Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.
Word Count: 459
Auction Prompt: Day 29, Auction 1: "I thought you only murdered boys." / "I go both ways." - Jennifer's Body
Fic detail: In which Tony is a mob boss, totally done with his team.
Warning: Murder, crime, general mod naughtiness.
A Handful
Tony looked over the scene in front of him and tilted his head. "I thought you only murdered boys," he asked, arching his brow at Natasha, who was cleaning her favourite knife with precision.
"I go both ways," she said with a shrug. "There's just been more naughty boys than girls lately."
"Huh." Tony wrinkled his nose at the blood staining the carpet. "You couldn't do it somewhere with wood or tile floors, no?"
"You don't like this carpet," she pointed out. "I was giving you an excuse to buy another one."
"You're all heart."
"I know."
…
"You let Nat get away with murder," Clint said, pouting. "Literally. But you shout at me for a little breaking and entering? Double standards, Boss."
Tony rolled his eyes. "Natasha doesn't get caught. It's a good job we've got my Honeybear on the inside to get rid of evidence, Barton, because you're useless at the clean up. Bloody idiot."
"You're so mean, Tony."
"I'll stop being mean when you start being competent. Go help Nat clean out the barn, would you. We've got a delivery coming in tonight."
…
"They're all idiots," Tony lamented, shaking his head at his lawyer, Pepper. "I don't know why I assumed that having a team was a good idea."
"You can be a mob boss without a mob," Pepper pointed out, filing her nails. "Besides, you love them."
"That doesn't mean they aren't a liability."
She paused, and then nodded. "True."
…
"Bucky and I took care of some of Hydra's lot today," Steve said, letting himself into Tony's penthouse. Tony was sitting at the breakfast bar, looking over some work on his tablet. "They were hanging down at the docks. Not sure if they are waiting on a shipment."
"They'll be waiting a while if they are," Tony replied, leaning back against Steve's solid chest when the taller man came up behind him to wrap his arms around him. "I rerouted that shipment to our shipyard. Nat and Clint are unloading it."
"Of course you did," Steve replied, pressing a kiss to Tony's neck. "That's why you're the boss. Always five steps ahead."
"You say the nicest things," Tony said, grinning. "You're free for the rest of the night, right?"
"I'm never free," Steve replied. "I'm always all yours."
"Smooth," Tony said. "That's why you're my favourite. Shall we go out for dinner?"
"I'd rather have you for dinner."
"I'm sold, your idea is better. Lead on."
…
Lying in bed later that night, replying to Natasha's texts about Clint being an idiot, Tony snorted to himself.
He liked being a mob boss, but his team was a handful.
Then again, as he cuddled into Steve's side, maybe that was why he loved them.