Day 365, This Year
My phone buzzed. No, please no.
It was Alice, of course. Of course it was.
"She's not coming?" I asked, my voice flat.
"She's coming. I promised she would."
I exhaled and leaned against the brick wall.
"But, Edward, she lost the baby."
"Oh."
"Yeah. I saw her... tell you and it seemed like it might be better if she didn't have to."
"Thank you for telling me."
"I love you, Edward."
"Love you, Alice."
I snapped the phone shut as Bella pulled up.
Her face was thin and cold and pale.
I didn't wait this time. I walked straight over.
She jumped, noticing me, then quickly opened the door. Her feet dangled as she turned to face me where I leaned in the doorframe.
"Hi, Edward." It was barely a whisper. "I..."
"Alice told me about... I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry."
She gripped the front of my coat in her fists and bowed her head against my chest.
I held her as tight as I dared. "I'm so sorry."
It was a long time before she pulled away. I gave her space.
"I can't go in there." She glanced at the brick restaurant. "I can't."
"You don't have to, Bella."
"Could you," she swallowed and patted the passenger seat, "come sit next to me?"
"Here." I pushed against the side of her knee gently and she pulled her legs back into the car. I shut the door carefully.
When I was in the passenger seat I turned her keys in the ignition and blasted the heater.
She glared at the staring wheel.
"I'm sorry, Bella."
"I didn't think I was going to make it," she whispered. "Sometimes I still think about..."
"About what?"
"Sometimes when I'm driving, I think about just" - the fingers of both hands skimmed, counterclockwise along the top of the steering wheel - "about just... ending it."
I shuddered because I could see it. The sharp jerk of the wheel. The unforgivable wall of trees.
"Bella, let's get you some help." I couldn't hide the pain in my voice. "Let's call Jacob and - "
She snorted.
"Tell me what's going on. Please?"
Bella smiled darkly at the windshield. "You'll get a kick out of this."
"Look at me," I said more sharply than I intended.
She did.
"We're friends," I said more gently. "All I want is to help you. For you to be happy."
A heavy sigh escaped her. "It was a month after we came here last time. Almost two years ago. Jacob had gone to Charlie's to pick up the rocking chair. For when the... baby came. And he stopped at the store on the way home..."
Her lip bled under her teeth.
"Did something happen to Jacob."
"That's one way of looking at it."
"Bella?"
"Edward," her eyes locked with mine, "Jacob imprinted." She laughed humorlessly. "On Jessica Stanley's cousin."
"Oh, Bella."
"And he tried to hide it. But he was just a mess and he couldn't because he was fighting it and it was impossible to fight. And the baby was due in a month and he finally told me and I..."
She grabbed my left hand. I covered hers with my right.
"The doctor said that the stress can... that extreme stress can..." Tears glinted brightly on her cheeks, like the small, imperfect diamond on her hand. Her hand that was pressing against her flat abdomen. "I let it get to me and I wasn't enough to..."
"It's not your fault, Bella."
"Everything's my fault." She fell against my shoulder, shaking with grief.
I held her again.
"So Jacob... left...?"
"No," she murmured into my coat. "I told him to, but he won't. That's why I didn't call last year. How could I come see you when he...? He's miserable. Every day he suffers." She cleared her throat. "And that's why I think about it sometimes. When I'm driving... I could make things so much better for him."
"Bella..."
"But this... what we're doing. It's hell. I don't know what else to do."
The answer was painfully obvious. And it hardly even felt selfish.
I pulled away from her, taking her face between my hands. "Runaway with me."
She tried to escape my hands "What?"
"Tell me you don't love me, Bella."
"I..."
"Tell me."
"You'll know if I lie," she said bitterly.
I almost smiled. "Runaway with me."
"I hurt you, Edward, for Jacob. And you just want me back. All old now."
I rolled my eyes. "You're twenty-five. And, yes. Yes, yes, yes I want you back."
"And just leave Jacob who is choosing me over his magically destined soulmate."
"Tell me he won't be happier if you do."
"Well, I think - "
"I'll know if you lie."
"Just... up and runaway with you? That's what you're proposing?"
"Yes."
"When?"
"Now."
"I would have to say goodbye."
"No goodbyes, remember?"
"No goodbyes..." She stared at me, as concerned for my sanity as I was for hers.
Bella yanked the rings off her finger and dropped them into the cup holder.
"Which one's your car?
Thank you for reading!