When Kat woke up, she expected sunlight filtering in through her curtains and instead she was greeted by darkness. Only a flame lighting the lower level of Spike's crypt. It took her a moment to remember everything that happened. She sat up and looked around with no sign of Spike. At least he'd been able to carry her. He must be healing. She really hoped he looked better, it had hurt seeing how badly he was beaten. She sighed, leaning back against the wooden headboard as she allowed herself to wake up properly. She didn't have the nightmare. She'd actually had the best sleep she'd had in who knows how long. She felt refreshed, it was nice. She'd never been down to the lower level of the crypt before and her curiosity was eating at her. Her blue eyes swept around the large room and took everything in. The makeshift shower in the corner, the bookshelves lined with old looking books. A small smile graced her lips at how very Spike it was. Her eyes drifted to the nightstand then. A single long white candle was lit and next to it lay a leather-bound book with no title. She picked it up curiously and opened the first page, seeing handwriting scrawled on the first page. She snapped the book shut, realizing it was some kind of journal or something. It was private, not for her eyes. Would it hurt to get to know him a little better though? Her crush on him had her hungry for more information about him. Things maybe he wouldn't tell her.

She strained her hearing but couldn't hear anything on the above level. Eyes drifting back to the book in her hands, she cracked it open on a random page. It was poetry that looked hastily written and possibly unfinished. It looked more like random verses or various poems than one full one.

'I offer you my passion

I bequeath to you my kiss

we melt into one love.'

She felt a jolt of jealousy run right through her like a rod. She had no right feeling that way, she knew that. Yet she found her face getting hot in an uncomfortable way as she stared at the words like she might set the page on fire. Who was he even writing about? Her eyes drifted to the next one then, the uncomfortable jealous feeling only growing in her chest.

'I pray for your kiss,

your smile, a love through blood red nothingness

bound together, I offer you

forever.'

She tried to think about who he could be writing about. He didn't socialize much since he got chipped and he mostly hung around the group. Was it someone she knew? What if they liked him back? Would she have to watch as someone she knew be in a relationship with him? Anya was taken and she was pretty attached to Xander. Then of course Willow and Tara were out of the question. Buffy? Oh god, was it Buffy? Her cousin had a penchant for the vampire types and maybe all her talk about staking him was misplaced feelings. She felt sick. She quickly turned the page and her heart felt like it stopped beating entirely as she read the poetry there.

'A tear in the eye

a flower, a mirror, your heart

I shall always love you

I crave for your soul,

your bright red hair, a love through the night

for always through time

I melt in your soul.

My dearest Katherine

I see heaven in your blue eyes

connected, joined, to never decay

collides like space and time, iridescent.

I pray for your kiss,

I give you my love

bound, connected, to never be devoured

like a scarlet torrent.'

What? It was… her? He loved her? She read and reread the words what felt like a million times and it didn't seem to change at all. Spike loved her. She was suddenly consumed with happiness, a stupid smile on her lips as she looked at his words and reread the others now she knew they weren't about someone else. But then it hit her.

"Fuck," she muttered panicked. It was all fun and games when she thought it was only a crush and that it was stupid and one sided. But now she knew he cared. And by her reaction, she was forced to face the reality that her feelings were more than a crush. Hearing Spike coming down the ladder, she quickly shut the book and placed it back where she found it, sitting there trying to conceal her panic.

"Sleep well?" He asked as he got to the bottom, turning to her as he walked over. He looked much better today, although still bruised.

"Amazingly, actually. I don't think I've slept that good in a while," she answered honestly. She was a pro at stuffing things in a box to deal with later… or never. He smiled at her words and her heart fluttered. Oh, she was so screwed.

"Here, don't really have much else in for someone not on a liquid diet," he shrugged, tossing her a bag of potato chips. She nodded with a smile.

"Thanks," she murmured. She didn't really mind it. She'd have to go home soon anyway before Buffy sent out a search party. Spike walked over and sat next to her on the other side of the bed and she tried to ignore how his scent affected her.

"What time is it? It's hard to tell with the lack of sunlight," she smirked wryly, opening the packet of chips and starting to eat them.

"One," he replied, glancing at her with a smile of his own.

"Oh, I didn't sleep too long then," she was surprised. She felt like she'd slept right through.

"In the afternoon," he continued, chuckling when she choked on some chips.

"Shit. I need to go before Buffy sends up the bat signal. I didn't tell her I was staying out," she frowned, hopping out of bed and stretching a little, bag still in hand.

"I'd offer to walk you, but don't fancy burstin' into flames much," he snorted, making her roll her eyes playfully. She glanced at him then, blue eyes rapidly flitting over his face and his injuries.

"You look better today," she said hesitantly. She'd felt heartbroken the night before. She was glad his eye wasn't still swollen shut. She hated seeing him in that state.

"I feel it… Thank you. For comin' to see me, patchin' me up… Believin' in me," he murmured sincerely, his piercing blue eyes pinning her in place. The poem swam in her mind again, reminding her of his feelings for her.

"Don't mention it. It's what friends are for, right?" She smiled. She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince him or herself. It was her, definitely herself. His face fell and in the past she wouldn't have even noticed the change, it was so small, but now she knew better, she caught it.

"Right," he nodded.

"I'll uh… see you later," she said quickly, not waiting for a reply as she moved to the ladder and started climbing. She needed to get out of there. She couldn't even look at him without the poems swarming her mind. She'd end up saying something stupid and embarrassing herself. Or making it obvious she'd snooped through his very personal belongings.

The way home was torture for her. The realization that she didn't just have a harmless crush on him and that he felt the same was weighing her down. She was in love with a vampire. The lack of soul was slightly scary although she knew it didn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. She'd said herself, people with souls could be monsters. And she'd seen how much Spike had changed. But a relationship with a vampire? She knew from Buffy's experience they didn't tend to go well. And besides, she didn't even want a relationship. Not after her last one. She'd been left nothing more than a hollow shell of her former self and it had taken a while to put the pieces back together. There was no way she could go through that again. Not when she cared far more for the bleach blonde than her ex. It would kill her. On top of that was her dream. The singing, the fact Spike was in it at all and then the cards which had also come up for him. It meant something and she couldn't play it off anymore now she knew she actually cared for him and he cared for her.

She went home to go and change before heading out to the Magic Box. She'd left a note for Buffy to tell her she was fine and going to work. When she got there, Tara was the only one there, putting books back on the shelf. She knew Willow wasn't too far since the pair were rarely ever separated. The clanging around in the backroom confirmed her thoughts.

"Hey, Kat," Tara smiled warmly at her, the smile melting when she saw the worried look on Kat's face.

"Is everything okay? I-Is it Dawn?" She asked concerned as she moved closer to her. Kat shook her head quickly.

"No. No, she's fine. It's not…" she trailed off with a heaving sigh, plonking down in a chair at the table. Tara frowned softly, moving to sit next to her.

"Wanna talk about it?" Tara asked with a warm smile. Kat blinked at her for a moment, licking her lower lip before she blew out another breath.

"You know about tarot cards, right?" Kat asked slowly. Tara nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Y-Yes. I'm not an expert but I know some things," she replied.

"You know I've been dabbling… I had this dream and these three cards were in it. The Lovers, Two of Cups and The Tower. And then they kept coming up for me in readings and then even for a friend I read for," Kat muttered. Tara sat up a little straighter and tilted her head. The look on her face alarmed Kat a little, she wasn't sure what that was about.

"Oh god, is it that bad?" Kat asked horrified.

"What? Oh… n-n-no! It's not bad, all bad anyway," she shook her head, placing a soothing hand on Kat's.

"Then what was that look?" Kat asked warily. Tara looked uncomfortable for a moment, glancing to the back room before back at Kat. Her voice was quieter this time.

"It was Spike, right? The friend?" She whispered. Kat's eyes widened like saucers and she started to wonder if Tara was some kind of mind reader or something.

"He mentioned about the cards… b-but not you. He kept you out of it. I just put two and two together," she smiled apologetically. Kat furrowed her brow. Spike had asked about it? What did Tara tell him?

"If you f-feel comfortable, you could tell me about your dream. It might h-help me figure out what it all means," Tara suggested softly. Kat looked at her for a long moment. It was hard keeping things locked away like this. She had so much shit locked away she felt she might burst. And so the floodgates opened. She told Tara about the dream, every detail of it. Told her she had it every night and had no idea what it meant. She told her how she had feelings for Spike and about his poetry. Her ramblings ended with her begging the witch not to tell anyone, not even Willow. After reassuring her she wouldn't tell, Tara had told her that she couldn't help about the Tower card. Kat already knew the meaning of it but neither of them would know about what was about to happen. But the other two cards and the link to Spike was a whole other issue.

"I have a hunch… but I'd need to do a spell to confirm it," Tara murmured thoughtfully when Kat was done.

"What's the hunch?" Kat asked, dread coating her tone. Tara gave her a sympathetic smile.

"I'd rather w-wait until I do the spell, just to be sure," she replied. Kat nodded, even more curious and worried now.

"I'd need Willow's help for the spell, but I promise I won't t-tell her who it's about," Tara said, her tone becoming imploring when she saw Kat's panic growing. Kat was uncomfortable but her curiosity won out. She really wanted to know what Tara had to say.

Willow and Tara came out of the back as they started to set up a space on the floor.

"Let's find out how you're connected to this mystery person, shall we?" Willow asked wryly. Kat's cheeks heated up but she shot a grateful look to Tara. She knew what she was asking from her by asking her to keep something from her girlfriend. She just wasn't ready to tell everyone about the drama she was dealing with. Not when it could all be for nothing. Once the candles were lit and the herbs were doing whatever their job was, Kat joined the witches on the floor sitting with her legs crossed and taking their hands when they offered them to her. Willow started chanting something in what Kat presumed was Latin, but she couldn't be sure. She kept her eyes closed but she felt a breeze moving around them, her hair moving with the force of it. The breeze stopped abruptly and Kat's eyes snapped open. Both witches took back their hands and Kat was quiet for a moment to let Willow get her bearings back.

"What did you see?" Tara whispered softly after a moment, her hand stroking Willow's hair affectionately. Willow blew out a breath before her eyes settled on Kat who was waiting on bated breath.

"So… um… you and this person… you're connected. It's like a soulmate connection but not quite there. I'm not sure why. But it's the closest thing next to it. That's all I got, sorry," Willow murmured with a shrug. Kat's heart beat wildly in her chest as she tried not to let the panic show. She felt like she couldn't breathe, she needed to get out of there.

"That's okay. That's all I wanted to know anyway. Thanks guys," she smiled, completely forced as she hopped to her feet.

"I just need to head home for some things," she muttered absentmindedly, grabbing her jacket before fleeing the store. She was only a few feet out of the door when Tara caught up to her.

"Are you okay?" She asked, concerned. Kat turned to her with wide eyes, shaking her head as the horror overtook her.

"I don't even…" she mumbled, glancing around like a skittish animal.

"The connection… it's not quite a soulmate connection because he has no soul. But essentially, that's what it is," Tara explained quietly. It didn't help.

"I… I can't. I can't do this! I can't be bound to a vampire! How is that even a thing?! What am I gonna tell the others? Oh god… Buffy. Buffy's gonna stake him," she rambled frantically. Tara grabbed her hands to stop her pacing as she gave her a patient look.

"I-I don't think Spike is a bad person. He's changed, we can all see it."

"That's great and all, but I don't want a soulmate of any kind. I don't want a relationship," Kat breathed, her voice shaky.

"I know you're s-scared, but it's not a bad thing. It's fate and everything happens for a reason. You can't outrun fate," Tara sighed softly. Maybe she couldn't but she could damn well try.

"Thanks… for the spell and stuff," Kat muttered, giving Tara a small smile as she moved away. Tara went to say something but Kat left quickly. She just wanted to get home.

She ran to her room after telling Buffy she wasn't feeling so good, shutting the door and leaning against it. She couldn't do this. No matter what fate said, it would end badly. Relationships were bad news. She and Spike would end up hating each other and she'd lose someone she considered to be her closest friend. She didn't want that. She liked things how they were. But how was she supposed to act normal now? Now she knew he loved her or that they were kind of almost soulmates? She couldn't face him after finding out something of that magnitude. And if he really did love her then he might think it was good news. But it wasn't. She couldn't do another relationship, she just couldn't. She didn't want to lose him like that. Or worse, have Buffy run him through with a pointy stick because of it. She knew what she had to do and it wasn't pleasant. But fate was wrong and her dream was wrong. They weren't connected, they weren't meant to be together. It was all wrong. And she'd prove it.