woman."

"It's your fault for not listening to me carefully, Hikigaya-kun." She told him. "I never said I made these cookies. I remember telling you just now that I helped someone make these cookies. By now you should know who that someone is. Unless of course these cookies have disrupted your brain functions and rendered you incapable of a logical thought."

He smiled to himself, lost in his own sense of self depreciating humour. "I should have known better. The first time you decided to reach out to me also happens to be the day I talked to Yuigahama. You two have been talking behind my back."

Yukinoshita frowned. "You should have more faith in Yuigahama-san's character. She wouldn't say anything malicious about you. I, on the other hand, had a lot to say in the matter. None of which were flattering."

"You really hate me huh?"

"I don't hate you, Hikigaya-kun."

He snorted. "Somehow I don't believe you. You didn't just reject me that day Yukinoshita. You also decided to dissolve the service club. It's like you wanted to destroy the very place which made me see you in a different light, made me see myself in a different light. And you never explained why you did it. You just said you were the president and it was your choice. You never listened to me or Yuigahama. It's like we never mattered to you in the first place." He choked up. "I thought I had made a horrible mistake, falling in love with you."

"You are free to think whatever you want, but you will always be important to me, Hikigaya-kun. Maybe one day I will be able to return your feelings, but that day is far away in the future. Who knows, maybe that day will never arrive."

"Are you asking me to wait for you indefinitely?"

Yukino Yukinoshita smiled a soft smile. There was sadness, there was loss and there was a plethora of other expression behind the curve of her lips, something which he will always fail to decipher. For now he listened to her parting words as she made her way to the counter to pay for his breakfast as she promised.

"I'm asking you to eat these cookies." She said.

"You demand some really selfish things, you know that."

Yukinoshita laughed a small laugh. "Yet, you love me."

She was right about that.

The situation was utterly hopeless.

Hachiman Hikigaya found himself in one of the numerous study rooms on campus. He was soon joined in by the others. The small package of handmade cookies kept next to him was at the centre of attention.

"You bought cookies?" Koyomi Araragi asked.

"No. Someone gave them to me."

"Who? Yukinoshita-san?" Kyon joked.

Hachiman frowned. "Why would the woman who reject me, give me handmade cookies?"

"Yeah, you are right." Kyon said. "It doesn't make any sense."

"No, I'm really asking your opinion." Hachiman said. "Yukinoshita gave me these cookies."

"But didn't you just say…" Koyomi Araragi trailed off, floundering for words.

Hachiman Hikigaya ignored him as he reached for one of the cookies. The others watched as he finished it in a couple of bites, gagging and choking, the entire process seeming much more difficult than it probably should be. Like idiots, they thought he was over exaggerating.

"It's just cookies." Koyomi Araragi said. "And from what I heard, Yukinoshita is a great cook."

"Where did you hear that from?" Kyon asked.

"Senjougahara."

The new members of the group were also present. This was there first time meeting with the older members.

"Who is Senjougahara?" Kiyotaka Ayanokouji asked.

Tatsuhiro Satou shuddered visibly. "Someone you don't want to mess with unless you are a vampire with regenerative abilities."

Sakuta Azusagawa didn't believe the words of the oldest member of their group. "You are joking. How bad could she be?"

"You will find out soon enough." Tanaka said.

"Wait, did Senjougahara threaten you as well." Kyon asked. "What did she use?"

"A pencil." Tanaka replied. "I almost fainted."

"What did you do?" Houtarou Oreki asked.

"I threw a badminton racquet at her by mistake." Tanaka said. "I lost my grip."

"You got off easy." Tatsuhiro Satou remarked. "When I accidentally took a picture of her, she told me she would castrate me with a pencil. A fucking pencil. And I believed her."

"Yeah, she can be deadly with a pencil." Koyomi Araragi said. "In fact she can be deadly with any stationary items."

Hachiman Hikigaya struggled with another cookie and the others watched him eat with a sick, twisted, demented form of curiosity.

Houtarou Oreki whispered to Koyomi Araragi. "Senpai, what is he doing?"

"I don't know." Koyomi Araragi whispered back. He then said out loud, "Hikigaya, what are you doing?"

"Rethinking my life choices." Hachiman Hikigaya replied.

Koyomi Araragi shrugged. "You heard the man."

"You're clearly over exaggerating." Kyon said. "There's no way they can be that bad, right?"

Hachiman Hikigaya pushed the package towards them. "Please, feel free to check them out for yourselves."

Kyon hesitated.

Koyomi Araragi didn't. "Okay. I will. I will never pass out on the opportunity to eat handmade cookies, especially when they are made by a girl. What about you guys?"

The others now felt emboldened and a murmur of approval went past their ranks.

Each of the guys in the room grabbed a cookie.

Each of the guys popped them into their mouth.

And each of the guys almost died.

"Water? Water? I need some goddamn water!" Kyon was shouting.

"I can't believe it!" Tatsuhiro Satou was massaging his throat. "I heard Yukinoshita-san was a great cook. This tasted like shit."

"Is this some kind of prank?" Sakuta Azusagawa asked. "Because I don't find it funny."

"I don't want to taste women's cookies anymore." Houtarou Oreki promised.

Koyomi Araragi was looking at their fallen friend with panic. "Tanaka! Tanaka are you alright?"

"Lord Buddha is this you?" Tanaka was croaking. "No, with that hair, you must be Jesus. Or are you Johnny Depp?"

"It's Araragi, you are still alive."

"I'm not gonna make it." Tanaka gave up.

Kiyotaka Ayanokouji was having trouble maintaining his composure. Nothing in his life had prepared him for this kind of torture. And this rotten dead fish eyed senpai of his had been snacking on these vile concoction for god knows how long. And he had shown only mild discomfort. He had to observe this guy closely.

"How are you not remotely bothered by this?" Tatsuhiro Satou asked.

"Oh, I am bothered. I think all my taste buds have died. But when you have your limbs chopped off and grown back, tasting some horrible cookies made by a girl is a mild inconvenience." Koyomi Araragi said. "I will rank it 3 out of 10 on the pain scale."

"I hate vampires." Kyon said. "I hate them so much."

"Hey I'm not a vampire." Koyomi Araragi said. "Well, I used to be one, but now all I have are some left over abilities like regeneration and some other stuff. It's not important."

Sakuta Azusagawa looked on in horror. Hachiman Hikigaya popped another cookie into his mouth.

"Why are you torturing yourself?" Sakuta Azusagawa asked. "Are you a masochist?"

Hachiman Hikigaya chuckled. "Funny you should say that. She asked me this too when I first joined the club. Maybe she was on to something."

He munched on the cookie with all his available strength and swallowed it down his gullet. The others wouldn't know, but he had been stuck on this same page of this goddamn book for hours, never turning the page.

"I think he has lost his damn mind." Kyon said. "I can't believe Yukinoshita made these cookies."

"Yukinoshita didn't make these cookies." Hachiman replied. "These were made by Yuigahama. Yukinoshita just delivered them to me. Even though she said she helped her make these cookies, I refuse to believe that. No, these were all made by Yuigahama."

"Yuigahama." The name rang a bell. Houtarou Oreki didn't know what to make of this information. His mind was malfunctioning. "Isn't she the one you rejected?"

"Yes." Hachiman replied solemnly.

Kiyotaka Ayanokouji sounded worried for the first time. "Is there a chance these cookies are poisoned?"

"No, that's just the flavour. You will get used to it." Hachiman told him.

"I would rather not." Sakuta Azusagawa said.

"Ah, but are you gonna pass up on the opportunity to eat handmade cookies made by two beautiful women. Where's your male spirit?" Koyomi Araragi demanded. "Is Hachiman Hikigaya the only one who has the indomitable spirit of a man, a manly man who can suffer through this entire ordeal and reach nirvana, enlightenment, salvation!"

"I doubt these cookies have anything worth salvageable." Kyon said. Then he sighed. "But I will have one because I don't want to waste food."

"That's the spirit." Koyomi Araragi encouraged. "C'mon everyone. Let's finish all these cookies as a way to thank the women who made these cookies from the bottom of their hearts."

"I will have one." Tatsuhiro Satou said. "Don't judge me. I don't know when I will be able to taste cookies made by women again."

"That's so sad." Tanaka said. "You can have two. Here have my share senpai."

"Tanaka-san, you are really putting in the extra effort." Houtarou Oreki observed, having found a kindred spirit. "I thought you had enough."

"This is my good deed of the day. Saving Hikigaya-kun from having to suffer alone."

"How noble." Sakuta Azusagawa stated. He too grabbed a cookie. "Well at least I won't die alone. You lot will be coming with me to the gates of hell. Or whatever it is waiting out for us when we die, I don't know."

"What an optimist." Kiyotaka Ayanokouji said.

"I thought you wouldn't try these again." Sakuta Azusagawa observed.

Kiyotaka Ayanokouji shrugged. "Everyone's trying it. I didn't want to be left out."

What he didn't say was that he was trying to figure out everyones strengths and weaknesses, based on how they reacted to inflicting this damage in the form of a cookie on their own selves. This information would come handy in the future, he had no doubt. Plus, he didn't want to be the only one left out. He didn't want to appear weak. He wanted to win.

"On the count of three." Koyomi Araragi said.

"One." Kyon said.

"Two." Kiyotaka said.

"Three." Hachiman said.

When Legoshi, the grey wolf walked into the room he was greeted with an odd sight. All the members of their group well lying on the floor, looking like they were dead, though the occasional groan did echo in the silence of the room every now and then.

He approached the only person who looked alive and well.

"Araragi-kun, what happened?"

"Ah, it was nothing. They are not dead. They just ate some cookies."

"Cookies?"

"Yeah cookies." He fished out a cookie from his pocket. "We saved one for you? Do you want to give it a try?"

Against his better judgment, Legoshi took the cookie and popped it into his mouth.

"It's delicious." Legoshi said.

Koyomi Araragi chuckled nervously. "Of course they are. W-why wouldn't they be? Two beautiful women made them, you know. Have you ever had food made by a woman?"

"No."

Koyomi Araragi nodded his head. "Well, now you know what love tastes like."

Legoshi looked at the fallen humans who identified themselves as loners. Huh? Guess it was true. Loners don't know how to handle love.

A/N: This fic crossed 100 reviews! I can't believe it. Thank you so much everyone!