Chapter 2: Mental Deprivation

Summary:

Life spirals in the worst way possible.

Notes:

This is not a happy story, you've been warned.

Chapter Text

Five years Later

Izuku awoke, awash in a cold sweat as he jumped up in his bed. His manic eyes unfocused as they scanned about the grey blank walls of the room he knew to be his room. After a long sigh, he put his hand on his chest and settled his breathing. "You're back here Izuku, we're not there, we'll never be back there again..."

Izuku then threw his covers off of him and jumped out of bed. He stared at the walls of his abode blankly before taking the earplugs he used to sleep out, as he did so a small murmur of whispers started to surround the room. Almost like this very room was surrounded by thousands of skittering insects, just waiting for their chance to invade and take over. Ignoring what had become second nature to the boy, he walked over to his desk and booted up his laptop. Today he got the results of his graduation exam from the school he'd applied to after he decided Aldera wasn't for him, he just couldn't handle Bakugo after the accident. Izuku looked at the grades, not even surprised he'd passed with a 100, taking first place for himself and tying with another.

"Just like always." The boy muttered to himself, not like he could do any less. It's kind of hard NOT to cheat when everyone just gives him the answers.

With that, he was officially free of middle school at the young age of 12. Izuku could still remember the face Bakugo made when he told him he'd skipped a year for the first time. It brought a smile to his face knowing that the explosion user would always be one step behind the mind reader. That was part of the reason he'd left Aldera, the school wasn't famous enough for the boy's tastes, and with the U.A. Hero course being his final destination he'd rather spend his time somewhere more ... academically inclined. Thus Izuku changed schools to the private academy known as Fukuoka Middle School, a well-to-do school for those with more than enough money for the best and brightest, and left his previous life behind.

Izuku would've felt some pride in what he'd done but he was beyond such emotions at this point. They only served to control the boy, besides the sheer number of emotions he felt on an average day would be enough to overload a normal person. Though as soon as he thought that, of course, he felt anger from somebody's thoughts outside and sighed once more trying to ignore it. Izuku blearily rubbed his eyes for what felt like the umpteenth time before deciding on a simple breakfast of toast and eggs. The mind reader needed to be at the school by 10:00 am for the graduation ceremony and that left him with roughly 3 hours to get ready. Plenty of time for a shower and a morning run. He grabbed his earplugs off the desk and deposited them in his pocket before going to open the door to the main room of his apartment.

The blank emotionless room only further served to prove that this wasn't somebody's loving abode. It was simply a place to stay when sleep called to him with only the essentials filling it up. It was a 2 room, one bathroom apartment with a furnished kitchen and a few odds and ends about. The quietness of the home only reaffirmed how the boy felt inside. He was truly alone in the world, cursed with knowledge, that if used properly, could ruin people. Instead, the mind reader kept them under lock and key, knowing the risk if he ever used things he shouldn't know. The only times he broke that promise was when he absolutely had to, it'd be obvious to anyone that this teen knew things they shouldn't if he flaunted that skill too much.

The boy sighed again as he looked at the empty room at the end of the hall, then a thought occurred to him. 'It's today isn't it?' Izuku made a mental note to stop by the florist near his school after the graduation ceremony ended. Then he needed to hand in his application to U.A., then finally, Midoriya would head to 'that' location.

The young greenette took a quick bath and changed into some formal attire, graduation at Fukuoka was a grand event and therefore a black-tie affair. He dreaded the migraine that he was about to experience by going out in public, teenagers, raging hormones, and the forced silence of people in an auditorium only made them think more. Which in turn made it sound like the world was exploding around the mind reader.

He sighed 'At least I won't have to come back and change afterward. What I'll be wearing is already fitting in a way.' Izuku let out a sad sigh again as he looked at the black uniform he was wearing.

The boy then shook himself from his thoughts and finished dressing, he knew people expected him to give a speech as the co-valedictorian, but he was counting on his counterpart to take the actual lead. His role was going to be more of a supportive one just be there and look pretty, rather than a leading one. It made sense as the 12-year-old he didn't have muc- any friends at his school due to the age difference, not that he wasn't accustomed to the lack of friends or anything. Though one difference he did notice at his new school was that rather than stating their thoughts about the 'quirkless' 'child' in their class, the people here preferred to keep up a polite mask and smile and nod, usually accompanied by some sort of pitying remark about how poor it was to be quirkless. Izuku nearly spat at the hypocrisy that he felt every day as he walked about. People lying to others, people lying to themselves, people trying to do what 'others' saw as right. They were all slaves to what society made them do or think, they weren't allowed to have a viewpoint outside the cycle or they would be ostracized.

He then started laughing due to the irony. "I can't say which I hate more, people blatantly stating how worthless I am at Aldera or the fake politeness I've come to know from people at my more recent school." Izuku's expression darkened again before putting his shoes on. If only people realized how similar they all were, would that make them better, or worse? Izuku could hardly guess what the world would be like if everyone was like him, a world without lies.

His plaster white door swung open and the sun blinded the boy for a moment before his eyes adjusted to the light. Looking back he examined his apartment once more, fake, avaricious, venal, much like the person who funded his stay at the building he refused to call home. A shell that existed for the sole purpose of giving Izuku a place to sleep. As soon as he could, he'd replace this place. That he was sure of, earned of his own merits, and then he'd submit this small condo to the same thing that befell his real home. Was it spiteful? Absolutely. Did Izuku barely hide his anger towards the person who caused everything in his life to fall apart? Also absolutely.

The boy then slid into the mask of an apathetic teen, letting the feeling of anger drop from his visage, returning to a much more neutral one before disappearing into the endless corridor of roads below him.

It wasn't even two minutes later before the mind reader started hearing the usual whispers that plagued him.

He reflexively reached for his earphones but stopped himself as he shouldn't use those unless he absolutely needed to. 'Training for the future, training for the future.' He repeated the mantra several times in his head as he walked. The baseless murmurs of the general populace being nothing more than whispers to be ignored as long as he didn't focus on them.

However, as he got closer and closer to the train station and the whispers kept getting louder and louder as more and more voices got mixed in he could no longer take it. He pulled out his headphones and nearly jammed them into his ears, instantly the volume drastically decreased and he breathed a sigh of relief. It's just a short train ride, a stupidly longer than necessary ceremony, and then he'd be free. He could go back 'home', apply for U.A., and then he could read in silence for a bit before opening his laptop and finding a new job for tonight.

As Izuku boarded the train his gaze absent-mindedly focused on a child in front of him talking to his father. He couldn't hear the words coming from his mouth but accidentally he'd turned his quirk's attention to the boy.

"Daddy, where is mommy? I miss her..."

Having heard less than five seconds of that conversation the greenette already wanted nothing to do with it. Tears welled in the man's face but he had a fake smile on, something Izuku had come to spot with ease, he didn't even need the ability to read minds to know what happened to the child's mother. Regardless he turned to look at the man and subconsciously his quirk focused on him.

"I - I can't tell Ishiki he's never going to s-see her again."

Izuku felt tears stinging his eyes and removed himself from the man's mind instantly. Fuck it, we ARE not doing this today. He quickly caught the train door and exited before it closed. He can just tell the school he's sick and can't make it in, they can mail him the fucking graduation letter for all he cared. Why is the ceremony today of all days?! It could've been any other fucking day but no, it had to be today and it had to make him too emotional to last one fucking train ride because mentally he's a wreck.

His pace quickened and he ran into the nearest bathroom stall before weeping silently over the toilet. 'Why?! Why was that bastard still out there?! He was free, masquerading like nothing ever happened! HE DIDN'T EVEN COME TO THE FUCKING SETTLEMENT TRIAL, LET ALONE THE FUCKING FUNERAL! WAS HE SO GOD DAMNED BUSY HE COULDN'T COME TO APOLOGIZE TO MY FACE FOR KILLING HER?! FOR TAKING HER FROM ME?! SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING AND THAT FUCKING BASTARD TOOK HER!'

Three years ago...

Izuku was walking back from school, his life hadn't gotten much better since he got his quirk but at least Kacchan and his goons couldn't find him anymore. His quirk was quite useful at preventing surprise attacks, the thoughts of his ex-best friend were always so ... so hideous. The greenette swore he could hear the anger in them, they were uninviting, scary. Every time Izuku heard them he almost wanted to curl up in a ball and hide, and he had to deal with them every day due to being in the same class. The only positive was it made it very easy to figure out where they were waiting to ambush him next, hence why he was taking this detour.

The boy was lackadaisically twirling his headphones as he continued down a side road, he was a few blocks from home and even though he could hear all the whispers around him, they didn't cause him to have violent attacks anymore which was a positive. He was debating putting the objects in his hands in his ears to drown out the noise but decided to just listen to the background music of the world instead.

A married couple fighting about the husband coming home late.

A man cycling on a bike down the road.

Somebody enthusiastically listening to some music.

A little girl playing hopscotch by herself.

Just a regular old day, the same old thoughts, repeating over and over. Izuku could almost be bored by it if it weren't such an integral part of his day. So when the words help, and I can't reach her entered his mind he turned and focused on the direction he thought they were coming from.

"Little Vanessa please come down, I can't get you from there!"

The distress in the tone of that thought made Izuku halt and decide to take a look into the issue, he might be able to help after all! His quirk was useful for saving people, his mom was right! The boy quickly turned a corner to see an old lady with a cat stuck in a tree and let out a sigh of relief. "It's just a cat." He muttered to himself before approaching.

Izuku approached the woman with a smile on his face. "Hey Mam, is there anything I can do?"

The elderly lady quickly turned to look at the new voice that had suddenly appeared before some relief spread across her face. "Not unless you can climb a tree sonny."

A simple enough task, Midoriya'd always been good at climbing due to his skinny body type. "I should be able to get them down, just give me a bit." The greenette then approached the tree before feeling for a sturdy enough branch then hauling himself up. The cat wasn't too far up the tree so it shouldn't take too long. He quickly found another branch, swiftly followed by a second and third one. Before long he was already face-first with the cat when the lady started calling up to him.

"Sonny, please be careful! I don't want you or little Vanessa to get hurt!"

Izuku listened to the woman's warning before gently trying to coax the creature toward him. "It's okay Vanessa, I'm just gonna carry you down alright?"

When the boy got a hiss as a response Izuku sighed before trying to change tactics, he had a bit of his leftover lunch from Mom in his backpack, maybe he could bait the cat with that. The mind reader made sure to get a more stable angle on his branch before reaching into his backpack and subsequently his lunchbox before opening it and holding it out for the creature to sniff. "Here Vanessa, it's some leftover kastudon and rice, do you want some?"

The cat tentatively moved closer sniffing the box cautiously before taking its first bite. Izuku then gently reached out his other hand from where he was sitting on the tree branch and started petting it cautiously, when the thing didn't bite Izuku took that as a good sign and gently lifted the cat with his second hand, which caused it to start meowing. "You'll get more when we get down okay?"

The creature seemed to understand Izuku wasn't trying to hurt it after a bit because it stopped fighting with him shortly after being picked up, with his lunchbox secured and the cat safely subdued for the moment. Izuku was easily able to navigate his way back down the tree and to its owner who took the cat from him. He then opened his lunchbox up again and brought it to the cat's face who started eating once more.

The woman let out a small laugh at the motion.

"Sorry, I did promise her more." Izuku rubbed the back of his head a bit nervously.

"Oh thank you, sonny, it's so nice to see good kids still exist in this day and age." The gray-haired lady then reached into her purse before handing him a 1000 yen note. "Please take this, it's the least I can do for you."

"Oh no Mam, please, I can't, I just wanted to help."

"Well, you're taking it and that's final." The lady said as she forced the bill into his hand. "It's good to be humble, but let someone show you their kindness as well okay?"

Izuku stared at the woman for a bit before nodding and taking the bill. "Thanks so much." An alarm then went off on his phone. "Crap! I'm late, Mom's gonna freak. I gotta go okay!"

The woman just smiled at him as he ran.

"What a nice boy."

Izuku heard her thoughts and smiled a bit more as he quickly departed, it felt nice to help people and get rewarded for it.

20 Minutes later

The smoke was the first thing that alerted the mind reader something was wrong, it was vaguely in the direction of his apartment, at first he shrugged it off because the odds of it were so slow, that changed when a notification for his phone went off. The boy instantly recognized it as the alarm set for the hero news network Izuku always used so he could find hero battles to watch live. Midoriya slowly pulled his phone out and stared in abject horror at what he could see on the screen. His hands started to sweat as he scrolled through the post, it was their apartment, and it was on fire.

Midoriya broke into a sprint almost dropping his phone as he ran. He had to get there, he had to make sure she was okay. He couldn't live with himself if he let something happen to her. As he got closer and closer to his house, the thoughts he heard became more and panicked. He did his best to drown them out but they sounded like cacophonous whispers screaming at him, he felt so much fear, so much sadness, so much rage.

A smell Izuku had never quite wanted to experience wafted into his nose as he rounded the corner to the major street where he should be able to see his apartment, instead, Izuku only met panicked screaming citizens as they ran away from what he suspected was the cause of the fires. Police were trying to keep the people under control but they could hardly do a thing in the stampede. As Izuku broke free from the majority of the crowd he stopped and looked at his apartment as he fought his way through the crowds, the building that was once Izuku's apartment was completely ablaze, half of the building was also missing.

Izuku could feel the police trying to stop him but he shook himself free from their grasp. Izuku could only stare in horror at what had caused the fires, the flame hero himself. He'd subdued the suspected villain after setting a few of the nearby buildings ablaze, though he'd succeeded as Izuku could see the man apprehending the villain that caused all of this, he could only stare weakly at the spot his apartment used to be.

The boy tried to get closer but the blaze was encompassing the entire building, the heat he felt made him unable to even try to approach the complex let alone try to run up the stairs to their apartment on the second story. Izuku instead felt a quiet voice enter his mind, a voice he recognized all too well, suddenly all the other sounds silenced themselves.

"Hey Izuku dear, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm so proud of you okay? Don't let this get you down, and become the best hero you can be, and remember, I'll always lov-"

The voice was suddenly silenced as the building collapsed. "M-mom?"

Izuku could feel someone pulling him back, but he neither cared nor attempted to fight them. He just kept vacantly staring at the last place he heard the voice from and prayed she'd say something, keep talking to prove she was okay, a murmur of pain, anything.

He only got more dreaded silence.

Present Day

By the time Izuku realized his episode was over, he looked down and saw his knuckles were white and red from bleeding as he'd punched the bathroom stall over and over with everything he had. He settled himself before calming down. 'This is why we don't do emotions Izuku, they hurt us, they make us do stupid things, irrational things.' That bastard will pay, Izuku swore that much, he had enough information to ruin him the man as it is. Child Endangerment, Abuse, Negligence, whatever the fuck he did to his wife. All it'd taken was one peek inside the man's mind to hear every little dirty secret. But no one would believe a child over HIM. That just meant he had to get evidence of the man's misdoings. For that Izuku needed to get close to him, to earn the man's trust, once there he could get his revenge. That man wasn't a hero, he was a villain masquerading under the guise of a hero. The mind reader just had to make the world see that monster in the same light he did.

His anger didn't last long though and his choked sobs were all that echoed throughout the thankfully empty bathroom, his earplugs having long since been put in, he couldn't handle anyone elses emotions at the moment. He eventually pulled himself together long enough to make a call to the school, informing them of his absence before he started walking, he didn't think, he didn't plan, he just walked, and walked, and walked.

The sky darkened, the rain fell, and Izuku could feel himself getting drenched, but he didn't care, he had somewhere to be after all. His slow zombie-like pace caused a great number of people to stare at him but most if not all chose to ignore him in the end, he couldn't blame them either, he probably looked like he was crazy, but he had a goal, that's all it was. His singular unending drive to push forward to his goal was all that his mind entertained in the current moment.

Sometime Later

The boy wasn't even sure how long he walked, his clothes had long since been soaked through but when he finally reached it, he simply stopped and stared, he'd even forgotten to pick up flowers, but knowing his mother she wouldn't care. Izuku just stared at the grave for a bit before speaking.

"Hey, Mom. It's been a while since I last visited huh?" Izuku asked as his hair draped over his eyes, he had to push it aside as he read the inscription on her grave.

Inko Midoriya 2113-2153

A beautiful woman

taken far too soon.