There might be some weird out-of-place words because of formatting of FFN, but I think I should've already fixed most of it!

Chapter 4

Makoto likes silence.

(Lies. He's always preferred silence because he doesn't want to feel pain, because it hurts to breathe when those he cares about perish from his grasps, never to return. And it's been centuries, eons of lifetimes that he's failed to save those he should've been able to, so he's reverting back, returning to how he once was, because he's a coward. And bonds hurt because they don't know a damn thing and because he's all alone and none of them but Ryoji and the Velvet Room remember—)

And, much to his surprise, he's been given exactly that; something in him must've given off the impression of being either inapproachable or even dangerous, because he always notices that the two seniors would look at him with apprehension. And while the feeling of such gazes being directed into his bones always hurts, he is glad that it is so. Because like this, they won't get attached, they will see him as just a member, less valuable than anyone else, one that is readily discarded, one whose death wouldn't be missed.

Ryoji seems to have form a certain bond with Kotone, something he questions often but never objects; he knows how much pain he's caused her, with her eyes turning colder whenever he catches them. Ryoji's presence might be something that could heal the wound he's marked into her heart. Much better than leaving it alone to fester, Makoto supposes.

"Makoto," Ryoji's voice calls, soft and pensive, and Makoto looks up from the guitar in his hand, the notes left to linger in the night air as the moon is already halfway to its peak; the Dark Hour will soon begin, and the Full Moon – one where the Priestess lies – will be upon them in merely two weeks. "You shouldn't do this to yourself, you know."

"Do what? Being alone?" He says, when in truth that is probably the exact thing that Ryoji is talking about. Ryoji is always adamant that he doesn't spend his last cycle – if it is truly the last – alone only to die upon the moment the Seal is formed, always steadfast that Makoto should allow his bonds to flourish and grow like he used to make them. "You know I'm not bothered by this."

"Liar," Ryoji calls him out easily, warm hands grasping his own, stopping him from continuing to strum the song of life Orpheus sings into his veins and forcing his eyes up into those bright blue ones, always so intense with emotions and affection, ones that he could never get enough of, and ones that he knows he doesn't deserve. "Makoto, you always do. Even if you've acted this way for hundreds of lives, you always do. It always hurts you to see your family grow apart from you, and it always hurts to be—"

"Stop," he says, his voice sounding far too weak for it to be passable, for it to stop Ryoji from convincing him. Ryoji has always known about that, hasn't he? That while he performs and starts these bonds, these meanings of his life, in ways that are superficial and almost as if they were but acquaintances and not friends, not family, he has always wished for it to be different, always wished to form them up like he had done so before, to see them flourish and grow and fill his heart with joy— "Just… stop. You know why I'm doing this."

"But you're hurting because of this," Ryoji argues, a frown settling deep in his face as he takes Makoto's hand towards his lips and planting a careful kiss on his fingertips. "Please, you deserve love, Makoto. Stop doing this to yourself and restart these bonds. With Kotone-chan, too. I'm sure she—"

"Isn't it the same when you offered your life for my memories on the very first cycle? The very first life we shared together?" Makoto shoots back, voice rough and raw, and he could feel the way Orpheus stirs anxiously within him. Ryoji seems lost, the recognition already deep in the way he frowns, in the way he stills his tongue; and that tells Makoto all that he needs to know— "This is the same. But instead of offering to wipe her memories to escape from pain with Death as the reward, I'm exempting her from experiencing any pain at all while she'll be able to continue forward."

"It's—"

"—You know what I said is true, Ryoji," Makoto cuts him off, and sure enough, Ryoji relents with a small sigh that sounds like a lost prayer. He only smiles as he grabs Ryoji's hand and pulls it to his chest, feeling the way his warm skin tense against his heart. "It's okay. I've been preparing for this for hundreds of lifetimes. One more won't make that much of a difference."

Ryoji hums, in acknowledgement and with sadness; his eyes seem to always glow gently when he sees Makoto like this, in pain but with grim acceptance. And while it doesn't seem like Ryoji is content with how things are, the boy decides against saying anything else, instead leaning in close and pressing his lips against Makoto's own, gently and warmly and kindly.

He returns it, brief and so bittersweet. And when Ryoji pulls back, his Death is smiling, gentle but broken. "I understand. But at least allow me to stay with you for as long as I live and breathe."

"You always will, won't you?" Makoto muses, hand caressing the woods of the guitar briefly before he starts thrumming a few notes to begin the song anew. "You always have, and you always will."

"Of course," Ryoji hums, sitting down beside him, a hand over his knee. "I always will. For you, anything."

Makoto closes his eyes, and starts humming the music of his heart into the air as the world turns the same shade of sickly green, of Death that awaits him, of decay that saturates it.

(Ryoji doesn't say anything more, but accompanies his – Orpheus' – song with the shades dancing upon his fingertips, the powers of Nyx Avatar following him through the veils of space and time that separate the other cycles and this one. Makoto counts it as a blessing; because, like this, Ryoji might be safe from harm still. And if their theory about something else taking Ryoji's place in this world is true, it might've meant that he could live past the beginning of the Fall – that he could become human, and live a life he should have had, long ago.

He only smiles, allowing dark wings and Ryoji's – Thatnatos' – cold presence to accompany him as the dark moon rises, as the silence dies.)

It is a new moon today.

Usually, a new moon is simply a tell-tale sign that they've already passed the halfway mark to the next Full Moon, and nothing more. But tonight, the air feels chilly, sky darkening almost to the full absence of light under the blackened moon, and Ryoji is restless.

For all the cycles that passed, Ryoji was never restless.

Makoto silently thanks the stars for Kotone's plan of not doing any Tartarus run today as he waits for Ryoji's concentration to snap, splinters of his heart laying bare and almost far too clear to see. And when it does, Ryoji shudders, the cold that has always saturated his veins unable to stop it.

When Makoto moves to ask, Ryoji murmurs. "It's… there's something strange in the air, but I don't know what."

"What do you feel? Can you elaborate?" Makoto asks, recalling all the other cycles, and none of them have anything significant going on during the new moon phase. It has always been a period of silence, of voices of his masks, of recurring nightmares and unsung lullabies—

"I don't… I'm sorry, I don't know," Ryoj shakes his head, eyes staring into nothingness far beyond the edge of their convoluted reality. Makoto waits, patient, with a hand over Ryoji's own. And when the boy snaps out of his thoughts again, he frowns. "It feels… weird. Muted. I've never felt like this."

"Is it Nyx?" He asks with worry, the possibility of Nyx breaking through this early improbable but never impossible, and he's not willing to take any chances.

"No. It's… I don't know what, but it's something else," Ryoji says, eyes glancing up towards the dark moon, the dot of the distant stars shining softly in his bright blue eyes. Makoto puts his hand over the boy's cheek and feels the way he trembles under his fingertips, fear and anxiety far too prominent to be ignored. "I… Makoto, I don't know what it is."

And I'm scared, is heard as words are strung across the stars; something Ryoji never speaks out loud but always let him know whenever the end of a cycle approached.

Makoto frowns, unsure of what to say or do next. A part of him wants to deny it, but he knows that he shares Ryoji's fear of the unknown, too; Kotone's presence is already unprecedented enough, and to add onto that with unexplained feelings of doom waiting at the horizon on the day that should have nothing going on is enough to make his gut shifts into itself, a primal fear rising to his throat and crawling at the back of his tongue, making him want to throw up.

Instead, he squeezes Ryoji's hand, and feels the other boy squeeze back, a quiet sigh escaping his lips and a smile – bland and joyless as it may be – replacing his frown. After a moment, that disappears, too, replaced yet again by a thoughtful look. "…How are we going to know what we're dealing with, if I don't even know what I'm feeling?"

"Fuuka might be able to help," Makoto muses. Fuuka – he'll have to call her Yamagishi soon, won't he? – has always been… sensitive to change, sensitive to the way the air twists, her sixth senses and her ability to feel things so precisely the SEES' only guide to victory. And while Makoto is reluctant to admit it, he relies on her in every cycle, even if he doesn't show. Because even the most elusive of his Personas couldn't have done that, couldn't do what she could— "Until Fuuka comes into the picture, we won't know for sure what to look for exactly."

"…I suppose that is the case," Ryoji hums with a sigh, nudging the lines of tenseness away from between his brows and exhaling shakily into the stale, rancid air. Then, he squeezes Makoto's hand once before kissing the back of his fingers, his breath warm unlike all the hundreds of lifetimes before. "I don't know what's what anymore, and I'm not sure if I'm more relived or scared about it."

Makoto doesn't say anything as Ryoji finally relaxes after a while, pulling him down into the safety of the covers and murmuring sweet nothings into his ears until sleep claims his weary soul.

(Somewhere in his heart, Orpheus stirs; he isn't sure what exactly it is that Ryoji means. Why would he say he isn't sure between fear and relief, when it is clear that changes in the sequences of events are always something to be afraid of?

But deep down, he thinks he knows. He thinks he knows why Ryoji would feel relief, and he hates the way long lost hope starts to dance at the edge of his heart, that some way, somehow, he will save those he never could before, Ryoji included.

With his life on the line, he decides to cling to that baseless fantasy, flickering as it may be. Because he doesn't want to feel helpless watching those people burn to ashes anymore.)

Eurydice's song, even in the midst of battle, is more upbeat and carefree than Orpheus' – than his own expression, than the personification of his now twisted heart – own.

He ducks down as a Shadow bolts pass, its gnarly, nearly shapeless mass grazing his cheek and leaving a small trail of blood behind. He slackens the grip of the sword in his left hand briefly to allow the handle to slide further down, then swing. The way the weight balance changes makes his shoulder groan, but he ignores it as he puts his body weight behind the act. And with the way he alters his grip, the reach is long enough to cut the Shadow's mask into two, destroying it into nothing but smokes and dusts.

He tightens his hand again and swings the sword down to force another Shadow back away, and when it does, an arrow sails through the air and hit it in the head.

He nods at Yukari in gratitude as he rolls his shoulder, wincing at the way the muscles around his left arm begin to pull taut with tension. He tends to always forget – no matter how many cycles have passed – that it will take him months to be able to do a maneuver of that nature as much as he wants. Instead, he just sighs, straightening up and changing his sword to his right hand—

"I've been meaning to ask," Yukari says, and he tilts his head to the side, half of his attention focused on the way Kotone is helping Junpei, whose swing is still so unrefined and full of gaps to be exploited. When he nods in acknowledgement, Yukari points at his hands. "Are you ambidextrous? You changed hands during fights pretty often."

"Yes. What of it?" He asks back, the irritation of being asked the same damn thing over and over and over for hundreds of lifetimes biting at the back of his throat. And when a flash of anger runs across her eyes, he knows he's done it (wrong) right in this cycle, too, and succeeded in something he's always made sure to do in every life he has to live since that one – to push it all away and stay in stunted silent unti—

"You know, you're kind of a dick," she huffs, hands on her hips, as if challenging him. He merely pats at his Evoker to make sure that everything is in place as he half-listens to her. "Can't you be nice like your sister? Not as nice as her, of course, but nicer?"

He merely looks her way, a familiar and almost suffocating feeling of splitting his bonds into scraps far too painful for him to even recall properly. He has done this only once; sundering his precious bonds and allowing the reversed Arcana to tear him apart when he erects the Seal is something he'd rather not think about, but if this cycle is to be the last one, if there is hope to break the unbreakable at all – then he will do it. Reversed and broken bonds mean they won't see him as even friends, and when he dies, he'll die alone, and they won't have to be in pain because of that—

"You absolute asshole," Yukari half snarls at his lack of response, and he only shrugs at her as he walks over to where Kotone is. The girl seems to be eyeing him with some form of sadness, one that Makoto hopes he'd be able to rid her of eventually, before she blinks when Yukari addresses her directly. "Hey, Kotone, how far are we going to go today?"

"Maybe until tiredness starts to settle in? I'm not sure," she shrugs, but Makoto could hear it in the notes that Eurydice plays; thoughtfulness underneath her half-carefree nature. The pause stretches for a little more before the girl smiles. "We're going to be back here in a few days, so let's not push ourselves too hard today. I'll call it quits once we find the stairs."

"Sounds good to me," Junpei says, rolling his shoulders and readjusting the grip on his greatsword. It doesn't seem like Kotone had said anything about what he did just yet, because Junpei doesn't act all that differently when he addresses Makoto with a grin. "How about you, dude? You doing okay?"

"I'm fine," he says curtly, frowning slightly at the edge of exhaustion that, again, clings to his frame even after being unable to feel it for hundreds of lives before this. Ryoji pulls and tugs and their bond, a reminder that he's still there, so Makoto sighs and shrugs a shoulder. "Let's get going. We're wasting time."

"Why so serious?" Junpei says, but doesn't wait for a response as he glances towards Yukari, and pauses at her clear… not quite hatred, but anger, at him. "Yo, Yukari-cchi, you good?"

"Oh, I'm perfect," she spits, walking over to the rest of the team. "Come on, let's go. I don't want to spend longer than necessary in this freaky place."

With that asshole remains unspoken.

"Alright. Let's go. Tell me if you need any help, 'kay?" Kotone smiles as she leads them forward, steps not faltering.

It takes a little longer than what Makoto's used to finding the stair; he usually prefers everyone splitting up and going in all directions, but it looks like Kotone's far more cautious than he ever was. When she does order them to split into teams, she always goes for a two-man team rather than letting individuals run amok, and while Makoto does not like company, he could see from a Leader's point of view why she would choose to do so.

He lets his step fall behind and listen as the three talk and bicker – already close friends and not some kind of acquaintances that he's familiar with at this time of the year. Orpheus then plucks a melancholic tune, and Makoto couldn't help but smile briefly. Right. This world is hers, after all, and never his own. None of the world but the first is truly his, and even then, he couldn't do anything, couldn't save anyone, not Ryoji, not even himself—

Makoto, Ryoji's voice echoes, not through Penthesilea, but through the bond more precious than his own soul. He feels his breath hitches slightly as Ryoji hums, quiet and sorrowful. I'm still here with you. You can lean on me, too, okay?

Okay, he breathes back silently, feeling the cold steel of his sword against his palm, the blisters forming under his grip and the ache in his muscles growing as he hacks away at incoming Shadows, not bothering to call for Orpheus to aid him. The others have got this. He's just a failsafe. An extra. And once Akihiko joins in, he's sure he won't be called on that much often anymore—

Breathe, Ryoji commands, his voice soft yet firm, and Makoto does as he's told, feeling the rancid air fill his lungs and calm down his thoughts, ones that always spiral into the dark he has visited far too often for it to be healthy, for it to be normal. You're not just a failsafe. You're their friend and family, too.

"And I intend to change that", he whispers silently as he follows the other three along, the way his bonds starting to twist and bend by his own doings – and to see Kotone's own shining so brightly and captivatingly – makes his heart ache with pain that's almost too asphyxiating for him to stand.

Ryoji doesn't say anything, but the sadness radiating from the only connection that survives the repeated, unending cycles of life and death is enough to tell him that Ryoji doesn't want him to do this.

He doesn't, either. But he has to.

For their sakes, he must.

Working with Makoto has now become something close to an agony.

Kotone sighs as she sits by the stairs of the Iwatodai station, fingers idly tracing the blade of her Naginata and drawing line of nothings into the cold steel. She glances up briefly at the moon – round and full, with its light as gentle as ever before – before she looks back down at her brother with a scowl.

Yukari and Junpei are never in agreement, but when it comes to Makoto, they certainly are. That, in and of itself, is a terrible, terrible thing to happen; they both agree that Makoto is someone they don't feel comfortable being around. And Kotone, try as she might, cannot diffuse them. After coming to Port Island, he has been nothing like the brother that she used to know. He used to be kind and caring in his own way, even if he's a bit hard to understand and blunt and mostly tactless.

But now? Now he's just a plain, simple asshole who doesn't take others' feelings into accounts, doesn't care about what anybody thinks or feels. And that would've been fine, really, but he has become straight up miserable. Unlike Ryoji – who she still doesn't know what he sees in Makoto to even stay with him as a lover and not friends – who is as kind as he is flirty, Makoto just… blocks everyone off, cut them all out and listen to no one and nothing but Ryoji and his headphones.

(Strangely enough, he is not being openly insufferable. Just… closed off, barred the door to his heart with woods made from something she couldn't tear down, and refuses to even try to bond with another person but Ryoji and Ryoji alone.)

And those changes are so abrupt that they scare her, make her think that tomorrow, the sky will fall and the world will end, or that tomorrow, he will just disappear from her life, gone without a trace like their parents—

(Even like this, she doesn't want to let him go. Couldn't afford to. He was all that she had, and while she now has friends she could confide in, nothing could ever replace family. Someone who had stayed by her side for so long, with a kind hand and warm words to heal and comfort her – how could she ever let someone like that go?)

The sound of the raving engine cuts her thoughts off, and she is grateful for the distraction as she looks up and towards the lightless street, to see a single dot of brightness approach them at an incredible speed. Then, after but a few seconds, Mitsuru reaches them with a futuristic-looking bike with its plate as white and reflective as pearl.

She pulls off her helmet, ignoring Junpei's clear admiration for the vehicle, as she orders. "There's a strong Shadow signal on the monorail, and you four will go down there to investigate it."

"We have to walk on the rail?" Yukari asks Kotone's question, concern lighting up in her voice. "Won't that be dangerous?"

"Don't worry," Mitsuru replies with a small smile that is nearly too heavily-guarded to see. "No electrical devices work during the Dark Hour. It's safe to walk on the rail."

"But what about the bike?" Junpei points out the obvious, and Kotone nods in agreement.

"It's specially crafted by the Kirijou Group to be able to operate during the Dark Hour," she shrugs easily before her eyes land on Ryoji, who keeps his eyes on the moon for a bit longer than she thinks is necessary. It's large and almost captivating, of course, but it's not that important a detail in a world where nothing obeys the natural laws, is it—? "Mochizuki, can you feel the Shadow?"

The silence stretches almost uncomfortably, and Kotone could see the way Mitsuru's face shifts into one of annoyance when no reply comes. But when Mitsuru opens her mouth to say something, Ryoji hums with a small sigh that sounds defeated, to a degree. "…I can. The strong one is in one of the monorails, I think… there're also some smaller ones abound. Be careful."

"Roger that," Kotone says, getting up and dusting herself off, eyes taking in the condition of her friends (and brother) one last time. Junpei and Yukari seem as ready and eager as always, while Makoto, much like Ryoji, is keeping his eyes on the moon with a scowl as deep and unreachable as his own heart. "Hey, you ready to go yet, Makoto?"

He turns to her at the name, eyebrow quirking up slightly – probably at the absence of the suffix she usually added – but without any words to voice his curiosity. It takes him uncomfortably long to nod, and he tightens his grip on the blade as he says something to Ryoji (a whispered secret, or a reassurance, or something else entirely, Kotone isn't sure) before walking towards her. "I am."

"Good luck, all of you," Mitsuru says, setting up the devices Kotone won't even begin to name as she beckons Ryoji towards her. The boy readily complies. "We'll provide support from here."

"We'll be back," Kotone promises as she leads them down the dead silent railway, with the moon's light and the distant, looming tower of Tartarus as their only guides.

Things go downhill very quickly as soon as the last of them step into the train.

While Kotone herself doesn't necessarily fear death, it still would be kind of inconvenient, so she is by no means looking forward to it. Still, she manages to keep a cool head as she orders the other two to follow her as Junpei – why are you in such a hurry? – rushes forward with his sword raised and teeth bared.

"That idiot!" Yukari curses, knocking an arrow and sending it sailing across the train car, hitting a Maya right in between the eyes of its mask. Kotone kicks another Shadow away before stabbing the end of her weapon into its form, sending it crumbling into nothing. "Let's go, Kotone-chan! We need to help him!"

"Yeah!" She says, silently frowning down at her weapon of choice. Within such a confined space, a long-reach weapon has now become less of an asset and more of a vice. "I'll lead. You two, follow me!"

The distance between the end and the control room is not that far, but the Shadows and the distortion of space-time itself seems to have skewered her perception of things somewhat. Kotone doesn't allow herself to think about it, however, as she focuses on the fights before her, clearing a path to where Ryoji said a strong sense of hostility lies – and where Junpei is heading towards.

When they reach the first car, she hears a stumbling step from behind, but doesn't turn to look back – it does happen from time to time, even in Tartarus – as she kicks down the door, just in time for the large, intimidating Shadow to grin down at Junpei, with a spear of icicle barreling through the air like a bullet.

"Eurydice!" She bellows, pulling the trigger and commanding her other self to come forward, shattering the veil of the world and bringing the gentle flame with her. Before she could utter the word of order, Eurydice has already responded to her will, steel-tipped fingers strumming on her lyre and shattering the icicle spear with her blazing flame.

"You idiot!" Yukari hisses, hand stretching outward to grab Junpei, hauling him up to his feet. Kotone sighs in relief when she sees that, aside from beads of sweat forming on his brows, he looks quite alright, with no external wounds to be seen. "Don't go running around on your own like that!"

A sheepish laughter comes as the air grows colder, and Kotone frowns when she realizes that the monorail is speeding up— "We need to get to the control room."

And this thing is blocking our path, is left unspoken.

The two of them nod in agreement, and Kotone thinks with she and Makoto – with Eurydice and Orpheus' flame – they could probably undo the blizzard coming from this Shadow enough for them to land at least a blow or two in first. So, she turns, expecting to see her brother behind her—

—Only to find darkness and silence where he should've been.

"Welp, I guess it's just us three now," Kotone says, with some foreign emotion she assumes is discontent tingling at her fingertips. Ever since their first Tartarus expedition together, Makoto has never been… truly cooperative; he would often stop fighting altogether at times, and even stay his blade when he has the chance, and it usually would either be her or Junpei who has to clean up the mess he's left unfinished.

"I swear to god, Yuuki-kun is just here as a mascot," Yukari snarls, testing the string of her bow before pulling it backward, allowing her arrow to slot in. She exhales slowly. "Ready whenever you are, Kotone-chan. Ryoji-kun, anything we should know about this Shadow?"

If Ryoji notices Makoto's absence, he never talks about it – and Kotone believes that to be more because of the futility of such an act rather than acceptance for that kind of actions – so none of them brings it up, either. But she will have to address this later, because this is just unacceptable.

The boy then hums, quiet and thoughtful. "Nothing in particular, except that it excels in controlling ice. It's not exactly that strong defensively either, so you should be able to take it down with a few good hits."

"Alright then," Kotone hums, Evoker pressed to the side of her head. Eurydice dances at the edge of her mind, and she pulls the trigger. "Come, Eurydice!"

Fire dances across her vision, and she could feel the flame burning down the frost that has covered up the mirrors, only for another breath of ice to part her flame into two. She pulls her trigger again, and when the flame is snuffed out for a second time, she could feel it in her bones; the frost biting deep into her marrows and grasping her veins in its icy fingers—

Your bonds are what give you your power, Kotone-san. Can you feel it?

Igor's words snap into her mind, bringing clarity into her thoughts as she exhales. The Shadow grins wider as blizzards start to turn the train they're in into coffins of cold, but she can't allow that. With a thought, a single fraction of second's worth of pause, she orders, "Yukari-chan, protect us. Junpei, do you still have some gas left?"

"I won't be a man if I don't," He grins, a drop of sweat rolling down his chin. An Evoker is on his temple in an instant, and he calls, forceful and with ragged breaths, "Hermes!"

She follows the path inside her mind, to the bonds Igor spoke about – ever since coming to Port Island, she's managed to form some bonds of her own, each tied to a certain Arcana; and she knows exactly who she needs to stop the blizzard, the Magician's determination (Junpei's, she corrects herself) making itself known through the string that connects her to the boy beside her.

(A part of her wonders what Arcana Makoto belongs to. She wonders if he would even have one at all.)

"Jack Frost!" She calls, ignoring the silent gasp from Mitsuru and Yukari – she thinks, she isn't too sure, since the sounds are all drowned out but the little thing's laughter of delight – as the snowman winks at her, with childish glee that makes her smile.

And, following her command, Jack Frost goes forward, taking all the ice into its body with ease, sucking in the wind as if Jack Frost itself is a black hole—

"Junpei! Now!"

"Got it!" The boy says, gripping his sword tight as Hermes crouches down, flame at the tips of his steel wings. "Hermes! Let's go!"

The Persona rushes forth, and like a bird of flame, slices the Shadow's dark scrolls to shreds, allowing her enough time and space to go in with her Naginata.

A spin, then a duck to avoid a sweep from its frail arm, before she slices her blade upward as Junpei trusts his sword between the Shadow's mask. The unearthly wail nearly makes Kotone drop her weapon, but she tightens her grip around the pole, pushing it up against the resistance that built up against the blade. And, with one final heave, she cleaves the Shadow's head in two.

Something in her stirs as she lets her Naginata's blade drops to the ground, the sound of metal against metal ringing loud in her ears. Something deep and powerful, something that sends chills into her spine and makes her mind scream at her to—

"Very well done, guys," Ryoji comments, cutting off her sudden morbid thoughts. But something about his voice seems wrong, to her; a dip in his tone, a worry, a fear— "But the Shadow's influence still remains on the train. You need to stop it manually."

"You serious!?" She hisses, looking back to Yukari, who looks just as lost as she is. "Oh, for the love of god—"

She rushes forward in a hurry, and in her haste to stop them from crashing into another monorail waiting in the dark, fails to notice Makoto stumbling through the door, pale with his face scrunched up in pain.

"Makoto, what happened?"

Ryoji sets him down on the bed, careful yet firm hands on both of his shoulders, unusually warm despite his lack of life. Makoto doesn't – couldn't – say anything, his mind and a part of his memories still a jumbled mess he couldn't get sorted out no matter how many times he tries.

As soon as he looks at the Priestess Shadow, something is wrong – a part of his memories is cut off, severed and torn out of his head with teeth white as snow and claws black as night – and he couldn't quite place his finger on what, exactly. This happened with the Magician, too, and Makoto remembers only the sharp teeth and the red eyes, but he couldn't fully recall the look of the monster that laughed and sneered at him from the edge of reality itself—

"I don't… I don't remember," he words it carefully, a frown settling deep on his face, a hand pressed tight against his eye as if to ease away the throbbing headache. The Magician didn't do this, didn't split his head open, but there is one thing in common; the loss of memories, fragments of unrecognizable pieces of information he could no longer obtain. "I… not I don't. I can't."

Ryoji stills for a moment, and Makoto doesn't need to look up to feel the boy frown, deep in thoughts and in worry. Then, he murmurs quietly what he had said to Makoto before, many lifetimes ago; "Memories are ambiguous… old ones can be replaced with new ones, creating a new reality."

"Something is doing this to me," Makoto murmurs, another pang of headache rising up to the center of his brain, making his vision white out momentarily. When he blinks and regains a part of his mind back from the void again, he realizes that Ryoji has already pushed him down on the mattresses, fingers gently stroking his hair, with love and with affection— "What are you doing?"

"You're in pain, aren't you?" He says, even if that edge of sadness and of worry still remains. Makoto opens his mouth, and is ready to comment about how wrong Ryoji's priorities are, only for a warm finger to find his lips, pressing down and making him stop. "I know. A loss of memories isn't something normal, and I guess it must've been Nyx. That, or something close to it."

He frowns, unsure of what to think. A name comes and goes, lingering in the back of his mind far too briefly for him to catch it.

"Could it be E—?" Ryoji asks, and at the very first syllable of the name, searing pain shoots through Makoto's eyes and makes him bite on his lip hard enough to taste blood, and he winces, Ryoji's fingertips doing nothing to help— "Could it do this? But it has no thoughts, no sentient—"

Makoto decides not to try to learn of the name, since even its invocation causes his head to split open with blinding light and maniacal cackles. Instead, he tries to ask; "I'm not… what do you think?"

"I… honestly don't know," Ryoji shakes his head, carding his fingers through Makoto's hair and sitting down fully on the mattress beside him. He still keeps a hand pressed against his eyes, and it takes almost everything in him not to slam his head into the nearest object just to distract himself from the pain that rises and falls like his chest when he breathes. "It could be, or it might not be. Kotone-chan's presence, and mine here, are something that change even the basic of the narratives we used to go through. I don't know what else is different in this cycle. I don't know anything, and it's terrifying."

"Yeah," he breathes, closing his eyes and focusing as much of his attention as he could on Ryoji's hand and his voice, low and always so gentle, so calm. After a moment, he leans into the touch, feeling the warmth of his palm against his skin. He could feel Orpheus stirs, along with many names Makoto doesn't recognize – name of those who belongs to the other Arcanas, as well as those of the World, ones he could never before call, ones whose names are now saturating at the tip of his tongue. "I'm scared, too."

"So, the Full Moon Shadows' presences did something to you," Ryoji hums softly, and Makoto decides to scoot away and closer to the wall. Ryoji takes his silent cue and climbs up into the bed beside him, kissing his forehead gently before lying down. He offers the boy a hand, keeping the other pressed over his eyes, and Ryoji takes it readily, lovingly, as if he's something so precious. "That's all we know. We'll have to look into the Kirijou Group's archive for this, I think."

"For what exactly?" Makoto asks. All he knows is that the group is responsible for the creation of Death, and of Aigis and her old and battered Seal – one that Makoto suspects might not have been in Kotone's possession in this world. Ryoji is Death, is a fragment of Nyx, yet he's here, tangible and human and alive. It could mean two things; that he's stronger than he used to be, or—

—Or, because of what had happened to them both, he's no longer this world's Harbinger, no longer the Death that was scattered into twelve pieces.

(A change in the unchanging narrative, creating a new storyline, a new beginning… a new ending.)

"Something else must've taken my place as the Shadow that isn't meant to be," Ryoji finishes his unspoken thoughts, squeezing his hand, and Makoto knows that Ryoji knows exactly what he's thinking – is having the same thoughts as he is. "If we can look, we might learn the name of the Harbinger. During the first cycle, you said that Aigis' reports said that she sealed me – sealed Death – in you, right?"

"…Yeah," he says, and then, his thought finally catches up; it would mean that, if this cycle, this timeline has Death, and if Death was sealed, it would have been mentioned in the reports, too. "…Oh."

"Precisely," Ryoji breathes, and Makoto pulls back his hand and turns his head to see Ryoji smiling back at him kindly, knowingly. "We could find our answers there. But for now, we have to think about how best to reduce the others' ires from being pointed your way."

"I don't care about that," he says (lies), shifting just a little to ease his tense shoulders against the pillow, feeling the way the warmth of the bed seeps through his shirt. When he feels Ryoji's silence turn almost accusatory, he adds, "Ryoji, I've already decided to go through with this. I don't care about—"

"—I know," Ryoji mumbles. "…I know. Will you really be alright, though, if I stay friends with them? I don't want you to be ostracized alone—"

"It's fine," Makoto hums, peering through his fingers and at the empty, dark wall of his own room. He, like always, decides to push away that foreboding feeling of fracturing memories and forgotten pieces of his mind to somewhere he couldn't look (if he can't see it, then it isn't real—) before he murmurs softly. "I want you to have a life, you know."

"And I you," Ryoji responds, his voice cracking slightly at the end. Makoto decides not to look, because if he does, all he'd see is sadness shining in those bright blue eyes, and he doesn't want to. "You can still change, Makoto. Make friends like you used to."

"Only for me to die on them? No, thank you," he says, adding enough note of finality in his voice to stop his conversation where he wants (needs) it to. "It's okay, Ryoji. I've had centuries to prepare for this, remember?"

Ryoji doesn't say anything, and Makoto refuses to think of the alternative. He wants (to reconnect again, to have friends and reforge his bonds, to reach out and–) nothing more than to be left alone to rot inside his own head.

Silence befalls them, and Makoto lets it stay that way until (nightmares) sleep claims him.

(He thinks he might've seen something. White fangs and claws and crooked smile, eyes red as blood that shine brightly against the light of Nyx's wicked splendor. But when he bolts awake, gasping for breath and shaking, he couldn't remember anything.

All that he knows is that the dream – or whatever it is that he had – feels far too real and far too terrifying for him to keep it under his skin. But still, he tries, because what is the point discussing dreams that he cannot even recall?)

"I don't know what to do, either."

Kotone says, more exasperated than anything, when Mitsuru – who is actually nicer than what her initial bearings and her posture would suggest – asks to talk to her about the now dubbed resident troublemaker of the SEES; Makoto. Oh, she knows full well why Mitsuru thinks it's better that she talks to him about this, but after the abrupt change from a doting brother into someone she no longer knows, she isn't sure she could. Ryoji might be able to, but if he hasn't been saying anything, then nothing'll ever be done about it.

"I… see," Mitsuru says with a sigh as she gestures for her to sit down. When Kotone does, the other girl frowns, lips set with her eyes darting away and to Akihiko, who's busy doing… something at the monitor controls. "While his skills in battle are excellent, his attitude will pose a problem to the team in the near future."

"Did you try talking to him about it yet?" She says, pauses, then adds when she recalls how close he and Ryoji are. The others must've seen it, too. "Or maybe to Ryoji-kun?"

"Mochizuki won't unseal his lips for some unfathomable reason, even when I threatened to freeze hell along with his behind over," Mitsuru says, and oh, Kotone could feel the ice forming around her. She is so glad that she somehow gets on Mitsuru's good side, because she does not, in a million years, want to be on the receiving end of that. "As for Yuuki… I feel like I'll explode a few vessels in my brain if I talk to him any longer than I already had."

"How come?" She says, mostly out of curiosity. She knows Makoto, since April, has become difficult to even get a conversation started (bless Ryoji and his easy-going attitude, or they would never get anything across to that bullhead), but she doesn't really know what he'd said to Mitsuru to get the heiress to be this furious. "What the hell did he do?"

"Nothing in particular, actually," Mitsuru says slowly, reluctance clear in her tone, and her words make Kotone pause. Why would him saying nothing in particular make Mitsuru this uneasy? And, as if hearing Kotone's thoughts, Mitsuru says with another, longer sigh. "He… simply listened to me. Once I was done, he only said 'is that so?' before asking to leave. That's it."

Kotone thinks she could see where Mitsuru is coming from; him not listening to them is infuriating enough, but him not being openly hostile but still doing that? She could see why Mitsuru would actually feel a lot more uneasy about it. If he had been even a little bit violent or antagonistic, either with words or forces, Mitsuru could easily put him under her heels. But that response… how could anyone continue to say anything to him or resort to violent?

"I can't help you, Senpai," she says, sitting down and silencing her thoughts for a moment, Jack Frost's playfulness easing her tensed shoulders a little. She hums the tune Eurydice makes as she looks towards the heiress. "Well, at least he still listens to orders… sometimes. Bars that time on the monorail, of course."

"I suppose keeping an eye on him wouldn't hurt too badly, for now," Mitsuru hums. "Thank you for your time, Kotone. You're free to leave."

"Alright!"

She then excuses herself and walks out of the control room – still quite a sight to behold, a room with such large monitors for the Dark Hour – and down the stairs. She's soon greeted by Yukari, who's walking towards the stairs, probably heading for the first floor, no doubt. When she spots Kotone, Yukari grins. "Hey there, Kotone! What're you doing up there?"

"Just a chat with Mitsuru-senpai," she replies, hooking her arm around Yukari's elbow and tugging her along, ignoring Yukari's half splutter as she forces them to take skipping steps down. "Come on! You're going to find something to eat, aren't you?"

"How did you know that!?" Yukari hisses, but there's a hint of smile on her lips as Io's warm wind breezes through Kotone's mindscape. She's always liked talking to Yukari – she's not as much of a chatter box as Kotone herself is, but she always continues their conversations, and it's so much fun talking to a girl her age who's facing the same Dark hour – not to mention that Io's verdant wind feels so nice whenever they fight alongside one another.

"What can I say? I girl's gotta eat, right?" She winks, remembering faintly what Junpei said not too long ago after their first Tartarus excursion; something about Yukari wanting to eat but never could eat much in fear of gaining extra weight. "I know you always want to."

Yukari huffs, but with a smile as wide as Kotone's own as they skip down to the first floor. The distant sound of simmering oil alerts her that someone's in the kitchen, possibly cooking, and she intends to crash that party, thank you. "I love and hate that you know when I want to eat. I also hate that you can always eat anything without getting fat."

"Blame the metabolism, not the person," Kotone winks back, and falls into a fit of giggles with Yukari as they round the final corner and into the kitchen—

"Oh! Fancy seeing you two ladies here at this hour!"

It's not Ryoji's presence that makes her – them – pause, but rather the person next to him, and what the two are doing; Ryoji is cutting up a piece of meat Kotone assume to be marinated pork, and Makoto, of all people, is frying the rice in the pan, apron and all.

She thinks her brain might've stuttered and crashed for a few seconds, because Yukari is the first to speak up as she cautiously walks forward. "Oh, um… hi? What're you two doing?"

"Cooking, of course!" Ryoji flashes them his always so cheerful, deceptively charming smile as he looks back at the task before him, slicing the meat up with practiced motion, but still with that little bit of difficulty that coins Kotone in to the fact that he mightn't have had that much practice in the culinary arts. "I'm asking Makoto to teach me, since he's the better cook."

Makoto grunts as a response, his foot kicking Ryoji's leg, hard, making the other boy flinch with a small ow. Kotone takes a moment to let that information sink in, and something is… not right. Totally not right. "Wait a sec… Makoto, you can cook?"

Makoto turns to her, hands still working on the frying pan with ridiculous finesses she thinks she knows he doesn't have. She's known him for sixteen years, and she knows Makoto cannot cook at that level. Some omelet and easy-to-make dishes, sure, but not whatever monstrosity it is that he's trying to make. He seems to know exactly what she's thinking, either through her silence or through her expression, because he shrugs with a I can and I will on his face before turning back without saying another word.

Ryoji looks back and forth between them, his expression already apologetic, so Kotone only shakes her head with a small smile. He pauses briefly, offering her back a smile of his own, before he hums. "He, uh, can cook a lot of things, actually. Just doesn't want to, for some reason."

"I can stop, if you're going to complain," Makoto says curtly, although she could hear it; a note of small but distinguishable fondness – something he used to give Kotone often, something that she hasn't heard from him since the very beginning of this semester.

"No! I was only answering Kotone-chan's question!" Ryoji half-pleads with haste, and Makoto only shakes his head – and chuckles – as a reply. Ryoji pouts before turning his attention back to them. "I think he might've made a bit more than we could eat, so… do you want to join in?"

She exchanges a look with Yukari, reluctant and uncertain; for her part, she just couldn't stomach the thought of having to see Makoto being so cold when he used to be much, much warmer. But another part of her is really curious about this. As for Yukari – Kotone had heard her saying something about Makoto being a dick in Tartarus… to his face, so it's reasonable that she would find this awkward.

But when she looks back to the two of them, to Makoto in particular, she doesn't see any sign of him actually objecting the idea. They've already huddled together, talking about something she couldn't quite hear under their breaths, with Ryoji's expression light and bright like the sun. So, she decides to bite the bullet and tugs Yukari in along with her, seating themselves on the table, facing their backs as the two boys continue to cook.

"It's kind of… unsettling, when I think about it," Yukari suddenly says, her eyes watching the two as they continue to talk amongst themselves. About what? She isn't sure. But she's caught on a few times, and they could talk about anything and everything, so her guesses could either be absolutely right or entirely wrong, depending on their interested subjects at hands.

"What's unsettling?" Kotone asks, and looks back briefly when Ryoji leaves his spot next to Makoto and walks over to the fridge.

"Yuuki-kun, I mean," she says with a small frown. When Kotone nudges her, Yukari sighs before shrugging once. "With us, he's kind of a dick, and not openly about it, either. But whenever I see him with Ryoji-kun, he just… he looks so soft, so gentle. I wonder which one is real, and which one is fake. Or maybe both are real?"

Kotone follows her line of thoughts, humming into the staff of her ribs and feeling Eurydice pluck at her lyre again; much softer, much quieter this time. She wonders about it, too – whether the kind, caring Makoto she's known her whole life or the cold, detached one is the real him. She just doesn't know, and she frankly doesn't want to think about it – just yet.

She decides to stop her train of thoughts entirely when Ryoji comes over to sit down across from them, placing a plate of peeled apples before them. "He's adding the finishing touch right now, nothing I can do to help. So, here you go."

"Thanks!" Kotone chirps, the food making her forget her predicament briefly as she practically gorges herself in it, ignoring Yukari's half-startled yelp and Ryoji's chuckles.

And, if she had looked to the side now, she might've seen a brief but fond smile on Makoto's face as he looks at them all, forlorn but oh-so-proud.