Chapter 8 – Infected Information
We'd been driving for hours, no one saying anything. The only sound being that of the car, the car behind us, and the motorcycle in front of us. We escaped but not without loss…Two confirmed dead and one missing, possibly dead. Oh, yeah, Officer Douchebag was dead too and Miss Blonde Bitch was probably dead as well. Almost forgot about them. Now that I think about forgetting people, I wonder if that guy is still alive. Would I meet him again now that I've lost family again? He hasn't crossed my mind in years but right now I wonder what happened to…what was his name again? I know he told me, but what was it?
The sound of the car behind us honking then brought me out of my thoughts as our little caravan pulled over. We all get out and group up, though I keep close to the car really just wanting to be alone. When Rick gets close Daryl asks, "You out?" "Running on fumes." Rick answers causing Maggie to say, "We can't stay here." And Glenn to add "We all can't fit in one car." "We'll have to make a run for some gas in the morning." Rick tells the group causing Carol to question "Spend the night here?" "I'm freezing." Carl says then causing Lori to say, "We'll build a fire, yeah?" while Rick goes over and gives Carl his jacket.
"You go out looking for firewood, stay close. Only got so many arrows. How you doing on ammo?" Daryl says then, so Rick responds with a simple "Not enough." "No shit." I mutter leaning back on the hood of the car before Maggie says, "We can't just sit here with our asses hanging out." This of course causes Hershel to tell her "Watch your mouth. Everyone stop panicking and listen to Rick." Thus Rick takes charge and tells the group "All right, we'll set up a perimeter. In the morning, we'll find gas and some supplies. We'll keep pushing on." "Glenn and I can-"Maggie starts to say but I cut her off with a quick and simple "No." If anyone was going to have to find gas and supplies alone it'd be me. I had the most experience being on my own after all. Though I should get my bag back from Beth first.
Rick gives me a quick warning look before he tells the group "We stay together. God forbid something happens and people get stranded without a car." "Rick, We're stranded now." Glenn says looking at him, so Rick says "I know it looks bad. We've all been through hell and worse, but at least we found each other. I wasn't sure-I really wasn't-but we did. We're together. We keep it that way."
"It ain't up for discussion. Out in the dark ain't good. Ya'd be tripin' over yer damn selves. More people'd get lost. Not to mention deadheads are more active at night. Don't ya'll know nothin'?" I add with a huff before any of them could argue which caused most of the group flinched a little. I can feel the displeasure on my face then wondering if they really didn't know that. This was not going to be a fun time. Why the hell'd Merle have to get separated from me?
"Look, we'll find shelter somewhere. There's gotta be a place." Rick says, almost like he was only convincing himself, after a minute of silence only for Glenn to say "Rick, look around. Okay? There's walkers everywhere. They're migrating or something." "There's gotta be a place not just where we hole up, but that we fortify…Hunker down, pull ourselves together, build a life for each other. I know it's out there. We just have to find it." Rick says in a determined tone only for Maggie to say "Even if we do find a place and we think it's safe, we can never be sure. For how long? Look what happened with the farm. We fooled ourselves into thinking that that was safe." "We won't make that mistake again." Hershel says so Rick announces, "We'll make camp tonight." Before pointing over in the woods to some, manmade, rock walls adding "Over there, get on the road at the break of day."
"Does this feel right to you?" Carol questions Daryl as Beth questions Rick "What if walkers come through, or another group like Randall's?" "You know we found Randall, right? He had turned, but he wasn't bit." Daryl tells Rick then causing Rick to look down with an almost knowing look as Beth questions him "How's that possible?" "Rick, what the hell happened?" Lori questions so, annoyed, I respond "Officer Douchebag killed the little bastard. Just like he always wanted to." "And then the herd got him?" Lori questions Rick who's just silent with that same look of knowing.
"We're all infected with it ain't we." I sigh out then causing Daryl to look at me, confusion, and anger clear on his face, and ask "What?" "We're all infected." Rick repeats causing them all to look at him as he slowly continues "At the C.D.C., Jenner told me…Whatever it is. We all carry it." "So if ya die and yer brain ain't destroyed it wakes up and ya come back. Ain't that just some great news." I say but am ignored as Carol questions him "You never said anything?" "Would it have made a difference?" Rick questioned so Glenn asks, "You knew this whole time?" "How could I have known for sure? You saw how crazy that mo-" Rick starts but is cut off by Glenn saying "That isn't your call. Okay, when I found out about the walkers in the barn, I told, for the good of everyone." "Well, I thought it best that people didn't know." Rick responds so, tired of it, I pipe up with, "We know now. What's done is done. Nothin' can be said or done to change it." The rest are silent, so Rick sends me a quick thankful look before walking off, Lori following after him.
Placing my head back in my hands I release a loud sigh. Everything freaking sucked. If I hadn't of had to keep my bag in my room and if I hadn't of given Beth my bag I would be with Merle wherever the hell he was. If he was dead I would be too, and this bullshit would be over. But…she would have been killed along with Patricia. I didn't like he wasn't with me and that he was out there without this new information, but he could handle himself and we'd run into each other again. The world was large, but it was small as well.
"Nai." Beth's gentle voice followed by a hand on my shoulder causes me to look up with a sighed "What?" "Can I please take this off now? It stinks so bad." She practically begs pointing to my bag that was surprisingly still over her shoulders. A smile breaks out on my face then, knowing she really hated it but kept it on since I told her to, before laughing out a "Sure." I lost family again, but I didn't lose them all. I still had my father and sisters.
****Time Skip****
The night had just fallen over the forest as our group gathered around the small fire, separated in our own little groups. Lori and Carl, Glenn and my family, Carol keeping close with Daryl, T-Dog keeping watch, Rick wondering the perimeter, and me, well, being on my own leaning against one of the rock walls. I didn't know what would be best for us going forward. We could head out on our own since I still had some supplies in my bag that none of them knew about so we could make it on our own for a day or two. But it would be a good idea to have more dead jars before we did that, if anything for emergency coverage. And there is the chance of running into other people who weren't friendly. Randall's group was out there, after all. Being with a group with more than an old man and a, well, Glenn would be helpful at keeping them at bay.
"We're not safe with him, keeping something like that from us." Carol's voice whispers suddenly so I turn my attention from the fire to her. She was trying to be quiet but I'm sure everyone heard her since most looked at her too. "Why do you need him? He's just gonna pull you down." She continues looking at where Rick was before back at Daryl. "No. Rick's done alright by me." Daryl responds throwing more wood into the fire, guess being loyal was a trait both Dixons had. "You're his henchmen. And I'm a burden. We deserve better." She responds causing him to look at her questioning "What do you want?" "A man of honor." She answers causing him to defend Rick with a "Rick has honor." Before going back to adding wood into the fire.
"I think we should take our chances." Maggie says then looking at Glenn then over at me only for Hershel to say "Don't be foolish. There's no food, no fuel, no ammo." I give her a 'He's right' look before there's a rustle of leaves. I jump up with my hand on my knife as Beth questions "What was that?" "Could be anything. Could be a raccoon, could be a possum." Daryl answers her standing himself, readying his crossbow, causing me to roll my eyes, we shouldn't beat around the bush here.
"A walker." Glenn adds as the rest of them stand up. "We need to leave. What are we waiting for?" Carol sounds then, panicked, so I look over at Rick who had re-joined us then at T-Dog who motions off into the woods. "Which way?" Glenn questions as I scan the woods so Maggie answers "It came from over there." "Back from where we came." Beth adds causing Rick to say "Last thing we need is for everyone to be running off in the dark. We don't have the vehicles. No one's traveling on foot."
"Don't panic." Hershel warns causing Maggie to voice "I'm not-I'm not sitting her waiting for another herd to blow through. We need to move, now." "No one is going anywhere." Rick orders causing Carol to tell him "Do something." While I turn my attention back on them, seeing no sign of anything other than woods. "I am doing something! I'm keeping this group together, alive." He snaps at her quietly before directing it at everyone as he continues "I've been doing that all along, no matter what. I didn't ask for this. I killed my best friend for you people, for Christ's sake!" Well ain't that something. He took care of the threat himself.
Everyone was quiet then, so he explained himself "You saw what he was like, how he pushed me, how he compromised us, how he threatened us. He staged the whole Randall thing, led me out to put a bullet in my back. He gave me no choice. He was my friend, but he came after me." This causes Carl to start crying and get held by Lori, but Rick just continues "My hands are clean."
He then looks at everyone who just stayed silent, so he continued "Maybe you are people are better off without me. Go ahead. I say there's a place for us, but maybe-maybe it's just another pipe dream. Maybe-maybe I'm fooling myself again. Why don't you-why don't you go and find out yourself? Send me a postcard. Go on, there's the door. You can do better? Let's see how far you get." When no one does anything he adds "No takers? Fine. But get one thing straight. You're staying, this isn't a democracy anymore." It's still just silent again as he looks over the group again. Looks like no one was going to challenge him. Not now at least.
****Time Skip****
It was still and relatively quiet now with just the faint sound of most of the group sleeping and the fire cracking. But I was still awake, just staring at the fire. I couldn't sleep…I didn't feel safe out in the open like this. With only the simple rock walls and one person on watch as protection. Hell, I hadn't felt safe in my apartment alone even with multiple doors and blockages and resorted to having the extra door of my closet as well. And even with that I still had my knife out at my side.
Suddenly one of the logs in the fire shifts down releasing a rather loud pop and causing me to flitch and start to go for my knife and jump up before stopping, getting ahold of myself. Sighing annoyed I was this high strung, I decide I should probably keep myself busy and check the perimeter instead of staying in my head. Thus I stand and carefully make my way over to Rick, who as soon as I was closer looks my way with a look a mix of concern, tiredness, and hardness and whispers "Everything okay?" "I was gonna check the perimeter again. That alright with you?" I whisper back in a tone that dared him to argue with me but all he does is loose the concerned part of his look and nod whispering "Just don't go too far out, aright?" So I just release another sigh and nod in response before walking off into the woods.
Merle being gone was affecting me way too much…Merle had affected me way too much. That first night back at the farm? I was safe but I didn't feel safe again and made sure my knife was under the pillow all because he wasn't with me. Then that second night when I was woken up by my door opening, grabbing, and readying my knife, then relaxing immediately and automatically putting it away in its sheath with that simple "Just me Peepers." From Merle. I stop walking and release a frustrated sound then just thinking about it before placing my head in my hands, once again as I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
I then sink to the ground as my whole body shook while I quietly sobbed, trying to regain control of my emotions. I was being stupid. I shouldn't be like this being out in the open and alone. Slowly, I calm down before looking up at the empty night sky with a sigh. There is only glimpses of stars, the night as cloudy as our current spirts. Our only hope, the fleeting hope we'll find another place. That I'd see Merle again. I was so stupid. I'd never see him again. Just like I'll never see my biological parents again. I'll never be able to show them that they were wrong about me. I'll never be able to ask them why. Why they left me, why they thought of me as nothing. I wasn't nothing. I couldn't be nothing. Why the hell would Merle Dixon follow nothing? Save nothing? Apologize to nothing? Defend nothing to his brother? I wasn't nothing. I couldn't be nothing. I was Nai Greene.
That's when a branch snaps behind me. I whip around, my hand flying to my knife, only to be faced with empty woods. Cautiously I draw my knife and scan around, listening for any sound of movement. Hearing or seeing nothing I look at the ground before slowly grabbing a rock, hurl it, and scan and listen again. Being faced with nothing but the trees I put my knife away with a sigh. Whatever it was seemed to be gone. With that I stand back up, scanning around again, for good measure. Still, only trees greeted me, so I shrug. I then brush myself off before continuing on my path. It was probably an animal that spooked itself.
When I emerge from the trees Rick gives me a questioning look, so I give him a thumbs up as an 'all good' sign. He just gives me a nod and looks back into the trees. Guess he wasn't going to scold me for being gone too long. No way I wasn't. I spent too much time being forced to deal with my feelings. They hit me like a freaking tidal wave as soon as I was alone. Feelings really did freaking suck. Returning to my sad little spot at the wall, stretching, I look over the group. An eyebrow goes up in question when I notice that Daryl wasn't there causing me to pause. A flicker of worry sparks in the back of my mind, but I quickly shake my head, putting it back where it came from. I didn't care about him. We weren't friends and we sure as shit weren't family. I was just using him and the rest of his group to keep my family safe. With that thought I give myself a nod and sit down. That's right, I didn't care about the younger Dixon. I cared about what would happen to my family if he wasn't around.