So here is the next chapter, I hope you all enjoy it and let me know what you think. I own nothing.
I stayed in my room the rest of the day letting them all think that I was asleep and made a plan of what I was going to do next.
I decided that I needed to go somewhere that they would not think of to look for me and then I got an idea and I knew it would work. I would be able to think without anyone being in my way.
I quickly sent the message and got one back soon after saying they would love for me to come and stay for a little while. Then I just waited.
It was a little after 2 in the morning and I got up.
"JARVIS, where is everyone?"
"They are all in their rooms, Miss Stark. Would you like me to get anyone for you?"
"No, I am going out, but don't say anything for at least an hour. I just need some time but tell dad and the others that I am alright and I will come back, I will be safe. Make sure they know this is not their fault. I just need to figure things out and know I will not be able to if I am worried about them and hurting them while I do it. Tell them I love them and appreciate everything they do and have done for me but I need to do this on my own. Tell dad that I love him and he is an amazing dad but I just need some time to figure out who I am and to fix the parts of me that I have let fall apart. Tell him this is not his fault and I promise I will let them know how I am and come back home, Just after I can get some time away. Also, tell Steve privately that I am sorry, he doesn't deserve this. That I understand if he wants nothing to do with me after this."
"Miss. Stark are you sure?"
"Yes I am please do this for me J i need it."
"Alright, be careful."
"I will, thanks for always being here J."
"It is my pleasure." I quickly grabbed my things and left the tower as fast as possible and raced to where I was meeting my friend.
Once there I was not waiting long when I saw the door of the jet open.
"Thank you for coming."
"Of course, are you ready to go?"
"I am" we hugged and took our seats before we were off.
"Are you going to tell me what is going on?"
"I need to get away and you were the only one I could think of that could help me get away for a little while so that I could figure things out."
"Well, I'm always here for you."
"Thank you," The rest of the trip was pretty quiet and then we flew into the country.
"Rebekah, welcome back to Wakanda."
Once we landed we got up and walked out. I saw T'challa's mother and sister standing there.
"Rebekah, it is lovely to see you again."
"You as well, thank you for letting me stay. I was not sure where else to go right now."
"I told you before that you always have a place here."
"Thank you, Ramonda, I am grateful for your kindness."
"It is what mothers do. Lilly helped my son. I will help her daughter."
"I appreciated it."
"Come let's get you settled."
They led me inside and took me to a room that I would be staying in. It was beautiful and I loved the view out the window and that I had a balcony which I could use.
"Feel free to spend as much time as you need. If you need anything at all feel free to just ask."
"Thank you"
"I will leave you to settle in." She walked out and Shuri walked over to me quickly.
"While you are here you will need to tell me all about you working with the Avengers."
"I will don't worry."
"Shuri" we heard her mother call.
"Talk soon." I smiled as she walked out.
"So are you going to tell me what is going on?"
It was just T'challa and I and I knew I could trust him having known him so long and he understood some of what I went through because of who he was.
"The pressure became too much. I couldn't do it all anymore. I couldn't breathe or think, I felt like I was ruining everything no matter what I did. I was falling apart, I am falling apart and I have no idea how to fix it or if I even can."
"Why didn't you reach out sooner?"
"I felt like I should be able to handle it all. My whole life everyone has seen me one way or another and there is never any in between. I guess I got so fixed in that, that I slowly lost myself and disappeared. I was so busy trying to fix everyone else that I forgot I had problems as well. I want to help everyone but right now I need to help myself or I can't help anyone."
"So what do you plan to do?"
"I have no idea."
"We are here to help in any way we can, you know that right?"
"I do, I just hate to ask for help."
"It's because you are stubborn, one of the most stubborn people I have ever met."
"Well, I get it from both parents. I was doomed from the start."
"It's what makes you, you. Don't ever let anyone take it from you."
"I will try but I don't know who I am anymore. I think I need to find that girl again."
"You are welcome to find her here and take as long as you need."
"Thank you T'challa for everything."
"Of course, I will let you have some time."
He walked out closing the door and I looked around, I think that it could work finding myself here. Deciding I needed to call someone I pulled out my phone and called a frequent number.
"Rebekah Please tell me that is you."
"Yes, Bell's it is me."
"You have all of us so worried. They have been looking everywhere for you and calling everyone. They want to send agents out looking for you."
"I wish they would just wait."
"What is going on Bekah?"
"I need time, I need to get away from it all. My whole life I have been living for everyone and following everyone else's rules and being something that others want me to be. I don't know who I am, I don't know how to be a true Rebekah."
"I thought you had been happy as of late."
"I have, I have been so happy and that is why I fell apart because I have been faking for so long holding things back and not letting myself move forward and past all of it. I have hated myself for things that I shouldn't and I need to be able to forgive myself and love myself again. I hold so much hate and negativity for myself and it is not doing me any good. It's tearing me apart and you can only live like that for so long."
"Why didn't you tell me it was that bad?"
"I don't know, I didn't want to worry anyone. Plus I don't even think I realized how bad it was until everything kept piling up and I snapped. I think losing Phil the way we did reminds me too much of losing my mom and I did not let myself grieve properly for either of them because I kept pushing myself to fix things that I can't fix on my own. I need to learn to step back and ask for help. I think that is one of the reason's my panic attacks have gotten so bad in the last little while. I just need to fix things."
"I understand, and while I will miss you like crazy and worry about you every day you are gone, I know this is what is best for you. Just please tell me you are safe and you have someone that can be there if you need it."
"I do and it is someone I know who will be able to help me and also make sure that I really do the work I need to that will help me in the long run."
"Well, then I know this is what is best for you, and I will take care of everything here. You just focus on you and the rest of us will be fine."
"Thank you Bell's you truly are an amazing friend."
"I'm the best kind. But when you do come back I need to know what is going on with you and Steve."
"What do you mean?"
"Im not stupid, I know you better then most that is why you have been avoiding me like the plage the last few week because you knew I would know something was wrong."
"It drives me crazy at times how well you know me."
"Don't I know it."
"As for Steve, we were starting to date but I don't know if he will want to be with me after all of this."
"Girl from the sounds of it he is crazy about you and from what May told me he can't keep his eyes off you when you are together. He was worried that it was his fault that you snapped but don't worry May told him that it was not him and just everything you were going through. He felt bad he didn't see that something was wrong. Then again you are amazing at hiding things because of your personality and you always smile even when you are falling apart."
"I'm afraid he will hate me when I come back and I would not blame him if he did."
"There is no way the boy will ever hate you, I don't think he is going anywhere. Plus judging by the stories and knowing grandma Peggy the way I do he is not intimidated by strong women or by people needing help. I'm sure if you let him he would help you in every way that he could."
"I hope you are right because I love him. I never planned on it but I fell for him."
"That's how all the best love stories go. Now you find yourself so that you can show him the amazing person you are. The girl who would dance all night while laughing with everyone. The girl who did not care when her hair was a mess and she was in a hoodie and sweats. The girl who is always there no matter what, anytime just there. That is the girl I know and that is the girl I have been missing."
"Do you think I can even find her at this point?"
"I know you can because that girl once she set her mind to something nothing stopped her from getting it. That is the girl who will take over everything and show people who is boss."
"Thanks for listening and for always being here for me Bell's No matter what you have always had my back."
"I always will as well. You will always be my priority and I will always help you in any way I can."
"I love you."
"I love you too. Now you get better so that you can come home and I can give you a hug."
"I will, I will call soon and let you know what is going on."
"Alright, be safe."
"I will, you as well."
"See you soon"
"See you soon" I hung up with Bells and felt a real smile come to my face. She always had a way of saying what I needed without me even knowing what I needed.
Sitting down on the bed I put my trust in her that she would take care of everything back home because I knew that she would and that she would take care of everything for me. That was who she was always just having my back and loved me for wherever I was and I knew that at the end of all of this she would still love me and see me in the best possible way. That was enough for me.
While I had never run away before I knew that was what I needed at this moment because I had been so lost as of late and I wanted to do and be better. I knew the girl I had become was very different from the girl I once was.
I knew that too much had happened to truly be able to go back to the girl I once used to be but I also knew that I could find a part of her and the girl I was now and be able to bring them together so that I was able to truly be me.
I just really hoped that once I figured out how I would do that and do it that the others would still know me and care about me.
I just really wanted to love myself again the way I had when I was little.
After always promising myself that I would always take care of myself and love myself and see the beauty within and never change myself for anyone. I realized that is the opposite of what I had been doing the last little while and I had to make it stop.
Looking down I pulled the chain up from around my neck that was hidden by my shirt
Reviling my mom's and grandma's rings.
I had worn this every day since mom had died and I forgot when she always made me say every day that life got to me.
Getting up I walked to a mirror and looked at myself. My eyes were still red and puffy from all of the crying my hair was in a messy ponytail and I was wearing sweats and a t-shirt. I let out a small laugh as I thought about what they all must have thought of me showing up looking like I was but I also knew that they would not judge me.
I thought about what mom always said and decided to just go for it.
"I am beautiful, I am kind, I am smart, I am loved, I am a warrior, I am a queen, I am everything I need, I will not let others see me for less than I am. I will stand tall and hold my head high knowing that my crown will never fall and they can't take it from me. Because I am me."
I said it over and over until I finally started to believe it. Looking at the rings I held in my hand I watched a genuine smile come across my face.
I knew I had a long way to go and a lot of work to be able to be fully back to a good place but I knew that it would be worth it all and that I could do it.
I had people back home who loved me no matter who I was or what I had done in my life.
Plus I had the people I loved and had lost looking out for me.
Holding onto the rings tightly in my hand I smiled a little wider.
I had always been trying to be as good as mom and grandma and all of the amazing women in my life. I had forgotten that what made them all amazing was how they used their differences to work together and to do good. I was ready to see myself the way they saw me and not put myself down anymore. Because If I knew anything at all it was this.
At the end of the day what really matters is how you see yourself and the love of family and friends. As long as I had that I knew that I was going to be alright.
Well, there you have it. She is reaching out to get help and she is safe. Please review and let me know what you think. Thank you Wonderwomanbatmanfan and Guest for your reviews.