"What? Are we eating rats again?" Shiraishi asked again, looking disappointed at the fact that the meal diversity had been reduced to small, tasteless rodents that weren't even that nutritious to begin with.

Earlier, when the gale had passed, they had been surrounded by a group of bears that were attracted by the smell of the dead deer they had used as a refuge. They managed to get out of there without attracting the attention of these predators with some care and luck. The bears were not Tsurumi's men, thank God, but none of the group saw them as preferable opponents, so once the surroundings were clear, they headed down the mountain.

While on their way, Asirpa made several traps to catch the small rats that appeared along the mountain, called pikas, which were a furry kind of rodent. They were the only thing they could find to eat at the time, and the closer they got to the base of the mountain, the fewer rats appeared.

As soon as they finished descending, the group stopped to get some rest and eat. Ogata was on the lookout for possible dangers (bears and Tsurumi's men), Sugimoto was sitting by the campfire with Yuki right next to him, who was feeling a little better despite the pain and still feeling weak, Shiraishi was holding his feet up, sitting on his ass, bored out of his mind and Asirpa was roasting the single rat the traps were able to catch in the fire for them to eat.

"Rodents are all we eat!" Shiraishi complained.

"Stay hungry then, if you can't stand eating rats anymore, good. Then there's more left for us," Yuki said, ripping out one of the rat's legs to nib the limited meat from it. Shiraishi looked at her like a disappointed child. "You know what, Shiraishi? On the battlefield during a war, we even ate ants as not to stave to death. Do you want to try out ants, Shiraishi?"

She grinned when Shiraishi's face turned into one of disgust. Asirpa stood up, with a thigh of the small mouse in hand, and went over to where Ogata was standing, offering it to him. Yuki watched from afar, thinking of how sweet the girl was and how she tried to include everyone in the small group. This attitude of the Ainu girl gave off a familiar, warm feeling Yuki had been able to feel by another person who had had similar efforts. Yuki missed him greatly, it had been years since he died, but the grief she felt for him never quite faded away.

"I know it's not much, but there is a little for you too, Ogata," the girl said as she handed over the roasted thigh. Yuki smiled upon seeing this interaction. "Ogataaa~, where's your hinna?" She pouted when he accepted the meat but didn't say his hinna when he bit into the meat.

"Forget about him," Sugimoto cut her out with a frown.

"Everyone needs their time," Yuki replied to Sugimoto with an angry face. He frowned back at her. "Everyone has their own ways of being grateful too," she defended.

"I wonder when you will say hinna, Ogata," Asirpa turned back to Ogata with a strange but kind smile. "If you ate something you liked, would you say hinna then? What is your favorite food, Ogata?"

Ogata lowered his head slightly and looked at the ground in a distant manner, apparently remembering something. Ogata's back was turned to Yuki,, but she was still able to notice the slight change in his posture. Something about that question had stirred something in him. She watched him as the others ate their share of the mouse, wondering what it was he was thinking.

Ogata didn't answer Asirpa's question and she walked away with a sigh. Sugimoto looked at him spitefully while Shiraishi only shook his head in disappointment. Yuki rolled her eyes at the two.

The group continued on their way. Yuki found a tree with some fruit on it which turned out to be pears, so she picked some for the group to eat that evening. The pears were delicious, sweet and juicy. Shiraishi was the happiest out of the group as he ate one of them. At last, he was savouring something more palatable than the tasteless pika meat.

When evening came, they stopped to rest and set out camp, lighting up a fire. Asirpa prepared something for them to eat as usual, and after that, they went to sleep. Yuki was lying down looking at the star-covered night sky. She had felt restless since Daisetsuzan and remembered very little to nothing of the moments before she fainted, and what happened after. She closed her eyes and sighed. It would do no good to think too much about it now.

Ogata was nearby, sitting with his back to a tree, his legs crossed and his arms around the rifle. He watched Yuki try to fall asleep. Besides Asirpa, she was the only person who did not seem to reject him. It was something he had noticed since Yubari. Sometimes Sugimoto picked on him. This didn't bother him though, because he was used to it ever since his time in Ibaraki and the day he joined the 7th Division. However, Yuki always intervened in some way, either by answering or challenging Sugimoto. Could it be in his defense? He thought. But why?

Why would anyone do anything, anything at all, for him? Such a defective person like him.

And now this damn anxiety in his chest. He couldn't remember feeling something like this since... bothered him because he didn't know what to do about it. It bothered him even more that he didn't understand what it was inside of him. He wanted to understand what that new strange, uncommon feeling was but at the same time he didn't want to. He was afraid of it and he would never admit it even to himself.

Yuki stood up, which caught his attention, and watched her walk over to him. She sat down beside Ogata, her arms resting on her knees. Her blue eyes looked at their sleeping companions, but she suspected that Sugimoto was only pretending. He did this whenever Ogata kept took a single pear from her pocket and offered it to him. "Here, for you," Yuki said softly. Was that gentleness in her voice? Ogata wondered.

"I kept the last pear. I was going to eat it when I got hungry, but you are staying here for a while so you'll need it more than I do."

He looked at the fruit and then at her face. He noticed that there was something different about those blue eyes, they somehow seemed…softer. His dark eyes lowered to her mouth, searching for a hint of a mocking smile, and then returned to the blue intensity of her gaze.

Yuki got up after he accepted the pear and went back to her spot near the fire. She lay down on the other side, so that Ogata couldn't see the ever growing blush on her face. Her eyes shot open when she felt Ogata sit down right next to her after trying to sleep for a while. Her heartbeat raced and her body was petrified for a moment. Not even the war had made her have that kind of reaction.

Yuki smiled when she heard the sound Ogata made as he bit the pear. She closed her eyes to fall asleep, but then remembered the question Asirpa had asked Ogata earlier. He likes anglerfish nabe.Yuki answered in her thoughts, finally trailing off to sleep once her body just couldn't stay awake anymore.

Ogata knew she had fallen asleep when her breathing became deep and rhythmic. He raised his hand toward Yuki's face, a sudden urge to touch her face, but he stopped just as he was about to touch her cheek and pulled his hand back into the beige cloak, surprised at the gesture he was about to make, it was as if he didn't know himself anymore.

In her sleep, Yuki dreamed of that particular night...

******* dream start/flashback*******

Under Tsurumi's secret orders, Hagiwara snuck into the house of Hanazawa Koujirouwho made a terrible strategic mistake that cost the lives of thousands to ensure victory in the war. No one but Tsurumi was aware that Hagiwara was also in the house of the Lieutenant General that night. Not even Tsukishima or Usami knew she was there.

To make sure that Ogata Hyakunosuke assassinated him, Tsurumi ordered Yuki, his most loyal and trusted soldier, to assure his assassination if the other failed to complete his mission.

Hagiwara Yuki of the Special Division Zero, who was still performing his services after being requested into the 7th Division for some weeks - since the War Minister, General Tereuchi, gave her some free time once the war was over -was pleased to take part in this mission because of all the men that had died at the cost of him wanting a promotion. Yuki clenched her teeth hard, remembering how he had his part in Yuusaku's death as well. He did everything to put his own son to be the flag bearer. Everything.

And now he's gone… Yuusaku is gone forever. He didn't deserve to die… If Koujirou didn't send you, Yuusaku, you would be alive…picking flowers or something…

Yuki tried to calm down herself or her urge to kill could reveal her presence. She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly.I am so sorry I failed to protect you, Yuusaku. She thought.

She had made a hole in the shoji wall so that she could see what was happening in the other room, she sat on her knees and heels in that typical Japanese way and watched calmly as Ogata did what he had to do.

Yuki was about to leave, but stopped when she heard Ogata's speak up. He was sitting with his legs around what appeared to be a heater, glaring into the nothingness in his usual expressionless mood, yet somehow, he looked angry. Yuki couldn't see him from where she was hiding but could sense his anger and rage through his aura.

"At that time, father was still only a Lieutenant Colonel in the 1st Infantry Regiment of the Imperial Guard." Ogata covered his face with his hand, which was soaked with blood. From where she was standing, Yuki could only see his back. "The guards are a force that work directly under orders from the Emperor. With such respectability at stake, I can only imagine what a disaster it would have been if the news had come out that one of its members had a child with a geisha from Asakusa."

Yuki opened her eyes in shock and looked in the direction of General Hanazawa, who was bleeding on the ground. Yuki's efforts at the front line against the Russians to avoid deaths hadn't been enough. She fought in the 203 Hill risking her life again to achieve the goal of protecting everyone by killing as many Russians as she could and damaging their artillery but… Even if they had taken the victory, the price had been high. Too high.

Yuki was shocked to know Ogata was like her, yet differently. Ogata was the child of a geisha while Yuki was the daughter of a brothel prostitute.

Tsurumi-sama didn't tell me any of that… Yuki thought, frowning. Can it be… that he did know something about all of this and wanted me to find out myself? Why would he want me to find out? And how did he know that Ogata would have this conversation with the man in the first place?

Hagiwara watched Koujirou bleed his way to death, remembering the sight of the battlefield filled with bodies, both Russian and Japanese, her best friend's face… He was one of the few loved people that was the reason she had the idea to infiltrate the enemy trenches to kill as many Russians as possible and save as many of her peers as possible. She'd rather risk her life than losing her loved ones.

Yuki had explained to the Lieutenant that she had gone on a mission like that before, and that's the reason she gained her fame in the first place, but he didn't listen. He brushed it off, not giving it the importance it deserved, sticking rather to the book than using tactics outside the box. He told her not to act on her wild ideas, but she did anyway. She disobeyed him and went to the Russian's trenches on her own, totally alone. Tsurumi and other Lieutenants believed in her and they 'blindfolded their eyes' so that Yuki could go do her suicidal, dirty work.

But they weren't the only ones that believed in her though. The War Minister, General Tereuchi Masatake, who Yuki had the chance to meet sometime between the battles during the Russo-Japanese war trusted her too, secretly - even Tsurumi didn't know about it.

Not by first sight, though. Yuki disobeyed the orders of the 1th Division Commander, General Kuroki Tamemoto, at the Battle of Yalu River. She led them to victory with her bold actions and that impressed the General, but that didn't make him less mad at her for disobeying direct orders and the rules of conduct. But it didn't prevent General Kuroki from telling the War Minister that she could be, and already was, more than an ordinary soldier. Because of that testimony, the War Minister created the one-man division known as Special Division Zero.

Yet many Japanese soldiers died, the Battle of 203 Hill was very tough. She worked hard to protect everyone. Especially Ogata, Yuusaku and Tsurumi. Many said that if not for the Lone Wolf's help, more lives would have been lost.

Even so…anger and indignation grew in her.

"I heard my grandmother say that as soon as his legitimate son was born…" Ogata continued, his voice monotone of anger. "He stopped visiting my mother. Then, when I was still a baby, grandma took us to live in the house we had in Ibaraki."

Yuki began to feel something in her chest, something similar to pain. She was beginning to understand Ogata's words. More and more she understood what was meant between the lines and what Ogata felt. What he had always felt.

It was the same as her.

"Mother used to make anglerfish nabe for me. The saying goes: 'Fugu in the West, Anglerfish in the East.'" Ogata's voice was deep and he spoke slowly. "Anglerfish was a cheap fish, a common dish in the region. I loved to eat it when mom cooked it."

Yuki's eyes widened. She lowered her gaze to her own hands that were closed over her legs in fists as she listened. That feeling from when she first saw him in the past returned, that familiarity. That... empathy. It suffused her.

"But... She cooked it every day." Ogata was still sitting, looking down at the heater. There was a slight smile on his lips, his gaze distant. "Mom made anglerfish nabe every day. Ever since father said it was delicious...she believed he would come back to eat it someday. Mom wasn't right in the head anymore, you see…"

Yuki raised her eyes again to stare at Ogata's back through the hole in the wall, tensing her jaw. Then she looked again at General Hanazawa, who was also listening attentively, and narrowed her gaze at him angrily.

"I took my grandfather's old gun and went to the fields to hunt some birds." Yuki had this impression that Ogata's voice seemed, deep inside, to have some sadness in it. "I thought that if I brought a different meat, mom wouldn't cook anglerfish nabe... But no matter how many birds I brought home, she just kept cooking anglerfish nabe every day."

Suddenly, Yuki's memories of her childhood surfaced. Not only of the beatings, but of the emotions and feelings of how she just wanted to be loved. The right way. A brothel owner could never be the right person to do that at all. He hated her, actually, and he wasn't her father either. Yuki wished she had both her mother and father to love her, to care for her, to raise her, to protect her and be with her…but life had never given her that.

Yuki just wanted to feel the love she saw the other children being given by their parents when she used to walk aimlessly through the city's streets when she was bored. How she looked envyly at them. Those blessed and loved children.

Yuki always wondered how the feeling of having a mother's and a father's love was. Then Yuki thought about Tsurumi… He has been like a father to her since the day they met. Was the way she felt about him the same as what daughters feel about their fathers? She didn't know the answer… He wasn't her father anyway, he was her Superior in the army. But still, Yuki saw Tsurumi like a father.

Yuki's gaze softened as she stared at Ogata's back again. She understood what he felt that drove him to hunt the birds and bring them home. He understood why he had hoped every day that his mother would look at him. It hurt in her chest like it hadn't hurt for many years.

Because she knew the same pain as him. Because of that she always tried to please Tsurumi and make him proud of her.

They both sought attention. Familial love and warmth. A place where they were wanted.

"That's why I waited for a moment when my grandparents were absent and put rat poison in my mother's food. "Yuki's chin dropped. Did she just hear that he had a mother, and killed her? Yuki had never had such a strong urge to punch Ogata's face in the two years they had known each other at this point. She wanted to punch him for throwing away what she never had any chance of having: a mother.

Ogata's mother might have gotten sick in the head, but Yuki believed that at some point, she did love and care for him deeply as a mother did. How could he not know that? How could he not think of that? How could he be so ungrateful? How the hell could he do such a thing? Yuki had to do her best at self-control, because getting noticed would give off her position and involvement

"I thought that by doing this, dad would come to the funeral. I thought that she, in her end, would have the chance to see the man she loved once again... But you never came."

There was no one there for me. Yuki thought almost at the same time, remembering her old life. She took a deep breath and looked at Hanazawa, who was goaning agonizingly on the floor, immobilized, just about to die.

"Don't tell me that…" General Hanazawa began with pained difficulty, "You hold a grudge because I abandoned you and your mother... You saw your mother in a pitiful state of dementia... And you felt disgusted, didn't you? You're no different from me…"

At that moment Yuki felt her nails enter the flesh of her palm, so angry she was. Yuki took a deep breath to try to calm herself down and not make her desire to kill him so evident, otherwise she might be discovered by Ogata. The murderous intent was something that could be felt from afar. It was the instinct of every living being. The Assassins could sense each other's desire to kill.

"Children don't choose their parents…" Ogata covered his face again with his bloody hand. "I think the word 'love' is as vague and as uncertain as the existence of gods, but let's say that love exists... If you loved mom, you wouldn't have abandoned her like you did."

Love. she thought. Yuki just wanted a hug with love from a father and a mother. Arms in which she could feel protected, where she could seek for comfort. However, she never had something like that. Love. There had been no protection in her old miserable life. All she had to do was try to protect herself everyday. There was no such thing as love for when she was only a vulnerable child.

"A child born to two parents who don't love each other grows up to be an adult with something…" Ogata made a quick dramatic pause, as if thinking this through. "Something essential missing, don't you think? No matter how high rank your father is."

Yuki's eyes widened upon hearing those words. Was it this lack of something that made her capable of killing her enemies mercilessly? Is this why she followed orders without questioning them? By the desire to fill the void for praise for a job well done, for the attention she received for being a good soldier, to keep safe and to make Tsurumi proud of her and pat her head?

Was it the lack of feeling loved?

She remembered all the times Tsurumi seemed to care for her and praised her and said how important and useful her abilities were. How she was so important to him. Because of that, she seeked to protect that second chance of love life had given her.

"The proof of this is his legitimate son with his legal wife." Ogata stood up from where he was standing, the bloody knife in his hand. "His second son, Second Lieutenant Hanazawa Yuusaku, became a man of integrity because he was conceived with the love of both parents. He lost his life in Hill 203, in the war... but do you know how he really died?"

Yuki's eyes followed Ogata's steps to General Hanazawa.

She remembered Yuusaku, for whenever he saw her, he tried to start a conversation. Yuusaku was a kind and thoughtful friend of hers. Yuki liked him because he was not phony like the others, and seemed genuinely interested in being her friend. Yuki enjoyed his company and his conversations. Yuki always loved to look at his warm eyes and smile.

With time, she learned to appreciate their friendship and she smiled easily when she was with him. Sometimes he irritated her with his endless worrying and random things and silly jokes, but she liked him anyway. Yuusaku was the first soldier she confessed her real identity to. He was incredibly saddened to hear how she got to become what she was now.

Yuusaku was her first and true friend she ever had, and for that, he won a place dear to her heart.

All the times they talked, Yuki remembered how Yuusaku told her how much he wished to be accepted by his ani-sama. Yuki saw in his sweet eyes how he wished he could be closer to Ogata and how he loved the idea of having an older brother. Yuusaku was very happy to be a younger brother. It was contagious the gleam in Yuusaku's eyes when he talked about Ogata, which Yuki was a little jealous of sometimes. Yuki was annoyed whenever she saw Ogata ignoring Yuusaku. She could not understand how Ogata seemed to dislike Yuusaku's presence.

Yuusaku was like the sunlight. Warm and hopeful.

-May, 1903-

"What troubles you, Kiki-san?" Yuusaku asked, startling Yuki so suddenly she turned on her own feet, her hand stopping inches from hitting his face. That was a close call.

Yuusaku was standing right in front of her, his hands holding each other in his back and his torso leaned slightly towards Yuki. Yuusaku had a concerned expression on his face.

"Why do you always appear out of nowhere?" She asked him. "Besides, why do you think something troubles me?" Yuki stayed a few seconds in silence, thinking. "Wait, what did I tell you about calling me Kiki-san?"

"I didn't appear out of nowhere, you didn't see me coming and that's odd of you," Yuusaku said, then smiled at her. He ignored her question. "That's why I think something is troubling you and because you're training too hard today. You always train hard like this when there is something troubling you."

He really knows her too well to notice that there is something bothering her, indeed. Yuki sighs and stops, passing her hand on her wet hair from the training.

Yuki was doing intense physical training alone in the 7th training place. She looked at him in silence for a few moments, Yuusaku stared back, smiling so friendly. How can he always smile so friendly? She thought and then she couldn't resist smiling back to him.

"There is something I decided you need to know…" Yuki looked down to the floor. "I just don't know how I can tell you that yet… Isn't an easy thing to tell someone though."

"Why so serious then? You know you can tell me anything!" He said, and his smile became so wide it looked like staring at the sun because he was like the sun to her. "Come on, Hagiwara, don't be so repressed. Remember that day you got scolded by Lieutenant Tsurumi because you fought Usami in the halls and you wanted to cry so hard your face was red as a tomato?" Yuki opened her mouth to reply but Yuusaku continued. "I found you alone trying hard not to cry and I said it was okay to cry out sometimes. I offered my shoulder for you to cry on if you ever needed to let things flow out."

Yuki needed to tense her jaw because she felt her eyes wet with tears. She turned her back to him. Yes, she did remember that day and that's why she now wanted to cry again not only because she was upset about being scolded, but because every time she needed to let go of a burden, Yuusaku was there. As she always was there for him too ever since they became friends.

"I guess this is a 'Yes, Yuu-san, I remember that day'. So, what is it you want me to know?"

"I'll tell you but not here. Can you wait for me to take a bath? It won't take too long," she asked him, turning her head trying to see if there was someone nearby.

"Of course! Let's go out after you take your bath! I still have free time before I return to my responsibilities," he said, now he looked excited. "I'll buy you some wagashi sweets! I know you love wagashi and you really look like someone who needs some sweets to get in a better mood now!"

Yuki just smiled at him. She always smiled easily around him. Yuusaku could really take the best out of her even if she felt unworthy. Seeing him smiling like that, so excited to go out and eat sweets was so cute and so bright Yuki was feeling less tense. She really didn't need to be afraid of telling him anything.

-Some time later-

Yuki and Yuusaku were walking on the street after they bought some sweets to eat. The day was so cloudy that everything looked more in the shade of gray. Yuki liked cloudy days like that but Yuusaku didn't like cloudy days though. He always was a man of sunny and bright days.

"Today it's so sad and gray and has a bad vibe! I'll never understand why you like days like this, Kiki-san," Yuusaku complained, putting some sweets in his mouth while walking beside Yuki. "Sunny days are so much better! You can smash watermelons to eat them. So refreshing!"

"How can I say, I'm a cloudy person. Rainy days are also of my liking," She said, smiling at Yuusaku. "I just hate the heat of sunny days. It's so hot I could die. Plus, it's hard to wear my black uniform!"

Yuusaku frowned his face when he gave her a strange gaze and then he smiled and waved his head, chuckling. Yuki smiled back at him and put a sweet in her mouth, tasting the sweetness of the wagashi. They really were her favorite. Yuusaku smiled even more warmth seeing her face tasting the sweet.

"Oh, yeah, you're always wearing the black uniform even in the summer. I'm surprised you haven't died of a heat stroke yet! Have you considered wearing the white one?"

"Nope," Yuki said with no hesitation in her voice.

"Why not? It's good too, you know. It fits Tsurumi-sama very well, for example, so it may fit very well on you too, Kiki-san! I guess you will just look like Tsurumi-sama! Sometimes you look just like him."

"Noope!"

"Come on, Kiki-san! You should wear it someday! I'm sure it will fit you so well!" Yuusaku shook his hands up and down looking like an excited kid encouraging his friend. "I will wear it with you then. Men in white, the Lieutenants duo!"

Yuki arched her eyebrows and laughed at that silly joke.

"Yeah! But we can also be like the day and the night, the sun and the moon. You wear the white uniform while I wear the black one," she told him. You'll inspire virtue and I'll inspire bloodlust.

She didn't wear the white uniform because white could be - maybe - easier for people to discover she's a woman and also because Yuki believes that white is such a pure color she wasn't worthy of wearing at all."I'll consider your idea but until then I'll wear only the black uniform. I think it fits me better. I really look good in this black uniform."

Yuusaku pouted, not amused at all, and Yuki chuckled at his reaction.

"Well… Are you feeling better now, Kiki-san?" He asked her.

Yuki looked at him silently for a few seconds before answering him. "Yes, Yuu-san, and thank you for the sweets."

"So, Kiki-san, what is it you want to talk to me about? Tell me about it."

Yuki stopped walking and so did Yuusaku. He looked at her confused, and waited for her to say something. Her heart was beating so fast she could hear it and could feel as if it was about to explode in her chest. Even the war didn't have such an impact on her like what she was feeling right now.

Why do I feel so afraid? Maybe it's a bad idea to tell him… She considered other things to tell, maybe a lie or some random thing but… No, no, he's my best friend. I trust him. He deserves to know the truth and get to know me better.

"Yuusaku…" Yuki said, her voice so low she cleaned up her throat and tried again. "Yuusaku, I… I'm not a man… I'm a woman."

"YOU'RE A WHAT ?" Yuusaku screamed so loudly that everyone in the street looked at them both.

"Shhhh! Don't scream it so loud, Yuu-san!" She pulled him quickly to an alley getting out the streets.

"You're joking. Did ani-sama tell you to trick me with that? He's somewhere waiting to see me being silly, right?" He said firmly, looking around, but Yuki stared at him seriously. "Oh, god, you're not joking."

She stared very seriously at Yuusaku.

"Yeah, you're not joking at all," he said and brought his hands to his face. "Why are you telling me this just now?"

"You ask that as if it's so simple to tell anyone about it. What do you think could happen to me if everyone finds that out?"

"Yes, you're right. But, Kiki-san, you're a woman… But why are you doing this? Why did you enlist and pretend to be a man all this time? Why do you need to fight?"

After his question, Yuki explained what happened in her past, telling him everything about who she was and where she was born. She knew she could tell him the truth. That she could tell him everything. Yuki felt an unbelievable relief by telling him her story. Tell him who she was and how she got there and how she became who she is now. All these years she could never have told anyone about it. Tsurumi and Tsukishima were the only ones who knew who she was before being a soldier.

Yuusaku listened to her attentively, grimacing and smiling sometimes. Yuki didn't see judgment in his eyes, she saw understanding and sadness. Sadness about her and what she went through all those years. His eyes were so soft and gentle it hit her hard.

The weight she felt all this time for hiding who she was was so, so, so much lighter. The tears were getting harder to hold them down.

Yuki was trying so hard to not cry, she was as red as a tomato. She was so used to not crying or demonstrating much emotions that she was always trying to repress her feelings away.

"Oh, my dear, Yuki…" Was everything Yuusaku said before pulling Yuki to hug her.

His arms around her were so tightly gentle and so warm she couldn't hold her tears anymore. Yuki hugged him back and cried like she never did for a long time. She always wondered what it would be like to be hugged by Yuusaku and was just like she thought it would be: she felt accepted and worthy.

"You've suffered so much…" Yuusaku said, his voice was low but smooth and so gentle. "That's why you said to me once you felt unworthy and dirty, right? Listen very attentively to what I'm about to say: you are worthy and you're not dirty. Just because you think you're worthless doesn't make it true."

Yuki fell to the ground and Yuusaku fell to the ground with her, still hugging her tight. She wanted to say something but she was sobbing so much she couldn't say anything.

"Thank you for sharing with me your story. Such a burden you held this whole time… I'm so sorry you went through all of that, Kiki-san…" He pulled himself back so he could see her face. "I won't tell anyone about it. I'll show you everyday you're not worthless and dirty, defective or broken, I promise you, Yuki."

Then Yuusaku smiled at her and Yuki started crying again.

Yuusaku's smile was like the sunlight, so warm and so hopeful.

She suffered so much from Yuusaku's death that it still hurt her deeply. Her heart ached every time she thought of her dear best friend.

"I was the one who shot him in the head."

Yuki froze. Wait… What? What the...? Yuki's eyes widened. He looked at Ogata in disbelief. No, no, no, no…

Yuki bent forward, leaning her forehead against the floor, her tight throat aching from the restrained, silent scream. Yuki's hand clutched the fabric of her uniform near her chest. Such a pain… it hurt so much…. It hurt even more because Yuusaku wasn't supposed to die. He didn't deserve to die…

Yuki felt she was dying with that such pierciful pain smashing her heart. She couldn't believe what she just heard. That couldn't be true. No, no, it couldn't be true. Yuki begged for the skies. That was some kind of a joke Ogata was saying, that every single word and letter that came out his mouth was just a lie, some bad joke.

But looking at him and how serious he seemed to be, his body language telling her he didn't regret it in the slightest.

WHY?Ogata?! Why did you do that? Why would you do such a thing?! She clenched her teeth to keep her from screaming, her eyes staring at the ground now. The tears flooded her eyes and made it hard for her to see anything. Yuu-san, you… No, no, I can't believe it, no... Ogata you never realized it, didn't you, you idiot!? Yuu-san, he... Fuck! There was no way you could have known anyway, shit! He used to talk only to me about it, but... Ah, Hyakunosuke…

Yuki's heart mourned even more for Yuusaku's death and it aches so bad that maybe her heart could really be bleeding at that moment. Her heart mourned for Ogata too who made such a terrible mistake. Such a stupid and terrible mistake and for what?! Yuki closed her eyes, Yuusaku… your feelings for him as a brother, your fraternal love. You just wanted to be friends with your ani-sama, you just wanted to have a big brother. I know what that feeling is like... I will show it to him, Yuusaku, I will show it to Hyakunosuke… Even if I have to beat down his face first! I'll show him he made such an unfair mistake to you… I promise you, Yuusaku!

"You are right." General Hanazawa had almost no strength left to speak. He was dying finally. "I really had a monstrous and useless cold-blooded son..."

You fucking bastard! Yuki could feel the blood in her hand because of how hard she was clutching hands. She wanted to kill him so badly but that was only for Ogata to do.

As soon as General Hanazawa took his last breath, Ogata fixed everything so that it looked like he committed seppuku. Yuki tried to regain her composure. It was difficult because she still felt the stifling pain. She tried to make her face inexpressive again and it took a few deep breaths. Then she left silently a few minutes after Ogata.

Outside, Yuki saw Ogata get into the carriage in which First Lieutenant Tsurumi was waiting for him inside. Yuki watched them drive away, her gaze now deeply sad and a tear running down her face. Her heart was hurting so deeply she felt that breathing was a hard task to do. A picture of Yuusaku smiling at her came to her mind and she gasped, clenching her hands.

She also could see now what she felt when she looked Ogata in the eye the first time they saw each other. It was the same emptiness inside of her. However, for Yuki, she understood better the familiarity she felt in him now. Ogata felt a pain as similar as hers about love, though perhaps a little differently. But Ogata was a broken person...

Just like her.

-Hours later-

It was in the middle of the night and everyone but Yuki were sleeping. She failed trying to fall asleep that night and went through a walk around the base, somewhere she used to go whenever she needed to hide. An old and abandoned warehouse backwards the 7th's base.

Yuki started to do some strength training to distract her mind from the hurricane of thoughts, trying not to cry because if she did anyone would see her swollen eyes in the morning. It was hard what she heard earlier. Too hard then she didn't imagine it could be. Knowing some truths sometimes ached more than a battle wound.

"I thought you would be here tonight."

Yuki turned around, her fist stopping two inches to hit Tsurumi's face. He was standing there behind her, his hands holding each other on his back. She didn't notice him arriving at all. How odd of her not seeing me coming… Tsurumi thought.

"What are you doing here? How did you know where to find me in the first place?" Yuki asked, turning her back to him. "Why would you think that you would find me here?"

Tsurumi half-smiled and stepped forward to stand beside her, looking at the stars in the sky.

"Did you forget I have known you since you were 12 years old?" He answered, sighing. "I know you have trouble falling asleep when you're upset or worried about something."

Yuki clenched her teeth and took a deep breath but this time she didn't want to hold her mood back. She suddenly turned to Tsurumi and grabbed his clothes with both her hands. Tsurumi calmly looked at those angry eyes of hers.

"I am really damn mad at you, not upset, I'm pissed, alright?!" Yuki said to him, almost yelling at his face but still holding her tone of voice so no one would notice they were there. "You knew a lot about Ogata's origins, right? You did know what he had done and everything else about him, didn't you?"

She squeezed his clothes really hard, not letting him go off. She wanted to hit something, maybe punch him in the face, anything but that pain she was feeling.

"You fucking did know what he did to Yuusaku, didn't you, TSURUMI?!" Yuki yelled his name and pushed him, turning her back again to punch the tree that was nearby. "Aaaaargh! You know… you knew how much I cared about Yuusaku… He was my friend, my best friend… If you knew all of that then would you send me there? Just to make my grief more painful?"

Because I know you have feelings for Ogata. I need you to forget about him by knowing who he is and what he has done… what he is capable of. Tsurumi thought, putting a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down.

"You're wrong, I knew that General Hanazawa was his father but that was everything I knew about him," he lied. Lying was easy for him to achieve his goals but he didn't like lying to Yuki. Omitting things from her was one thing but lying to her was worse.

However, he needed to lie to her about Ogata at that moment. He knew about her feelings for him and he didn't like knowing that. Tsurumi worried it could not be good for her to have feelings for the Superior Private so he tried to do something about it.

Although he didn't know that wouldn't be enough for her to stop having feelings for Ogata.

Tsurumi patted her head and then hugged Yuki tightly. "I am so sorry about Yuusaku-san… But I think you should avoid the Superior Private for now. I'll dismiss you from the 7th for a while now."

"I don't need to be dismissed or avoid anyone. I am not a child anymore," Yuki said to him with an angry voice. No, not now, no, shit… she felt the upcoming tears forming in her eyes. "I just want my friend back… And about Ogata- he's just…"

She didn't finish her sentence. Yuki decided to keep that to herself and then she allowed herself to cry. Fuck the swollen eyes at the morning. All she needed that moment was to give her grief soul a moment to cry everything out from her heart.

So Yuki hugged Tsurumi and cried like the child she was never allowed to be. Tsurumi threw back his head to look at the sky again, embracing her in his arms and tensing his jaw. He hated to see Yuki like that because of the Superior Private and his brother. At least now, he could give her a comforting hug that he couldn't give her when she was a little kid.

After letting all her emotion out, Yuki fell asleep in Tsurumi's arms and her brought her back to her bed. Sergeant Tsukishima was waiting for them standing in front of the door.

"Send the Superior Private Ogata to investigate the Ainu Gold tomorrow. I want him away for sometime," Tsurumi ordered the Sergeant, his face hidden in the shadow of his own anger.

"Yes, sir."

Tsurumi put Yuki on her bed and left to get some bandaids. Yuki had gotten her hand hurt, red and swollen when she punched the tree without anything to protect the skin from the rough surface. After assisting the wound, he stared at the sleeping woman before leaving the room without making even the slightest sound.