Bonnie went through the motions, she had no other choice really. She was alive and she was at college, which meant she had a role to play. It may not be the role of town witch that she was familiar with but it was one nonetheless and that meant there were certain rules to follow. Namely, classes, studying, and partying. The last one was the one she was currently struggling with.
"This guy from my bio class invited us to a party tonight, it's going to be great. Elena's already agreed to come and we texted you earlier to come get ready with us but you left your phone in the dorm again. But you'll come with us right?" Caroline enthused.
Bonnie, who had been lost in thought, almost missed the question.
"I don't know, Care. I'm not sure I'm up to a party, I've still got so much studying to catch up with because of my late enrollment."
It wasn't technically a lie. She did have a lot of studying that she needed to do because of the whole being dead thing. In reality, she probably wasn't going to get through much of it. But if both Caroline and Elena were off at a party it would mean that she'd have the dorm to herself. Jeremy was back in Mystic Falls for the weekend and despite herself, Bonnie was looking forward to the solitude. She'd found herself being extra sensitive to sensory stimulation after the numbing silence of the other side and a party sounded like the last place she wanted to be. All that noise, all those people, and those competing sounds and smells. It sounded overwhelming and stressful just thinking about it.
But she knew she should. She knew she should be pretending to Elena and Caroline that everything was okay. That their plan to bring her back hadn't entirely backfired. She knew she should be living the high life as a college student as Caroline had been planning for them since they were freshmen in high school, but Bonnie's heart wasn't in it anymore. Perhaps that had something to do with the fact that she forgot she still had a heart that beat these days, it had been still for so long.
She knew she should paste on a smile and go to this party, fulfill the role that she'd been given but really it was the last thing that she wanted to do. She wanted to curl up into a ball so tight that she might break something, just to see if that would fix whatever had clearly shaken loose in her mind. She wanted to reach into her very soul and pull and pull until she felt that spark of magic rush over her once more.
But she couldn't do any of those things.
"Oh come on Bon, one night won't kill you. It'll be fun!" Bonnie halfheartedly listened to Caroline beseech her when she caught movement out of the corner of her eye.
Bonnie half turned towards it so as to give the allusion of still listening to her friend. For a moment she could have sworn that she saw that familiar brown brushed leather jacket Kol had died in. Then she caught sight of a mop of brown hair too and her breath caught in her throat.
"How are you always able to find me?" Bonnie asked, just shy of demanding the answer from the dead Original. "But when I want to demand answers you're nowhere to be found."
Kol turned around to face her with an amused smirk, "Looking for me, darling? Well, I'm flattered."
"Oh shut up." Bonnie snapped, finally coming to a stop in front of him, she felt as though she'd been hiking through the nothingness for an age. "You can't keep dropping all this bullshit on me and then disappearing. What the hell are you talking about!?"
Kol cocked his head to the side, pretending not to have a clue as to what she was talking about. "I'm not sure I understand, little witch. You'll have to be more specific."
"All of it!" She threw her hands up in exasperation. "Not knowing what it means to be a Bennett witch, about being able to take back my magic, the spirit's manipulation, just all of it."
Kol turned to look over his shoulder, a smirk tugging at his lips as if he found all of this very amusing.
"I thought it was rather self-explanatory, darling."
"Don't patronize me!" Bonnie spoke each word clearly as she took another step toward the vampire. "You wanted my attention? Fine. You have it, now explain."
Kol merely stared blankly at her for a moment before nodding to himself as he seemingly came to some sort of decision.
"Have you never wondered why you were able to bring Jeremy back from the dead so many times? You shouldn't have even been able to do it the first time, humans are supposed to stay dead because there's no purgatory for them to go to, like this." He spun around, gesturing to the other side. "No holding cell of souls for them to be plucked from."
Bonnie's brow creased in confusion as she tried to follow Kol's line of thinking. She also absently wondered how he knew about Jeremy's first resurrection. If he and Jeremy had really been friends in Denver, enough so for Jeremy to reveal such a thing. But mostly she was confused because that hadn't been her, not really. She'd just made a plea to the spirits at the witches' house.
"I didn't bring Jeremy back the first time, my ancestor Emily did."
Kol snapped his fingers like she was so close to getting the point, "Exactly. A Bennett witch helped bring him back. The same Bennett witch that created the Gilbert rings that allow humans to temporarily travel to the other side to come back from the dead."
Bonnie blinked up at him. That was how the rings worked? It wasn't as though there was an instructional manual for them but she'd always wondered. And she supposed it made sense that it had been Emily who had been able to bring Jeremy back when humans didn't have a holding place like purgatory to return from.
"Bennett witches have more freedom here than any other witches, and the spirits resent you for it. And why? Because Qetsiyah wanted to ensure her own bloodline's control over the plane that she'd created. It's all well and good letting spirits dictate magic to living witches but not if that means placing restrictions on the very ancestors that allow those spirits to have that control in the first place. That's why Emily was able to overrule the other spirits to bring Jeremy back and why you were able to bring him back a second time. Most witches never master necromancy and if they do, they're lucky to manage it a second time, it's often a one-and-done deal."
It made some sort of sense Bonnie supposed, she had after all been able to travel to the other side - if only temporarily - to interact with Elena's soul while in transition. And of course, an all-powerful witch would want her own bloodline to have a foot up over the rest of witchkind. But for what purpose? Why bother at all?
"Why even allow the spirits to control magic from the other side then? It seems rather pointless if you're just going to put safeguards in place."
Kol rolled his eyes, disappointed in her lack of understanding.
"Aren't you listening? Witches draw on the magic of the spirits on the other side. The more spirits on the other side the greater the well of magic for living witches to draw from. And as I said witches and travelers don't get along despite both being magic users. Qetsiyah wanted to give witchkind an advantage as well as ensuring her own bloodline's superiority through specific loopholes."
Bonnie bit her lip as she tried to process this information. "So she creates the other side to trap Silas so he can't go to peace with his human lover. She then makes it so that dead witches can dictate to living witches in return for the living to draw on the power of the dead. All of which is just to spit in the face of travelers. While also leaving enough loopholes in place that her own bloodline has a secondary advantage. Did I get all that right?"
Kol shrugged nonchalantly, "More or less."
"But what I don't understand is why anyone would tell you this. And more importantly, why you're telling me at all?"
"I've been here long enough to know that you'll just keep feeling worse and worse until you either; let go of your magic or take it back for yourself. I was an ally to many witches when I was alive so they were only all too happy to impart this little bit of wisdom to me."
Bonnie quirked an eyebrow up, unimpressed, "And when do you get to the part about what your motive is for telling me?"
Kol rolled his shoulders, "I'm bored, darling. Revenge is all well and good when you're alive, but we're dead now. There isn't much of anything to do here except resent the living for still breathing."
Bonnie stared back at Kol blankly. Of course, she had expected it would be something like that. At least she could always count on a Mikaelson to always be self-absorbed even while helping you out.
"So I'm supposed to be your entertainment, is that it?"
Kol shrugged, "If you like. I've been a vampire for a thousand years, long enough to know that if you don't find a purpose then eternity can become incredibly tedious." He informed her as he strutted away through the mist before spinning dramatically back around to add with a flourish, "But by all means, find out for yourself if you'd like."
"Bonnie! Are you even listening to me?" Caroline's voice suddenly brought her back to the present where the brown jacket and matching mop of hair had never actually existed and she'd been staring at nothing all along.
Great, now she was seeing things too. Bonnie turned back to face Caroline, with a sheepish smile. Bonnie tried to recall what they were talking about. Oh yeah, that was right. Caroline had gotten all dolled up for a party and now she was trying to convince Bonnie to join her, unable to have located her all day while her and Elena were getting ready.
"I'm sorry, Care. I've just got so much work to catch up with that I feel like I'm never going to catch up. I guess it's just playing on my mind." She lied effortlessly.
Caroline sagged in her seat, face twisted in sympathy that sent a pang through Bonnie for her lie.
"Yeah of course I get it. Sorry, I'm just excited to have you back is all."
Bonnie reached across the table to grasp Caroline's hands.
"And I'm happy to be back, truly. And if I could spend all my time around a beer keg with you girls making up for lost time I would. But I can't do that until I catch up on these assignments, otherwise, I'd just be better off dropping out." Bonnie informed her wryly.
"Okay, okay I'll leave you to your assignments." Caroline laughed. "Promise me you won't spend all weekend studying?"
"Only if you girls promise to have a great time on my behalf?" Bonnie shot back with a smile that felt thinner than normal.
Caroline laughed again as she collected her stuff, "Oh we will. I'll see you later." She called over her shoulder.
"See ya!" Bonnie called back, the smile dropping off of her lips once Caroline was out of sight.
Bonnie sighed tiredly, as she became aware of that all encumbering hollow feeling in her chest that seemed to grow every day again now that Caroline wasn't distracting her. She just had to get through today, then tomorrow, then the day after, and on and on until eventually, it got easier, she told herself as she packed up her own stuff. Maybe a walk around the grounds would help.
She supposed there wasn't anything particularly interesting about the grounds on which Whitmore college stood but Bonnie found it easier to breathe out here. The fewer people around the easier it became, the crowded lecture halls were particularly difficult to deal with, their only redeeming quality being the quiet, save from the single droning lecturer. Even sleeping in a room with other people was proving to be a challenge. How was she supposed to sleep when she'd gone months without the ability with only the silence for company and now she'd found herself thrust into the opposite situation.
There weren't all that many people milling about on a Saturday, everyone had better things to do than standing still admiring the grounds that had been their home for a month and would continue to be for the rest of the year. It was easier like this Bonnie realized, with people few and far between, rushing to and fro with no concern for her, as though they couldn't even see her. It reminded her of the times she'd visited Elena and Caroline on campus. She wasn't anyone important, she wasn't a Bennett witch, she wasn't the anchor, she was nobody of note, just another student amongst the crowds. It allowed the tight ball of tension to ease just slightly.
Bonnie let her gaze rove over the flittering students, not looking for anything in particular, just taking a moment to observe because that was all she'd been able to do for months. There was some comfort to be found in simply existing without expectation or pressure sometimes.
Already her friends were hoping that she found her way back to magic again, just as they had been hoping for magic fixes since enrollment had rolled around. And already Bonnie felt as though she was beginning to be dragged beneath the waves by the weight of their expectations. She needed to remember to swim, but the motions were unfamiliar to her now.
Her gaze caught on something as it skimmed over one of the trees planted in the courtyard. Brows furrowed, her gaze returned to the tree in question. She'd thought she'd seen a familiar figure leaning against the bark of the tree but now that she looked again there was nothing there at all. Bonnie rubbed a hand over her eyes, god she clearly needed more sleep than she'd realized. She might as well make use of the empty dorm to sleep if she wasn't going to be studying, she supposed.
"Just tell me what I need to do," Bonnie mumbled flopping down beside Kol in the mist. "I don't care if it's a game, or just some sick form of entertainment anymore, I just want my magic back. I'm so goddamn tired all the time and I can't even sleep, I'm sick of it. So tell me how to get magic back."
Kol turned to face her with a cocked brow and rueful amusement painting his face.
"My, my how times change. Now the Bennett witch is coming to little old me for help."
"It's Bonnie." She snapped tiredly. "And if you're going to keep going on about how I betrayed you rather than raising hell on Earth - which you were originally opposed to - then I'd rather take my chances with the spirits."
"Alright, alright. Blimey, you're no fun. Fine, I'll help you get your magic back."
"And then what?" Bonnie couldn't help but ask because it all just seemed far too easy. She refused to believe he was doing it out of the kindness of his heart or merely because he was bored, there had to be another angle here, something she was missing.
Kol regarded her with a sardonic grin, "Haven't you been listening to me? The other side is your domain, you control it, darling. And I intend to show you just what that means. I've always had a soft spot for powerful witches."
Bonnie stared back at him warily, beginning to doubt her decision to trust him. One should not walk blindly into deals with the devil. But what other choice did she have? The spirits? Absolutely not, they hated her, and maybe not for the reasons that Kol claimed but they did regardless. She couldn't trust them with anything, let alone this. And it wasn't as if she could ask Qetsiyah as the witch hadn't bothered to show up the last time Bonnie had sought her help.
At least she knew what she was getting into with Kol and she had the insurance that he couldn't kill her.
"Okay, fine. Tell me what I have to do."
A grin unfurled on Kol's face that felt almost threatening in its intensity.
"We're going to have a lot of fun, Bonnie Bennett."
The trip back to her dorm was short and shouldn't have been noteworthy. And yet at every corner, in every crowd, she thought she saw him. Only for her to look again and to find he'd never been there at all. She was shaking by the time she got back to her room. She took several deep steady breaths hoping that it would cleanse her of this madness that seemed to be seeping into her bones.
Opening her eyes once she felt more steady her gaze immediately caught on the window behind Caroline's bed. And despite her best attempts, Kol's reflection was staring back at her. Bonnie froze, afraid to even blink in case he disappeared again. The reflection Kol tilted his head to the side, frustration marring his brow as he regarded her.
"Kol?" The name came out breathily as though speaking any louder might make him disappear again.
The reflection Kol straightened and then disappeared altogether.
"No, no, no come back." Bonnie darted towards the window but she knew it was too late.
Grabbing fistfuls of her hair Bonnie let out an anguished scream as she sank to her knees. What the hell was happening? Why did she keep seeing Kol? And more importantly, why did he keep leaving her?
Eventually, her screams gave way to sobs as she found herself curled up in a ball on her floor, tears rolling down her cheeks. It was supposed to be easy, coming back was supposed to be easy. So why did it feel like the hardest thing she'd ever done?
'Kiss me in the corridor, but quick to tell me goodbye.'
A/N: Sorry about the wait on this one I was debating whether or not to change the lyric at the end and then got caught up in sorting uni stuff that I forgot this chapter was pretty much complete sans editing 😬
Anyway let me know your thoughts in the comments
Comments:
LunaLuna99999: Love the story so far. I like that we are being eased into it, rather than given everything in the beginning
Glad you're enjoying it! I love a 'bonnie and kol were "allies" on the other side' concept but wanted to do something focusing on Bonnie's trauma and role as the anchor and this felt like the best way to do that