April 1769
Cìosamul Castle, Isle of Barra, Scotland
CAILEAN POV
Shouting. Gunshots. The smell of mud and gunpowder, the scent of blood wafting over him in the wind. He opened his eyes and there he was, yet again on Culloden Moor. He had to run. He had to escape… Where were his children? Cat? Jamie? His nieces and nephews?
"Cailean…" He froze; it was Saoirse.
"Saoirse!" he called, pushing through dirtied kilts and redcoats, trying to find her through the mist.
"Cailean…" She was in pain - he had to find her, and fast.
"Saoirse! I'm comin', Saoirse!" Cailean called again. A redcoat with a bayonet came upon him and Cailean punched him in the face, knocking him to the ground, and then he pushed on. In a patch of sunlight there on the moor, he saw her laying in a puddle of her own blood, and he felt faint. "Saoirse! No!" He ran to her side and collapsed down beside her, grasping her hand in his. "Saoirse, my love…"
"Cailean…" she said softly. "Ye must… go on…"
"No, no. I'll not leave ye. Just hold on, I'll… I'll go get help," he said, but she gave his hand a firm squeeze.
"No… This is it for me," she told him. "Take care… of the children… They need ye… And find someone… who makes ye happy…"
"No… No, Saoirse, I… I can't. No one can ever make me as happy as ye have," Cailean begged her, tears in his eyes.
"Ye have… no choice… Do… as I say…" she said weakly.
"Please… Saoirse, please, don't leave me…" he begged her, but she smiled warmly at him.
"I'll never leave ye… But I'm already gone," she told him. "I want ye… to find happiness… To love again… Promise me."
"I… I don't want te forget ye…" Cailean said to her softly.
"Ye dinna have to," she said. "I'll always be with ye, but I canna be here anymore. Riona… needs a mother… She's just a child… Promise me, Cailean…"
"I… I can't… I cannae promise tha'," said Cailean with tears in his eyes.
"Promise… me…" She took a raspy breath.
Cailean sat up drenched in sweat, breathing heavily. He looked around; he wasn't on Culloden Moor, he was in the Laird's bedchamber, and Saoirse had already been gone for nearly twelve years. He looked at the box that contained her ashes on the table beside him, and he picked her up and rested her on his lap. "I'm sorry, Saoirse… I cannae promise ye somethin' I cannae do."
Cailean was going over a list of the taxes the tenants of Barra owed him and was comparing it to the list of what was paid when there was a soft knock at the door. "Come in," he said. He half-expected Brèagha to walk in through the door, as Riona always knocked sharply or just barged right in, but when the door opened and Maidie appeared, he remembered that his niece was well on her way to America by now. "Maidie," he said, smiling softly at her. "How's Morgan settlin' in?"
"It's like she was meant to be here," said Maidie with a happy tone. "She loves everything about the castle, and she and Riona are already growing so close."
"I'm glad te hear. Riona, she… never really got along wi' the other children," Cailean told her. He glanced down at a miniature that Brèagha had done for him of Saoirse, gently touching it with his fingertips. "Caoimhe and Cillian struggled as well, when they were wee, but it wasnae a problem because they had Archie and Brèagha. Archie was popular wi' the other kids on the isle, so if Archie was wi' any, so were they. Riona… She's grown up on her own. Caoimhe and Cillian are ten years aulder than her, and Archie and Bree even aulder. 'Tis nice te have a companion nearer her age."
"I wish I could say I had the same knowledge of Morgan's childhood, but…" Maidie said, trailing off as she looked down at the ground.
"I understand," Cailean told her. "Ye dinnae have te say it if it pains ye."
"Thank you," said Maidie softly. "What else have you been up to while you've been four hundred years away from me?" She smiled a little, and then Cailean glanced up at her and smiled.
"A lot," he said. "I… started out raidin' cattle along the border, then joined a wee band of musicians, travelled aboot playin' fer our coin and our bread. Then I was reunited wi' my sister, got tied up in what she'd been doin', saved my brother-in-law's arse a few times… Then Culloden happened, I left Scotland fer a year, met my wife… came back here and I've been here ever since. Well, save fer the few months we were in Ireland and went te Hy-Brasil te save my grandmother." Maidie raised an eyebrow at him.
"I thought that was just a bedtime story Cat told Maevis when she was a child," Maidie told her, and Cailean laughed.
"So did Saoirse," he told her. "I promise ye, everra second of it is true."
"Is it now?" Maidie asked him. "So you stealing a selkie's skin and then letting her go when she gave you information is true?"
"I was a happily marrit man who was verra in love wi' my wife. I had no need of a selkie lass," Cailean defended himself, and then Maidie chuckled a little.
"She must have been something else to get you to settle down," Maidie told him, and Cailean's smile faded as he looked down at the miniature.
"Aye… She was," he said softly.
"And… you must miss her very much," Maidie said next.
"Same as ye must miss Don Tanner," Cailean replied.
"You haven't… told me much about her. What was she like?" Maidie asked, sitting down in the seat opposite of him, and Cailean smiled a little.
"A fierce wee thing," he told her. "She was the fires of Hell all packed into this wee thing. Save fer Cat - and maybe Alexa MacLeod - I'd never met a woman as fierce nor as strong as Saoirse…"
"I remember you telling me you were never going to get married," Maidie teased him lightly, and he chuckled.
"Aye, well… Meetin' Saoirse changed everrathin' fer me. When I'd met her, she was in disgrace, accordin' te her sisters and cousins. Ireland has always been verra strictly Catholic, and Saoirse had nearly run off wi' a lad who got her pregnant. But then he left, leavin' her wi' the bairn, which… she unfortunately lost," Cailean told her. "She said I was the first man te look kindly at her since, called me… mad fer wantin' her. But if ye'd kent her, ye'd have seen tha'… she was worth everrathin' and more." Maidie smiled softly at him.
"I could say the same for Don," she told him. "It was so hard, losing him… I saw on the news that Glasgow had been obliterated and… I just knew inside that… he was gone."
"I cannae imagine the pain of tha'," Cailean told her quietly.
"They said that the people in Glasgow probably didn't feel pain, that… death was instant," Maidie told him. "He wouldn't have had the time to be afraid."
"Tha's good, at least. That he didnae feel pain," Cailean told her. "I lost Saoirse in childbirth, as I told ye. It was… horrible. I… I left the room she died in as it was, I… I couldnae stand te go in there. Mrs. Fitz had already stripped the bed when she… was removed te the chapel…"
"You poor thing," Maidie told him. "I feel lucky that I didn't have to watch Don die… It hurts that it was so sudden, but… at least I didn't have to watch him die. Were you there when she…" Cailean nodded.
"I held her hand and watched as the light left her eyes," he said, and then he sighed heavily. "Sometimes, I still cannae sleep at night. I see… all the blood spillin' out of her."
"I'm so sorry, Cailean, truly," Maidie told him. "And… I'm sorry for… how I treated you when we were younger."
"Whatever for? Ye were in love wi' Don. I didnae ken what tha' truly meant until I met Saoirse," Cailean told her. "Maids… Ye have nothin' te be sorry fer. I'm glad ye were happy." She smiled gently at him, which he returned. "However… I willnae deny tha'… I'm glad yer here." Her cheeks turned pink, and she shyly looked away from him.
Summer 1769
In the following months, Cailean and Maidie grew their friendship. They had sowed the seeds years ago, but there had been a drought - a thirty-year-long drought. When Maidie came to Barra, they watered those seeds once more, and now, they were starting to sprout. She took an immense interest in the things that Cailean had to do as Laird, from visiting tenants to helping out in the fields, even going out on one of the fishing boats. And what made it even better was the fact that Riona liked Maidie.
Actually, it was more than 'liked' - Riona adored her. She loved to do things with Maidie and Morgan, and Maidie was always fascinated with whatever Riona wanted to show her. They bonded over seashells, as Maidie seemed as interested in them as as Riona was, and frequently, the two of them returned to the castle with bare, sand-covered feet and the hems of their skirts damp as they giggled and chatted about the seashells they had found. It pleased Cailean to see Riona bonding with Maidie, as Saoirse, in his nightmares, was always right about one thing - Riona needed a mother, and Saoirse couldn't be there.
Cillian, on the other hand, was resistant to Maidie. He had been very close to Saoirse, and her death was very difficult for him. Even as time passed, he still hadn't completely healed from Saoirse's death, so to see his father with a woman who, in his opinion, resembled his mother seemed like a slap in the face to him. He also had no problem letting Cailean know that he did not like Maidie being there. He wasn't necessarily rude to Maidie, however, he most definitely was cold to her. During dinner one night in June, he was silent, while Maidie, Morgan and Riona discussed how their day had gone.
"We met a sailor from Ireland and he told us about some sort of giant shell he once found," Morgan was saying. "What did he say it was, Mom?"
"I think he described it as a conch shell, of some type, only it was close to ten pounds. Truth to be told, I think he was making it up," said Maidie with a small laugh. "I've always heard the Irish had a tendency to tell some tall tales."
"Mrs. Fitz says the Irish arenae good people," said Riona, and Cillian scoffed.
"Our mother was Irish, Riona," he said to her sharply.
"Oh," said Riona, looking up at Maidie. "Are ye Irish?"
"No, darling, I'm Welsh," Maidie told her kindly.
"She is not yer mother, Riona," Cillian said again.
"She kens tha', lad. No need te press aboot it," Cailean told his son, detecting obvious discomfort from him, and Cillian fell silent. A little while later, however, he spoke up again.
"How long do ye plan te stay wi' us, Mrs. Mackenzie? Surely, ye have family elsewhere?" Cillian asked her.
"Oh… I… No, I don't think so," said Maidie a bit awkwardly.
"She's stayin' indefinitely, Cillian," Cailean told him.
"Hmph," said Cillian in response, and Cailean sighed heavily.
"Cillian, before I forget, I want te show ye somethin'. Ye might need it someday as Laird," Cailean said to his son, standing up and gesturing to him. Cillian followed him out of the dining room and out of earshot of the rest of the family. "What the hell are ye doin'? Ye will not be rude te Mrs. Mackenzie."
"Beggin' yer pardon, Da, but I think she's overstayed her welcome," Cillian replied a bit bitterly.
"Really? Well, I dinnae think so, and in case ye've forgotten, lad, I am the Laird of Cìosamul and the castle belongs te me. Ye dinnae own it yet," Cailean told him sharply. "Why do ye dislike Mrs. Mackenzie so? Is it because she looks like yer mother?"
"I never said I disliked her, Da," Cillian told him.
"No? Well, yer certainly actin' like it, and if ye cannae be kind te her, then ye willnae be welcome te any more dinners here. Is that understood?" Cailean asked him, and Cillian bit his lip to keep from speaking further. "Lad."
"Understood," Cillian replied bitterly, and then he turned on his heel and returned to the dining room.
As more time passed, Cailean's nightmares started to get less and less violent, and one warm night in July, suddenly his nightmare was no longer a nightmare.
This time, he was surrounded by the sound of ocean waves. There wasn't an ocean close enough to Culloden to be heard, so where was he? He turned around to take in his surroundings, and then he saw her sitting on a stone. She was still dressed in her shift, but it wasn't bloodied, and she had her knees up against her chest. Her fair hair flowed freely in the soft breeze, and Cailean carefully approached her, so as not to startle her. She seemed to know he was coming, because she turned her head and smiled at him behind her.
"Hello, my love," she said to him happily. "Come, have a seat." He didn't say anything as she patted the spot on the stone beside her. She looked back out at sea, her green eyes distant, but her face seemed to be at peace. "You seem upset."
"Me? Er… No," Cailean told her.
"Troubled?" she asked him again, and Cailean sighed.
"I… I dinnae ken…" he told her, and she looked at him again.
"I know ye are," she told him. "It's all right. You don't have te hold on." He raised an eyebrow at her.
"But… I have te. I… I can't let ye go," Cailean told her. "Saoirse, I… I love ye more than anythin' and I can never love anyone like that again."
"I'm not sayin' ye have to stop loving me, ye fool. But there is something you keep forgettin' - I'm dead, you're not," she told him, smiling at him. "You have a whole life left to live."
"Ye could have lived so much longer…"
"If I didn't have Riona?" She sighed softly, looking back out to sea. "I regret nothin'. I love Riona, even though I never got te meet her. Even though givin' her life meant havin' te sacrifice mine. 'Tis what mothers do for their babes."
"I… I dinnae want her te forget ye," Cailean told her softly, but she shook her head.
"She never knew me, Cailean," Saoirse told him, looking at him again. "She canna forget someone she never knew. But she knows Maidie, and she loves Maidie." Now Cailean could see why Cillian was so upset - to Riona, Maidie was the only mother figure she had ever known, save for Mrs. Fitz, who might have been more like a grandmother. "Cailean… I'm stuck. I canna move on."
"I thought ye said ye would always be with me," Cailean told her a bit defensively.
"I am always with ye, but I canna cross over te the Other World. Not that I want te - I stay with you and the kids, check on Caoimhe as well, occasionally, though she doesn't need me. Not with Catrìona… But I don't want te live like this. Ye have no idea how hard it is to have to stand off te the side and not be able to interact with anyone - save for in dreams, and te watch the world move on without ye."
"So what do ye want me te do, then?" Cailean asked her irritably. "Do ye want me te move on? Forget ye ever existed? Forget that I see yer eyes and yer face everra time I look at Cillian and Riona?"
"I'm not sayin' that at all," Saoirse told him calmly. "I'm saying that I've been dead for twelve years, Cailean, and ye still can't let me go. That doesn't mean ye forget about me… it just means you'll have moved on."
"I don't want te do that, Saoirse… I… I don't even ken how…" Cailean said to her, and Saoirse smiled at him.
"She can help ye," Saoirse told him, and then she was gone, leaving Cailean all alone on that misty beach.
27 August, 1769
Cailean stood on the top of the castle looking over the sea, the box of Saoirse's ashes in his hands. He wasn't doing anything with them - he wanted Maidie to meet Saoirse. "I hope this isnae a bad idea," he whispered softly to Saoirse, but she didn't answer him. It seemed that she had gone silent to him.
The door opened and Cailean turned his head to see Maidie come out, and she smiled when she saw him. "You asked me to meet you here?" she asked him.
"Aye, um… I… I wanted ye te meet someone," he said as she approached him, and then he turned to face her with the box in his hands. "This is Saoirse…" She seemed a bit surprised, almost, and her green eyes went a bit wide, but then she looked up at Cailean, smiling a little as she turned her attention back to the box.
"Hello, Saoirse. It's nice to finally meet you," Maidie said to Saoirse. They sat down on a bench with the box on Cailean's lap and the three of them had a conversation. Saoirse was quiet, of course, but when Maidie said something or asked a question, Cailean would answer with Saoirse's opinion or answer. Were Saoirse alive, it seemed that she and Maidie would have gotten along wonderfully.
"I… appreciate ye puttin' up wi' this," Cailean said to her after a couple of hours.
"We all have different ways of healing," Maidie told him kindly. "You mentioned before about… not being able to part with her ashes. Have you ever… thought of spreading them?"
"Er… I… I dinnae ken if I'm ready fer tha'," said Cailean, looking down at the box in his lap.
"What if you took some and made it into a piece of jewellery that you could keep with you?" Maidie asked him, and Cailean looked up at her.
'That sounds like a good enough idea te me.'
He was somewhat startled and he turned to see if the voice had come from behind him, but there was nothing there. "Cailean? Are you okay?" Maidie asked him.
"I… I… Yeah, I… I'm fine," he said, turning back around with a blank expression on his face. "I… I'm probably a wee bit tired. Sleep hasnae come easy fer me."
"Oh, okay," said Maidie as he stood back up. "Cailean, I… I'm sorry if I upset you."
"No, ye didnae do anythin' wrong," Cailean told her. "I just… I'm tired, is all." He smiled slightly at her, then went back inside the castle. As he was heading back to his chambers, he bumped into Cillian, who was on his way up.
"Da, I was lookin' fer ye," he said, and then he froze when he saw the box in Cailean's hands. "Is… is tha'…"
"Aye," said Cailean softly. "It's… it's yer mother…" Cailean had never actually taken Saoirse out of his chambers, nor had he let anyone see her. Everyone at the castle knew that Cailean kept Saoirse's ashes in a box in his quarters, but they had never actually seen it - until now, that is. Cillian's green eyes - Saoirse's green eyes - were wide as they looked at the Celtic interlacing that had been carved into the little wooden box.
"C-Can I…" Cillian muttered, and without saying a word, Cailean handed Saoirse to their son.
"I'll give ye time wi' her," Cailean told him softly. "When yer finished… Bring her te my study." Cillian nodded and Cailean continued on down the corridor, and when he was out of Cillian's sight, he paused when he heard his son's voice.
"Hi, Ma," Cillian said to Saoirse, barely audible, but just loud enough for Cailean to hear. "I… I miss ye… I wish ye were h-here…" He sniffled. "Da's got a friend here, and she… she looks like ye… I-I just d-dinnae want him te replace ye, or forget aboot ye… but it… seems he alr-ready has… He hardly ever speaks of ye te Riona and me. I just… I miss ye, Ma." Cailean heard him cry, and then he emerged from hiding and approached his son, pulling Cillian into his arms and hugging him tightly.
"I could never forget yer mother, lad," Cailean told him quietly, kissing the top of Cillian's head. "It just… pains me te speak of her te ye both…"
"Then wh-why are ye allowin' that woman te stay?" Cillian asked him, pulling back to look at his father. "She looks so much like her… Why is she still here? Te taunt us? Te remind us that she isnae here? Te replace her?"
"No one could ever replace yer mother, Cillian. I… I once loved Maidie, I'll admit tha'… but I swear te ye that I will never love anyone as much as I loved yer mother," Cailean told him, wiping a tear away from his eye. "Maidie… reminds me of a time when… I was a different man. She's a part of my auld life, and… she's no' from around here."
"What… What do ye mean?" Cillian asked him, and Cailean let out a heavy sigh.
"Come wi' me. There's somethin' I need te tell ye, and it willnae be easy te hear," Cailean told him, leading his son to his study. He didn't know if telling Cillian the truth about where he came from was necessary, but he felt that the lad needed to hear it to understand him better. The whole time Cailean relayed his story, Cillian sat with his green eyes wide, not uttering a single word. When Cailean finished, Cillian nodded his head subtly, still in a state of shock. "Lad?"
"I… I always… thought… somethin' was off aboot ye and Auntie Cat," Cillian muttered, and then he looked up at his father. "And Mrs. Mackenzie is… f-from yer time as well?"
"Yes," Cailean told him. "And Morgan, and Rory… and yer cousins, Maevis and Elton, as well."
"Oh," said Cillian, looking down at the floor again. "Did… Did Ma ken?"
"She did. I told her," Cailean replied. "Lad, I… I told ye this because… Maidie cannae ever replace yer mother, but we do have a bond tha' she and I could never share. Maidie and I come from a whole different world, and we've different shared experiences. That doesnae take away from what I had wi' yer mother… She is my only true love, as Mrs. Mackenzie's late husband is fer her. Without our true loves, we're… lost in the void, wi' nowhere te turn. Forced te live alone and try te navigate a dark world without a light."
"But yer not alone, Da. Ye have me, and Riona, Calum, and even though she's far away, ye have Caoimhe as well," Cillian told him, and Cailean chuckled softly.
"If ye didnae have Madge, and yer bairns we're grown and didnae need ye anymore… Would it be enough fer ye? Te live alone fer the rest of yer life without someone te hold ye, keep ye warm, give ye comfort?" he asked his son, who didn't answer. "Yer young, lad, and ye've been fortunate… But I'm gettin' auld, and soon, even Riona willnae need me anymore. Yer mother wouldnae want us te hold onto her - in fact, she has visited me many times in my dreams beggin' me te let her go, and… I cannae. No matter how hard I try, I just… I cannae. Not by myself."
"Are ye askin' me te let her go?" Cillian asked him a bit sharply.
"I'm not, but she is," Cailean told him, glancing at the box of Saoirse's ashes. "She wants te be free, feel the sun on her face and the wind in her hair, and here we are, keepin' her locked in a wee wooden box." Cillian, too, looked down at the box, then he sighed and put his face in his hands.
"I dinnae ken if I'm ready," he said softly.
"Neither am I. I'll never be ready te let her go… but Cillian, we must," Cailean told his son, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Just because we let her go… doesnae mean she is gone from us forever. Yer mother will always be by yer side, and mine, and Riona's, and Calum's, and Caoimhe's. And someday, we'll all be together again." Cillian didn't answer him, so Cailean squeezed his shoulder and stood up. "Take all the time ye need, lad… I need te speak wi' the blacksmith."
19 September, 1769
Cailean accepted the package from a servant who had fetched it from the blacksmith, and inside of it were five items that he had had crafted. One of them was a necklace, which had a beautiful polished emerald inside of it. The silver piece that held the gemstone had little specks of black in it - some of Saoirse's ashes. On the back was an inscription - Look in the mirror and I'll always be with you. Love, Ma'. It was a gift meant for Caoimhe, so that she would always have her mother with her. He had chosen an emerald because it emulated Saoirse's eyes, and the back of the necklace, which had the inscription, was also reflective, so Caoimhe could see her face and see how much she resembled her mother.
The next item he had crafted from Saoirse's ashes was a pocket watch meant for Cillian, and an identical one made for Calum, to remind them that regardless of their birth, she loved them both the same. They also had emeralds embedded in the front, which featured an engraved ocean scene - Saoirse's favourite scene. Inside was also a line from Saoirse's favourite song, which was an Elizabethan lullaby: 'Weep you no more, sad fountains; What need you flow so fast?' It was to remind the lads not to be sad, and to remind them to stop and smell the roses from time to time.
The third item was a small silver bracelet with seashells engraved into it and an emerald stone embedded into the centre of it. On the back was an engraving - 'mo chailín álainn' which meant 'my beautiful girl'. It was meant for Riona, and Cailean had had it made to fit her even when she was older. Riona didn't speak Irish, but Cillian and Caoimhe both did, and they would tell her the meaning. It was a way for Saoirse to still teach her through her older siblings.
The final item was a small silver ring with Celtic interlacing. The ring didn't have an emerald, because Cailean's emeralds could be found in the eyes of two of his three children. On the inside was an inscription, which said 'Saoirse, Mo Chridhe Agus Anam' or 'Saoirse, My Heart And Soul'. Cailean put the ring on his finger and smiled, then looked at the box containing the rest of Saoirse's ashes beside him. He had finally gone into the room he had once occupied, which had become a time capsule of that fateful day twelve years ago. He sat down on the bed, placed his hand on the box, and closed his eyes as a memory came to mind, accompanied by Saoirse's melodic laughter…
"Heart and soul,
I fell in love wi' ye,
Heart and soul.
The way a fool would do madly,
Because ye held me tight,
And stole a kiss in the night.
Heart and soul,
I begged te be adored.
Lost control,
And tumbled overboard gladly
That magic night we kissed
There in the moon mist…"
"Yer ridiculous," Saoirse once said to him with a laugh as he taught her how to waltz in their bedchamber.
"Am I? If I am, it's yer fault," Cailean told her, leaning forward to kiss her. He'd had to dance with her while squatting down, as she was easily a foot shorter than him, but he was all right with it. Saoirse was his soulmate, and though she often needed him to pick her up to reach his level, he still loved every inch of her.
"Oh, but yer lips were thrilling,
Much too thrilling.
Never before were mine so
Strangely willing…
But now I see,
What one embrace can do.
Look at me,
It's got me lovin' ye madly.
That little kiss ye stole
Held all my heart and soul…"
He spun her around, and she let out a small shriek. "Cailean, stop! You're makin' me dizzy!" she said through laughter, so Cailean picked her up and deposited her on the bed, laying beside her and laughing along with her.
"Christ… I never thought I'd be this happy," he said, smiling at her, which she returned.
"Neither did I… Not for real," she told him. "I'm so glad ye wouldn't leave me alone te rot as a disgraced auld spinster."
"You, a disgraced auld spinster? I'd like te see tha'," Cailean teased her, and then he reached over and took her hand in his.
"We'll be together forever," she told him. "Nothin' will come between us. No man, no event… Not even death."
"No… Nothin' will come between us," Cailean told her, smiling at his beautiful wife. She turned her green eyes on him, a somewhat sad smile growing on her face.
"But to be realistic… if I am te ever die, I want-"
"No, Saoirse, I'll no' hear of this. Dinnae spoil such a good night wi' talk of such nonsense," said Cailean, cutting her off.
"But I have a feelin' ye really need to hear this," she told him. "If I am te ever die… I want you te promise me you'll move on. For God's sake, Cailean, your life won't be over if I'm not in it."
"I'll promise no such thing."
"Promise me, damn it. I need te hear it." He sighed heavily in defeat.
"All right. I promise."
He didn't know that he would break that promise. He opened his eyes again and looked around the room, sighing heavily, and then he stood up, with the box in hand, and pulled on the bell to summon a servant. While he waited, he looked at the room, which looked exactly as it had when Saoirse was still alive. She might be gone, but she would always be here, lingering within the castle's walls. She had picked out the drapes, and she had also selected the painting, also done by Brèagha, that hung over the mantle of the fireplace. She had decorated this room and chosen the furniture, so her touch still lingered. He walked over to a book on the vanity she used to use and picked it up - Paradise Lost by John Milton. His eyes fell to a specific passage of the page she had left open:
'Into this wild Abyss The womb of Nature, and perhaps her grave— Of neither sea, nor shore, nor air, nor fire, But all these in their pregnant causes mixed Confusedly, and which thus must ever fight, Unless the Almighty Maker them ordain His dark materials to create more worlds, — Into this wild Abyss the wary Fiend Stood on the brink of Hell and looked a while, Pondering his voyage; for no narrow frith He had to cross.'
Cailean had had to cross his own Hell that he had lived in since Saoirse's death. He had lived in the shadows, a shell of the man he used to be, and she had sent Maidie to be the light in his life once more. 'I can't be there, but she can. She will keep you warm and she will give you comfort. You have my blessing.' He smiled softly to himself, and then he closed the book, putting it back on the shelf where it belonged.
21 September, 1769
Twelve years to the day that Saoirse died, and that she had given life to Riona, Cailean assembled Calum, Cillian, Riona, Morgan and Maidie to a small section of the beach that Saoirse had once liked to frequent. He had given his children their gifts, informing them that each piece contained a small portion of their mother's ashes - he wanted to give Caoimhe hers in person, but he wasn't sure when he would see her again. He found it very hard to move, but then Maidie stepped forward and took his hands in hers. She smiled at him, which he returned, and then together, the two of them knelt down, opened the box, and poured the ashes into the sea.
Cailean felt tears start to form in his eyes, but something told him to look up. The clouds in the sky had parted, and a small ray of sunshine was shining on the ocean, where a dolphin leapt out of the sea gracefully. "Look! A dolphin!" Riona cried, pointing to it. Cailean smiled softly to himself - he had finally set Saoirse free.
That night, he had asked Maidie to meet him in his quarters. He had made a detour to the old room, which had been cleaned and restored, and collected the book Saoirse had left. When he returned to his quarters, he found Maidie asleep on the sofa, and he smiled softly, not wanting to disturb her. He sat down on the bed and the book slid off of his lap and onto the floor. He picked it up and his eyes fell to a specific section of the book:
'How can I live without thee, how forego
Thy sweet converse, and love so dearly joined,
To live again in these wild woods forlorn?
Should God create another Eve, and I
Another rib afford, yet loss of thee
Would never from my heart; no, no, I feel
The link of nature draw me: flesh of flesh,
Bone of my bone thou art, and from thy state
Mine shall never be parted, bliss or woe.'
No matter what, Saoirse would always be a part of him, in life and in death. She was blood of his blood and bone of his bone, and their souls were intertwined by the red thread of fate. He may have moved on, but he would never forget her. Someday, they would be reunited again, but for now, he could live again.