A/N: So, here's the pivotal chapter on which the story will swing. I hope you'll indulge me. Those fates do loop a bit. Let's find out where they lead! This is all Gure, as he's the only one to remember everything that happened.

I do not own Fruits Basket or the Characters Therein

I Can Still Recall Our Last Winter: Shigure tells His Side (Lemon)

My mind cast back to a winter day during our college years. It had been a rainy that day and Tori and Kana were in the living room of the apartment being a cute couple. Mayu was left with the choice of staying alone in her room or venturing out into the world. For a while she had walked in the rain, reveling in the melancholy. But finally, the wind picked up and she became drenched. Running for the nearest door, she almost ran squarely into me as I exited the cafe carrying a coffee. I smiled at her as I glided out of her way. I was nervous to see her as we hadn't parted on good terms following a dance the previous weekend. I had shown too much of my true emotions for her and I was determined to keep things light.

She looked up and said,

"Pardon me Shigure,"

"No worries."

She looked so miserable cowering under the awning of the café.

"It's pouring. You're going to get drenched. Can I take you home?"

She looked down again and then quietly said,

"Tori and Kana are there."

"Ah, well you'll catch your death out here. Come on, my studio is just around the corner. I have a washer and dryer; we can take care of your clothes there and I'm sure I can find something for you to change into in the meantime."

Whether it was the driving rain or my inviting smile that decided her, but she finally agreed to go with me. I wrapped her in my coat and held the umbrella above her and we sprinted. Finally, we came to the door of my third-floor studio. It wasn't much, a loft space above a pizza place in an old building, but it was my space beyond the prying eyes of my family. I had chosen it because it was in a part of town that my family's agents never went. We made our way up the old staircase to my own Pied a Terre. Normally the space would have been flooded with light from the large skylight and tall windows that spoke of their former grandeur, but it was dark, and the rain pelted against the windows. I turned on a few of the lights, avoiding the harsh spotlights I used when working and rummaged in the closet while Mayu looked at the paintings and drawings that hung on the walls. There were half done and completed portraits of men and women both, naked and clothed and a combination of both. At the last moment I remembered one was a self-portrait with dog's ears and tail. My body was completely naked except a collar. As it hung near one of the lights, she couldn't have missed it. And then I realized I subconsciously wanted her to see it, for her to look at me instead of at Hatori. Mayu and I had much in common, we both lived in the shadow of other people. So, in this way I was putting myself in the spotlight. I was just glad that my portrait of Tori as a dragon was still a faceless nude in my sketchbook.

For women's clothes I came up with a beautiful pink silk robe with white embroidery on the back and a baby doll nightgown that one of my models wore in a painting. I apologized and offered one of my yukatas, a voluminous robe that would have covered her completely. Something flashed across her face, and she said,

"I'll take the pink robe."

I looked surprised but didn't argue.

Apparently Mayu wanted to be seen as much as I did. When she came out of the bathroom, I could feel myself grow horny as the pink robe was much shorter on her long leggy form then it was on my model. It came to the top of her thigh and left little to the imagination. She did have it demurely closed, however. Her ample breasts rose under it, and I could see a beautiful dragon tattoo on her thigh. I smiled; she had gotten it after all. I knew she would. Her hair, usually pinned back in a ponytail, fell over her shoulders in golden brown waves

"It's fortunate you keep this place warm, or I'd be freezing. Your other girlfriend is much shorter than me."

I didn't miss the use of other girlfriend suggesting that she did perhaps see me as a bit more than just a convenient method of getting to Tori. Thus, I decided to explore her feelings a bit more if she was willing.

"Oh, I'm not seeing anyone else currently. That robe belongs to one of my models. She left it here after her last sitting so I could get the details right. She hasn't been back since."

She turned back to the walls and walked around the room. As she moved, I could see that she only wore her panties under the robe. I was immediately thankful that I was not wearing western dress. She stopped in front of a portrait of the model wearing the same robe she wore. I had captured her as if asleep. Her form lay on the day bed languidly. The robe enhanced her nakedness as it dropped off her shoulders. It made her look vulnerable. Her breasts were just barely visible. Her face was to the wall and her hair cascaded over her shoulder like an ebony waterfall. She was beautiful, but I felt nothing for her beyond the appreciation one would have for a well-crafted vase. Cold? Yes. Cold, but honest. I quietly watched Mayu taking in the young woman. She turned back to me and said,

"Would you paint me like that?"

I was dumbfounded.

"You, you would pose for me?"

"You captured her so beautifully. I'm wondering if you could make me beautiful too."

I knew her sentence wasn't complete.

I knew what she didn't say was,

"So Tori would notice me."

"I'll paint you as you are."

"Oh great. So, you'll paint me like a lamp draped in silk."

I whispered,

"You're not a lamp Mayu."

He eyes grew wide as she saw my true emotions in my face once again, the same thing that had started the argument the weekend before. Had I leered at her before? Of course. I often told her crude jokes that masked my true feelings for her as I knew whatever I did wouldn't be enough to pull down Tori's star and I didn't have the energy to battle against such great competition as well as the constrictive curse. But at that moment, reading her face, I could tell I had dropped the facade.

"Alright," she asked, "what should I do?"

I told her what I told all my models. We would do whatever she felt comfortable doing. I wouldn't touch her but would make suggestions for her pose, none of which were commands. I told her I didn't expect anything, including for her to sit for me. But that I was honored that she wanted to. I said if she preferred, we could start with a simple sketch with the robe on so that she could get used to laying still. I also told her I'd do the painting later if we completed the sketch as that would take too long for her to sit still but that I would need studies of her face and anything else that was in frame so that I could get the details right. I purposely left that vague as I didn't want to make her feel pressured into showing me anything she wasn't ready to show.

"Shigure, she said, "I think you want me. And I want to see what I look like through the eyes of someone who does. I feel invisible most of the time. If you could help me feel seen for once I'd be ever grateful."

She then opened her robe, and I got my first look at her glorious body.

Mayu always was self-conscious about her height. She was head and shoulders above most women, and in our country, many men. So, it wasn't a wonder that she was attracted to Tori as he was six feet tall. I was also close to 6 ft so I was wondering if over time I could become a surrogate.

What she didn't see was how gorgeous her form was. Long and lean, she had legs for days. Her breasts were large but firm. Her dragon tattoo flew up her leg, encircling it and leading the eye to her silk-covered mound. Her golden-brown hair framed her delicate face. Her long neck was swan-like. Slight golden wisps of hair were visible through the lace panels of her panties.

Having taken all of this with the eye of both an artist and admirer, I cleared my throat and said,

"I can do that. Please lie down on the bed, prop your body up on the pillows. Look straight at me like a queen. I promise you are a queen."

She asked,

"Should I remove my panties?"

I moaned slightly and said,

"That's up to you. Many of my models prefer to keep them on."

She looked at me regally and took her panties off, revealing a small patch of golden hair. She then positioned her legs so only a tiny bit was visible and leaned back on the pillows, arching her back a bit thus putting her breasts on show. The robe perfectly framed her gorgeous body.

I began to sketch.

We sat silently for a while, then she asked,

"Why didn't you ask me to sit for you before? I mean just sit, not necessarily naked."

"I didn't think you'd want to. Even if a person is clothed, sitting for a portrait is very intimate. It requires me to gaze at you, to take you in, to put a piece of you on canvas. Part of you becomes mine as I define you in graphite and paint, as I create my version of you. This is especially true when I paint someone in the nude. I didn't think you wanted to belong to anyone but Tori."

She quietly said,

"I didn't know you cared that much. I would have thought you'd just see me as any other model. You're always good for a laugh, and to keep me company when they…but it was always seems shallow."

Not wanting to go into it right at that moment I simply said,

"Well, here we are now."

"Yes, here we are."

The meager light outside was fading and the streetlights were starting to come up. As I didn't want to turn on the harsh studio lights, I normally used during sittings I put my sketchbook down.

"I think that's enough for today. It will be an excuse for you to come back again."

She smiled up at me and said,

"Wow, that would be like we're actually dating!"

I sat down beside her on the bed, ensuring that there were a few inches between us.

"So, do you want to do something else couples do?"

She blushed, and said,

"Isn't it too soon?"

I looked at my watch and said,

"Actually, it's dinner time exactly. We could order in, or we could go out. My treat."

She chuckled and said,

"Oh yes. That's true. Are my clothes dry?"

"Oh, um, I forgot to put them in."

"Well then, I guess we're eating in."

We ordered pizza. She finally did take my yukata as modesty set in. I was sad to see her body enveloped in the folds of fabric. But I felt encouraged that we had progressed beyond the awkward company keeping that had been our relationship over the past few weeks. Mayu's phone rang and from her end of the conversation I gathered that Kana was wondering if she wanted to catch dinner with Tori and her. She replied immediately that she was having dinner with we me, a notion that surprised Kana as she said

"Yes, with Gure. Say hi Gure!"

I took the phone and said hello.

Taking the phone back she said,

"I'll see you later."

And hung up. She looked at me with a bit of a nervous smile, all her former bravado was gone. I made things easier by putting her clothes in the wash. She walked to the window and watched the rain falling and the mist swirling, all of which created a mysterious effect in the city lights. The neon lights from the pizza place below added to the atmosphere of otherworldliness. It didn't feel quite real out there, as if we had suddenly been transported to another time and place. And I did feel transported to another world, a world where I was free and Mayu loved me back.

She turned to me and asked,

"What's that art style where everything is a blur of colors?"

"Abstract expressionism."

"The world looks like that."

I came to stand behind her and watched the rain fall.

I so wanted to pull her to me, but I couldn't. I had over my adult years explored the boundaries of the curse so I knew exactly how far I could go. I even had a ready story of why I could go no further when things went too close to the edge. But I was in the mood for a bit of edge dancing. But I was willing to wait and see how far Mayu wanted to go.

Fortunately, the doorbell rang, and I went to fetch the pizza. When I returned, she was looking at the drawing.

"Oh, I wish you had waited, it isn't finished."

She looked at me softly and said,

"She's beautiful,"

"You're beautiful."

We stood quietly again but she rescued us this time by saying,

"We should eat the pizza before it gets cold."

I pulled out a bottle of wine and set the table with the mismatched China I had gathered from the family's cast offs. The lights flickered and went out. Looking outside we saw the entire neighborhood was down.

"Don't worry I have lanterns and candles. The lights go out quite often in this old building."

I turned on the lantern and busily lit candles. The glow from the candles made the golden highlights in her eyes glow. I kept the conversation light as I was taking my cues from her. She told me about student teaching and the cute things her students did. I recited my latest poem. Told her about some of the crazier art commissions I'd gotten and asked her if she'd like to go out sometime. She said yes. We both avoided the subject of the late hour and the lack of lights. But we were having a wonderful time, so the hours flew

Finally, Mayu said,

"I think it's too late to go out, plus it might be dangerous to drive anywhere in the dark."

"Well, you are most welcome to stay here. You can take the bed and I can sleep on the daybed."

She was quiet for a minute and then said, trying to sound innocent,

"Or we could share the bed?"

I smiled and said, "Yes, but I need you to stay on your side, I have a condition that makes contact with my body painful."

"I'm sorry."

I said, "Don't be."

She looked frustrated as if she was trying to find the words to ask something but was too shy.

I whispered,

"There are still plenty of things we can do if you want to."

I leaned across the table and waited. She met me halfway and we kissed deeply. I then led her to my bed and laid down with the amount of space necessary to avoid the curse. I then explained that she had to be very careful where she touched me. Above the torso, and below the torso was fine. But she must avoid touching my chest. And we couldn't embrace.

"So, no sex."

"Oh, my beautiful unversed child. There are so many things we can do that don't involve touching my torso. I have fingers and a tongue that I can use to give you pleasure. Plus, there are a myriad selection of toys. Incidentally, have you ever been touched by anyone other than yourself?"

"You're my first boyfriend. So just that one time you fingered me at the movies."

I had hoped she'd bring that up. I smiled remembering how she had been at first reluctant to spread her legs for me but, with coaxing, I had brought her to her first climax.

"Alright, I'll be gentle and start slow. I sat up and slowly opened the folds of her robe, exposing her breasts. Carefully as to avoid bumping her, I took one of her nipples into my mouth and began to suck. She writhed under my ministrations, which made me nervous. So instead, I told her to sit on the edge of the bed. I then knelt before her. She looked at me and said,

"Are you playing my courtier?"

"Yes. You are a queen and I'm going to pay homage to you. Now please open your legs for me."

"Mmm. You're going to finger me again. That felt nice."

She then spread her legs. She was already wet and ready. I only wished I could have taken that step. But instead, I lowered my head between her legs and let my tongue trace her folds. She began to moan my name. My pace picked up as she grew closer to climaxing. Our eyes met and I thought I saw a glimmer of shared emotion in them as she came. I wished I could have held her close as the waves of her climax rolled over her.

Instead, she said,

"Can I do anything for you?"

"Remember you are a queen and second to none."

I only wish she could have remembered those words. It could have been me instead of Tori enjoying her company. She curled up to allow me room to sit on the bed. Hovering over her I took in her scent- Lilly of the valleys, Camay soap and Prell shampoo. She rose a bit, took a hold of the folds of my yukata, and pulled me to her. Again, I was hit with a wave of wanting. I wanted to go further with her. There were positions, but they were risky. I'd tried them before, but I didn't want to risk making a mistake as I truly cared for her. So, I pulled away.

It's late Mayu. We've got to get up in the morning.

She let go of my lapels and curled on the bed.

"Great. So, we'll go back to the way things were. You'll pay attention to me when it suits you and Kana and Tori will go on living in their own little world."

"I wish I could give you more."

I leaned down and kissed her again,

"Good night Mayu."

"Good night Gure."

She then turned her back to me, and after a while she began to snore softly. I carefully drew the blanket over her and walked to the window. Pulling a cigarette from my pocket I opened the window and took a drag.

After a while Mayu began talking in her sleep.

"Oh Gure - right there! Mmmmmmm. Oh god!"

"Well," I thought, "At least one of us is having fun."

I went over to the pad and finished the drawing by candlelight. Her image had impressed itself on my memory, so I had no issue remembering the curves of her body. As I drew, I had a premonition that this image would be the only thing of Mayu's I would hold. A vision of blood, pain, anger, and sorrow flashed before my eyes. I was caught with an overwhelming feeling of sadness.

I crawled onto the day bed hoping I could put it out of my mind. I tossed and turned for a long time before I slept.

The next morning, I was woken by Mayu who kissed me gently on the nape of my neck. I turned over and smiled fuzzily up at her.

She sat down on the corner of the bed.

"Morning sleepy head, you don't have much in the way of breakfast, but I did find a loaf of bread and sone peanut butter."

"A veritable feast."

I rose and we walked back towards the kitchen.

She paused in front of my portrait and said,

"Is it true to life?"

"Are you asking me to show you mine because you showed me yours?"

"It's only fair."

"Alright. It is only fair."

I undid the tie of my robe and let it drop.

She looked at me appraisingly.

"What?"

"Why do you hide under those volumes of fabric?"

"Why do you hide under those shapeless dresses? You should let Aya create a dress for you. We could go dancing."

"I wish I had asked Aya to design my dress for the cotillion. I felt like such a lamp in that store bought dress."

"You didn't look like a lamp, but maybe Aya can help you feel beautiful. He is very good at flattering a woman's shape. We could go and visit him today, unless you have something you need to do."

"I'm free until this afternoon when I have to teach a class for my practice teaching segment. I should also check in with Kana."

"Well, Aya doesn't get up until late. Let's meet Kana and Tori for breakfast."

I drew my robe back on and called Tori while Mayu got dressed.

Tori was of course up.

He said,

"Do I need to wipe her memory?"

"Nope I was a good boy, well as good as I ever am."

"Which isn't very good."

"Hey someone must balance out your saintliness. By the way. Care to have a bite to eat?"

"Yes, it will give me the courage to talk to Akito about Kana and I."

"Wow, you're serious."

"As a heart attack."

"Not the best wording but I get it."
"And how about you and Mayu?"
"I'll never kiss and tell."
"What are you talking about, you spend hours talking about your exploits."
I thought about it. I had spent much time talking. Upon reflection, my words were meant to puff up mere moments in time.

"Hmm," I said, "you're right, for once the words fail me."
"Shigure speechless."
"Well, perhaps you will pave the way to Akito allowing us to love whomever we want."
"I don't think even I am that good a wordsmith. I can hope though."

Mayu came in as I said,

"Well we'll see you in a few, Tori."

I saw Mayu's reflection in the windows, she blanched.

"We don' t have to go Mayu."

"No, I want to go."
I put on a fresh kimono and we stepped into the day.
Everything shone as the freezing rain had coated the trees.

"It's beautiful in a way," Mayu said. "I still prefer spring. Everything dies in the winter."
"Winter is a time of possibilities Mayu. Everything is wrapped up snugly for the season. and you just need to be patient to see what emerges. Sometimes the most beautiful things come out after a long slumber. You might think everything is dead and hopeless during the winter, but even the koi live beneath the ice on their pools. They go into a deep sleep and dream about spring until one day the sun warms them and they splash out to meet the golden light."
"So you're saying I can make things happen by being patient and dreaming like a cold fish. It hasn't worked so far."

Quietly I intoned,

"Well perhaps you're looking for the sun in the wrong direction."

She looked at me shyly. I offered her my hand and she took it. We walked in silence, caught up in our own thoughts until we arrived at the restaurant. I squeezed Mayu's hand and then let go. I felt that sense of sadness hit me once again. The waves rose as talk of love filled the little cafe. Tori and Kana were the perfect couple. Their souls were interlocked. But I somehow knew something would sever the ties that bound them. I wanted to leave that place. Leave with Mayu and spend as much time as I could before the impending dread fell and crushed us all.
Hatori paused in mid-sentence and said,

"Is everything ok?"
"Oh I don't know," I said, "it feels like a storm is coming. Perhaps the pressure drop is getting to me."
Mayu turned to me and said,

"Well I think I'm ready if you'd like to get going."
"I think so. Good luck and congratulations you two."
"Yes congrats!"
Mayu followed me out.
"Shigure are you ok?"
"I just have a headache. I'm sure it will pass. Come on. Let's go to Aya's studio. I want to see you in a beautiful gown."

She seemed unsure still but went along to humor me.
Aya was thrilled.

"Oh Mayu-chan you have no idea how long I've wanted to make you an ensemble. You have the perfect runway body."

He then pounced and within an hour he had designed the dress and created a mockup. As Mayu walked onto the platform I felt my heart skip. I mourned the thought that I might not to lead her in her first dance in that dress.

"Beautiful!" Aya exclaimed." And now we need to give you lessons in walking in heels because those nun shoes will never do."

She shot him a look but resigned herself when she caught my look. Aya found the tallest heels he could find saying,

"If you can walk in these you can walk in any heels."

He put on a pair himself and showed her.

She stumbled, tottered, but finally after some time got the hang of it. Her long legs were made all the longer by the heels. For a time, she looked like a swan. And then she tripped on the train of her dress and went careening. Fortunately, she caught herself as I couldn't help.

"Well," said Mayu. "I could look pretty sitting and find something else to dance in. Well thank you Aya, Shigure. I've got to get ready for my class."

"I'll walk you home."

She changed and Aya said that the dress would be ready in a week.

"And then we could go dancing Gure."
"Yes. That would be splendid."

We walked home as the temperature dropped and the wind picked up. I walked her home and stopped with her at the front porch of her building. I took the lapels on her coat, drew her lips to mine, and said sadly.
"Goodbye, Mayu." with a note of finality as I was almost certain this was our last kiss. She looked at me confused and said,

"I'm only going to my class. We can meet tonight if you want. In fact, we'll likely have news tonight and we'll want to celebrate them."

"You're right," I said, "there will be news."

I kissed her once again and let her go. When I got back to my studio, I received the life changing call. All dreams were shattered. And winters' possibilities were dashed away, for me. When I heard about Akito's rage, I knew I had to make Mayu forget about me.

So I asked Tori to wipe her memory. He was in a terrible way, so far removed from his calm state. But he agreed that it must be done. I couldn't be there when he took her growing feelings for me away from her, so I invited her to the studio only to have Tori there waiting for her. I heard about it second hand from Aya who said Mayu never came for the dress. He had brought it to her, and she was very confused as she didn't remember ordering it and was astounded when it fit her perfectly. When I asked how she looked, he said she was stunning.

Things went cold between us. She only thought of our relationship as a convenience, nothing more. Until now. Clearly the blocks in her mind were starting to break as the Dragon lost hold of Hatori. I knew this would cause great confusion in the future. I still had a roll to play. My actions could break or weave their threads together. Selfishly, I so wanted to take Atropos' sheers to their fates and spin Mayu's strands with my own. But I knew the Dog would never let go if I took that path. It was time to play my part once again. So, I wrote a note asking them to meet at my studio and dropped Tohru's meal off at the apartment. I then made my way to my studio hoping that we could put to rest the old ghosts who lived there. If they remained ignored, they were sure to haunt us forever.

A/N: Yes, Shigure is a bit reactionary. In this instance he means well though. To his credit, the blocks needed to go as they prevented Mayu from processing things from long ago, a condition that can cause old memories to bleed into active life which isn't fun. As always R and R! Acta