Chapter Eight: Revelations
Coffee was the first thing we ordered off the menu. I didn't sleep much these days and I needed the boost. When I had agreed to leave this early, I thought the excitement of the day would help keep me going, but I yawned all the way through breakfast.
"How did you sleep last night?" Ben asked me as he tore his way through a hearty meal of pancakes, eggs, and sausage. Meanwhile, I had hardly touched my avocado toast. All I needed today was caffeine and plenty of it!
"I was pretty restless," I confessed. "I guess I'm more worried about today than I thought."
"There's no need to worry," he reassured me. "I'm sure we can convince the judge to nullify this warrant."
"Quash," I informed him. "I'm no law student, but I believe the term is quash."
"Like the garden vegetable?" he asked with a teasing grin.
Ben had initially been difficult to read. He was more sarcastic than I had first believed, but I was getting to know him better. During the process, I was also getting to like him better.
I'd been wrong about Bradley and his father, and yet Ben hadn't once said 'I told you so,' or pointed out my error. I should've admitted it myself, but during all the chaos that had become my life, I forgot about it. If the opportunity arose, I would definitely give him the opportunity to gloat. Although I'm not sure he would. He seemed to be one of the nice ones. And those types of men were hard to find these days. I thought I had found one in Ani, but his true colors began to show the longer we were together. He had a bad temper as well as a drinking problem. Ani and I didn't see eye to eye on many things actually, but I loved him in spite of all that and was planning on spending my life with him.
After he was gone, I had no intention of looking for someone else. I was going to focus on my schoolwork and on building a life of my own. In the future, perhaps; a few years down the road, I'd meet someone. Maybe a fellow teacher. We would get married and raise a few children who would attend the school I taught at.
Late at night when I couldn't sleep was when I made all my plans.
I should've known better. A famous philosopher once claimed the lofty mind of a man could be imprisoned by the artifices of its own making. That's exactly what I'd done. While I was engaged to Ani, I had my entire life mapped out. I had blinders on and nothing was going to deter me. Except his death of course.
Afterward, I had almost spiraled out of control. It took some time before I had managed to find myself again and resume classes. I was so close to completing my degree when this suddenly happened.
"Thank you for helping me," I told Ben again although this time I had an ulterior motive. "Why are you?"
His forkful of scrambled eggs paused on the way to his mouth and he chewed the food thoughtfully before he spoke.
"I've never been able to turn down someone in need of help."
That wasn't exactly the answer I was hoping for. "Someone? Anyone? A total stranger even?" I wasn't surprised by his answer. He was a police officer after all. It was his duty to help others. I suppose I was hoping that this one time he was going above and beyond his call of duty for other reasons.
He stated the obvious while pointing at his badge. "Goes along with the job."
I was a bit disappointed and stared into my coffee before I heard him speak again; this time quieter than before.
"It's true I can't deny someone in need of help. It's part of my nature. When I'm off duty I don't always go looking for opportunities, though, and I've never taken a day off work to do so. I guess I care about you and it bothered me to see you so upset."
Again, I was glad to be proven wrong. I'd already determined he was a man who thought he was smarter and better than everyone else. Instead, he seemed to be open, honest, and considerate. I wanted to get to know him better.
"Tell me a little more about yourself," I insisted before finally taking a bite of the now-cold toast."
"Here," he said, offering me one of his sausage links. "You need some protein. I have a feeling it's going to be a long day."
I accepted his offering, thanked him, and waited patiently. He obviously wasn't used to talking about himself, which was another point in his favor.
"Something about me? You sure?"
"Yes!" I demanded. "I'm starting to think you're a nice guy and I haven't met too many around here."
"Well then, let me prove you wrong," he replied with a smirk.
And there was my opening. I had to take it. "Again, you mean." I could tell by the concern written on his brow that he didn't understand me.
"I was wrong about Mr. Peterson and Bradley, and I was wrong about you as well. I thought you were a know-it-all officer showing off your authority. I'm sorry I was so rude. I was just concerned, that's all. During my first, shorter internship, I discovered and reported an abuse case involving a twelve-year-old girl. It was horrible and I won't go into details, but I learned my lesson. When in doubt, report."
"You did the right thing. I apologize if I came off too strong. I've lived here all my life and I know these people well. I've seen behind their closed doors and I know what goes on in their lives," he assured me. "But I haven't always been a nice guy."
My eyes widened after his confession. I found that difficult to believe and told him so. He laughed softly and proceeded to share a bit of his past. I listened closely to every word and carefully watched his facial features; the way his mouth moved with certain words, how his brows moved up with his differing emotions, and especially the way his eyes darkened as he spoke of his painful past.
"I joined the military right out of high school because frankly, I didn't know what else to do with my life. It wasn't long after basic that war broke out and our squad was sent overseas. It seemed to last forever, and since I was one of the few survivors of my original team, I was assigned another and made Captain over them. I did my best, but we were blindsided by a suicide bomber. I took some shrapnel to my back and side, but I managed to stay alive. The rest of my squadron did not. I was trapped inside the wreckage and forced to listen to their screams of agony and cries for help. There was nothing I could do. When I got home, I received even worse news. My wife had left me. Apparently, she'd fallen in love with a man she'd met online while I was gone."
My face gave away my surprise and he stopped his story.
"You were married?" I asked. I don't know why I found that so shocking. Why wouldn't he be? He was a handsome and available young man.
"Her name was Sara. We dated off and on throughout high school; voted Favorite Couple of our Senior Class, Prom King and Queen. You know, all that important stuff." He snorted to indicate exactly how unimportant it actually was when it came to real life. "Naturally, we married right after high school, as everyone expected us to. But she was demanding things I couldn't afford and all I could think of to do was to join the military. I couldn't afford college, and it was the next best thing. I guess it was asking too much for her to sit at home and wait for me."
"I would've waited," I whispered an acknowledgment I hadn't meant to say out loud and was horrified when he asked me to repeat it. Too late now. I had no choice.
"I would've waited for you," I uttered just loud enough for him to hear. "She was a coward and if she couldn't wait, that only meant she didn't love you. Not really. And not the way you deserve."
Ben nodded his head and smiled warmly at me. "You're right. We were too young to really understand what such a commitment really means."
My face was reddening. I could feel it, but I had to ask one more important question.
"Would you consider getting married again? I'm just curious and asking as a friend," I told him while I tried to regain some of my composure.
He thought for a moment and drank some of his coffee before answering. If he knew how anxious I was to hear his answer, he would hurry up!
"As a friend, let me inform you that I most definitely would. But first, I have to find the right woman."
"The right woman?" I teased, smiling at him playfully. "What qualities would such a girl have? You know, just in case I know somebody."
"You're asking a lot of tough questions!" he told me as he sat back in his chair. The waitress took away our dirty dishes and handed him the check, which we played tug-of-war with for a while before he won and paid the bill himself. He actually didn't tell me his answer until we were back on the road.
"She would have to be honest, kind, be able to put up with me of course…"
"Of course…"I agreed.
"Love the mountains, children, and dogs…"
"I grew up with two of them in the house," I cut in to assure him. "They both slept in my bed with me. Much better than a stuffed animal."
He smiled before continuing. "Let's see," he noted slowly. "Hair color and body size aren't all that important. What's on the inside is what counts. I want to be able to sit by the fire with someone and enjoy being together without the pressures of witty conversation or technological distractions. To just share a quiet and comfortable life with someone who wants the same things as me. That's all."
"That's actually a lot. It sounds like you've had time to think about what it is you want," I told him. I had never imagined his answer was going to include so much detail.
"What is it you want?" he naturally asked me in return.
It was a fair question, though one I couldn't answer right away. I glanced at the passing mountain ridge which was just now beginning to reveal the pale lavenders and pinks of the rising sun. It was a beautiful view that usually left me feeling at peace. But not today. Ben's confession only made me realize how disorderly and uncertain my future actually was. I continued to stare out the window and answered him as honestly as I could.
"I don't know."