"I'm not going to school!"

It was Monday morning and Noah was sitting on his bed with an angry frown and his arms folded on his chest, refusing to change from his pajamas. His protest came after he had spent the entire Sunday in his room, which had already indicated to Olivia that problems were waiting down the road. Usually, the two spent Sundays either outside or inside, but always doing something together - unless one of them had something else to attend to. Either way, they didn't normally spend their Sundays being angry.

Elliot had to leave on Sunday morning, because he was invited to brunch at Maureen's, and Olivia had rejected his invitation to join him. She figured it wouldn't be a good idea for Noah to be around all the Stablers while everything was still raw. She also refused to let Elliot cancel his plans and stay with them, thinking it might be good for Noah and her to be alone.

Despite her hopes, Sunday didn't turn out to be a day of healing and repairing her and Noah's relationship. As the hours passed by and he refused to leave his room even for food, Olivia became more and more depressed. By the end of the day, she was lying on the living room couch alone, staring at the wall and thinking about all the things she had done wrong in life.

"Yes you are, Noah. Stop playing games and start getting dressed," Olivia tried to keep her voice even as she stood on his doorstep.

"No!" he looked angrily away from her and then dropped his gaze to the floor.

"Well, I have to go to work and you can't stay here alone. Get. Dressed." Her voice had a threatening tone to it now, but it didn't seem to impress her son. Noah was usually an easy child and they definitely never had to face such a big, heavy issue, which affected his mood so drastically. She understood that it was difficult for him to deal with the fact that she had lied to him about his father for years, but it was hard for her to remain calm when he behaved like that.

"I don't care. I'm not going! I want Elliot to come over!" he laid back down, his arms still folded on his chest. This time he stared at the ceiling. Anything was better than to look at his mother.

Olivia sighed and left his room, closing the door behind her. She grabbed her phone from the kitchen counter and stared at the screen in desperation. Lucy was away on a family vacation and she had no other solution with such short notice. Threatening Noah would only make things worse and it was the last thing she wanted. Traumatizing her son further was not on her list today. Or ever. She had no choice but to stay home with him on the pretext that he was sick, but she had no intentions of dragging Elliot into it, like Noah wanted. If he refused to go to school it was one thing, but asking Elliot to come over and reward the boy for his bad behavior was another.

Instead of going to the precinct, Olivia had spent the day working from home, using her phone and her laptop to stay in the loop. As soon as she called in to let them know that she had to stay with Noah, she went over to his room again to try and appease him.

"We're staying home, I'll be working from here," she announced. Noah didn't respond or look at her. He was lying on his side with his back to the door, and Olivia couldn't see if his eyes were open, but she knew he was awake. She couldn't bring herself to be angry at him. He was in pain and it was all her fault. Still, she couldn't allow his behavior to go on for more than one day. "I'll let you have today, but tomorrow you're going to school, whether you like it or not. Even if it means you'll go in your pajamas," she warned him and waited a moment for him to say something, but he just stayed in the same position and sighed.

Olivia turned to leave but then looked at him again, deciding to give it one last try. "At least come outside to eat breakfast. You hardly ate anything yesterday."

Noah shrugged, still not turning to look at her. Olivia walked away in defeat once more, worried for her hunger-striking son but unable to do anything about it without getting into a fight with him and making things worse.

The entire morning had passed by with her on the phone with different people, from her squad to her boss, to Carisi and Lindstrom. The latter had suggested giving Noah the day as a break from his routine, to allow him some time to digest everything before he had to face the outside world again, and to try and talk with him once more in the evening. He recommended asking Elliot to come over, since Noah was open to talking with him, but Olivia refused.

Nevertheless, there was a knock on the door in the afternoon, and Olivia had a feeling it was Elliot. Like in the old days, she could sense him when he was around without having to actually see him. She had avoided his messages and calls all morning and feared it might make him worry, but she couldn't face talking with him. She would either have had to lie and invent some reason why they had stayed home, or tell him the truth and feel like a failure. Both seemed like bad options.

Olivia opened the door reluctantly and they looked at each other without saying anything. She felt ashamed, caught in her attempt to avoid him, but then she thought about how he had ghosted her a decade ago and shook off her guilt.

Elliot didn't know what to say. He knew that something was going on, but he didn't know exactly what it was, and seeing her standing there perfectly fine, he realized that she had just been avoiding him all morning.

"Everything okay?" he asked eventually, looking beyond her into the apartment.

"Yes," she said instinctively. Old habits die hard.

"I called Fin and he said that Noah was sick."

Olivia sighed. "He's not sick, he just refused to go to school and I couldn't get him to go," she said, deflated.

Elliot nodded. It wasn't his first time dealing with one of his children refusing to go to school. "Can I come in? I can talk with him."

"I don't think it's a good idea," Olivia didn't move to let him in.

"Why not?" he frowned.

"Because… his issue is with me. I'm the one who needs to resolve this."

Elliot examined her face for a moment, trying to find the right words to say. It seemed to be hard for her to get used to having another person there to help her carry the weight of parenting, but she had to. She wasn't alone in it anymore, and Elliot was very much interested in raising Noah with her.

"But if I can help, why not let me try? Please." He waited for her response but she just looked at him unsure. "Liv, you don't need to face it all alone anymore," he said in a low, gentle voice, trying not to upset her. The last thing he wanted was to divide them.

Olivia remained quiet as she contemplated his words. It was tempting to let him fix the situation, but she wanted to prove to herself that she could do it alone, although she wasn't sure at all that she could. More so, she wasn't sure that she still had to prove it to herself anymore. As Elliot said, she wasn't alone in it now.

"What about work? Don't you need to get back soon?" she asked hesitantly.

"It's all good, don't worry about it." Elliot decided not to tell her about the little argument he had with Bell over his sudden request to leave early. He didn't normally do that, and it was a particularly bad day to start because of the sensitive position their current investigation was in, but he had to. He was worried about Olivia and Noah, and in any case, he wanted to be more involved in his life. In the end, he had to say that it was a semi emergency with his son so Bell would agree to let him go.

"Fine," Olivia said quietly and moved aside to let him in. She was too tired to maintain the tough facade just to keep her ego from getting hurt. If Elliot was able to convince Noah to go to school tomorrow, she would accept it with relief.

Elliot walked inside and watched Olivia close the door. She moved slowly, taking her time before she had to look at him again - standing inside her apartment ready to fix the situation - and to face the fact that she couldn't handle it on her own. At least not fast enough to make sure Noah would go to school the next day.

He went to Noah's room and knocked on the door as he called his name to let him know who it was.

"Come in!" Noah called excitedly.

"Hey, kid," Elliot took a step into the room and turned back toward the door to close it. He saw Olivia standing at the other end of the hallway, looking at him with a mixture of hope and sadness in her eyes. He gave her a small, reassuring nod before closing the door and turning back to Noah. It pained him to leave her outside, but he didn't have a choice.

"I knew she would end up calling you. I told her to," Noah said, as if he just won a contest.

"Actually, she didn't," Elliot sat down at the foot of the bed, facing Noah. "I came over to check up on you guys."

"Oh," Noah shrugged. To him it was still a win in that he got what he wanted.

"What's going on? Why didn't you go to school?"

"'Cause I didn't feel like it," he shrugged again.

"Noah… you need to go to school tomorrow, okay?"

"Why? Why do I need to do what she says? She's a liar."

"She's not a liar," Elliot started to feel angry. It was his automatic response to anyone saying bad things about Olivia. "She's your mother and she loves you. I know you might be trying to test just how much right now, but believe me, there's nothing you can do to make her stop loving you."

Noah paused to think about his father's words for a moment. "If she loves me, why did she lie to me?" he asked eventually. It wasn't an angry question, but a sad one. Elliot could see that the boy wasn't just trying to spite his mother, but he was truly hurting.

He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly before answering. It was hard explaining to a child the way grownups think. "Sometimes we tell lies to the people we love in order to protect them from the truth, which might be too painful. Like if you heard someone saying bad things about a friend of yours, would you run and tell them, or would you rather spare them the pain?"

Noah dropped his gaze and contemplated it. Elliot wondered if that simple example was a little bit too advanced for his age. Not even all adults would develop that kind of thinking, let alone children. Most people would immediately tell their friend such a thing, without considering the hurt it might cause them.

"I don't know. Isn't it better for them to know the truth?"

"What if that truth didn't bring them anything but sorrow?" Elliot asked, hoping Noah would understand that the truth is not always preferred.

"I guess I wouldn't tell them, then," Noah replied quietly.

Elliot felt relieved. He wasn't sure Noah would understand, but it seemed like he did. It was the first step in Olivia's direction.

"Well, then, can't you understand where your mom is coming from? She tried to spare you pain."

"But what pain? Would you not have wanted to be my dad if you knew I existed?"

Elliot froze. The boy had won the chess game, he was trapped. If he said the truth, that he would have wanted to be his dad, he would be damaging Olivia. If he said that he wouldn't have wanted him, he would be damaging himself.

"I… of course I would have wanted that," he said eventually. "But I cut all ties with your mother when I retired from the police, so I can't really blame her for thinking it might cause you pain if you knew about me." Elliot hoped that he managed to give Noah a balanced answer. They were both to blame for the current situation.

"Why did you do that? Didn't you love her?"

"It's… complicated, to say the least. Maybe I'll explain it to you when you're older. The bottom line is, your mother knows now why and she forgave me, but until I came back and explained it to her, she thought she was never going to see me again."

"I still don't understand how it is possible that you're my dad if you weren't around," Noah sounded disappointed. He only had half of the picture, and it was rightfully bothering him.

"Well, why don't you go to your mother and ask her? You can throw in a hug if you want," Elliot smiled at him, but Noah lowered his gaze. He didn't seem angry anymore, which was good, but his expression turned sad.

"I don't know…" Noah mumbled.

"You can take your time if you need it, though… I don't know about you, but I really hate fighting with my mom," Elliot twisted his face as if the thought pained him. He tried not to show Noah that he was dying for everything to be good again.

Noah shrugged and remained quiet. It wasn't clear to Elliot what his reaction meant, but he sensed that the boy needed some time to think.

"You know what?" Elliot said. "I'm gonna go to the living room to check up on your mom. Feel free to join us if you feel like asking those questions I couldn't answer on my own," he smiled again at his son before standing up and walking to the door. Noah looked hesitant, as sadness and disappointment were evident in his expression. Elliot wanted to hug him and promise him that everything was going to be alright, that they will soon be one, big, happy family, but he wasn't sure about the future at all himself and he didn't want to force such closeness on the boy. It had to happen in a natural way as their relationship developed.

"Promise me you'll go to school tomorrow?" Elliot asked before opening the door.

Noah didn't answer right away, but after a moment he shrugged. It wasn't a sign of refusal, but more of resignation. He seemed to be tired of fighting with his mother, which was a good sign. That was all Elliot needed at that moment.

Olivia stared at her laptop for a while as Elliot was talking with Noah in his room. On the screen was a document she was supposed to be reading, but she couldn't bring herself to concentrate on anything. The door was closed so she couldn't hear what was being said in her son's bedroom, and the suspense was killing her. She didn't know if Elliot talking with him would make things better or worse, and as the minutes passed by, an annoying discomfort somewhere inside of her told her it was going to be the latter.

She looked around her at the living room and suddenly had the urge to organize it. Jumping on her feet, she started picking up things that normally wouldn't bother her, like the tablet on the coffee table and a deck of cards that they had played with just on Friday - the day before she had told Noah, which made him stop talking to her. She looked at the deserted deck and felt a lump in her throat just as the door at the end of the hallway opened and Elliot emerged from Noah's room. She watched him as he walked toward her and knew that he could already tell she was on the verge of crying. He confirmed it when he didn't stop to stand in front of her, but immediately wrapped his arms around her and held her without saying anything.

It made Olivia feel a little less burdened, but she just wanted to cry even more because of that. He was so soft with her and she didn't feel like she deserved it. "What did he say?" her voice came out muffled as her face was buried in his neck.

"He's confused, there are some big holes that you need to fill in for him."

Olivia lifted her head and looked at him, but didn't move away. She wasn't ready to leave the comfort of his body. "What holes?"

Elliot placed his hands on her waist, as though he was scared she might lose her balance and fall. "He asked how he was conceived if I wasn't around for it," he said quietly. "I wasn't sure how and what you wanted to tell him about that, so I told him to ask you."

Olivia nodded. "Thanks. I'll tell him the truth. No more lies."

"Sounds good to me," Elliot said.

Olivia leaned her head back on his shoulder and for a while they stood in their embrace, swaying slightly without saying anything. Elliot figured she needed the physical support just as much as she needed the emotional one, so he left it to her to decide when to stop. It took her some time, but eventually she lifted her head again to look at him with an apologetic expression on her face before talking.

"I'm sorry I'm like… this," she said quietly.

"Like what?" he frowned in confusion.

"Like… emotional. Needy. I don't know."

Elliot smiled at her. "Human?" he offered and she gave him a little sad smile as he put a hand on her cheek. She closed her eyes for a moment and he watched her, examining her face closely. In the past, he had always imagined what it would be like to touch her face the way he was free to do now, and the fact that he was actually doing it seemed surreal. A wave of emotion washed over him, taking him by surprise. At times like this, it was almost impossible for him to contain the intensity of the love he felt for her. It was like nothing he had ever experienced, a rush that made him feel alive.

When they were partners, it became clear to him pretty early on that what he was feeling for her was much stronger than what he had ever felt for Kathy, who he thought was the one for him until he met Olivia. He knew that he hadn't been in love before her, because she flooded him with so much emotion that he never knew he was capable of feeling. Later on, when he was away, he became even more sure of his feelings for her. The more time he had stayed away, the stronger her presence became in his mind. It was like he needed her to continue to exist in his world in one way or another, in order for him to be able to go on with life. His love for her never diminished with time and space, and the second he saw her when he returned, he knew that it never would. If even the ocean that he had put between them couldn't dull this love like he had hoped, he knew that nothing ever could.

Now that they were finally free to express their feelings for each other, it was like the dam in him had been opened and he was ferociously overwhelmed with his feelings for her whenever she was around. Or even at the mere thought of her.

"It's gonna be okay," he said and she opened her eyes again. "How about I take him outside for a while?"

Olivia twisted her face in response. She didn't like the idea of rewarding Noah for his behavior, but she also felt guilty for causing him to behave the way he did in the first place. Elliot squinted as he looked at her. It felt to Olivia as if he was reading her and she waited to see what he had to say.

"I almost got him to promise me he will go to school tomorrow. I'm sure I can get him to do it after he breathes some fresh air," he said, taking his hand off of her face and putting it on her shoulder instead.

Olivia looked down, shaking her head as she felt defeated. It bothered her that she couldn't fix the situation while Elliot had gotten close to it in just a few minutes.

Elliot titled his head down too, so he could more or less be on her eye level. "Talk to me, Liv."

Olivia looked up and found his eyes again. "I just don't like to fail," she confessed wearily.

Elliot sighed. "I don't think you've failed, but I know how you feel. I've been there. More than once," he smiled bitterly. Olivia pouted but remained quiet. "I know you don't trust yourself at the moment, but trust me. You're a good mom."

The park was not yet full of people as Elliot and Noah strolled down one of its paths lazily, trying to win the race against their ice cream to eat it before it melted. Elliot kept throwing side glances at Noah, who was mostly quiet. The boy looked pensive and Elliot didn't want to interrupt him, because he figured Noah was thinking things through and he would talk when he was ready.

Instead, he looked around him at the people in the park and imagined what it would be like to spend time there with Olivia and Noah and his children as one family. The desire for them all to be together was burning within him, but he knew he had to be patient. Still, it surprised him how much he wanted it. He had always known that he wanted to be with Olivia, but he never thought about having a family with her. Kathy's death was horrible, but it had created this opportunity that Elliot had never considered. There was a void in their lives that could now be filled by Olivia. As long as she was alive, there was never a chance for them to be one family, even if Kathy and Elliot had divorced. Now that it was a possibility, he desperately needed it to happen. He wanted them to be a family, he wanted his children to accept Noah as their little brother and Olivia as their father's partner. This time around, a partner in the way that he had always wanted her to be and could only dream of.

"Elliot?" Noah suddenly said, pulling Elliot back from his daydreaming.

"Yes?" the ice cream had started to melt down the cone in his hand and he had only just noticed.

"I think you can tell your kids already. At least Kathleen and Eli because I think they like me."

"Of course they like you," Elliot said immediately, smiling at Noah. "But I have to tell all my kids together. Otherwise they'll have to keep this as a secret from the others and I don't want to put them in that position."

Noah thought about it for a moment and then said, "Okay, so you can tell them all."

Elliot nodded. "I'm glad that you feel ready for that," he smiled again, unable to hide his excitement. "There's nothing I want more than to tell my kids everything. I want them to know that you and your mom are a part of our family, but I think it would be better to wait until you two sort things out."

Noah shrugged. "I don't know when that will happen. I don't want to fight with her anymore but I'm still kinda angry at her."

"Well…" Elliot threw away the remainder of his ice cream as they passed by a garbage can. He was too excited to hear Noah's words and had lost interest in trying to finish it before it melted all over his hand. "Sometimes it takes time to let go of our anger, but we can still move on from the thing that caused it," he tried to sound casual as he didn't want Noah to feel pressured, but he was hoping to convince him.

Noah remained quiet for most of the walk home. Even when he did talk, it wasn't about his mother or Elliot's children or anything related to the subject of his newly discovered father. Instead, he finally promised to go to school the next day and answered Elliot's questions about school and his friends, but otherwise kept silent. Elliot figured he was debating with himself whether to let go of the burden of his anger or keep it up, so at one point he stopped asking him questions and kept quiet too. He didn't know what Noah would eventually decide, but he prayed silently for him to forgive his mother now rather than later.

Olivia walked through a dark forest alone. She was looking for someone, but she didn't know who. Somehow there was enough light to see the way, but she couldn't see anything past the next step or two. Her surroundings were completely quiet, not even the wind blowing through the branches or the leaves cracking under her feet made a sound. It was odd, but she wasn't bothered by it. What bothered her was that she didn't know who she was looking for as she searched between the trees and bushes. For what felt like a very long time, she walked before it suddenly dawned on her that she was looking for Noah. Anxious, she walked faster, calling his name with a gradually raising voice until she was screaming it with angst. He wasn't anywhere to be found, she was all alone and panicking.

All of a sudden, two figures dressed in white gowns appeared down the road not far from her. As Olivia approached them, she recognized the faces of Kathy and Maureen. They were holding hands and squinting at her in anger, as if they were determined to block her way.

"Kathy?" Olivia stopped dead and asked in shock.

"You'll never see Noah again," Kathy said in response. Her voice was calm, and ironically, had a soothing quality to it. "You took me away from my children, and I took your child away from you." Her tone made it appear as though she was merely stating dry, well known facts.

"What? No! I didn't do that!" Olivia said desperately.

"And now you're taking my husband, too," Kathy continued, as if Olivia hadn't said anything. "I died because of you. You have to pay for it." She gave Maureen a little nod, and the latter walked to the nearest tree and pulled something from behind it.

Olivia watched in horror as Maureen dragged a rolled up carpet, with what seemed to be a body inside of it. It wasn't big enough to be an adult, and she knew without having to be told, that Noah was the one wrapped up inside.

"No!" Olivia yelled. A loud thunder clap sounded from the black sky above them, and Olivia's upper body shot up as she opened her eyes in terror just to see Noah and Elliot walking towards her from the front door.

It took her a moment, but then she realized she had fallen asleep on the couch as she tried to finish work. Before she had fallen asleep, her mind kept wandering back to Noah and Elliot and she had to force herself to concentrate over and over again on what she was reading. She hadn't felt it before, but the fact that Elliot was trying to take care of Noah's refusal to go to school had allowed her to relax a little, which had suddenly made her realize how tired she was from the stress. She remembered closing her eyes for just a moment, that turned into half an hour of nightmares. The thunder in her dream was the sound of the door closing behind Elliot and Noah as they entered, she now knew.

Noah was smiling as he walked inside, but his smile quickly disappeared when he saw how terrified his mother looked.

"Mom? What happened? Are you okay?" He stopped right in front of her and examined her face.

Olivia looked at him, appreciating the fact that he was alive and well, and then pulled him into a hug. She knew it was a risk, because they hadn't made up yet and he might get angry, but she couldn't resist it. The fear that the nightmare had left in her was much stronger than her fear of his reaction.

"I'm fine," she said with her eyes shut tight, fully aware of her white lie. She had said that she wouldn't lie to her son anymore, but some things were better kept untold. "And I'm glad to see you back." Noah held her tight in an attempt to make her feel better, and it was working like a charm.

"Did you think I wouldn't?" he sounded surprised.

Olivia released him from the embrace and looked at him. She shook her head and tried to smile, afraid to talk as she fought back her tears, but she could feel them pooling in her eyes and she knew that he could see it.

Noah looked down at his feet. "I don't want to fight anymore," he muttered.

"I don't want that either," Olivia whispered, feeling the relief spreading through her body, instantly alleviating her misery.

"But I'm still not okay with you lying to me," Noah said as he looked back into her eyes.

"I understand that," she said quietly and they both fell into an awkward silence - something they weren't used to.

"Maybe you can move past that one day," Elliot intervened.

Olivia looked at him. She had forgotten he was there as Noah and she were making up and, all of a sudden, it felt to her like she was seeing him in a different way for the first time. He was her partner, in every sense of the word, not just at work or romantically. They shared a child and he was her partner in that too. She felt so grateful to him for speeding up Noah's forgiveness process that her fingers were tingling from her need to hug him.

"Now you can tell your kids, Elliot, right?" Noah asked.

"Yeah, I guess I can."

"When will you do it?" the boy inquired. He was obviously impatient about it and Elliot thought it was sweet.

Both Elliot and Olivia looked at him with a little sadness. He was so eager for his siblings to know about him, to be a part of their family, and neither one of his parents could guarantee that they would indeed accept him.

"As soon as I can get them all in one room. Probably in the next few days or the weekend. I'll get on it immediately, I promise."

Noah nodded and smiled at him. Something on the coffee table caught his eyes and he approached it for a better look.

"Is that my homework?" he pointed at a little stack of papers with a look of utter disgust.

"Oh, yeah. Your teacher emailed it to me and I've printed it out for you," Olivia picked up the stack of papers and handed it to him. "Better get on it."

Noah rolled his eyes as he took it reluctantly and started dragging his feet to his room. Both Elliot and Olivia stayed put and watched him until he walked into his room and let the door slam behind him.

Olivia jumped to her feet and almost ran to Elliot, who didn't have much time to realize what was happening. She flung herself into his arms and started kissing him with such intensity that took him completely by surprise. He grabbed her waist and reciprocated happily. It felt good to have her in his arms like that again, happy.

"I love you," she muttered against his mouth.

Elliot pulled his head back to look at her. For a moment, he was sure that he didn't hear her right, but the way she looked at him, the knowing smile on her wet lips told him that he had, in fact, finally heard her telling him that she loved him.

"Sorry? I didn't hear you well. Could you repeat that?" He teased her.

Olivia smiled at him. "Thank you," she said.

"Nope, that wasn't it," Elliot insisted. He watched her blush as she looked down at his chest to avoid his eyes before looking back up. It was like she needed a moment to collect herself, to gather enough courage to say it again. He knew it wasn't easy for her to say it, because deep inside, she wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't leave her again, and he hated himself for that.

"I love you," she repeated quietly. It felt so strange to utter that emotion, one which she had spent more than two decades hiding, and it was terrifying for her to think that he could hurt her again after she had exposed herself to him like that, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't keep it in anymore.

"Yeah?" He smiled.

Olivia rolled her eyes just like her son had a few minutes ago. "Are you saying that it's news to you?" she looked at him teasingly, joining his game.

"Well, no, but it's really nice to hear you say it," he couldn't wipe the smile off his face.

Olivia looked at him and for a moment, everything felt too surreal. She couldn't really be this happy, could she? And if it was indeed all real, how long would it last? When would she be disillusioned again, as had always happened at some point? Was it safe for her to believe that Elliot abandoning her was a glitch? That it wasn't in his character and he wouldn't do it again?

For twelve years, he was loyal to her to a fault, and one day he just disappeared on her. It wasn't like him at all - which was why it took her so long to understand what was happening. She refused to believe it at first. His reasoning, that he had to stay away because his love for her was stronger than his loyalty to his wife, definitely had a soothing effect on her wounds, but not a healing one. Those kinds of wounds take years to heal, if they healed at all. Still, it made her feel better, knowing where his abandonment came from. It wasn't anything she did, it was just his weakness. She was his weakness.

Now, after hearing all the explanations, his feelings, and thought process back then, Olivia knew that his departure had been a snowball of shame. It started relatively small when he left, but the more time that passed, the harder it became for him to reach out after ghosting her, until it seemed impossible. The shame had become a palpable barrier. After a while, he figured that she had moved on without him and had left him in her past. For ten years he was sure of it, until he came back and saw that she was still just as hung up on him as he was on her and it was as if they fell right back into their places.

Olivia frowned as a question crossed her mind, something that she hadn't asked since he returned, somehow. She was deep in her thoughts, though, and didn't say anything.

"Liv? You okay?" Elliot broke the silence. Her expression worried him a bit. One second she was happy, and the next, her smile faded.

"Why did you decide to come back when you did? If it was so hard for you to reach out," she said, surprising him with the random topic.

It was Elliot's turn to frown, looking a little taken aback. "I…" he looked to the side, trying to think about the answer.

Olivia found it odd that he needed to think about it after all this time. It must have been a big decision for him, so how could he not know the answer immediately?

"You don't know?" she took a step back, frowning.

"I do know, but…" Elliot lowered his voice, "you just surprised me with that question, that's all." He was hoping that she would feel sorry for him and let him off the hook, but Olivia just kept looking at him, waiting for his explanation.

"I didn't want to come back," he eventually admitted, keeping his low tone. "Kathy wanted me to."

Olivia's frown turned into shock. It was the last thing she expected to hear.

"That was why I took that phone call before we got in the car to go to your ceremony. I was stalling, and then she…" Even after the year and a half that had passed since Kathy's death and everything he had learned about it, Elliot still felt guilty. Sometimes he laid in bed at night, thinking it should have been him. He was the one who was supposed to get to the car first, but then he stopped to answer the call and Kathy took the car keys from him impatiently and walked to the driver's side to get him to hang up and follow her.

"You didn't want to come back?" was all Olivia managed to say.

"No, but -"

"Mom! I need help with homework!" Noah yelled from his room.

"Liv -"

Olivia shook her head, as if she was trying to get rid of her thoughts. "Forget about it, it's in the past," she said angrily before starting towards Noah's room. "Thanks for your help with everything," she looked at him before disappearing into the hallway. Her gaze was full of pain and it tore Elliot from the inside.

He stood in his spot dumbfounded, staring at where Olivia was just standing. He couldn't believe he didn't get to tell her the whole story, and now she was angry and hurt and wanted him to leave. A second ago everything was great, and now… he had to tell her the rest of the story, but she didn't want him there at the moment and he figured it would be better to give her time to calm down.

Elliot started walking toward the front door, determined to tell his children about Noah as soon as possible and get one problem over with before he tackles the next. Maybe by then, Olivia would be more open to talk about it again.