THE INCARNATION

Chapter 16: Year Twelve: Truth

Loki was surprised by the solitude granted him upon his return to Asgard. No summons came from the All-Father. No servants came to request his appearance at feasts or in the throne room. Not even a single stack of parchments appeared for his official review. After such an extended absence and Odin's many requests for him to return, Loki had expected an immediate outpouring of duties to fall upon his desk and clamor for his attention. Instead, he was met with delicious silence.

Once, he might have chafed against being so "ignored" and quickly grown restless for activity, but now, well, the solitude was like a draught of cool water in the fires of Muspelheim. He did not once decry the monotony. He hardly knew how many hours or days passed as he took refuge in the quiet of his chambers, his attention hardly moving past the view from his balcony or his own tumultuous internal roiling.

Once or twice, he wondered if his seclusion was a boon of the All-Mother or the meddlings of the All-Father. In the end, he decided it did not matter. He would accept it, regardless of the source. The fact that his mother did not even intrude on him made him attribute it more to her own machinations than those of Odin. He doubted even an edict from the All-Father would keep Frigga from pursuing her son. However, if it was an idea borne out of her own interference, then she would give him the distance she knew he needed.

His mother's intuition was rarely wrong.

Loki thought long and hard over Odin's words. Was there merit to his accusations? Was it Loki's hand which kept Thor from returning? Where would Thor have been now, if not for Loki's meddling? He could admit that there were some uncomfortable truths to Odin's words. It was Loki who disrupted Thor's coronation and prompted him to invade Jotunheim. It was Loki who gave Thor the Mjolnir pendant and steered him away from SHIELD. Perhaps, if thrust into the nefarious innerworkings of SHIELD and set apart from Jane and his fall into domesticity, the mighty Thor would have proved himself worthy a decade ago. Perhaps Thor was always meant to become a defender of Midgard rather than an ordinary citizen.

If not for Loki, would Thor's banishment have been avoided? Would it have ended sooner? Perhaps it was Loki would who meddled with his brother's proper fate and tangled the innerworkings of the Norns.

Loki knew that his next meeting with his brother would be ripe with conflict. Jane was little better at duplicity than his brother and he did not doubt she would have shared the entirety of his offer the moment Thor returned to her. Thor would be as torn as Jane over it, and, rightly, angry.

Yet, Thor's banishment was not his only pressing concern as he paced his room. Odin's offer of self-disclosure was unexpected. Loki spent more hours than he could count gazing at his own reflection in his mirror and mulling over the view of Asgard, wondering how the realm would respond to their Jotun prince. It was a truth which, once spoken, could never be unsaid and Odin was correct. It was not a decision to be made impulsively or out of a rash desire to incite mischief. It was neither simple nor easy to predict what the implications would be for such an announcement. Yet, maintaining the secret of his origins was just an unpredictable. What would be the fate of Asgard if his origins were revealed at another time, in a more unexpected way?

As much as Loki hated to admit it, Odin was correct. He needed to consider what was best for Asgard and not only respond out of the emotions roaring through him like a stampede of bilgesnipes. If it were Thor or Thor's children, what would he choose to do?

Oooooo

Odin All-Father did not hesitate to send all his servants and guards out of his office when Loki finally sought him out. It was the work of a moment to dispense of the stack of parchments before him and to fix that one impenetrable stare on the recently emerged prince.

Loki had sought out Frigga first, of course, as she had known he would. For days, he had paced the length and breadth of her personal chamber, regaling her with all his frustrations and questions and accusations.

"How could you lie to me?" he cried out, his sense of betrayal the underlying kindling to his anger. "You, of all people, should have told me the truth!"

She did not flinch when he cast a dagger into a nearby vase and then poured out his remaining wrath onto the table that once held it. It was only after he collapsed onto the ground, panting from the many shouts he had flung at her shadow, that she approached him and knelt beside him, a wary hand seeking his quivering shoulder. With her other hand, she forced his chin upwards so she could force her gaze into his eyes.

"Since the moment I first held you in my arms, you were my son. I have never lied about that."

"You should have told me."

"You are right."

"I should have been informed."

"Yes, darling, you should have."

He released a sound half-way between a gasp and a chuckle and pulled back from her so his face could fall back to the floor. He felt as if he was once again a stumbling youth, seeking guidance from the presence of his mother and crying over a skinned knee after a quarrel with another youth.

"What am I to do now?" he pleaded, as if she could guide him as she had once done. He felt a gentle squeeze on his shoulder again.

"Loki, I will not pretend your father and I have not made mistakes or that I would not have made different decisions if time's clock worked backwards. Loki, it is your decision what you will do next and who you will become. I will not claim the perfection of either of my sons, but I do have faith in your ability to become the man I know you can be. Just know that I love you, no matter what you decide."

He arched an eyebrow and looked up at her defiantly. "And if I were to decide to overthrow my brother to ensure the throne is my own?"

Frigga snorted and hid her smile behind her hand. "Is that what you have been plotting, these many months dwelling with him in Midgard?"

"Of course. What else?"

"I do believe that the best way to encourage Thor to take the throne in earnest would be for you to threaten to supplant him. If you admit to your own disinterest then your father will be hard-pressed to inspire Thor to take on the responsibility."

"Why, mother, if I did not know otherwise, I would accuse you of encouraging rivalry over the throne!"

"Loki, if it were not your desire to keep up with Thor, I doubt you would have worked so hard on the training grounds. While you may not believe me when I say it, I daresay Thor would not have worked nearly so hard in his studies if he were not trying to prove himself next to you. He may never reach your knowledge as a scholar, but he never would have attended classes as willingly if it were not your enthusiasm for them."

Loki gaped at his mother slightly before rolling his eyes. "Now I know you jest."

"Do you think I do not know my own sons?" she asked, her blue eyes daring him to counter her. "You may fight. You may quarrel. You may each be the first to strike the other, but woe to any other who seek to harm a Son of Odin! I know you both and you sharpen each other, like blades upon a whetting stone."

"Do not let Thor know you compared him to a blade rather than a hammer."

She laughed and pulled him into a tight embrace. She placed a kiss onto his forehead before releasing him.

Late into that night and the next, their conversation continued as Loki sought to decide how he wished to proceed. While there may have been more insults and accusations, Frigga's longsuffering patience slowly bled them of their vitriol. By the time Loki sought out Odin, he came with his anger burnt down into long-simmered embers rather than the exploding tongues of oil upon flames.

Much to Loki's irritation, Odin did not tell him to sit and he did not comment upon the Midgardian clothes he wore. Instead, he simply watched as Loki began to pace, his hands clasped behind his back. Loki allowed the silence to wear on, as grating as an untuned string plucked upon a lyre, and he let his gaze fix on anything rather than the looming presence at the desk in the center of the room.

"Secrets have a way of emerging from hidden places when we least wish them to, like a rodent from a hole," Loki finally said, breaking the silence. "I prefer to choose when and how such secrets are uncovered lest they be used as weapons against me when I am least prepared for them."

Odin's eyebrow furrowed, making the twin scars across his forehead ripple. He clasped his hands before him on the desk and continued to wait, but he did not look away from Loki.

"I propose we determine the best way to inform Asgard and the Nine Realms of the truth and mitigate the implications as much as possible before we make our announcements."

Odin nodded once. "How would you recommend we go about the announcement?"

"I would assume the first step will be a rather unpleasant discussion with Laufey to formalize the shift of paternity."

Odin snorted and leaned back in his chair with a weary sigh. "Unpleasant may be an understatement. You are certain?"

"I would rather dispense with such conversations now, while the realms are at peace, with plenty of preparation, rather than at a time when the realms are in conflict or during a time of succession when Asgard is vulnerable. If we tarry, I fear what accusations may be made if any discover the heir of Asgard is not legally a son of Odin."

"Will you wish for a public fosterage ceremony in front of all Asgard, then?"

"It is the custom, is it not?"

"Aye."

"Then, let everything be done publicly and according to the law so that none may challenge my position. I would prefer to face the disavowal and disapproval of Asgard while you preside on the throne and still claim me as heir than upon succession with none behind me but those who wish to place a dagger in my back."

"As you say," Odin said, his expression still inscrutable and Loki, not for the first time, wished he could penetrate into the thoughts below the surface. Was Odin pleased? Was he angry? Did he disagree? Loki could not tell.

Yet, as Loki considered this, he realized it need not matter if Odin disagreed or not, as long as the All-Father stood behind him in his decision. Was not that part of truly learning what it meant to be king? A king could make poor decisions or wise ones, but regardless, he sat alone on his throne and had to face the consequences of those decisions forever after. Was this not what Odin intended when he made Thor king? Loki bit back the sudden wave of regret that curdled in his chest. If he had not interrupted Thor's coronation, then it would be Thor, rather than Loki, forced to face the weight of Gungnir and the longevity of the realms. Yet, he could not change it nor go back in time.

"I will gather my advisers and our emissary to Jotunheim and we will draft the appropriate oath. Then, we will decide the best way to speak with Laufey," Odin said.

Loki nodded. He finally stopped pacing and stood before the desk; his hands still clasped behind his back. He was about to make his departure when Odin's gaze turned hard and focused on some unseen object, far beyond Loki. It was Odin's turn to let a tense silent soak into the room, which seemed to grow oppressively small with the weight of whatever Odin was considering. Then, he appeared to come to a decision for he wrapped his fist against his desk and clasped Gungnir in his other hand. He whispered a silencing spell over the room and then the old king also rose to his feet and began to pace.

"My son, there is wisdom in facing truths, however unpleasant. I will admit that you convict me of my own cowardice in choosing to postpone such truths. I may claim some secrets are kept for the 'good of the realms' but you speak wisely. Let us face the truth, no matter how difficult, and plan accordingly together."

Loki was so taken aback by Odin's confession that he sat in the nearby chair and simply watched as the All-Father paced the room in nearly the same manner that Loki had done earlier. He recognized the unease undergirding the movements and Loki wondered when he had last seen Odin so discomposed.

"My origin is not the only secret," Loki surmised, a sense of foreboding washing over him like ice water.

"Nay, Loki. That is child's play in comparison with what I have to speak of next."

"Tell me and let us be done with secrets and half-truths and omissions."

"Thor is not my firstborn. The greatest danger my heir will face is the return of my daughter upon my death."

Oooooo

All Loki's knowledge of Asgard proved as much a façade as the frescoes on the vaulted dome of the throne room in the palace. The smiling faces of his family proved only a cover for the blood-soaked paintings underneath. Layers upon layers of history were simply covered up with ever more elaborate lies, as if a thin layer of plaster and paint was enough to change the course of the last five millennia.

It was little wonder he had not noticed the intricate spellwork disguising his natal form. The entire realm was saturated in just as complicated and deceptive of spells to suppress the natal form of the Realm Eternal itself. Asgard's face was as false as Loki's and the realm herself could not even uphold her own ideals. They were both the products of Odin's imaginings, born of lies and war and desperately longing for facades of virtues not innately theirs.

"Truly, All-Father, is there a means of child-rearing and correction other than banishment and exile?" Loki had protested, once he had enough time to consider Odin's revelations and spent many more days pacing his room in solitude.

"With such children…," Odin began, until Loki's harsh laughter cut him off.

"With such children, I should take it as a compliment that I am not your blood kin! Truly, it is of little wonder you chose to adopt a child not of your own – though, I wonder at choosing the offspring of your sworn enemy? Surely, Alfheim or Vanaheim could have produced a more worthy babe to enfold into your mighty lineage?"

It was not the first time that Loki saw Odin deflate under his barbed words nor the first time he reveled in his newfound power to provoke his adoptive father. In years past, Odin would never have accepted such insolence, but now, the old man simply cast a grave, regretful glance at his only remaining child. His lack of ire dulled any victory Loki hoped to gain and he could not delight in the heavy slant of Odin's shoulders nor the more prominent lines beneath his eyes as he sighed in response.

It was disconcerting to realize the signs of age upon the All-Father and note how the Odinsleep did not quite return him to full power. The gnawing fear that Thor would not return before Odin had to step down niggled at his thoughts at night and ate at him during his daily duties. If… if… if that occurred, Loki would be king. Permanently. Even if Thor returned, if it was after the official succession had taken place then the best Thor could become was Loki's possible successor.

There was little Loki could do to change Thor's circumstances, especially this far from Midgard. It was not only out of deference to the All-Father that Loki avoided Midgard. In truth, Loki suddenly found time slipping away from him faster than he could harness. A plethora of secret councils were gathered and long weeks of heated discussions commenced with the wisest minds in Asgard.

As if that wasn't enough, the All-Father gave Loki, Sif, and the Warriors three another task. They were to gather hidden relics. These were not across the Nine Realms. No, that would be far too simple. These were relics of inestimable power that were hidden across the entire universe. Finding a single relic could easily take Loki's entire lifetime and Odin charged him to gather all six of them.

"You would trust me with an Infinity Stone?" Loki questioned, a half-smile on his lips.

Odin grimaced and allowed his head to fall heavily on his hands. "I trust no one with such relics, least of all myself. It is enough to say I trust them in your hands more than those of Malekith or the Mad Titan or Hela Odindóttir."

"Such praise astounds, All-Father! To admit you prefer the bastard prince of Laufey to Asgard's greatest enemies. I am sure Laufey would be most pleased."

"Why must you twist my words?" Odin shouted back; his anger finally piqued.

Rather than answer, Loki analyzed his fingernails and tapped his foot against the floor for a moment. "What precisely do you expect me to do with these Stones?" Loki demanded.

"Hide them."

"And prove myself more adept at hiding potentially explosive secrets than the House of Odin?"

Odin clenched his teeth and grumbled under his breath. Then he pierced Loki through with his gaze again. "What would you suggest?"

"Ah! Now that you asked! I would sire my own children who I can then send out to conquer what remains of the known universe, wielding the Infinity Stones as their own personal trinkets of mass destruction, and then, once I can claim the throne of all the realms known to exist, I will banish them all and forget about their existence. Then, perhaps, I will adopt a Midgardian peasant as my heir."

"Loki…," Odin began but Loki grinned widely and waved him away.

"If that plan will not satisfy you, then, perhaps I may simply hide the Stones away, beyond the reach of any save myself."

"I believe that is the same plan I stated before."

"Ah, but you did not add the second caveat."

"Do you believe yourself capable to wield the Infinity Stones without causing irreparable harm to yourself and all you exert their influence on?"

"I believe that if I am bored of ruling in future millennia then I should simply destroy the universe and remake it to be more amenable to my whims and desires."

"By Bor's Beard, I am grateful I will only have to watch from Valhalla."

"Or you could bring Thor back now, ensure I am not made king, and let him deal with the Infinity Stones and his delightful older sister."

"And where will you go?"

"Why, to chase down all the Infinity Stones myself first so that he cannot find them and then conquer Asgard."

Odin's face had grown has red as Thor's cape and he burst out a string of exceedingly unceremonial curses. "Loki, will you please be serious?"

"Fine. I will do as you say… on one condition."

"Do I even wish to ask?"

"You do, because you have no other choice. When I go to Midgard to gather the two Stones you so brilliantly hid for the little mortals to play with, you will sanction my visit to Thor."

"Fine."

"Fine."