Not the lemon yet! That's the next chapter.
Author's notes will be at the bottom, please enjoy!
On the day that Haise and Juuzou finally finished furnishing the property they took a massive loan out for, the two decided to celebrate the first day of their new independent lives by taking a trip to the esteemed 8th Ward, where they planned on spending visiting the beaches and piers of Tokyo Bay.
And although Arima had tried warning them to keep in mind that the glamorous 8th Ward— with all its pretty menagerie and upper-scale lifestyle — would be a culture shock for the two recently separated peacekeepers, Haise and Juuzou figured that their mentor was just being needlessly cautious. After all, security within the 8th Ward was amongst the highest within all of Tokyo, and it wasn't like the two of them haven't been there before when they were working for the TSC.
However, being eighteen years old with quite a lot of debt to their name, it was then that Haise realized what Arima was trying to warn them about. Their measly allotment of spending cash was around ten-thousand yen, which ended up buying the two reapers just enough to share a half a sandwich from one of the cheapest places they could find. A lot of their time was spent window shopping along the kitschy Pacific-village shops that were made to look hipster, and being turned away from the nicer beaches where they had to pay a toll to get into.
When the sun was beginning to set, Haise and Juuzou managed to find a grassy park that was near the old harbor, where sailors around the world would travel to seek out their fortune elsewhere, or simply to venture out for fishing.
Before they had set up their towels and backpacks on the patch of grass of their choosing, Haise idly talked to Juuzou about how much he wanted to go out sailing someday, and even shared his dream of buying his own yacht, so he and Juuzou could leave behind everything and start fresh somewhere else.
When asked why, Haise merely tried explaining that his dream was trivial, and it was just something he'd developed since he was a child. But to Juuzou, someone who knew how much trauma his best friend had, he was able to see through Haise's attempt to try to downplay his own trauma. After all, Juuzou was usually the one who had to comfort Haise when he would awake in the middle of the night screaming and crying— always immediately reaching up and trying to cover his eyes that were always Arima's favorite place to stab him through.
While Juuzou was in the same boat when it came to being hardwired into following Arima's orders without question, the truth was that he wasn't blind to the fact that the White Reaper had just as much responsibility as V and Rize when it came to Haise's extremely hard upbringing. Juuzou never pretended that he himself wasn't completely insane, but compared to Haise, he felt like the more normal one between them. With the amount of 'hard resets' Arima had punished Haise with, Juuzou had always thought of it as miraculous that Haise wasn't comatosed.
So when Haise, who was sitting closely behind him with his arm draped over his shoulder, raised his free arm up to point over to an extremely luxurious yacht that had pulled into one of the ports just over the nearby horizon, Juuzou found himself becoming deadpanned. When asked why he had gone quiet, Juuzou replied back in the most serious sounding voice that Haise had ever heard him use, that they could go over there and kill everyone, and take the boat out to sea; never to return or look back.
At first, Haise wasn't sure if Juuzou was trying to play a joke on him or not, but that uncertainty died the moment he saw his white-haired friend slowly reaching into his small black-backpack to retrieve his pistol. Although Haise wasn't offended with the concept of collateral damage and eliminating targets, he was shocked over the fact that Juuzou was moments away from murdering innocent people, all for the sake of granting Haise his dream.
Juuzou wasn't keen on being stopped though, which resulted in Haise and him fighting over the gun while wrestling on top of their towels before inevitably rolling down the grassy hill that they had set their stuff on. Secluded after having rolled over a trimmed bush that led them down a rocky slope and straight into the middle of a dirt patch, Haise and Juuzou only came to a stop when the two of them slammed against the trunk of a tree that was one of many planted around the perimeter of the park.
In the end, Juuzou was able to get up to his feet before Haise could, and had no qualms about putting his foot down on his throat to keep him pinned against the ground and bottom of the tree trunk. Aiming the gun at Haise's forehead, Juuzou screamed at him, and let out almost two decades worth of bottled-up grievances through heartfelt tears and frustration.
Juuzou made it clear to Haise that he was beyond furious with the white-and-black haired man. Juuzou accused Haise of never being happy, and that everything that he thought brought him joy was just him distracting himself from having to confront his past. Along with making it evident that he knew Haise wasn't ever happy,
Juuzou nearly lost it when he told him that he knew of all the times he saw instances of when Haise would contemplate ending his own life— being able to list nearly all the times he had accidentally walked in on Haise staring down the barrel of a gun, before quickly putting it away the moment he realized Juuzou was there. The half-ghoul, who back then still had his skin laced with red-threads, sobbed as he told Haise how much it hurt to know that no matter what he did for him, he just couldn't ever make him happy.
Stunned while looking up at the boy who was slowly kneeling down to press the tip of his glock's barrel against his forehead, Haise gazed silently into Juuzou's bloodshot eyes, as the shorter young man asked him if he wanted him to kill him— asking him if that would finally make him happy for once in his life. It was the only time Haise had ever seen Juuzou cry, and ever since then, it's been the only time he's cried.
Waking up from his three year-old memory to a head-splitting migraine and the smell of coffee filling his nostrils, Haise squinted his eyelids open to find himself sitting up against the headboard of a queen-sized mattress— his lower back supported by a pile of pillows, as he blinked away the blurriness from his vision. Letting out an uncomfortable and muffled groan as he slowly regained his bearings, Haise's exhausted eyes shifted over to the metal dressing beside his bed, and stared blankly at the cappuccino that awaited for him on a ceramic platter.
"Here… I'll get that for you," Haise heard Roma say from the corner of the bedroom, and turned his groggy head over toward her direction to watch as she got out of the chair she had been sitting on. Surprised to see that her colorful buttoned-up yellow collared romper had been washed, along with the rest of her clown-themed outfit that was made up of a green skirt and star-printed leggings, Haise followed her with his eyes as she made his way over to his bedside.
"My apologies in advance… The coffee got cold— didn't really think that far ahead, hehe…" Roma laughed quietly at herself, as she handed Haise the cup of lukewarm cappuccino, before putting her yellow-gloved hands down over her skirt. "Not sure why I made it in the first place… I probably just hoping that it'd make you wake up faster— pretty stupid to think that'd actually work, huh?"
"… In all fairness, I'm up now, so I don't think it was 'stupid'," Haise said reassuringly in a tired voice, as he did his best to talk without flinching too much, as he felt his headache pounding away at his skull. "Besides, it's the thought that counts… Thank you for the coffee, Roma; I appreciate it."
Smiling humorlessly back at Haise, Roma shrugged her shoulders and let out a laugh. "Oh it was nothing! After everything you've done for me, it literally was the least I could do for you," Roma said half-jokingly, before taking a seat on the empty bedside counter table. "… How are you feeling right now?"
Taking a sip of the surprisingly well brewed cup of coffee, Haise's heavy eyelids widened as he savored the taste of the cold cappuccino. "Honesty…? I'm not doing too well right now, but uh… Hey, at least this coffee's great; I got that goin' for me, right?" Haise mused playfully while shutting his eyelids closed the moment he felt a sharp pain in his brain.
Letting out a barely audible chortle, just to acknowledge what Haise had said, Roma smiled weakly at the half-ghoul before nodding her head slowly. "I'm glad you like the coffee— even if it's not exactly the greatest cup I've made before…" Roma whispered as her faint smile faded into a concerned frown.
"… When I found you in the living room, after I heard you screaming, I… I didn't know what to do with you— how to help you get better," Roma said with a sorrowful smile spreading across her lips, as she chuckled humorlessly while pointing a gloved finger at her silly and multi-chromatic outfit. "It's the only reason why I washed this and dolled myself up— Looking silly and cute always distracted me and helped me stay focused… Especially when I'm really, really scared."
Taking a long sip from the edge of the white-ceramic cup within his hands, Haise lowered his half-consumed beverage and let out a throaty chuckle. "Far be it from to be the pot that calls the kettle black, but… How is that actually your coping mechanism?" Haise asked with a slightly amused look in his intrigued eyes, before adding, "I'm not trying to judge you, I just… I just genuinely want to know, for curiosity's sake. That is, if you're comfortable enough with sharing that with me— No hard feelings if you'd rather just not talk about it."
Curling the corners of lips into a tighter smile, Roma waved her hand at Haise. "I'm an open book, Haise! Granted, some of the pages are torn, and a good chunk of the papers are scribbled on with crayon and glitter— but still an open book, nevertheless!" Roma joked reassuringly, before her smile slightly wavered as she lowered her red-and-black striped-sleeved arm down. "Well… Where to begin…?"
Thinking to herself how she could answer Haise's query without taking up the rest of the night babbling on about her past, Roma quickly summarized what she needed to say in her head before speaking. "Well hehe, you know I'm old as shit, right? Well, when I was a little girl growing up in the mid 1970's, to the early 1980's, circuses were more of a thing than they were during the 2010's…"
"… Well, you already know about my sob-story with how my loving mother and I grew up in poverty, so I won't bore you with that again. All you need to know Haise, is that she knew I wasn't happy living with her— How could I be? I couldn't tell you the amount of times I get the shit beat out of me by my mom's clients, or how many times I've had to run away from home because of them… A lot of them were… Touchy…" Roma said with her smile fading completely, as she thought momentarily back to her past life as a girl who found the streets safer than her home in the projects.
Although their circumstances were vastly different growing up, Haise knew what it was like to be vulnerable, and could relate to what Roma was telling him in confidence. "… I'm sorry to hear how hard your life was— growing up in such an awful environment, that's… That's no way for a child to live," Haise said, as he gave his condolences to the survivor sitting beside his bed.
Hearing someone actually giving her real empathy was new for Roma— so new in fact, that she immediately took Haise's heartfelt condolences as him just mocking her. Tensing up and letting out a shocked gasp, it took the fifty-six year old ghoul a few moments to calm down, after she had realized that Haise was being genuine with his words. "I… I wasn't trying to paint myself as a victim— sorry if that's what I came off as trying to do, young man."
"Don't apologize, Roma. What happened to you wasn't your fault, it was out of your control. The only ones who have to be sorry are those sick-bastards who took advantage of you and your mother," Haise said with a serious look in his eyes, as his psychosis was making him hallucinate seeing the child version of Rize sitting beside Rize— both the ghost and the clown looking at him with vulnerability in their pained eyes.
"I'm sorry that no one was there for you, to help you when you needed to be protected… It wasn't right what they did to you, what long-lasting damage they've done to you. You're no one's victim, and nobody owns you— not fear, not those who hurt you, no one," Haise spoke with a brooding tone in his voice, as he addressed both Roma and his deep-seeded guilt for the girl who he couldn't save from her cruel birth
"You… You might not be able to ever forget the past, and no matter how much we try, we can't change what happened— God, how I wish that we could. What's done is done… But it doesn't mean that you can't move on— that you can't break free from your chains," Haise said in a hallowed voice, as he remained calm as images of Sunlit Gardens flashed before his eyes.
"… Leave the past where it is, but don't forget to look back on the good parts of it, otherwise you just live life believing that none of it was worth living— that it was all just pain that carries itself with you," Haise said, as he felt a calming wave of serenity washing away all the stress, all the pain, and all the heartache he had been ignoring for all of his life. "It's okay… I-It's okay, you… You don't have to carry that weight anymore. You can… You can let go of it now; it'll be okay, I promise you it will be… You can be happy now," Haise said with an endearing smile on his face, as he thought about what it actually meant to be happy, and wondered if why he never tried listening to his own advice.
Clarity followed suit, as Haise smiled at the fading hallucination of Rize's child self, staring back at him with a cathartic look in her eyes. And although the manifestation of his trauma didn't speak a word to him, its silence spoke for it as it vanished before his very eyes. Sighing softly under his breath, Haise looked over with his head feeling more at ease as he noticed Roma burying her face into one of her gloved hands.
"Tsk…! Jesus Christ, Haise…! W-Where the Hell did that even come from?!" Roma suddenly asked while bursting out laughing while still trying to calm herself down from having sobbed silently during the entire duration of Haise's speech. "I-I was just gonna say something sappy about finding happiness at some shitty circus that I snuck into as a kid, but then fuckin'— Then y-you said all that sad crap to me and— God damn, you really know how to make a girl cry, Haise…!" Roma chuckled with melancholy in her giggling voice, as she sipped her eyes and nose with her sleeve.
With his head feeling clearer and more free than it ever had been, Haise was no longer suffering from any ailments. Unhindered, Haise swung his legs over the side of the mattress and attempted to stand up off the edge of the bed. However, before he could get up on his feet, he was immediately ushered back onto the bed by Roma, who leapt up the moment she saw him trying to get up.
"W-What are you doing?! You can't get up; you need your rest!" Roma scolded, as all she could think about was how rough Haise looked when she found him seized up on the livingroom floor.
"I was going to head out to the bathroom, and get you some tissues," Haise replied back with a more awake voice, as he stared back into the confused brown eyes of the short clown-girl standing in front of him. "Besides, I'm… I'm feeling a lot better actually; it was probably that cup of coffee you made me, haha…" Haise said jokingly, as he attempted to get back up again, before being gently pushed back onto the bed.
"W-Wait! What about all that stuff you told me back in the caves?" Roma asked with a sudden worried tone, as she tried smiling casually at the perplexed half-ghoul. "Didn't you tell me that you get all loopy and crazy when you don't… You know? When you're 'backed up' down there— in the ol' pipelines?" Roma asked anxiously in her voice, as she pointed a yellow-gloved down to point at Haise's crotch.
Nodding his head, Haise smiled softly at her. "Something like that, yes. But… Like I said, I think the coffee did the trick— I'm feeling right as rain now," Haise insisted with a chuckle, and tried one more time to get back up, but again was gently sat back down onto the edge of the mattress by the pouting clown. Smirking and cocking an eyebrow at Roma, who was puffing her cheeks at him while crossing her arms over her small chest, Haise found the small ghoul's persistence endearing, if nothing else.
"Alright… I'll take the bait," Haise said with an amused tone, as he locked eyes with the frustrated clown girl, who was still watery-eyed. "I thought that I made it abundantly clear that I'm feeling good, so… What's the actual reason you're wanting me to stay here?" Haise inquired, and patiently waited as Roma began to get red in the cheeks.
"Well…! B-Because, I… I'm not sure if I'm a fan of you wandering around the place by yourself, is all!" Roma admitted with a jealous tone that she tried miserably to hide, as she furrowed her brows at Haise. "T-Think about it! I left you to go to catch up with Yoshimura, and what happened? I'll tell you what happened: That stupid-pompous bit— girl, I mean girl," Roma corrected herself, as to not try and paint herself as petty in Haise's eyes. "… I mean come on Haise, since I've known for like, what, a day? You have a tendency to get yourself into trouble— that much has made itself apparent."
"Well, what can I say? I don't go looking for trouble, it just comes looking for me." Haise shot back cooley.
"My thoughts precisely, young man! Which is why I think it's a terrible idea for you to be around Kamishiro… Trust me, she's been nothing but bad luck for me since the moment my gang got entangled with her," Roma persisted, as she blamed Rize for her recent misfortunes. "And look what happened to them! All of them died, except Souta… Asshole left us high dry, and I'm starting to think he knew that our day of reckoning was coming…"
"When I get you back to Tokyo, I'm going to have to get more information from you about this 'Souta' guy… Makes me think that he has something to do with that other guy, Tatara," Haise explained, and watched as Roma nodded her head to acknowledge the plans he had for her.
"Treat me right and keep away from Kamishiro, and I'll be your personal song-bird, Haise! I'll even go out of my way to wake you up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning— just like an actual song-bird!" Roma practically shouted, as she took a step forward with her arms raised up beneath her armpits to mimic wings. "'TWEET', 'TWEET', 'TWEET', 'TWEET'~!!!" Roma obnoxiously yelled from the top of her lungs, as she got right in Haise's face with her uncanny-sized smile staring deeply into his gaze— all while flapping her arms like a bird.
"Pffttt…! A-Alright, alright, I get it… I get it!" Haise said while laughing, as he leaned away from Roma, who continued to aggressively make bird noises at him until finally getting tired of repeating the phrase 'tweet'.
"See Haise! I bet Kamishiro doesn't know how to make bird noises like I do! Plus, she is too young to know how to be helpful— if you asked her to make you a cappuccino in the morning, she probably wouldn't even know how to make one!" Roma scoffed loudly, while trying to hype herself, as if she was trying to show Haise that she was a better woman than Rize. "I mean, come on, all she does is take it from you, Haise— Why would you ever want to stick around with her?! Distinguishing 'assets' only goes so far, you know…!" Roma added, while raising her hands up over her chest after emphasizing 'assets' to Haise.
While Haise was finding Roma's over-the-top way of trying to convince him to stay away from Rize to be hilarious, he wasn't too fond of the clown girl trying to stick her nose into his personal matters. "... Not that's really any of your business, but nothing happened between Kamishiro and I while you were gone, other than her just getting under my skin the wrong way…" Haise said with an annoyed frown, as he thought back to his argument with Rize, who might as well have served the role as being his 'crazy ex-girlfriend'.
Opening her eyes at the revelation that Haise and Rize didn't have anything happen between them while she was gone, like how she thought would happen, Roma immediately relaxed her shoulders and closed her eyelids as a sigh of relief fled past her lips. "Oh, thank God…!" Roma quietly said with a nervous laugh beneath her breath, before immediately crossing her arms over her chest while regaining her fussy composure. "Erm— T-Thank God, because I would have had to slaughter her if she was the one who hurt you— And dare Isay, that would have tarnished the good name of whatever your Detective Agency's called!"
"'Kafka Agency'," Haise informed, and like that Roma immediately rolled with whatever cover up she was trying to pull.
"Especially 'Kafka Agency'! Dear God, who could forget those good ol' band of merry men and crossdressers?!" Roma asked in a dramatic voice, while putting her hand over her head to pretend like she was about to faint.
Finding Roma's yearning to look after his well being to be confusing and cute to an extent, Haise's smile wavered as a sudden thought popped into his head. "... With all jokes aside, mind if I ask an actual question? One that doesn't warrant an excessive response?"
Although Roma didn't try to show it, the way Haise asked her the question made her flinch on the inside, and she became uneasy. "Uh, I… Y-Yes, of course young man… What was on your mind?" Roma inquired without her usual silly demeanor, and anxiously awaited for what the half-ghoul had to ask her.
"Forgive me if I sound abrasive when I ask this, but… What do you think we are?" Haise asked with a serious look in his eyes, as his friendly demeanor completely faded away into a neutral expression.
"I… I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're trying to ask me, Haise." Roma replied, before taking in a deep breath as she suddenly felt a chill run down her back.
"The relationship between you I— what sort of relationship do you think we have?" Haise clarified himself, and remained stoic as he watched Roma swallow back the lump in her throat while trying to process his blunt question.
"W-Well… You're sort of my escort, aren't you? You're here to protect me, and take me to your home back in Tokyo, r-right?" Roma asked, while trying her hardest to not sound pathetic after having tried painting the relation between her and Haise in a much brighter light than what it actually was.
Closing his eyelids to concentrate, Haise took in a deep breath through his nostrils before slowly exhaling through his slightly parted lips. "… No, no not quite that," Haise answered, and kept his eyes closed so he didn't have to see the hurt look on Roma's face, that flashed for only a second before she could cover it back up with a neutral look. "You are my detainee, and I've been assigned to take you to my residency for questioning. You are to remain there until further notice— when Arima decides what we're to do with you."
Smiling weakly at Haise's brutal honesty, Roma laughed nervously as she raised a hand up to brush her fingers through her own mahogany strands of short hair. "So, uh… Hehe, ha, uh… Y-You're just going to interrogate me for all I know, and then… And then, what? You're going to kill me when you don't need me anymore, or…?"
"I can try to convince Arima to have you transferred to Cochlea to serve out a sentence— that's if he's even able to convince the Chairman of TSC into allowing you to receive a trial in the first place," Haise informed with an empathetic stare, after he had opened his eyelids to catch the look of betrayal in Roma's brown gaze. "There's no guarantees about that though. I understand you had a hard upbringing, but your actions have consequences— as do all of ours, as we-"
"-Bullshit…." Roma cut Haise off, as she stared intensely with her eyelids narrowed and her brows furrowed at him. "All of that, it's all bullshit, Haise. What consequences do you have to face? What are your actions held up to, huh? How many people have you killed, and gotten away with it— just because some bureaucratic dickheads give you their blessings!?"
Practicing the art of being patient, Haise remained quiet for a while as he watched Roma baring her teeth at him— seething with betrayal and frustration. "… You're right, I've done assignments which call for the deaths of those who've been marked for it. I'm going to pretend that what I do is always justifiable— the world isn't black and white, after all. The only difference between your crimes and mine are that I commit violence against those who had it coming— the Clowns were just raiders who targeted the weak for their own slave-business."
"Oh?! Is that right then?! You think I have it coming too, do ya?! Is that right Mr. 'I Execute People Who've Already Surrendered'?!" Roma insulted, as she pointed out Haise's hypocritical practices with her gloved finger pressing up against his chest. "Do you want to know what I think, young man? I think you're talking out of your ass right now."
Raising a brow at Roma's heartfelt assumption, Haise couldn't help but to smirk. "What makes you say that, 'Dodgy Mother'?" Haise asked, while making sure to address Roma by her alias— that same alias that was in her case file, and the same name TSC used to mark the hit on her.
"Because Haise, I know you're only saying all of this to make yourself seem indifferent to the world— to cover up that scared little boy I found in the living room, who was crying out for a mother who he never had," Roma spitefully spat out, while repeatedly tapping her finger tip against the now upset half-ghoul. "Don't try to deny it— you're speaking to the sad little girl who hid behind a nihilist facade her entire life. I can see straight through you, and through all those lies you speak."
"Watch it, Roma. I don't care how much you think you're worth to me— let's not forget what I did to your little friend who thought I wouldn't hurt her either," Haise said in a low and deep voice, as he narrowed his furious eyes back at the unflinching ghoul, who looked as though she was only getting started.
"Well then, young man… If I'm such a nuisance to you, why don't I do us both the favor, and save you the trouble?" Roma sneered while visibly shaking with anger and emotions, before suddenly turning heel to begin marching out of the bedroom.
Annoyed more than anything else, Haise let out a groan as he hopped out of bed before walking behind her without trying to catch up to her speed. "And where do you think you're going? You're not thinking that I'm actually going to let you off the hook now, are you?" Haise asked with a sarcastic chuckle, and smiled nervously as he watched Roma walking into the apartment's laundry room.
"That's not the way out, genius…" Haise said jokingly, as he stood by the opened door to block Roma from leaving, but then suddenly became confused the moment he heard the all too familiar sound of quinque-steel brushing up against hardened leather.
"Oh I concur, young man— this is exactly the way I'm getting out," Roma snickered back with a sinister tone in her voice, as she cocked back the hammer of Haise's revolver before putting the barrel against her temple. Smiling ariely from ear-to-ear the moment she saw Haise's sarcastic smirk disappear when he walked into the laundry room with her, Roma pressed her back up against the front of the washing machine while locking eyes with him.
"Roma… Put the gun down, okay? You've made your point already— there's no need to escalate this any further," Haise said calmly with his hands raised cautiously out, as he slowly took a step forward.
"No, I think you're the one who made the point clear, young man! I'm doomed either way, right?!" Roma asked mockingly, as she slowly applied pressure to the trigger. "There's no happy ending to this, Haise: either I get to go on pretending that you give two shits about me before Arima gives you the order to dispose of me…"
"… Or, I could just cut the bullshit, and get to the part where I inevitably get a bullet in my head," Roma said with her eyes widening even more, as she started to drool from the corner of her curled lips. "There's no happy ending for me, young man— you've made that very clear to me. Now… L-LET'S SEE IF THIS WILL ACTUALLY MAKE ONE OF US HAPPY!!!"
There was a loud gun shot that caused Haise's ears to ring, as he looked back up at Juuzou's bloodshot eyes. With particles of dirt and shreds of grass having gotten caught in his hair from where Juuzou had shot the ground just a few inches away from his ear, Haise slowly raised a hand up to comb away the debris as he remained pinned against the grass and hard trunk of the tree.
"Why…? W-Why can't you be content with anything in your life, Haise…?" Juuzou choked out through his shaky voice, as he suddenly dropped the gun in his trembling hand. "You have your freedom, friends, people who love you… W-Why isn't that enough for you…?"
Blinking away the dust that had gotten in his eyes, Haise looked back up at the dark silhouette of his best friend that was caused by the setting sun projecting its orange beams of light down from behind him. "Because Juuzou… We're living in a dream." Haise mused with a melancholic tone in his voice, and remained laying on the ground even as Juuzou took his foot off of his neck.
"Y-You're not making sense, Haise… What do you mean we're living a dream? Isn't that a good thing?" Juuzou asked with tears still profusely rolling down his cheeks, as he slowly fell to his knees to kneel beside where Haise laid.
Smiling joylessly as he stared up into the dancing branches above them, where the memorizing beams of light flickered between the leaves above, Haise slowly looked away from the sky to stare directly into Juuzou's crimson gaze. "Dreams are just delusions from the truth, Juuzou… How much is that freedom you speak of worth, when we're still taking orders from Arima? Those people from TSC? They're not our friends— we're just tools to further their own goals. And as of love…"
"… Love doesn't exist, Juuzou. There is no such thing as love, therefore there is no joy… So, how can I be happy, when that doesn't exist either?" Haise asked methodically, and smiled empathically as he saw the look of betrayal and devastation in Juuzou's eyes. "No Juuzou, dying won't bring me closer to experiencing something that never existed in the first place…"
Digesting Haise's nihilistic outlook on life, Juuzou remained silent as teardrops slid off of his jaw and rained down upon his best friend's face. "Is… Is that what you really believe, Haise? You don't… You don't believe that you're loved?" He asked meekly.
"No Juuzou, no I don't think I'm loved, nor do I think I'm actually capable of mimicking it," Haise explained with a sorrowful look on his still smiling face, as Juuzou took in a shaky breath.
"D-Does that mean… That… Y-You don't love me…?" Juuzou asked with emptiness in his voice, as he already knew the answer that Haise was about to give him. Or rather, would have given him, if Haise had it in him to break Juuzou's heart more than he already had. Closing his eyelids softly, Juuzou took in a deep breath and held it for what seemed like an eternity, before finally letting out a sorrowful sigh. "It's all… A dream?"
Hyperventilating with sweat pouring down from his forehead, Haise laid with his back up against the dryer machine as his widened eyes looked up at the ceiling light. Too panicked and shaken inside to pay much mind to the heat coming from the smoking barrel of his revolver, Haise's grey and red eyes fixated on the dent within the ceiling— where the bullet had landed the second Haise managed to pull the gun away from Roma's trembling hand.
Looking away from the ceiling and down to where Roma was curled up against the wall near the opened sliding door of the laundry room, Haise watched as the older ghoul covered her face into her forearms, as her knees were brought up against her chest. Swallowing back the lump in his throat, Haise's shaky breathing continued even as he forced himself to take the bullets out the revolver, before tossing the firearm to the side.
Neither of them were sure how much time passed, as the two of them remained there on the floor of the laundry room that had almost been tarnished with the insides of Roma's head. Eventually, when the two of them had calmed down and were no longer shaking, it was then that Roma finally raised her head from her arms, and stared at Haise's still widened gaze through her bloodshot eyes.
"H-Hey, uh… D-Did you want to go get a drink with me?" Roma asked in a quiet voice, as she licked her dry lips. "I… I know there's this one bar that the Clowns didn't get a chance to raid. And uh… I think the two of us could use something to take the edge off— maybe get a change of scenery, ya know?"
While Haise himself wasn't very much a drinker, considering that he never really took time off to ever partake in such vices, he did very much like the idea of getting out of the apartment for a bit— especially if that meant he could distract himself from all the dramatic events that had transpired in that apartment within the short amount time he'd spent there.
"Uh… Y-Yes, I, uh… I-I'll go out with you," Haise said in a shaky voice, as he stayed sitting with his back pressed up against the hardened glass wall of the dryer machine.
Still just as shaken up as he was, Roma found it hard to move from the spot she was curled up against as she nodded her head. "O-Oh, good… T-That's really good, uh… D-Do you mind if, uh… If I fix myself up a bit before we go? I think I remember seeing some make up in the bathroom, and I think it might still be good," Roma asked in a forcibly casual voice.
Taking in a deep breath, the corners of Haise's lips curled upward slightly as a sudden thought came into his head. "Yeah, of course… By chance, are going to use that makeup to paint-"
"-My face like a clown? Why yes, yes I am," Roma interjected, as she smiled cautiously at Haise while slowly grabbing the wall behind her to pick herself up off of the cold metal floor. "Gonna make my face all white, get myself some red lips, blue eyeshadow, a lot of black eyeliner, and of course— I gotta make my nose red… Hope that isn't a deal breaker."
Finding it refreshing to hear Roma making playful banter with him again, Haise's smile relaxed as he finally started to get back up to his feet as well. "Oh no, you're fine. I'll, uh… I'll go see if there's any clothes that fit me around here— hopefully there aren't just vault suits around here; blue isn't my color," Haise said half-jokingly, as he stood up while facing towards Roma. "So, uh… After you," Haise said, as he gestured with his arm for Roma to exit through the opened door first.
"Heh… Aren't you just a gentleman?" Roma teased, as she turned around to begin slowly taking step-after-step out of the laundry room. "And they say chivalry is dead…" Roma added, as she made her way over to the bathroom, while Haise followed behind her down the hallway to begin searching through the old vault dressers for something to replace his black pants and sweater.
And as each of them got ready in the bathroom together, Haise couldn't help but find the somewhat normalcy of getting dressed up to go out on what Roma called a 'date' to be comforting. With Roma standing in front of the sink to use the mirror to apply the finishing touches on her makeup caked-face, had his prepared outfit folded on top of the closed toilet lid, as he stood beneath the cascading hot water coming down from the end of the shower head.
Pressing his forehead against the tile wall of the shower, with the only thing separating his body from Roma's wandering eyes being a mosaic shower glass wall, Haise took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled it from his mouth. "Yeah… Just a dream," Haise whispered underneath the sound of water splashing down over his body and onto the ceramic floor, as he thought back to the day that he broke the heart of the only person who's ever actually loved him.
Thank you for reading this, the next chapter for sure will be the lemon. Wanted to lead into it before just jumping into the next chapter like that, for chemistry's sake.
As for the previous chapter, it was sporadic and in the heat of victory. Kurona and Nashiro love each other, and respect and admire Kaneki as their boss and someone who will provide for them. Kaneki might have gotten laid, but they aren't in love with him, and he's going to be feeling that later on when he realizes that they aren't interested in being anything more than his concubines and servants.
Kaneki's next hurdle will be trying to find an actual girlfriend, which he'll go back to having trouble with because unlike the Yasuhisa twins, he has to be the one to seek out and impress women the old fashion way. Which is when he eventually accepts the help of Hikari, who offers to tutor him into being the perfect man capable of being an amazing lover in bed. Other than that, Kaneki will mostly learn how to attract women based on what he sees Haise doing when they're not busy with their work.
So far, Haise's only really gotten into relations with very volatile and or toxic people. Roma might be a cute clown girl, but she's extremely rash to decisions and takes extremes. But when they do end up getting drunk and having sex, I'll be sure to make it much more emotional than Kaneki's threesome, and I'll have Haise compliment her womanhood and give her praise while he shows her a good time. Which, of course, will include him eating her unshaven pussy out, before dining on some clown ass.
I'm glad the last chapter was well liked, and I do love me some slice of life moments between chaos and fighting. But yeah, Hide definitely won't be believing Kaneki once he tells him about his threesome with Kurona and Nashiro— he'll probably tell him, "I think you dreamt that you did, and maybe I can believe you and Kurona having a thing together, but there's no way in hell that you had sex with both of them. That's just your dirty imagination playing tricks on you."
But yeah, Kaneki would try to get Hide to go back to chat up Oohashi, due to homies looking after homies. Hide might be an organic leg, and who doesn't like Tsunade?
And don't worry about the misconception of Haise and Rize lol, I should have written that clearer lol. But then again, I've always been a fan of ambiguity, so who knows? Maybe Haise does have a thing for lolis. And lol you're right, Rize actually is kind of a damsel in distress.
You have Rize's character spot on by the way, I didn't even see it that way until you pointed it out. Rize is possessive over Haise, and does care about him in her own weird fucked up way. Haise isn't an Angel himself, and yeah it does make sense that Rize got defensive over him not reciprocating her feelings, and also by kinda being a dick to her. But yeah, I'm definitely going to have Haise and Rize hook up soon, and then he'll finally do his part to help her fulfill whatever fantasy she has in her head.
As for Kaneki and Eto, that's the end goal. The Yasuhisa twins had their own prerogative with him, Hikari wants to have sex with Kaneki and teach him to be good for whatever girl he ends up being with, and Hinami will be his first girlfriend before they eventually either break up, or Eto suggests that she joins Kaneki by his side as his wife, and just accepts Hinami as being by Kaneki's side as well. As of now, Kaneki will have the Yasuhisa twins for breeding, Hikari for his pseudo mommy-dom waifu, Hinami for his little-sister kink waifu, and Eto for his actual waifu. For now, and there of course could be moments of where he has sex for the sake of getting lost in the moment of passion with someone else.
As far as Haise goes, I really do love the way I'm writing him with Roma, and it's like the thing he had with Juuzou and even Rize and Mutsuki: they're all potential romance options for him, but he always end coming to the conclusion that those relationships wouldn't work out in the end. Haise doesn't believe in love, which means he needs to be proven wrong.
Yeah, condoms aren't really used too much in my fics, but I'm sure someone like Hinami would insist on one at first, while Hikari and Eto wouldn't want one to be used.
Also, I think this is going to be the turning point where Haise starts to get a fondness for drinking, which of course leads him into wanting to try new things and go out of his comfort zone to try and chase that happiness and love that he's never believed in. Not an uncontrollable alcoholic mind you, because Haise's in the healing process and he's already got a lot of trauma, this is more so a turning point for him to start letting go of the past.
What else, what else… Oh, yeah probably gonna do that thing where I included Yusa as being rested to Haise and Kaneki later. Might have him hook up with Haru and maybe even a milf, so any ideas on that are welcomed.
Anyways… Next chapter will be the lemon between Haise and Roma, and it'll happen pretty early on in the beginning of the chapter. Roma, all dressed up to look like a clown, which is how she feels 'pretty', is finally going to lose her virginity to Haise, and will be one of the many women who love someone who doesn't believe in love yet.
Let me know what ya think, and until next time, have a damn good day!